Jump to content

How many of you are married/have children?


Pax F

Recommended Posts

Hey Indiana, I used to live there. Moved to Australia for love.

Onya for being Brownies and Coach!

This is my second marriage. The first one was sexually weird, too. We were both hetero, but he was a ball of stress, anxiety and depression (ended up suiciding 12 years after our divorce). NO KIDS. I wanted them then (glad I didn't do it), but there came a time when I felt it irresponsible to breed. My present husband (the Australian) felt so strongly about not breeding that he got the snip in his 30's!

He used to like it, I used to tolerate it. Then after my own hysterectomy I lost all interest. Sex is less of an issue, now that he's had a stroke and radical prostatectomy (it's a bitch being old), but I still feel guilty, even cruel.

We read a thing that said that the biochemicals of kissing every day for 1 minute (just one minute!) would improve our mental / emotional well-being (stress, depression). We tried it once. He liked it SO MUCH and I practically ran away screaming, because of the cruelty of it. I could fake it, but only so much. And NOT when he responds!

But we're deeply entwined in habit and caring, neither of us could live without the other. I've offered to let him have an affair or prostitute, but it all seems too complicated for older folks.

LOL remember when DRAMA was a key feature in life?

Link to post
Share on other sites
andreas1033

I am a total asexual, so never had anything to do with anyone.

So no children, and never been married.

A total asexual, and proud of it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...
Sam Sunshine

Married 18 years and one daughter 15 yrs.

Always had sexual issues, found out about asexuality this year just because my coping with sex was becoming more and more difficult. Looking back I knew I was asexual when I was 15 years old but didn't know it existed all my life until now. Life likes to be tricky.

Now trying to work out how to move forward with my marriage.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I married my best friend (21yrs now) last year. Have 2 teenage girls from previous relationships.

Always felt something was different and now I know why..

I'm going to help keep this marriage alive if I can. It's about communication and meeting in the middle, right?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Sam Sunshine

I married my best friend (21yrs now) last year. Have 2 teenage girls from previous relationships.

Always felt something was different and now I know why..

I'm going to help keep this marriage alive if I can. It's about communication and meeting in the middle, right?

Hi Dee79

I'm finding it very difficult but I am communicating my feelings but even meeting in the middle is not possible for me at the moment. I think after so many years my mind has had enough. It is a heartbreaking situation to be in.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Sammy,

We have always told each other everything. So when I'm uncomfortable doing something I tell him and he may not be happy but he respects my comfort zones. There are some things that i do just to make him happy. I'm hoping I don't end up in a heartbreaking situation. For now it works because he works out of the province with family for 3-6wks and gets home for a week. What happens when he comes home full time....who knows. I still want to hope for the best. I just recently figure out why I don't get feelings like he does, that's why I joined this site. So far I just read other stories and remember I'm not alone.

I sure hope you can figure things out with your marriage. Is your mind more at ease now? I'd like to help, I just don't know how with this.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 11 months later...
Susanthecatwhisperer

I've been married for over 20 years, no kids. My husband is a sexual person, but has (almost) given up asking me. Although, I finally realize I'm not alone being asexual/aromantic (at times, sex-repulsed). What do I do now? I don't want to make my husband miserable, yet I'm not into an "open" marriage just to let him have sex with someone else.

What do I do?

What do I do?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Susanthecatwhisperer welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂

Can I suggest looking through the relationships forum, that's where people with similar experiences are most likely to be

Link to post
Share on other sites

If life isn't damned peculiar....

Never married or had children, but I get along great with most kids. I've been a godfather to 3 kids in 2 different families, and a close uncle to several more. I think being asexual has something to do with it, but not sure what the link is. The cycle is repeating with my 15 month old "grand" godson, who wants to be up in my arms a lot whenever I'm with his family. I love it, even if it makes no sense.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I was married for 10 years, have had a longterm partner, and have two adult children.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Married 18 years and one daughter 15 yrs.

Always had sexual issues, found out about asexuality this year just because my coping with sex was becoming more and more difficult. Looking back I knew I was asexual when I was 15 years old but didn't know it existed all my life until now. Life likes to be tricky.

Now trying to work out how to move forward with my marriage.

Yes... life does like to be tricky, unfortunately.

Good luck with your situation.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

Married with 3 children. Growing up I never heard of asexuality. Wish I had though it explains so much. Never dated in high school, never was that interested in anyone,and even though I loved the thought of romantic nights (dinner, dancing, movies, walks along the beaches) I'm fine with it ending there. Never realized it was ok to not be interested till I stumbled onto the information earlier this year. Still researching but now I'm slowly starting to accept and understanding myself.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been married for over 20 years, no kids. My husband is a sexual person, but has (almost) given up asking me. Although, I finally realize I'm not alone being asexual/aromantic (at times, sex-repulsed). What do I do now? I don't want to make my husband miserable, yet I'm not into an "open" marriage just to let him have sex with someone else.

What do I do?

What do I do?

Well, tell him exactlly that: you are aromantic, you don't love him and will never love him romantically and you are asexual: you don't want to have sex ever for your own pleasure. Then he can decide what to do. I discovered that the best way to deal with things is that all the information is on rhe table.

Having said all that, I usually recommend people in mixed relationships to divorce or split and if not to at least open relationship. But after reading this thread I think so even more, I think married or long term relationship with a person of a different orientation is the formula of a total disaster, even the relations that look not that bad would probably look much much worse if we ask the other side. I have not been married but I have been in long term relationships and dealing with all that stuff plus sexual problems have to be dramatic. There's no need of that stress and unhappiness now that with internet is possible to meet people of your same orientation.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I disagree, Blondbeard. My relationship is going strong after 3 years. We're both quite happy together.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I disagree, Blondbeard. My relationship is going strong after 3 years. We're both quite happy together.

I'm not telling that it can be impossible to be very happy in a mixed relationship, but reading this thread the rule is not that by far, the average is splitting up, divorce and even misery.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I was married for five years, but I'm divorced now. In retrospect I think my partner was on the ace spectrum as well--we never went any further than manual/oral, and we didn't even have sex on our honeymoon. I never talked about that, of course, and because we were a young couple, people would always assume that we were going at it all the time. It made me feel really gross and uncomfortable whenever anyone made jokes about how we must be having so much sex, and I didn't understand why at the time.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Twice divorced (first ex now deceased), one young child.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Married several times, all failures, four beautiful grown children, who were and are worth all the personally troubled years of not understanding my asexuality. Currently married for 15 years. His ill health and my lack of desire for sex have made it work. He's getting better... who knows :(

Link to post
Share on other sites

I was married for five years, but I'm divorced now. In retrospect I think my partner was on the ace spectrum as well--we never went any further than manual/oral, and we didn't even have sex on our honeymoon. I never talked about that, of course, and because we were a young couple, people would always assume that we were going at it all the time. It made me feel really gross and uncomfortable whenever anyone made jokes about how we must be having so much sex, and I didn't understand why at the time.

Are you still in touch with your ex?

How did she react to you divorcing her?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have considered posting my story a few times in the past couple of years, just to encourage people that it can work, but now I have to conclude that Blondbeard is basically right. I was relieved to leave my 25 year marriage. I was a grey ace, doing my duty once every couple of months, and so happy to never have to have sex again, when I left my husband.

Nearly 10 years later,I met a lovely man and fell in love. I told him right at the beginning that I hated sex and was not keen on kissing either and he still courted me.

So I thought that maybe my feelings about sex were because I had not had a very, loving partner before and I broke my own rules. He was an extremely considerate lover, but after a short while I had to say that I wanted it all to stop again.

He took it as a personal rejection and became unhappy about our relationship. I told him that I loved him so much that his happiness came first for me and that maybe he would be happier with someone else.

For more than 2 years, I loved his companionship, but I refused to live with him or get married, because I knew I wasn't making him happy. I needed more time to myself than he could handle too.

Four months ago he did find someone else. It didn't work out, but he didn't come back to me either, even though I told him that I missed him so much that I would live with him and work hard to make it work, if he would come back.

Luckily I have a wonderful network of girl friends and my beautiful daughter, who are helping me grieve and move on.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Jetsun Milarepa

Was married for a short time, one daughter, I can understand the love of being a parent , wouldn't have missed it for the world, but the marriage thing? Meh.

Link to post
Share on other sites
cavalier080854

Aromantic/asexual never even considered marriage. Live alone, and I'm happy.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
AlwaysBeenAsexual

never married, one child. Had sex a few times the decade before and didn't like it. Then had my child, no sex for the past decade since my child and still do not like sex never will either as it grosses me out. Mostly it is the swapping of bodily fluids that bothers me and it seems like a chore, blah. I don't like my own bodily fluids on me let alone someone elses fluids on and in me.

Yuk!!!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Leftover_Right

No kids, but happily married for 10 years. We are polyamorous, opened up around the same time as I came out as Ace (about 5 years ago). It's been an incredible journey for sure, not always easy, but very much worth it. My wife now has a boyfriend (who satisfies her sexual needs), and I have a girlfriend (she too fully accepts my lack of sexual interest, and she may or may not find lovers as time goes by), and both my wife and I couldn't be happier. I really can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together.

Most of my past relationships failed due to my lack of sexual desire, but once I realized that there's such a thing called asexuality–and I had the courage to talk about it–things improved dramatically. The important thing with discovering the term "asexuality"... the fact that it's an actual orientation... was not so much for myself (I already knew that I really wasn't interested in sex), but it gave my wife (and a later point my other partners) a framework by which they can understand my lack of desire, and that really changed everything.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 5 months later...

Married to a man I love deeply, and best of all, am very close friends with. We have a three yr old. Still navigating how my coming out of the assexual/gray closet is doing in terms of the relationship. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Married, two grown children. No grand kids, unfortunately.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...