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How many of you are married/have children?


Pax F

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I've had a few long term relationships then was married for 8 yrs then another long term relationship none of which worked out because Of the whole sex things and because I don't do the love thing, basically they wanted lots of it and I wanted none and it messed my head up and hurt their egos.

but I have 4 lovely children and 1 grandson so something good did come out of all the misery and confusion :)

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I was in an 8 year relationship and was married for the last year of that. Had sex for the first three months of the relationship then didn't for the rest of the relationship. Now divorced (technically annulled). I drove him to cheat on me more than once because I wouldn't have sex. He said there was something wrong with me, I needed medical help or maybe I was a lesbian. He said I was cold, frigid and unloving. That drove him away. I thought he was right. I think we thought marriage would fix it......oh don't you just love hindsight.

Now I know I'm an aromantic asexual and I know why I felt relief that the relationship ended. I had been battling against myself the whole time. Lesson learnt. Phew 😀

No children and no desire to have my own but would consider adoption as a single parent.

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Married almost 15 years with two kids, 9 and 3. I just discovered asexuality a few months ago and it shed a lot of light on the problems we'd been having in the marriage. I think we would have split up long ago if it weren't for the kids; we came close a few times. For now at least things have been better since we have some understanding of why we've struggled, but now that some of the relief has worn off I'm starting to worry about how hard it's going to be on both of us. There are many days I wonder how different my life would be if I'd known about my asexuality sooner and not married or had kids.

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I've been married and divorced twice. Neither marriage was entered into because we were in love but moreso because we were convenient for each other at the time. Really kind of like roommates with the occasional bit of sex. No children (I'm infertile, thankfully).

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am formally married with 4 kids. I believe my ex husband also is on the asexual spectrum. He was more sexual than I am though. My kids are 16,14,13,and almost 3. They are my life and the best decision I ever made. I do wonder if my 16 year old son may be asexual as well because all of his friends are running after girls or have girl friends and he just don't care and never has. I guess only time will tell.

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  • 1 month later...
UncommonOtaku

widowed,...

two daughters all grown up and married off.

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  • 1 month later...

Newbie here! I'm 24 been married for 4.5 years, been together for 8. We have been best friends since we were 14 started dating at 16 and the rest is history. My husband is my absolutle best friend in the world. We have 1 son in heaven and 1 daughter on earth. I've always had a indifferent view toward sex. We have sex once or twice a week depending. I could take it or leave it but by husband is quite sexual. He could have sex everyday. I never initiate sex but say yes probably 50% of the times he asks. I love my husband with all my heart and I enjoy being close to him so sex isn't a big deal. He is actually the one that suggested I may be asexual about a week ago. Since finding AVEN I have agreed with him about me being asexual and that it explains a lot! I don't mind sex but I could just as easily be watching TV. I enjoy romance and being intimate with my husband so I don't feel like I'm compromising by having sex and if I day no he's totally fine with it. It works for us :)

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Autumn Sunrise

Welcome fan_girl :cake::cake::cake: I hope AVEN helps you to understand yourself a bit better, and also brings you some new friends :)

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Thanks autumn sunrise :) I'm finding this site very informative. Everything is kind of clicking into place you know? Its nice to know I'm not the only one who feels the way I do. 🍰

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Sakura Sunrise

Married, no children (neither of us want them).

He works so much that we don't have much time for sex anyway (a blessing for me); but on his days off I'll do it to make him happy. I would live forever without it... but I want to make him feel loved, because he is. It just feels like a chore sometimes and i want to get it over with ASAP.

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Been legally married 17 years but haven't been a couple in any respect in years. We'll be getting a divorce in 2 years when our kid graduates from high school. I have a separate bedroom. We weren't compatible in a lot of ways, not just sexually. Looking forward to being single again.

"It just feels like a chore sometimes and I want to get it over with ASAP" --said Sakura Sunrise. That's how I've felt too, know exactly what you mean. I'm not repulsed by it like some are but I'd really rather not, it'd be better if I never get in that situation again, I think.

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IvoryStardust

Formerly married twice. The first was very short-lived (less than a year), the second was for 8 years.

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  • 2 weeks later...
allrightalready

kind of - two committed relationships one that did not work (domestic violence) and one that lasted 13 years until she died, marriage was not legal in my state at the time of either relationship

three children (she bore them not me)

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Confounded

This is my first post. I have been reading things on the site for the last few hours and feel like my life has been turned upside down.

I think I maybe asexual, and it is like a flood of understanding...and trouble.

I have firmly believed there is something wrong with me and hoped I'd eventually get better. My husband longs for me to be a real sexual partner, not just consensual accomplice. I am a good actress but after 18 years of marriage he is beginning to see through my charade, and is deeply hurt. This leads me to try to "perform better."

Confusion...enlightenment...Hope...despair

Maybe I am just having a midlife crisis!

(And I am totally sure this post is not in the correct place! I'll learn)

Yes, this 40 year old woman has been married to a great man for 18 years, and we are raising 7 amazing children. (Five sons and two daughters, ages 2-16)

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Autumn Sunrise

Welcome, Confounded :cake::cake::cake: I can understand that you are feeling quite confused at the moment, but give yourself time - AVEN has plenty of resources to help you understand yourself better, and you will find lots of supportive friends here :) You are very lucky to have such a wonderful family :wub:

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I had 1 son (almost 30) who was concieved when I was 19 (nonconsensual act) 3.5 years later I reconnected with a friend from when we were teenagers We lived together for 3 years and then got married and had twin sons (now 23 years old) we seperated 18 years later but had to live in the same house for financial reasons. Our divorce went thru on what would have been our 20th anniversary. He was sexual and got more and more so as time went on (I used to joke about how his sex drive was supposed to taper off as he got older (like in Married with Children) did not happen.

I tried so hard to 'fix' myself over the years, had councilling many, many times but it never worked. It was always assumed that I was 'broken' when my eldest child ws concieved but that wasn't true, Not once was I ever asked what my sexual proclivities were before I was attacked. If anyone had I think things would have been a lot different. Being attacked did not 'break' me, I was not 'broken' in the first place. I was simply Asexual. So instead of being able to save my marriage to a guy who was my best friend, he got sick of his needs not being met and started cheating on me. If we had known about the 'Asexual' part of my personality I'm sure we could have worked around things instead my whole life fell apart, I not only lost my husband I lost my best friend.

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the bumbling rotifer

Welcome Confounded, Kiwi Lady :cake: :cake:

Kiwi - I'm so sorry that you've had such hard experiences on account of not understanding more about your own (a)sexuality. I hope that discovering about asexuality brings some degree of comfort and resolution.

Confounded - it's early days as yet; I'd recommend that you take it slow, as there's a lot to process when you first discover asexuality (if my personal experience is anything to go by, you end up going on a bit of an emotional roller coaster, and have quite a bit of introspection to do). Once you've had time to digest the concept of asexuality for yourself, though, you might want to consider showing this site to your partner, so that he can better understand where you're coning from. We also have a section of the forum for sexual partners and allies, which might be of interest to him.

I hope that both of you find your time here on AVEN helpful. There is a very supportive community, especially here in oldies. I'd highly recommend poking your noses into the age-specific threads in oldies for some general chit-chat and banter (30s, 40s, 50s, 60s). Don't feel too held to the age restrictions; just jump into any discussion that interests you :) :cake: :cake:

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Autumn Sunrise

Kiwi Lady, that's really tough, and I feel sad for you! I hope your life will start to improve, now that you are beginning to understand your asexuality. Perhaps connecting here with others who have had similar experiences will help to bring you some healing and hope for the future.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've been married 3 times had 2 long relationships and have one son . Think I might be asexual? I do as I think Ive never had a attraction for sex , not even with my first relationship . I kept thinking I was with the wrong person . I do like affection and kindness and I"m happy to say I have finally learned who i am sexually .At least I"m figuring it out .

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  • 2 weeks later...

Married for two years, no kids, one dog. There will probably be kids one day... and lots more dogs.

Sounds like a good plan. I'm 66, never married, no kids, now down to three dogs (but I've had as many as eight). Don't feel bad if the kids don't happen. My mother, on seeing videos of my first litter of pups, said "If I'd have realized how much nicer puppies were than kids, none of you guys would ever have been born". ;-)

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the bumbling rotifer

Married for two years, no kids, one dog. There will probably be kids one day... and lots more dogs.

Sounds like a good plan. I'm 66, never married, no kids, now down to three dogs (but I've had as many as eight). Don't feel bad if the kids don't happen. My mother, on seeing videos of my first litter of pups, said "If I'd have realized how much nicer puppies were than kids, none of you guys would ever have been born". ;-)

Welcome to AVEN, fogsedge :cake:

I just had a moment of deja-vu, since I've just come from reading a post by a new member who lives in Florida and is in their sixties!

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honolulusushi

Married to asexual but he refuses to admit it. Going through divorce after 18 year marriage, 17 year-old daughter is now asexual and transgender ftm. Feeling comfortable being asexual and single thanks to this site.

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I was married for 17 years. I have been alone now about the same amount of time. I have two grown daughters and one beautiful grandson.

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Married for twenty five years, three adult children, one still at home being home schooled. My first husband and his girlfriend live with my current partner and I, and they do their thing and we do ours. Current partner is asexual, and we have a wonderful relationship that has nothing to do with sex.

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Autumn Sunrise

Welcome, Daisie :cake::cake::cake: I hope you enjoy being a part of the AVEN community, and find some new friends here :)

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Midnight Radio

I am in the middle of getting divorced from my husband. We have been together since I was 18, now 32. 14 years! My first and only relationship. I have always though asexuality fit me but was afraid to look into it. Have many friends under the LGBTQ+ umbrella so I am not sure why! Neither of us ever wanted kids, but I have three cats that are my babies. I am newly (~5 years) chronically ill which has made sex a 'sore' subject between us and it finally broke. Trying to keep positive for what's ahead though!

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  • 3 weeks later...
inversemidas

I've never wanted kids or marriage. Not too keen on romantic relationships in general. (Gray-Aromantic? I dunno.)

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Indiana Joe

Second marriage, four kids (three step/adopted), before I figured out that I belonged on the ace spectrum. Marriage is and was, well, complicated, but no regrets at all about the kids; parenthood opened doors of fulfilment that I hadn't known existed. It also offered me a social life as a volunteer that doesn't revolve around adults and their sex-fuelled personal trainwrecks. If the price for being allowed to help turn a troop of Brownies into the confident young women of the future is drinking wine with a bunch of saucy broads my own age afterwards, I can live with that. And nowhere is sex less relevant to life than when supervising half a dozen eight-year-olds fiercely charging around a soccer pitch, at least until my girls get older and after-hours conversations begin with "Coach, there's this boy/girl..." as I become the fount of adult wisdom that's Not Their Parents. I think I'm where I want to be.

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