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How many of you are married/have children?


Pax F

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I´m not married, don´t know if we´ll ever get married, but I have lived with my SO for 13 years. We have four kids, 12 y, 10 y, 7 y, and 1 y and 9 months. And we are not having any more!

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Married, one little girl (4), and 2 sugar bears (wonderful little animals). We are happy, but he often feels unhappy/ frustrated with me being either "uninterested" but participating, or none at all. He struggles with it but knows that is who I am...and we both acknowledge that we love and enjoy each other too much to ever separate. I still get scared from time to time, but you'd think after being together for 20 years I wouldn't worry. I wish there was a solution, but the difference in our sexual orientations can't be overcome completely...ever. Ugh. But it is wonderful to be loved by him. I figure all relationships are nuts. It is worth it for me. And he feels the same way. Everything else... we just work through together.

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Have been married and I'm enjoying being a divorcee. One child and two grandchildren.

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PiF, on 25 May 2014 - 03:39 AM, said:

Have been married and I'm enjoying being a divorcee. One child and two grandchildren.

Congrats on the grandchildren, PiF -- think I remember when you were here before, your daughter was getting married.

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My grandson's, unfortunately, the sole grandchild. But he's perfect so it works out! ^_^

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Hi!

I've been married 3 times, but none of the marriages lasted a year!

I have never told anyone that I was asexual, I just tried to go along with having sex, but hated it and never knew until now that it was ok to be asexual, I have always thought there was something wrong with me.

I have 2 kids, one is 26 and one is 13. I've been single for 5 years now and I it's so great not to be having sex.

I would love to have a romantic relationship with another asexual person though....

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Hello again Tan

Granddaughter is now 3 years old and grandson 14 days. Kids are lovely but they also remind me why I stopped at one.

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Married for 34 years: 3 kids, 6 grandkids. Great life. Marriage is a lot of work, just like any other marriage. Kids are a lot of work. Grandkids are a whole lot of fun. :)

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I've been married for 14 years, I have 5 (soon to be 6) children. I certainly agree that the marriage is work but all are, just in different ways.

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PattyFromTexas

Married 26 years with 2 kids. My husband doesn't know. I didn't even know the name of it until yesterday. Sex was something he enjoyed, and since if I wanted kids I'd have to have sex, I provided it. He's still my best friend for life, but I don't think I'll be able to tell him. I mean, it would hurt him, and his BP meds prevent him from having sex nowadays, so that's not even an issue anymore.

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  • 3 weeks later...

never been married, I have an 18 year old son he's my best friend....'really'! in fact with his friendship and love and my best friend Gaby I don't ever feel I am alone/unloved/not looked after.

Keep thinking I might like a long lasting one to one asexual romantic relationship but then I think of the love my son and Gaby give me and think 'do I really need a 'romantic' relationship? I am not missing anything in my life really....' :D

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44, never married, never want to be. I've been asexual my entire life, now that I know what the term is. I am the cool aunt, and now I am the cool great aunt. Not just to my brother's kids, but also to my friend's children. I can't have kids of my own, and I'm not really healthy enough to adopt, but I'm happy with my life as it is -- who wouldn't want returnable kids?

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Marriage didn't work out for me. My ex-husband and I wanted a lot of the same things in the relationship, but the major difference we had was that he wanted sex and I didn't. He kept hoping that that one day I would change and want sex, and I kept hoping that one day he would change and stop wanting sex. This became the wedge that drove us apart. The silver lining in this is that I have a son, and I am so glad to have him in my life.

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Marriage didn't work out for me. My ex-husband and I wanted a lot of the same things in the relationship, but the major difference we had was that he wanted sex and I didn't. He kept hoping that that one day I would change and want sex, and I kept hoping that one day he would change and stop wanting sex. This became the wedge that drove us apart. The silver lining in this is that I have a son, and I am so glad to have him in my life.

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Sorry for the duplicate post - using the mobile version on an iPad and getting used to the interface.

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I'm new to this site but I'm really thinking I fit into this sexuality. I've been married to my husband for 13 years. We have 3 children together. I feel lonely in my marriage. Probably because he has a high sex drive and well...I don't want sex. I don't desire sex. I just have never really enjoyed it but I would do it thinking it was what I HAD to do. I have sex out of obligation to my hu

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I'm new to this site but I'm really thinking I fit into this sexuality. I've been married to my husband for 13 years. We have 3 children together. I feel lonely in my marriage. Probably because he has a high sex drive and well...I don't want sex. I don't desire sex. I just have never really enjoyed it but I would do it thinking it was what I HAD to do. I have sex out of obligation to my husband and trying to keep him happy and our marriage in tact for our children. I've felt something has been wrong with me my entire life just didn't know what it was. But now I'm wondering. ..

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ranting ferret

i am married. about to have one year anniversary. we did date for almost 4 years before getting married. while i've known that physical attraction, etc just wasn't there (also had no clue what people were talking about concerning that). i was extremely slow moving with any physical aspect for various reasons and he was fine waiting for me to decide. i'd say we have had a pretty deep emotional and intellectual relationship anyway. due to how we are, but especially due to certain issues and events in our past that have effected our present.

i've only in the past year or so come across the idea that asexuality is a thing, for me, it was almost more of a relief and liberating to know that. the guy i married is obscurely patient and open and understanding of things outside the norm, so as far as i can tell and as he's said, my asexuality (or demi-sexuality...still figuring that out) hasn't been an issue for him/our relationship. he's quite supportive. and part of me feels like the stuff we've had to work through has made my ace/grey-a seem like a much smaller thing.

and maybe i'm more demi, which maybe makes it a little less telling for a marriage relationship.

and that we both feel and have felt very strongly that we don't want kids.

we have a pretty high and involved level of communication.

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Kitty Incognito

Married with children, for now. I'm still trying to understand my sexuality and he wants nothing to do with it. I don't even know if we can consider ourselves friends anymore.

I didn't really understand what asexuality was or that it could exist on a spectrum until later in life and after I had been married for some time, but it has caused a major rift in our relationship. He doesn't understand and doesn't want to understand. I'm ready to end the relationship, but it's difficult after so many years together and there are my children to think about. There are also some other things that complicate it, so I'm stuck for now.

To top it all off, I think I've found someone that I would be very compatible with, but can't explore that because... well... I'm married. Story of my life.

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The MOST SCARY and nightmarish question for me! :(

Gosh no! I am neither (sigh) and happy!

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You know, I've thought about adopting as a single parent, but when I've researched it it looks like single parents are openly discriminated against. For my first child I would like an infant or a toddler so they can grow up only knowing me as their mother and perhaps adopt older children later. However, married couples take priority over single parents to the point where they will keep an infant knowing they have a single adopter to wait for a married couple to take the child. And that's assuming the adopting agency takes single parents because there are plenty who don't. I'm sure I'm not the only asexual who wants to take this avenue. While the rest of LGBTQ are fighting for rights to marriage, if asexuals were to fight for any legal freedom, adoption would probably be the one to fight for.

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My uncle was a bit of a trailblazer in the UK when he adopted as a single man back in the early 1980s. AFAIK, he's never been in a relationship, and I'm starting to think he probably was/is asexual and there wasn't really a term for it.

As for me, I only discovered AVEN in the last 6-8 months as it has become more and more clear to me that I am likely asexual. I agree with whichever previous poster remarked on the isolation of discovering this later in life, as it seems to me that a lot of the popular articles or "exposure/education" of asexuality is focused on people in their 20s who always knew this about themselves. For me, the process was this:

Age 20: first real boyfriend, first/only lover. "Engaged" in sex but never initiated or felt the things I read about in romance novels.

Age 31: married aforementioned boyfriend. Ups and downs over years, including cultural obstacles, long distance for years, etc.

Age 33: actually living alone with husband for first time! Woot! Now obsessing about kids.

Age 35: begin protracted and painful fertility treatments. One of the toughest things on a marriage, definitely!

Age 37: have amazing twin boys. Life-threatening at the end, itty bitty premature babies. My body is no longer my own, and now I have a reason (excuse?) to not want to have sex.

Age 38: husband complains that I am cold and detached and not validating him sexually (because I only give him regular hand jobs and avoid intercourse if I can). I HAVE TODDLER TWINS, DUMBASS, and said husband travels and works a LOT.

Age 39: discover that husband has been having an affair for the past 14 months or so (it began when the twins were about 18 months old).

Age 39-40: discover the concept of asexuality vs. hypoactive sexual desire, and realize with some alarm/inner peace that I've never experienced physical or sexual attraction. Never fantasized, never wanted to just jump someone, never felt physical arousal in most ways, even. I didn't know that I DIDN'T feel this way, because I think I never understood what I was SUPPOSED to feel, if that makes sense.

Current (still age 40): husband and I struggling in many ways, as he is hypersexual and I am more and more comfortable with my asexuality.

My problem is that I was devastated by my husband's affair and now I feel like I almost have to let him/her win because I owe him sexual validation/happiness. In 20 years together I had FULL trust in his fidelity. We would joke about people hitting on him, or other people he found attractive, because it never even occurred to me that he would ever cheat. We both considered ourselves super monogamous. But now we're so stuck! We refuse to divorce for various reasons. But our mutual compatibility and trust has been shattered. If I had realized my asexual nature before he cheated, maybe it would be easier to work out a compromise. But now that we're in the rubble of a long-term affair, I'm paranoid and suspicious and don't want to let him cheat with permission. :(

Ack. Long post. Sorry.

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Hi, all. 42, still a virgin, never had even a platonic relationship, profoundly allergic to brats (children), probably too set in my ways to change, but I'll keep trying

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Ex-married with 2-year-old twin boys!One of the reasons my marriage was a disaster(not the only one of course) was my total lack of interest in sex!

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Was married back in 1996, divorced in 2001, and currently single dad to two teenagers. Like Yannis28 above, I was just uninterested in sex and that was a major reason for the split in the relationship, and have not been involved with anyone since! I'd never heard of the term asexuality until recently, but it describes completely where I have been since a teenager myself, but there were many pressures back then to get married and have a family. I'm glad it happened though because I've got two amazing kids!

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