Pax F

How many of you are married/have children?

242 posts in this topic

I was just thinking... most people get married and have children and since they're so focused on their family life and work and stuff they don't really have time to get bored with life I think...

I honestly don't see myself getting married (I think marriage is something very serious and well, the odds to find a person who is comfortable with me being asexual... also I think you have to be very mature for this kind of commitment, to make things work ;))... I don't see myself having children either (giving birth I mean, I actually think at some point I would like to adopt a child... you know just to pass my knowledge, raise him/her and love him/her... well, I don't even know if single people can adopt children o.O...) but I hope to keep some good friends in my life in the future, as well as taking care of my parents until they pass away... keeping in touch with my brother and being a cool aunt... I don't know, I guess also focusing on my job and stuff... learning new things and thinking in my spare time...

How has life been so far for you guys? :D

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I've been married for 32 years. At first my wife had some insecurities, she thought that I was maybe running around on her because I was not sexual active with her after our first child was born. I wanted kids and I didn't want to be alone, you have to remember that in the early 1980s an Asexual wasn't heard of and the sexual revolution wasn't such a distant memory. Not wanting sex of any kind was considered odd and still is to some. Single people can adopt the process can be difficult in this country from what I hear that's why you see so many adopt Asian children. All in all I haven't had a bad life, it's been really damb good for the most part. Being Asexual/Transexual is nothing like I feared, I have had a good life. You'll be fine too. :) :cake:

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I don't find marriage an appealing concept. I've never been married and I'm not planning to.

But yeah, I've noticed that most people automatically assume that others are married by certain age. Weird, if you ask me. For example, some time ago I mentioned to a collegue that I received my supervisor's (work related) answer on the previous Sunday just after midnight. The first thing my associate said that his family probably isn't happy with him if he keeps working late. Then I replied that not all are into having families.

I'm the same way as my supervisor. I put my work obligations first and I don't really have any desire to share time unless I so decide. Having a wife and/or family would mean that I couldn't control my own time anymore, but I'd have to take their wishes into consideration too. I have enough complication from my work already and if there were even more complication from a family I don't know whether I could handle all that. The decision has been an easy one for me though, because I don't have any desire for a family or a partner to begin with :)

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I feel the same way. Not interested in marriage. No kids for me. Ugh I just feel lonely sometimes and it sucks...But it seems that "everyone" wants to get married and start a family, so I feel that my chance of finding a significant other is very limited. I'm glad to know I don't feel the same way. Oh and I'm asexual...so I'm limited to the 1% of the world that is also asexual. Bummer~ Anyways, I'm focusing on my life for now too, school, friends, parents, etc. So life has been alright (it could be better, but it could also be a lot worse.)

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Ex-married, two children (grown up now - at least as grown up as men get ;) ) and one granddaughter.

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Ex-married and ex-longtime partnered; two grown children; one grandchild. If I'd known I was asexual I might not have been married or partnered, but since I'm a romantic asexual, it would have been lonely, and is sometimes now.

I think the key is whether you're romantic or aromantic. If you're the latter, you probably don't want marriage/close relationship.

Kids are separate from marriage, since you don't need marriage to have kids. Adoption is pretty easy for single people in America now.

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Married since the early 80s. No children.

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I have been married for 37 years and our relationship is asexual. We are both fine with that and haven't had sexual relations for 15-20 years. It seemed strange at first because our culture is so sexualized, but thanks in part to this community I now understand my (a)sexual orientation and I'm at peace about it, and so is she.

We have two adult children but no grandchildren.

As for @SyncMyLife's comment about only 1% of the world's population being asexual, that's still a lot of people. I suspect there is a potential long-term companion for almost everyone who wants one (or two...):) If you don't, that's okay too.

I have had a good life and can't complain.

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True True. Guess I'll just have to be patient then thanks :)

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Married for 16 years, 3 kids (1 adopted). Intimacy required to father 2 kids was something I did back then because we both wanted children. Neither my wife nor I knew about asexuality back in mid-90s, but over the years it's become apparent to both of us that's who I am.

She's a wonderful partner. Raising our children (2 have special needs) to be tolerant, thoughtful, and caring individuals requires both of us. While we're far from ideal parents (is anyone?), it's rewarding work that suits us well.

Like others here, initially she wondered if my lack of sexual interest meant there was somebody else. There has never has been anyone else. She recognizes now that loyalty and fidelity are 2 of my better personality traits.

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I was married, I have now been widowed for three years. I "acquired" four step-children when I got married, they are all now young adults and I have three granddaughters. I guess it was sort of an unusual route to go, but hey, that's my life :blink:

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Was married for 4 years. My wife thought I was cheating. We have two girls - aged 4 and 2.

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I was married for 10 years; was partnered for 30 years; have two adult children, one of them DD. Now partnered with a cat who expects nothing more from me than food and petting.

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It appears I'm the youngest divorced parent ace in the group!

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Married for 26 years, no kids. My husband (otherwise known as Mr. LG) is ace. We probably always knew, but didn't know the term asexual until a little over a year ago. It's been an interesting life...not always happy, but certainly happy a lot. It's the best actually.

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I´m single, I don´t have any children and I don´t want to change it.

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Sterilized, married with husband knowing full well that there would be NO KIDS, and having him leave me for someone he went to high school with.

His new wife just had their baby girl on March 15th.

/bitter

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I've gotta ask - why ex-married instead of divorced?

Divorced, no kids. I got married because he was my best friend and I wanted to spend my life with him. He got married because he loved me and wanted to have lots of sex. :unsure: Yeah, ten years later, we ended it. 2 years later, I discovered y'all, and went - Oh. OOOooooo. Yeah, that wasn't gonna work out. I felt a lot of guilt/fear/agony over the sexual issues in our marriage - and going to therapy on it for a little while made me feel even WORSE - more broken and more helpless because I just KNEW I was utterly and completely wrong for feeling the way I did.

We wanted kids, and thankfully had none. I think I would make a great parent - I just don't want the responsibility/time-suck of raising a child to be as awesome as every adult deserves to be.

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I've gotta ask - why ex-married instead of divorced?

I was in the Civil Service (UK), we used to get a print out of our personal details every year to make sure that everything was still valid. Under 'Marital status' it said 'Ex-married' (seems the Civil Service couldn't use simple terms like everyone else) I thought it was funny so started using it :lol:

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I like formerly married (except this is the first time I've used it). I wish that forms gave you that option; instead, you get three choices: married, single, or divorced. Since I've been divorced for 35 years, I don't feel "divorced" anymore.

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Ahhh, thanks.

Isn't it against the law for anything related to governmental work/forms to be SIMPLE? *lol*

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Single, but I have a child, who fills up my life! I could never seriously consider living within a relationship, but always wanted to be a mum. I was lucky to have had a friend who agreed to get me pregnant. Seeing how many mothers end up on their own in society, it is surprisingly hard to do it intentionally.

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Previously married, never wanted kids.

And I agree; "divorced" makes me feel like I'll be defined by a failed relationship, for the rest of my life. I'm trying to just think of myself as "single" from now on :)

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Legally still married, in practice separated for two years, had my two kids taken away from me for reasons I'd rather not go into just yet, who I hardly see anymore :(

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My partner and I have been together for 12 years. We have 2 lovely children. We are lesbians so we didn't need sex to conceive our babies..just a lot of planning, and love and a good friend who is the father/donor to our children.

About marriage..we are unlike to have gotten married even if it became legal here in Australia.

And i agree with others, having babies is separate from having a relationship/marriage. Apart from adoption, fertility clinics are available to single woman ( in Australia anyway) and I have had single straight friends who for whatever reason had not found a man and are doing this alone. Parenting alone is a huge commitment, but one that should be available to those that want this.

Ps. I am the sexual partner.

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I also wanted to say that is is possible to get pregnant without sex or the help of a clinic.

All you need is to read about artificial insemination, have a friend who is willing, plan your cycle, buy a syringe and cross your fingers.

Again there is lots of to think about before you get to that place..ie STD checks, conversations with the donor to make sure you are on the same page, maybe legal contracts with donor about their role...but it is an option.

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Formerly married, have two beautiful daughters aged 4 and 2 (born two years and five days apart!) A lot of things contributed to the termination of the marriage, but a part of it was my lack of interest in sex being interpreted as me cheating. :rolleyes: Even if I HAD known about asexuality back then, it wouldn't have mattered. She already confessed to having never loved me. And knowing her, if she had known about it, she wouldn't have been willing to help me out. She would have seen it a weakness that I needed to overcome. On my own. Without her help. Like everything else in our marriage. Am I going on a bitter rant again? I'm sorry. I do that from time to time. It was the loneliest marriage I've ever heard of.

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