Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Amcan

Decision on Aromantic Forum

Recommended Posts

Amcan   
Amcan

After much deliberation the Admod Team has decided not to go ahead with an aromantic forum due to the fact that we do not want to seem like we are making one romantic orientation appear to be more important than any other. We encourage the aromantics in AVEN to make threads in the various forums as they see fit.

For aromantics looking for threads on aromanticism we recommend using the search function which will help you to find posts that relate to aromanticism.

Although we have decided not to go ahead with an aromantic forum on-site we have come to the following compromise. In a set-up similar to what is presently used for the alternative language section of the board, we would like to set up a link forum for related subjects such as aromanticism, trans and gender issues, etc. as well as other asexuality sites. We are still in the process of discussing issues such as the formatting for this section and the vetting process for sites applying to be linked in this way, but we feel that, once it is off the ground, this will be a good compromise for everyone.

By approaching it this way, we can support many more subjects than we could by hosting a limited number of forums on our own board and, by encouraging people to interconnect multiple boards, we are facilitating the outward growth of community rather than the centralized and insular collection of the community on one board.

If you have any suggestions for putting this together, we would welcome them as well as suggestions for boards we might contact to begin this project.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sonofzeal   
sonofzeal

I'm sure there'll be some backlash against this, but I think it's wise. It's the best way to keep aromantic issues visible to the wider community, and to keep aromantics as part of "us" rather than relegating it to niche sidegroup status.

I look forward to many more conversations about aromanticism in Q&A and MusiRants. =)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5_♦♣   
5_♦♣

One orientation? Aromanticism is a spectrum, much like A/sexuality. Even as a romantic, I'm disappointed there's no Aro forum.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Em_BR_Ace   
Em_BR_Ace

Don't know if it will work, since, well, maybe it'll make a fence between romantics and aromantics.

1) Maybe the romantics on this forum don't feel need to create an account on other forum to talk with us. The interation is very important among the two groups, imo.

2) What about the ones torn between being demi-romantic and aromantic, should they go to the "other forum"?

3) Will the aromantics keep coming here?

Only time will tell.

Suggestions

To avoid this, maybe the "other forum" should have space for "romantic aromantic friends".

Also, I don't understand nothing about forums structure (I know there's something called Vbulletin, and that's it), but it would take creating a new forum, with a new adress, etc? Is there any aromantic leadership willing to do so?

PS: it looks like there're a couple forums about the subject, mentioned on this thread: http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/topic/72911-aroplane-a-new-aromantic-forum/ How many avenites are on one of those?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5_♦♣   
5_♦♣

Would one need to create a new account for the Aro forum?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kisa the Cat   
Kisa the Cat

Yes, the forums would basically just be links offsite

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LonelyWind   
LonelyWind

This decision is a crock of shit, though that was to be expected.

Give the damn people a place to talk, don't worry about how some stupid outlier might interpret it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quiverfree   
Quiverfree

Don't know if it will work, since, well, maybe it'll make a fence between romantics and aromantics.

1) Maybe the romantics on this forum don't feel need to create an account on other forum to talk with us. The interation is very important among the two groups, imo.

2) What about the ones torn between being demi-romantic and aromantic, should they go to the "other forum"?

3) Will the aromantics keep coming here?

Only time will tell.

Suggestions

To avoid this, maybe the "other forum" should have space for "romantic aromantic friends".

Also, I don't understand nothing about forums structure (I know there's something called Vbulletin, and that's it), but it would take creating a new forum, with a new adress, etc? Is there any aromantic leadership willing to do so?

PS: it looks like there're a couple forums about the subject, mentioned on this thread: http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/topic/72911-aroplane-a-new-aromantic-forum/ How many avenites are on one of those?

I'm on AroPlane and it's a little harder to manage my online time efficiently with two separate accounts. I'm not sure which one I'll choose if it comes down to that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Serrin   
Serrin

I understand the reason for the decision, but I'm still a little disappointed. I doubt many new topics will be made for aromantics, and I don't even visit the thread anymore, it's all over the place. But the new site might work, if enough people join it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Faelights   
Faelights

This decision is a crock of shit, though that was to be expected.

Give the damn people a place to talk, don't worry about how some stupid outlier might interpret it.

Careful now, are you sure it's outliers that are interpreting it in this manner? :P

As for demiromantics, to be honest, The Gray Area has previously allowed topics about demiromanticism and grey-romanticism.

Personal opinion: if we can find other communities who are willing to be sister communities, e.g. AroPlane, and there are clear portals between AVEN and those communities, I think travel between the different communities and sites might not be so bad. You could start on one site, then click on the portal link to the other site to continue, and vice versa. It would be definitely more difficult to remember to check both sites if they were completely separate. I do understand that some people tend to become most invested in one site above all others; I myself am that way. =P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Winter Hill   
Winter Hill

Careful now, are you sure it's outliers that are interpreting it in this manner? :P

As for demiromantics, to be honest, The Gray Area has previously allowed topics about demiromanticism and grey-romanticism.

Personal opinion: if we can find other communities who are willing to be sister communities, e.g. AroPlane, and there are clear portals between AVEN and those communities, I think travel between the different communities and sites might not be so bad. You could start on one site, then click on the portal link to the other site to continue, and vice versa. It would be definitely more difficult to remember to check both sites if they were completely separate. I do understand that some people tend to become most invested in one site above all others; I myself am that way. =P

The question is how stable these sites are. AroPlane, at least, is hosted on a free forum hosting service which could disappear at any moment, rather than being professionally hosted on a proper domain and server like AVEN. I'd be wary of investing significant time or energy into a community that could be turned off at the whim of a sysadmin at a non-paid service.

Perhaps a possible criterion for a 'linked' forum could be that it's properly hosted, on its own domain, rather than just thrown up on a freebie service? If you're asking people to invest energy into a community, it's only fair that you provide them with some kind of stability, like AVEN.

I'm a professional sysadmin, and I'd be willing to help out anyone needing assistance with servers, forum software installation, and so on for any potential complementary forums to AVEN.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Cakey   
Cakey

Perhaps we should have called the forum, 'Aromantic Pride' and said we were going to march in sexual festivals, then maybe we would have got it?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sussexdowns   
Sussexdowns

I will be honest and state that I am truly upset disappointed by this decision, and I am sure many others will feel the same. As someone stated above me, aromantisim is a spectrum. There is not a one size fits all aromantic. In this decision, you have cut the visibility of aromantisim out to an extreme, and made the visibility boil down to one truly disorganized pinned thread.

"After much deliberation the Admod Team has decided not to go ahead with an aromantic forum due to the fact that we do not want to seem like we are making one romantic orientation appear to be more important than any other."

Then why is there an asexual relationship forum? Must I call my queerplatonic relationship asexual even when it isn't simply to make a post about it? The fact of the matter is, on the voting page, a lot of suggested making it a forum focusing on all romantic orientations. Which would widen visibility as well as including all of us instead of making us a "sub" topic.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kisa the Cat   
Kisa the Cat

This decision is a crock of shit, though that was to be expected.

Give the damn people a place to talk, don't worry about how some stupid outlier might interpret it.

As for demiromantics, to be honest, The Gray Area has previously allowed topics about demiromanticism and grey-romanticism.

I would like to point out that the Gray Area still does allow for these discussions ^_^

Also the Asexual Relationships Forum is not only dedicated to romantic relationships but queerplatonic ones can fit in there as well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nogitsune   
Nogitsune

I will be honest and state that I am truly upset disappointed by this decision, and I am sure many others will feel the same. As someone stated above me, aromantisim is a spectrum. There is not a one size fits all aromantic. In this decision, you have cut the visibility of aromantisim out to an extreme, and made the visibility boil down to one truly disorganized pinned thread.

"After much deliberation the Admod Team has decided not to go ahead with an aromantic forum due to the fact that we do not want to seem like we are making one romantic orientation appear to be more important than any other."

Then why is there an asexual relationship forum? Must I call my queerplatonic relationship asexual even when it isn't simply to make a post about it? The fact of the matter is, on the voting page, a lot of suggested making it a forum focusing on all romantic orientations. Which would widen visibility as well as including all of us instead of making us a "sub" topic.

Seconding this.

Also, last time I checked the voting thread (which, granted, was a while ago) I didn't come across anyone objecting on the grounds of such a forum being a special cookie for aromantics. Very few romantic people voted against the forum and a whole lot for it, so I frankly don't see the problem.

Edit: Regarding the relationship forum and it not only being about romantic relationships - uh, well, I got the impression almost all threads in there are. I wouldn't check it to see if another aromantic (who, by the way, might have felt really awkward about it) posted in there about an aromantic relationship, because that's usually not the case, and I mostly stay out of it because I don't want/feel able to discuss romantic relationships.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Fitzsimmons ♡   
Fitzsimmons ♡

I will be honest and state that I am truly upset disappointed by this decision, and I am sure many others will feel the same. As someone stated above me, aromantisim is a spectrum. There is not a one size fits all aromantic. In this decision, you have cut the visibility of aromantisim out to an extreme, and made the visibility boil down to one truly disorganized pinned thread.

"After much deliberation the Admod Team has decided not to go ahead with an aromantic forum due to the fact that we do not want to seem like we are making one romantic orientation appear to be more important than any other."

Then why is there an asexual relationship forum? Must I call my queerplatonic relationship asexual even when it isn't simply to make a post about it? The fact of the matter is, on the voting page, a lot of suggested making it a forum focusing on all romantic orientations. Which would widen visibility as well as including all of us instead of making us a "sub" topic.

Seconding this.

Also, last time I checked the voting thread (which, granted, was a while ago) I didn't come across anyone objecting on the grounds of such a forum being a special cookie for aromantics. Very few romantic people voted against the forum and a whole lot for it, so I frankly don't see the problem.

Edit: Regarding the relationship forum and it not only being about romantic relationships - uh, well, I got the impression almost all threads in there are. I wouldn't check it to see if another aromantic (who, by the way, might have felt really awkward about it) posted in there about an aromantic relationship, because that's usually not the case, and I mostly stay out of it because I don't want/feel able to discuss romantic relationships.

Speaking as a member, I consider myself gray-romantic, almost aromantic, even though I still have some confusion about it. I think that the words "Asexual Relationships" don't have the meaning "Romantic Relationships" and I'd have no problems at all posting there if I felt the need to discuss my queerplatonic relationship, because I strongly believe that in the Relationships Forum I'd have great advices and support since a) romantic aces can give advice to aromantics b) aromantics can jump in and speak too, there's not a lock on that forum door.

If I then found out i'm homoromantic or biromantic, and there is an Aromantic Forum, I might say I feel awkward posting in Asexual Relationships since i have the impression that most people are heteroromantic, and I'd protest because I want a Forum too.

Why creating an all Romantic Orientations Forum when all of this can be discussed in Relationships (where also someone created a thread for parents-children relationships, so it's not all about romance)? We could create an amazing page explaining all orientations and ask the Rel's moderator to pin it, and all of us aromantics/grayromantics could just start posting more there.

As a member, I think the idea of linking an external forum is the best for several reasons, and one of these is that Aromantic is not just an orientation but it can be considered a spectrum as many people said. As such, it can include a ton of sub-forums and those can have the right place in an external forum, still linked on AVEN to have visibility. This will also help linking other forums about gender issues and other topics.

An aromantic forum will have way more visibility being linked on AVEN but outside of it, also (but not only) because aromantics are not only aces, and some aro sexuals might feel uncomfortable here, even though we are welcoming and all.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5_♦♣   
5_♦♣

Speaking as a member, I consider myself gray-romantic, almost aromantic, even though I still have some confusion about it. I think that the words "Asexual Relationships" don't have the meaning "Romantic Relationships" and I'd have no problems at all posting there if I felt the need to discuss my queerplatonic relationship, because I strongly believe that in the Relationships Forum I'd have great advices and support since a) romantic aces can give advice to aromantics b) aromantics can jump in and speak too, there's not a lock on that forum door.

If I then found out i'm homoromantic or biromantic, and there is an Aromantic Forum, I might say I feel awkward posting in Asexual Relationships since i have the impression that most people are heteroromantic, and I'd protest because I want a Forum too.

Why creating an all Romantic Orientations Forum when all of this can be discussed in Relationships (where also someone created a thread for parents-children relationships, so it's not all about romance)?

True enough, not all threads in relationships are about romantic relationships, but most are. In fact, even though I started a thread in there just last month, I gotta admit I kept forgetting to check on it and/or reply to responses, due to the fact that I don't post much in relationships. Which, in turn, is due to the fact that I have zero (romantic) relationship experience.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
LonelyWind   
LonelyWind

Why creating an all Romantic Orientations Forum when all of this can be discussed in Relationships (where also someone created a thread for parents-children relationships, so it's not all about romance)? We could create an amazing page explaining all orientations and ask the Rel's moderator to pin it, and all of us aromantics/grayromantics could just start posting more there.

Why have any subdivisions? Why not just have one "AVEN" forum and nothing else? We could discuss everything under that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Data   
Data

This decision is a crock of shit, though that was to be expected.

Give the damn people a place to talk, don't worry about how some stupid outlier might interpret it.

Careful now, are you sure it's outliers that are interpreting it in this manner? :P

As for demiromantics, to be honest, The Gray Area has previously allowed topics about demiromanticism and grey-romanticism.

Not based of forum description:

The Gray Area

Wondering about the gray spectrum--demisexuality, gray-A, and all things related to it? This is your place!

Aromantism isn't related to grey-A, aromantic can be sexual or asexual as well.

Personal opinion: if we can find other communities who are willing to be sister communities, e.g. AroPlane, and there are clear portals between AVEN and those communities, I think travel between the different communities and sites might not be so bad. You could start on one site, then click on the portal link to the other site to continue, and vice versa. It would be definitely more difficult to remember to check both sites if they were completely separate. I do understand that some people tend to become most invested in one site above all others; I myself am that way. =P

The bigger problem is with separating asexuals from the rest, and the barrier or making new account for new forum to post.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Skullery Maid   
Skullery Maid

I love the aromantics and I don't want them to go elsewhere.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sussexdowns   
Sussexdowns

I posted this in the aromantic thread, and I felt as though I worded it better than I initially did here.

There was obviously a want from the statistics and responses to that poll. It wasn't a matter of making one romantic orientation more important than another. It was about opening a forum that would foster discussions about the romantic/aromantic spectrum that is so important to a lot of us. It would make visibility, access, and offer knowledge on a topic that is widely misunderstood. As it has been even in the poll.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Data   
Data

I posted this in the aromantic thread, and I felt as though I worded it better than I initially did here.

There was obviously a want from the statistics and responses to that poll. It wasn't a matter of making one romantic orientation more important than another. It was about opening a forum that would foster discussions about the romantic/aromantic spectrum that is so important to a lot of us. It would make visibility, access, and offer knowledge on a topic that is widely misunderstood. As it has been even in the poll.

I have hard time taking the rationale seriously, lets look at other sub forums:

Asexual Relationships - by mod logic it means that asexuals that are in relationships are more important then the rest.

Older Asexuals - by mod logic it means that older asexuals are more important then the rest.

Or is this logic ("Team has decided not to go ahead with an aromantic forum due to the fact that we do not want to seem like we are making one romantic orientation appear to be more important than any other.") exclusive only for aromantics?

How is that different then:

"Team has decided not to go ahead with an Older Asexuals forum due to the fact that we do not want to make it seem like we see older people as more important than youngsters."

"Team has decided not to go ahead with an Asexual Relationships forum due to the fact that we do not want to make it seem like people in relationships are more important than single people."

It was never a problem in the past.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Cakey   
Cakey

I posted this in the aromantic thread, and I felt as though I worded it better than I initially did here.

There was obviously a want from the statistics and responses to that poll. It wasn't a matter of making one romantic orientation more important than another. It was about opening a forum that would foster discussions about the romantic/aromantic spectrum that is so important to a lot of us. It would make visibility, access, and offer knowledge on a topic that is widely misunderstood. As it has been even in the poll.

I do agree, and going to meets, I am coming into contact with more people identifying as aromantic. It seems a few people, with little understanding of the human condition, are imposing their myopic will on a sizeable proportion of ace aros.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nogitsune   
Nogitsune

I posted this in the aromantic thread, and I felt as though I worded it better than I initially did here.

There was obviously a want from the statistics and responses to that poll. It wasn't a matter of making one romantic orientation more important than another. It was about opening a forum that would foster discussions about the romantic/aromantic spectrum that is so important to a lot of us. It would make visibility, access, and offer knowledge on a topic that is widely misunderstood. As it has been even in the poll.

I have hard time taking the rationale seriously, lets look at other sub forums:

Asexual Relationships - by mod logic it means that asexuals that are in relationships are more important then the rest.

Older Asexuals - by mod logic it means that older asexuals are more important then the rest.

Or is this logic ("Team has decided not to go ahead with an aromantic forum due to the fact that we do not want to seem like we are making one romantic orientation appear to be more important than any other.") exclusive only for aromantics?

How is that different then:

"Team has decided not to go ahead with an Older Asexuals forum due to the fact that we do not want to make it seem like we see older people as more important than youngsters."

"Team has decided not to go ahead with an Asexual Relationships forum due to the fact that we do not want to make it seem like people in relationships are more important than single people."

It was never a problem in the past.

Omg, this.

So, where's my "Younger Asexuals" forum? And the "Solitary Asexuals" forum? I feel like I'm not being valued! Oh, wait, that was because of the aromantic thing - never mind.

People can try to explain to me why I just think we need an aromantic forum all day, it's not going to change the fact that the vast majority of people in the poll thread believed differently. And it won't change my opinion, either. The asexual community was the only place where I didn't feel invisible as an aromantic.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Fitzsimmons ♡   
Fitzsimmons ♡

Asexual Relationships - by mod logic it means that asexuals that are in relationships are more important then the rest.

As i said above, Relationships has a wider meaning than "romantic relationship".

Definition:

[noun] a relation between people; (`relationship' is often used where `relation' would serve, as in `the relationship between inflation and unemployment', but the preferred usage of `relationship' is for human relations or states of relatedness); "the relationship between mothers and their children"

[noun] a state of connectedness between people (especially an emotional connection); "he didn't want his wife to know of the relationship"

[noun] a state involving mutual dealings between people or parties or countries

[noun] state of relatedness or connection by blood or marriage or adoption

Synonyms: kinship, family

Friendships are relationships, family involves relationships, as everything else in the human contact side.

So why choosing to see it as if the Rels forum is for romantics? If romantic threads there are the majority is also because not many aros post in there.

This is a community, and if many aros don't feel Rels is welcoming for them, they should try saying that and maybe proposing some improvements, in my opinion. Or we could keep posting in Musirants, but I'd try starting more than one thread, if the one aros are using now is too hard to follow.

Just my 2 cents.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Skullery Maid   
Skullery Maid

Asexual Relationships isn't where I'd expect to find threads about non-relationships.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nogitsune   
Nogitsune
As i said above, Relationships has a wider meaning than "romantic relationship".

Since you posted this under a particular quote, I think you're missign the point here, which is that giving people space does not automatically mean they are more valued than other people.

And yes, friendships etc. are relationships. I still don't feel comfortable posting in that subforum, and not all issues that can come with being aromantic are related to relationships so much as to the orientation itself.

This is a community, and if many aros don't feel Rels is welcoming for them, they should try saying that and maybe proposing some improvements, in my opinion. Or we could keep posting in Musirants, but I'd try starting more than one thread, if the one aros are using now is too hard to follow.

Uh, we proposed an improvement. It's apaprently not acceptable.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
The Great WTF   
The Great WTF

I'm going to echo Data and Solivagant 100%. I really dislike trying to keep up with the aromantic thread and I'd love a place to escape the multitude of romance-oriented posts around here. I often feel alienated and irritated by the prevalence of posts relating to romantic concerns and drama as, I'm sure, the older members here had similar feelings towards the high school drama related posts of the rest of the membership. Why do they get their haven but we don't?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5_♦♣   
5_♦♣

This is a community, and if many aros don't feel Rels is welcoming for them, they should try saying that and maybe proposing some improvements, in my opinion. Or we could keep posting in Musirants, but I'd try starting more than one thread, if the one aros are using now is too hard to follow.

Just my 2 cents.

How does an Aromantic forum not count as an improvement? After all, everything could be organized in one place, rather than have a bunch of threads floating around in Q&A and Musings. And if there were to be another Aromantic thread, it'd only be a matter of time before it became disorganized and hard to follow, just like the one now is.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Skullery Maid   
Skullery Maid

I'm going to echo Data and Solivagant 100%. I really dislike trying to keep up with the aromantic thread and I'd love a place to escape the multitude of romance-oriented posts around here. I often feel alienated and irritated by the prevalence of posts relating to romantic concerns and drama as, I'm sure, the older members here had similar feelings towards the high school drama related posts of the rest of the membership. Why do they get their haven but we don't?

Oh, trust me, we're sick of the relationship stuff too. That's all teen drama. In the 30-something thread (or maybe Bananarama) there was some dissing of that "Our AVEN Love Story" thread grossness.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.