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Advantages and disadvantages of being asexual


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#121 Sally

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 04:15 AM

Whereas if an asexual talks about the benefits of not having sex, it's simply because it is part of their asexuality...not wanting sex seems normal (there's no real effort to abstain as there can be for most celibates). Many asexuals like to talk about the benefits of this natural feeling they have.


That depends on whether you have a relationship with a sexual or not. Since most/almost all people we meet are sexual, and thus if we're going to have a relationship, it will almost always be with a sexual, it gets quite complex, as you know, LG. So while not wanting partnered sex may be part of being asexual, not having partnered sex isn't necessary.

Since most of my life I had partnered sex with two sexuals I loved (the only love relationships I had), I really can't talk about not having sex as an "advantage" of being asexual.
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#122 Lady Girl

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 05:18 AM


Whereas if an asexual talks about the benefits of not having sex, it's simply because it is part of their asexuality...not wanting sex seems normal (there's no real effort to abstain as there can be for most celibates). Many asexuals like to talk about the benefits of this natural feeling they have.


That depends on whether you have a relationship with a sexual or not. Since most/almost all people we meet are sexual, and thus if we're going to have a relationship, it will almost always be with a sexual, it gets quite complex, as you know, LG. So while not wanting partnered sex may be part of being asexual, not having partnered sex isn't necessary.

Since most of my life I had partnered sex with two sexuals I loved (the only love relationships I had), I really can't talk about not having sex as an "advantage" of being asexual.

I totally agree! That's why I said 'not wanting sex seems normal' after saying 'if an asexual talks about the benefits of not having it'. I think it just feels matter of fact for the single (and 'plan to stay single') asexuals to talk this way, I can see where they're coming from. I guess I don't get it confused with celibacy, it seems so obvious to me that it's different, and maybe that's because it is in my house. I try to be careful how I word it, sorry if it sounded off or wrong.

I see your point too Sally, some clarification when posting about it certainly wouldn't hurt. It would only help.

Not all asexuals define asexuality in terms of sexual attraction. Some just do not desire sexual interaction.

"...research on self-identified asexuals...shows that they do not necessarily have a lower desire for sexual activity, 

but they clearly have a lower desire for sexual activity with others..." Anthony Bogaert

 

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#123 Arcovia

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Posted 04 September 2012 - 04:49 PM

All of these "no STDs, no pregnancy" pros don't really apply to me because I'd be celibate regardless of my orientation. However, I consider it a huge benefit that I don't have to worry about walking downn the street and getting completely distracted because I saw a hot guy. And before anyone says "That's not what sexual attraction is like! It doesn't completely distract someone!" I am sure that for me it would.

Another benefit for me is I don't have any inner conflict from being a sexual person and being sex repulsed.

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#124 RosettaAce

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Posted 05 September 2012 - 12:30 AM

These are some of my personal benefits, its not gonna match everyone. :)



1. Not worrying about ending up alone - I find someone, great, I don't great! ( I say this because all of my friends who know are so worried about me being lonely and I keep telling them that I'm fine).

2. I don't worry about decoding the looks, or the little things people say, to try to figure out if they like me, because I don't notice them.

3. I don't have to wear uncomfortable clothes to make myself look good enough to date, I can dress in a way that I think looks good.

I say this because so many women I know hate high heels, but wear them anyway. When I ask why they say "Because (insert who they are attracted to) like them."

4. I don't feel the pressure I did before I knew what I was to get "fixed".

5. Since I'm not interested in porn the most embarrassing thing on my computer is just how much of my search history is looking up pictures of rainbows, and looking up random things - like cheese - on Wikipedia. What? I get really bored! :lol:

6.My body and brain are not on two separate tracks.

I have a very sexual friend who is trying to remain celibate. To resist temptation she almost has isolate herself from all men. As bad as I feel for her, I'm also relieved that I don't have to worry about a tug of war like that.


Cons:

1. I don't have to worry about being lonely, but I have to deal with everyone who thinks I am.

2. Three words: Ambush blind date.

3. I don't worry about decoding looks and the little things people say, but I'm friendly to everyone and I worry that something I've missed will lead to hurt feelings.

4. Sex is EVERYWHERE, and for someone completely disinterested it is really annoying.

5. The "You'll understand someday" conversations.


There are more in both categories, but this is all I could think of at the moment.


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#125 Knight Mayor

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Posted 05 September 2012 - 02:28 AM

Like others have pointed out, these are just my personal pros and cons.

Advantages
-I don't spend time, energy, and money for sexual purposes
-I don't feel the frustration of not being able to "get laid", or any other kind of frustration or stress that can possibly come from having or wanting to have a sex life
-I'm not distracted by seeing or thinking of an "attractive" person
-I can't be persuaded to do something I normally wouldn't do or am not allowed to do for someone due to being seduced

Disadvantages
-If my parents found out somehow, the result probably wouldn't be good. Fortunately, though, I don't feel the need to "come out", so to speak.

I'm aware that not all sexuals get distracted, experience sexual frustration, etc. If it seems somewhat stereotyping, you can replace all of the "I don't"s and "I'm not"s with "I have a 0% chance of".

I think when I grow up I'll become a book about the history of people cracking their knuckles. That way, cows won't feel like they have to smear cinnamon on the foreheads of elderly snowballs just to avoid being taxed for singing about jelly beans. This will also introduce people on Mercury to light bulbs, which would satisfy their desire to eat lemonade pizza and hug dolphins at the same time. :D


#126 Sunako

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Posted 05 September 2012 - 06:46 AM

im not sure if i or anyone else has posted this

1. not having to worry about being cheated on
2. no selfish behaviour from your partner
3. not having to put up with stupid questions from a partner (especially if they are sexual)
4. not having to deal with some one's pointless drama
5. being able to go where i want when i want
6. not having to put up with some one's libido (all i attract are sexuals >.< )
7. i don't have to feel guilty about not meeting up with a partner (since i don't have one :) )
8: no emotional blackmail (if you love me you will do this etc)

Rest In Peace Junko San ☆


#127 Qutenkuddly

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Posted 05 September 2012 - 07:46 AM

Advantage: I don't catch myself thinking with the 'little head'.

Disadvantage: Establishing long term romantic relationships is so very, very difficult. :(
Me: Apparently I can't f*ck to save a relationship.
Her: There's a difference between f*cking and making love.
Me: Okay. Apparently I can't m*ke l*ve to save a relationship.

#128 Miasmatic Muscaria

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Posted 05 September 2012 - 10:50 AM

Advantages:
-More peace of mind from not being stressed about sex.
-Not getting distracted by every "attractive" person that passes by.
-My vision isn't clouded by looks, thus allowing me to better see a person for who they are.
-I don't feel inadequate/ugly/worthless if I don't have sex.

Disadvantages:
-People give me odd looks when I try to explain it.

#129 Sally

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Posted 05 September 2012 - 06:21 PM

im not sure if i or anyone else has posted this

1. not having to worry about being cheated on
2. no selfish behaviour from your partner
3. not having to put up with stupid questions from a partner (especially if they are sexual)
4. not having to deal with some one's pointless drama
5. being able to go where i want when i want
6. not having to put up with some one's libido (all i attract are sexuals >.< )
7. i don't have to feel guilty about not meeting up with a partner (since i don't have one :) )
8: no emotional blackmail (if you love me you will do this etc)


Those are all related to not having a relationship, rather than simply being asexual.
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#130 krislox

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 01:59 AM

For me I personally don't know how to relate with other guys when it comes to girls and we just end up in a room in an awkward silence. I am super awkward when I try to be romantic or suave and just stand there next to other girls sweating... <_< ... Other than these cases, whenever we have school dances, the actual dancing is a nightmare, Im a great dancer ;) just not with a partner lol
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#131 devotedlila

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 02:04 AM

Other people. Even my sex-positive, queer, kinky friends don't believe me. That's the toughest.

#132 Timothy P.

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 02:14 AM

trying to accept that i may be alone for quite some time
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#133 Palovana

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 02:18 AM

Being misunderstood and alone.
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#134 Blue Cat

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 02:23 AM

Having people think you're really just gay but afraid to admit it.
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#135 Philip027

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 02:25 AM

I think that for me, the worst thing it has affected is the way I relate with male peers, particularly around high-school time. While I know they exist, I have never interacted in-person with a single male that gave me any sort of reason to believe that they might be asexual. Instead, most of them were overtly sexual in nature, and I've never been able to relate/interact with these people well at all; the conversations inevitably become awkward on my part because I can't identify with what they're saying with regards to some "hot chick" or whatever their sexual focus of attention might be.

I believe it's largely because of this that I ended up essentially heteroromantic; I've always felt like I identify better with females and I can only really see myself developing any sort of relationship with one. I have come across a few people around AVEN with an opinion that's something like "if you're asexual, why should the sex/gender of the other person in the relationship matter?" and honestly, I see the point they're trying to make. But personally, the overall difference between the two sexes has shown itself to not be merely physical, and I think this has had a lasting impact in how I feel I can relate with the two.
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#136 not a sheep

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 02:28 AM

Nice thread. For me it's also relating with other people in general. I didn't figure out about my orientation until just recently, so two years ago when my two best friends were talking about wanting to have girlfriends (we were/are all awkward single guys in our 20s), I felt like I was an alien trying to discuss that with them. Also with my best female friend, because I recently tried to explain to her that I find sex unnecessary, and all she had to say to that was "wow" essentially.
Wake up people!

#137 krislox

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 02:37 AM

Nice thread. For me it's also relating with other people in general. I didn't figure out about my orientation until just recently, so two years ago when my two best friends were talking about wanting to have girlfriends (we were/are all awkward single guys in our 20s), I felt like I was an alien trying to discuss that with them. Also with my best female friend, because I recently tried to explain to her that I find sex unnecessary, and all she had to say to that was "wow" essentially.


Yes! :lol: Lol I haven't really came out to anyone yet but if I have, I feel like not having someone believe me is hard and being alone is difficult. A lot of my friends did think I was just gay because I never had a girlfriend and I never talked about girls :huh: but whatever. I can relate so much! :)
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#138 Knight

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 02:39 AM

the limited choices a bit bothers me(I'm still in highschool,and too young for asexy dating sites), I had one girlfriend so far a pan-sexual girlfriend with intimacy issues plus it was her first time dating someone of the same sex and she told me she wanted to take things Very very slow I was :3 well pretty dem okay with that(she knew I was Asexy) I Had an AMAZING time going out with her we went on picnics, toke walks together, I got to do all the chivalry stuff which was fun for me and got to hang out and hold hands with her all the time. :3 it was awesome being able to be that close to someone and knowing that u can love them without them wanting to have sex with you.- back to the problem:
I had to move we broke up -.- she moved on REALLY fast, because people always want to date her and being Pansexual she has a pretty big amount of people in the school she can date. ... my school know one even knows what an Asexual even is. which is a shame cuz I am pretty damn Asexy fine *Ahem* so yeah I'm a very romantic ace and asexual are about 1% suposively and some don't even know they're asexual, and even then they could be in the closet to avoid getting weird looks or annoying arguments. small picking can be annoying but I can usually get a date for events and that can still be a lot a fun. And who knows I could get into a not serious relationship with a sexual.
^-^" other than that I pretty much enjoy everything sterotypically an asexual wouldn't like. I Luv dirty jokes and such it's so nonsensical it's funny to me,and talking about sex(thought I can't even imagine myself having it my mind just skips to eating an apple kitty pandas or something borderline physically impossible for me to imagine myself having sex)
Also, I think I can't be open about my asexuality in some situations. my parent's are strict, and I like to write stories that sometimes involve romance so if my readers who are ignorant to asexuality hear that I;m asexual they'll be biased about my stories (Btw ^-^ I'm writing an Asexy love story web comic w/ some asweome aromantic supporting characters and well just about every sexuality included in the supporting cast even a Hetero sexual homoromantic in luv with the asexy main character-sorry sidetracked it's been on my mind lately)
And that's about it sorry it's so long but I think I got everything.

#139 Duenia

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 03:34 AM

The most difficult part for me is the people that make it blatantly clear they want to have sex with me, especially since it's normally males at least 10 years older than myself. I am rather sex repulsed, and definitely more so for males than females. But people don't seem to get it, and these guys tend to make things really awkward and it often results in ruined friendships because they either get way out of line with me and won't stop the behaviors that are making me uncomfortable, or they take it personally and then want nothing to do with me. It also makes it weird when I'm hanging out with males and they don't act like that since it's not a frequent occurrence and leaves me feeling confused because I'm not used to having male friends who don't want in my pants lol.
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#140 music_of_the_night

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 03:50 AM

As several others have said, for me it's relating to people and trying to explain how I see the world. One of my friends in particular doesn't get how I can visually appreciate people (usually guys, not sure why, I just find the male form more compelling), without wanting to, well, do anything about it. She actually asked if I was "turning straight" when I started talking about Chris Hemsworth's shirtless scene in Thor. I had to explain that for me, checking out an attractive guy out is no different than staring at a van Gogh.
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#141 emberday

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 04:03 AM

I think that the hardest thing for me is that I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm likely never gonna end up with someone. In my life, there aren't any ace dudes, so...yeah. I don't wanna offend anyone here, but not many "normal" guys will want to be in a relationship with a girl who won't have sex. I mean. I've never had a boyfriend, or been kissed. Can't miss what I've never had, right? Not true. Eeek. Look. I just gave away a ton of personal stuff. :huh:

the limited choices a bit bothers me(I'm still in highschool,and too young for asexy dating sites), I had one girlfriend so far a pan-sexual girlfriend with intimacy issues plus it was her first time dating someone of the same sex and she told me she wanted to take things Very very slow I was :3 well pretty dem okay with that(she knew I was Asexy) I Had an AMAZING time going out with her we went on picnics, toke walks together, I got to do all the chivalry stuff which was fun for me and got to hang out and hold hands with her all the time. :3 it was awesome being able to be that close to someone and knowing that u can love them without them wanting to have sex with you.- back to the problem:
I had to move we broke up -.- she moved on REALLY fast, because people always want to date her and being Pansexual she has a pretty big amount of people in the school she can date. ... my school know one even knows what an Asexual even is. which is a shame cuz I am pretty damn Asexy fine *Ahem* so yeah I'm a very romantic ace and asexual are about 1% suposively and some don't even know they're asexual, and even then they could be in the closet to avoid getting weird looks or annoying arguments. small picking can be annoying but I can usually get a date for events and that can still be a lot a fun. And who knows I could get into a not serious relationship with a sexual.
^-^" other than that I pretty much enjoy everything sterotypically an asexual wouldn't like. I Luv dirty jokes and such it's so nonsensical it's funny to me,and talking about sex(thought I can't even imagine myself having it my mind just skips to eating an apple kitty pandas or something borderline physically impossible for me to imagine myself having sex)
Also, I think I can't be open about my asexuality in some situations. my parent's are strict, and I like to write stories that sometimes involve romance so if my readers who are ignorant to asexuality hear that I;m asexual they'll be biased about my stories (Btw ^-^ I'm writing an Asexy love story web comic w/ some asweome aromantic supporting characters and well just about every sexuality included in the supporting cast even a Hetero sexual homoromantic in luv with the asexy main character-sorry sidetracked it's been on my mind lately)
And that's about it sorry it's so long but I think I got everything.


I feel yuh dude :(

Edited by Vampyremage, 21 October 2012 - 04:46 AM.
merged posts

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#142 krislox

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 04:08 AM

I think that the hardest thing for me is that I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm likely never gonna end up with someone. In my life, there aren't any ace dudes, so...yeah. I don't wanna offend anyone here, but not many "normal" guys will want to be in a relationship with a girl who won't have sex. I mean. I've never had a boyfriend, or been kissed. Can't miss what I've never had, right? Not true. Eeek. Look. I just gave away a ton of personal stuff. :huh:


Lol don't worry I just gave gave away alot of personal details in the forums too :X

But I won't mind going out with a girl who doesn't mind not having sex, but I'm not interested in girls :/ so yeah. Another personal detail :X I personally don't have that fear of being alone, I think I said I did... but whatever. I want to adopt children so yeah, I'm going to be happy with children. ^_^

#143 JimmyKeepCool

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 04:11 AM

Being misunderstood and alone.


Same here -_-
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#144 sallycinnamon

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 10:27 AM

I worry about the being alone thing too.

I don't mind it so much now as I have lots of single friends, but I worry that as I get older all of my friends will get married, and I'll constantly be a third wheel/ source of pity.

Basically, I think it would be fine if the rest of the world was like me, but sadly that's not the way it is.

I also find it hard to think I'm missing out on what is such a massive part of life for most people. I also don't think it's true that you can't miss what you never had.
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#145 Tenebre

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 10:39 AM

That the deepest relationship I want is a very close friendship but the people I want those friendships with want something more (and usually not with me) so they don't treat our relationship as preciously as I do.

#146 Sunako

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 10:43 AM

the hardest thing for me is not being understood or being rejected because to my asexuality

Rest In Peace Junko San ☆


#147 princesspeach

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 10:43 AM

I think the worst part, for me anyway, is feeling alone and not normal. Like I wish I was a sexual just so everything wouldn't be so complicated.

But at the moment I'm fine with the prospects of being alone. Living with 36284 cats and TV series sounds pretty good to me.
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#148 WhenSummersGone

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 11:46 AM

I'm not sure if I'm asexual or not, but I guess what is hardest the most is the lack of awareness and knowledge from others. Some people just don't want to respect or understand something they don't experience.


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Small rant: One thing that really bugs me is when people use the words gender and sex as if they are the same. What if you were born a man but feel like a woman? Or a woman who feels like a man? Gender is between the ears and sex is between the legs.
My own personal definition of Sexual Attraction: Directed sexual desire. An attraction that causes sexual desire towards that gender, genders or someone. Someone that "turns you on" and not just being horny.

#149 Astro

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 12:28 PM

The hardest thing for me is the fact that I'm afraid of being alone. I mean, I like being myself, but I'm still human, and I want some friends. I also feel being asexual effects my ability to relate with others.
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#150 FrenchDawn

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Posted 21 October 2012 - 01:07 PM

The most difficult thing for me is the judgement of other people around me. They don't accept the idea I'm happy with my life... They think I'm "hung-up", or sick, or strange, or...just not normal at all. Sometimes I really have the strange feeling that my friends, colleagues, family...would be very happy if I said: "please help me, I'm single, I'm virgin and I'm so unhappy"... It's like my happiness was a horrible crime... :wacko:
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