Advantages and disadvantages of being asexual

[SorryNotSorry]

Pros:

1. When people call me a loser, I get to point out I'm glad to be one, because I've lost out on drama, headgames, and probably some STDs.

2. Nobody in hell can file paternity against me and make it stick.

Cons:

1. Societal pressure to not only have sex, but also to like it.

2. Every damn day of my life is a battle.

[@ce]

What I like love about being Ace:

1) I don’t think about sex, nor do I have urges that might distract me from activities. :lol:

2) I know I won’t ever make an immature choice and have unprotected sex for what not because I don’t want sex

3) Life’s a lot simpler without worrying about STDs and stuff

Oh yeah and all the free cake

What I dislike about being Ace

1) It was scary learning about my asexuality and I didn’t want to accept it at first, I just wanted to be normal -_-

2) People never understand, well people out of the community that is.

3) And yes it is kinda lonely and I feel trapped and out of the loop in our overly sexual society :(

[anticlockwise]

Pros:

1. I'm totally paranoid about things like this, so the idea that I (hopefully) won't be getting STDs is a very welcome thought.

2. Total relief that I don't have to try to engage in relationships that don't work, like all the futile ones I tried before.

3. Having words to discuss what I'm feeling! I didn't even realise how powerful having the language to discuss your experiences was until I had it.

4. Realising that you're effectively freed from ever caring what anyone thinks of how you look is a pretty good feeling.

Cons:

1. That awkward position of ace invisibility. It's a privileged kind of oppression, some would say. It makes it hard to enter discussions of the kind I really want to enter, about queerness and gender and sexuality, without feeling like I don't have a say because I haven't experienced hate of the sort other more visible LGBTQ identities face. I gave up going to my local LGBT club because of this, I didn't really feel like I could talk with them on a level plane. I mean, I'm not whining about this or wishing I could experience ace-related hate (yikes), I'm just sad that I don't feel like a part of that community any more.

2. Nobody knows about asexuality! At the best they tend to assume it's some weird celibate thing of mine. My mother thought it was just low sex drive for months after I came out to her-- she thought I was telling her I was actually straight (having previously identified as pansexual)! Actually, that was annoying, considering how much material I gave her that she claimed to have read.

[Janus the Fox]

Pro.

1) not driven to do risky behavior just for a thrill.

2) no wants, no feelings, no need for social life.

3) all those pretty people...

Con.

1) the fear it is caused by something.

2) pressures to be normal.

3) the stigma of missing out on something everyone seems to enjoy.

[Soraiko]

What I like:

1:I don't have to worry about STD's or getting pregnant

2:I don't have to worry about sex complicating things

3:I don't have thoughts of sex and how to get it interfering with other things I want to do

What I don't like:

1:People seem to just know there's something different about me

2:I feel like I'll never be in a relationship with someone

3:A lot of people just don't understand

[Song Lily]

What I like:

1) the fact that I have a word for what I am now, and that is a huge relief to know that I'm not damaged. That's just me, and it's absolutely normal.

2) (sort of mingles with the first one, but still) now I don't have to try to be "normal" and fail.

What I don't like:

Seriously? I still haven't found anything I don't like!! Okay, so being ace makes it difficult for me to find someone. It was difficult already before I knew, so it changes nothing.

[Naosuu]

What I like:

1. Having a succinct word that describes my experiences.
   
2. Being able to pull off the dirtiest jokes or say vulgar things and making everyone laugh especially hard because I don't do it very often. Also because they tend to fly over my head anyway.
   

What I don't like:

1. I'm open to sex and I know I would need to be with someone on the lower end of the sexuality continuum. However, I'm a little scared that sex will inevitably be a deal breaker (partner is unable to handle my never desiring them in a sexual way).
   
2. Fear that maybe I am suppressing something and I just... haven't dug deep enough.
   
3. Fear that maybe a sexual experience is really all I need to "ignite" something. Whatever that something is.
   

EDIT: I just wanted to say that a lot of the replies above aren't really... exclusive to asexuals only. Like STDs... anyone who wants to abstain can avoid STDs. Risky sexual behaviour is mostly done from being irresponsible, maybe somewhat inebriated, perhaps lacking some foresight or just getting caught up in the moment. Plus there are still asexuals who have sex and may have forgotten to ask their partner to get checked. for thought.

[Member47750]

What I Like:

- This may or may not actually be related to my asexuality, but the 'apathy' I say I feel towards the subject means I don't have as much embarrassment as my sexual friends seem to; I can discuss a lot of topics and make jokes that would have them blushing too hard to speak, sometimes. It's actually quite fun.

What I Don't Like:

- Constant questioning of myself and my sexuality (is this what I really feel or am I just fooling myself? And I just scared/trying to be different?) The constant reinforcement society gives for these feelings is also sort of a drag.

But...usually, really I don't think of it in a pro/con basis. It's just...me, and my life, and I'm not really prone to thinking of it in other terms. :/

[caemin]

Pros:

1. Not being distracted by attraction... It's one less annoyance to deal with.

2. Because there's no attraction, I feel that I can see things in a much clearer light.

Cons:

1. Lack of understanding from others... Sex is something that is vital to the human experience for most people, and because it is irrelevant for me, they don't (and vice versa- I don't) understand them (me).

2. I won't be fitting into the standard mold for people, so my chances of finding a life partner are minimal. My parents will be disappointed. But hey, I'll make a good aunt.

3. Not sure about 'coming out" to people. It's not as though I'm struggling with my attractions to the sam sex or whatever, so there's no real pressure to say "Hey, I'm asexual" but on the other hand, I hate my failure to fulfill social expectations, and wish people could understand why I am so clueless.

[skenasis]

Pro: I'm not interested in sex.

Con: I'm not interested in sex.

I'm in a relationship with a sexual, so not being interested in sex is really not helpful. Other than that, it's great.

[emberwing]

Pros

-Everyone is dealing with all this exhausting drama and I'm not in the middle of it

-Mostly I just love that there is a word and definition for what I feel

-My best friend is a demisexual and we can talk about our sexualities (and our complete bewilderment about sexuals) with ease and humor

Cons

-Social expectations to have sex, though I feel I've been getting it lightly since I go to an all girls school with no males that aren't teachers in sight

-While I'm excited for the chance to live elsewhere while going to collage I'm dreading potential problems about 'whaaa you're a virgin what nonsense is this we gotta fix you'

-I don't feel comfortable coming out to my parents and this is a big thing for me because most of the time I can talk to my mom about almost anything. I once literally asked her what being in love felt like because I was getting the idea I didn't experience it the same as other people. I mentioned the fear that I might be asexual, but she brushed it off. Chances are high she simply didn't understand what I meant, but I'm still afraid she won't believe it exists

[MadRat]

Advantages? Almost everything is an advantage. No stress about STDs, unwanted pregnancy, about being good enough in bed, being sexy enough, about being naked around other people who would judge my "hotness".

I´m not sexually attracted to guys who would never be interested in me all the time, so I´m mostly spared from this drama.

And there´s no chance I could accidentaly destroy someone´s relationship - for example if I were a lover of a married guy and didn´t know he is married.

The only one disadvantage is aces are so rare. :-(

[Prospero]

Pros:

1. No pressure to "have sex" or really even get a boyfriend anymore, unlike other adolescents

2. Awesome community I can identify with and be a proud part of!

3. Third-person detached perspective on others' relationship dramas is quite nice.

Cons:

1. Really awkward when everyone else is taking about sex and having it

2. Drastically narrows my chances of getting any sort of partner

[PoeFreak]

Pros:

knowing that there are other people how are happy living alone.

being able to say I'm an ace (you know how cool that sounds)

when I get my own place I'll have a queen sized bed to myself without shame!

cons:

having to deal with people who care more about my relationship status then I do.

[Kelsea]

What I like about being ace:

- not having to have sex with anyone

- easier to accept the fact that I'll probably always be single

- it kind of simplifies my life, in a way

- if I don't feel like shaving my legs some days... who cares? :lol:

What I don't like about being ace:

- it ruined my otherwise happy marriage

[encheiridion]

Likes:

- Not having to worry about unplanned pregnancy. I used to have a terrifying pregnancy dream about once a year (where I would wake up convinced I was pregnant). I'm wondering if now that I'm identifying as ace (which is all of about two weeks old) if that dream might go away...

- Feeling more comfortable with being single (although I'd like to find a life partner eventually) and understanding that my lack of sexual attraction isn't pathological.

And I'm going to steal this one:

4. Realising that you're effectively freed from ever caring what anyone thinks of how you look is a pretty good feeling.

I think it was maybe a day after I found this site that I was in the shower and suddenly had this realization. Like, my body is just for me and I don't have to share it with anybody if I don't want to. Incredibly liberating.

Dislikes:

1. The challenge of finding a romantic partner who's willing to be in a sexless (or nearly sexless) relationship.

2. Fear of coming out, compounded by the fact that very few people know what asexuality is : /

[Kitty Spoon Train]

Pro: I'm not interested in sex.

Con: I'm not interested in sex.

This is what I was going to say...:P

Although I'm ultimately Demisexual, I've got a huge Romantic Ace streak - so in my everyday life and in the "dating" world I'm effectively as good as Romantic Ace.

It always occurs to me how it's this massive double edged sword. As much as there are some real possible risks and complications with sex, and how it's good to not have to deal with them (or with the drive towards wanting to constantly do things that will make you have to deal with them), it's a huge part of life for most people and it gets tiring feeling like an alien.

[GenAJ]

I'm definitely glad I lost my sex drive a few years ago because I have a horrible condition that causes a lot of suffering after I orgasm.

[The Great WTF]

These lists are great ways to remind myself WHY everyone conflates celibacy with asexuality.

Skenasis said it best.

Pro: I'm not interested in sex.

Con: I'm not interested in sex.

Asexuality isn't such a major part of my life that I've bothered thinking up real pros and cons to it beyond wishing I could understand what my partner is feeling a little better. I really see nothing inherently good or bad about it for me.

[Kinsey Coated Fury]

What I like:

-Not being distracted, like others have said.

-Not having to worry about my appeal, not having to worry about everything else that sexuality entails

-There's this thing I call "asexual schadenfreude": Schadenfreude is German for "feeling pleasure at other people's misfortune," and although it sounds mean, it's a normal response (how else could stuff like Failblog succeed?)... and for me, there's a uniquely asexual version of this: When my friends are complaining about their relationship problems or things along those lines, I can't help but feel a little smug, just happy that I will never have to deal with that.

-knowing that my happiness is dependent on myself and is not attached to the approval of someone else

-I guess it's just freedom, because I view sexuality as a lot of baggage that I would never want to deal with

Cons:

Obviously the alienation. It seems like everything in the media is hypersexualized and I can't relate to any of it.

People who tell me that I'm genetically "deficient"/have a "condition" because I'm asexual/people who don't believe me when I tell them I'm asexual

People who treat being alone like it's the worst thing that could ever happen, people who assume those who aren't having sex are inadequate/prudes.

Gender stereotypes of women as needy and super-romantic. Causes more alienation re: gender for me, being demiromantic and pretty damn close to aromantic.

[exvin]

What I like:

• as others have said, knowing I'm not going to rush into unplanned and/or unsafe sex
  

• not having soap-drama-esque situations in my life, such as wanting to screw my best friend's boyfriend etc
  

• I can feel comfortable around male friends to whom I've come out of the closet, knowing that they aren't just pretending to be my friends in the hope of getting laid (as has happened before)
  

What I dislike (this list could get very long if I let it):

• being in the closet to my mum. She's bicurious and I'm sure would understand, but I worry that she would draw conclusions that would unsettle her (eg she might think that I'd been abused or something). Consequently I'm in the closet to most of my friends too.
  

• the social and romantic isolation of being the only asexual I know irl
  

• being heteroromantic, I fall for guys quite often... and then have to force myself to get over it, even if they're indicating interest as well. So sometimes I end up inadvertently giving off mixed signals, which is annoying for everyone involved.
  

[Jarndyce]

Pros:

1) Don't need to put effort into 'getting laid', don't care about sex, don't think about it all the time (not ever actually).

2) My romantic side rarely rears its head, so I can happily friendzone myself left right and centre and have nice, totally innocent friendships with girls/women.

3) Don't need to think about social elements of sex + safe sex/STD stuff. I'm never a topic of gossip, never lost any respect for social sex related mistakes.

Cons:

1) I struggled to think of any. I suppose I can't relate as well to my male peers on this count, but I don't really care, so it isn't much of a con.

Ok, I can't think of any more cons, so I'm going to put down two more pros instead :D

4) I have no ulterior motives when socialising, so I only socialise when I really want to, and do all sorts of enjoyable activities just because they're awesome, without them needing to (or indeed ever) leading to sex.

5) This may sound like a cop out answer, however it is anything but - I like being an asexual because I am clearly asexual, and I like being myself. I derive pleasure from being myself and so being very different to what people initially expect the average guy in my profession to be like. Sometimes the shortest route to respect is to very obviously respect yourself, and that is very obvious if yourself is unusual and strange.

[Cakey]

PROS.

1)Amongst my friends, over the years,it has kept me apart from their inter-tribal confrontations of the flesh, settled happily, as always, on the side-lines, blissfully taking loads of no notice.

2)Allowed me the freedom to pursue 3 different careers over the years, unrestrained by geographical location, any partner’s whim or chid tantrums.

3)The house I wanted and the village of my choice. (now if only my car would start!)

4) Over the years, I have remained delightfully unblemished, by the office politics of tangled hearts, that to this day, can still leave in their wake, a trail of tears, torn A4 paper and strewn staples from the last packet we had in the cupboard.

5)Though impossible to prove, the many rounds of redundancies over these recent, tumultuous years, have simply passed me, by, POSSIBLE REASONS

a)No home life distractions.

b)team work is so much easier, being free of any emotional tension

c)you look at the work not your colleagues.

d)Easy to manage apparently (Im am not entirely sure who my line manager compared me with, but he did remark, that I was a 'point and click human-being', with no dramas.... charming:

e)Out-of-hours flexibility, easier to ask me,rather than face anyone of my frosty faced, canntankerous colleagues, with busy home lives, a dog to walk and daughter's car to fix. (more like they don't want to be late for Happy Hour at the Thirsty Badger Public House) I jest, they are lovely really. :)

Though to be fair, in return for my more than complient attitude, my company has helped me out on many a occasion, (E.g two friends from the office helped me move into my house, during works time..YAY,, A few years ago, Twice i over-cellebrated my birthday and neglected to go into work, oops, they just ignored it, and pretended i had come in. Mistakes NEVER to be repeated!!

6)No one, to possess you, direct you, rule you or shake their head at you, and say, "tsk tsk,that's not the way to do it"

7) Freedom to play the guitar from 2.30am in the morning, until the Top E sring breaks in the afternoon. :)

8)Work from home, two days days a week, meaning a lie in until 9am on Mondays and Fridays,.. unlike many at work, who are able to work from home, but prefer the peace of the office.

9)The Freedom to help others has in-turn, benefited me, when i have needed help. Apart from one time, when the titanic of life, really smacked into the iceberg of my fate! The corinthian spirit of willing enthusiasm. was returned, with laid-back promptness. a hop-scotch of shrugging shoulders , open mouthed head-scratching and endless streams of ers, ders and huhs!.........Gawd bless em!

CONS

1)Mostly financial, It is far cheaper to keep two people, than to keep one... for instance, property tax is unfaily levied against you as a single person, moan moan moan lol

2) You have to chase round to get silly DIY jobs done.

3) For a time, I seemed to be under constant pressure from different people i knew. who fancied being my lodger, always enthusing, how happy they would be to contribute towards the Bills. Fine by me, but they still weren't moving in, until a contract had been signed and a realistic monthly rental payment agreed. (well below the market rate of course) Even then, they seemed to think i had an amazing self-filling fridge and a wonderful house, that seemed to clean itself, :) tee hee

[Kallan]

I love being able to keep my head clear around beautiful people. I hate that everyone thinks I'm sleeping with my close female friends.

[scrapsandbones]

I like not having to deal with relationship drama, I've seen friends fall out and cry over guys.

I dislike awkwardly sitting at a table in a restaurant with nothing to do because my friends are all busy craning their necks to get a look at the "cute" waiter and listening to them giggling when he's at our table.

[HAL9000]

Well, on the positive side, I'm able to make sex jokes that no one else would even think of. Sometimes I come up with things that are inappropriate regardless of company.

There is of couse a downside to only thinking of human sexuality as something bizarre and absurd, rather than something that people actually do. Sometimes I meet a nice, pretty girl, and manage to conveniently forget that she's probably just like everyone else, and as we know everyone else tends to be partial to penes, orifices and the inserting of the former into the other.

(It's penes, not peni by the way. Declensions and stuff.)

[5_♦♣]

What a difference 3 months make(s)? I'm not sure what thread I posted this reply in, now that it has been merged with other threads, but yeah... I already mentioned a perk of being Asexual and yet, here I have mentioned that I see no perks of being Asexual. Dang my lack of memory when it comes to what I post.

[OtherWise]

Pro-

There's a whole bodily function that I can happily exist without ever experiencing. It's a bit like knowing that you never really have to take a piss unless you just happen to feel like it one day.

Con -

Having to explain to people a) what asexuality is, b) that it is a real thing and c) no, really, it is a real thing. I usually try to get away with 'I don't feel that way about people' but that doesn't seem to cut the mustard.

[NamTar]

I see more pros and cons of being aromantic than of being asexual, so I'm just gonna list those too.

Pros:

-I haven't had sex in a damned long time, which means I don't have to worry at all about getting pregnant (since no methods are 100% effective). Also not worrying about STDs.

-I'm missing out on a lot of drama that plagues my friends involved in relationships. I mean, I read people's facebook posts about their breakups and getting back togethers and so on, and I don't know how they can handle all these extreme ups and downs, crying one minute and being elated and in love the next minute.

Cons

-It does alienate people. This bothered me more when I was younger, but still, there aren't a lot of people I have a whole lot in common with. I was a bit weird to begin with, so this just makes me that much weirder and unable to relate to many people.

- It's so much cheaper to share a house/apartment, not to mention the ability of being able to share chores!

[Qutenkuddly]

Cons

-It does alienate people. This bothered me more when I was younger, but still, there aren't a lot of people I have a whole lot in common with. I was a bit weird to begin with, so this just makes me that much weirder and unable to relate to many people.

- It's so much cheaper to share a house/apartment, not to mention the ability of being able to share chores!

Obviously, you need asexy flatmates. :)