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Our AVEN Love Story


SJM

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This is the love story of Steven (SJM) and Diane (cotidiano), two AVENites who fell in love. This first post is from the perspective of Steven and the following is from Diane. At the end of the second post is a short section that we wrote together. This may seem impossibly long, but we really poured our hearts into it. This should prove that finding love on AVEN is not an impossible outcome.

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[uPDATE: January 15, 2014]

As of today, it has been two full years since Diane and I met each other on AVEN. With how many adventures and experiences we have had together, it’s hard to accept that it hasn’t been longer. The past two years have felt like a lifetime, which only makes the future more promising.

While we are still technically long distance, the past year has really solidified our life together and where we think it will go in the near future. We have developed strong shared hobbies such as Geocaching, hiking and tennis. We also regularly do activities together like watching movies and television shows, shopping, eating out, and traveling. We’ve also developed a list of our favorite restaurants, scenic locations, and just about everything else. The number of enjoyments we naturally have in common is astounding. Turning them into shared experiences has only made them better. We have so much fun together.

Within the last year, we have taken several road trips together that have proven very memorable. We took skiing lessons in New York last spring, and had our first visit to the beach together over the summer. We also witnessed grand vistas of Pittsburgh from the surrounding hilltops, and explored a battleship on the Gulf of Mexico. We even visited the beautiful and romantic place in the mountains that we want to get married, and attended a bridal expo to get ideas. It may be a bit preemptive since we aren’t even engaged yet, but we can’t help but get excited for that inevitable day.

Of course they are subject to change, but we make sure to talk about and update our future plans with regularity. We are both currently in the second semester of our junior year in college, which means this time next year will be our last semester. The date for the end of our long-distance status is tentatively May 8, 2015 - the date of Steven’s graduation. After a year of graduate school together in Georgia, we will relocate to Ohio to begin our careers and eventually our family. Our lives are so much more enjoyable with each other in them. The outlook for our future is very bright indeed.

I want end with a few things about long-distance relationships in general. After two years, 26 trips to see each other, and 53 plane tickets, I feel like I could write a novel about all of our experiences. Despite what I thought for the first year or so, the whole process does start getting easier. Saying goodbye at the airport hurts marginally less when you’ve done it a dozen times before and know personally that things will feel better soon.

Additionally, the whole arrangement is less stressful when, beyond a shred of a doubt, you feel this relationship will last the rest of your life. Having that security when far away from your partner is a major step toward finding happiness and easing the pain. I contend, however, that the most important factor is knowing what approximate date the long-distance situation will end. That has helped me immeasurably over the last six months. I could go into much more detail about this topic, but I’ll refrain from doing so in order to keep this update reasonably concise. Feel free to ask me anything you wish.

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[uPDATE: January 15, 2013]

Given the significance of this date, Diane and I wanted to provide a short update to our love story.

Today, January 15th, marks the one year anniversary of my relationship with Diane. It was on this day at 2:40 AM that Diane first messaged me on AVEN, setting in motion what has been the first year of the rest of our lives. Out of the 366 days in the past year, I have been fortunate to spend 154 of them with her in person.

We spent much of last summer together, including an adventurous road trip that took us between our hometowns in Georgia and Ohio. We continued visiting each other every few weekends once classes began for the fall semester and were together during the major holidays (I traveled to Ohio for Thanksgiving, and Diane stayed in Georgia for Christmas and New Year’s).

I would like to reiterate an important message from our original post: to those of you longing for that special someone, never give up hope. You may be oceans apart, but that should not be a deterrent from pursuing a relationship with the potential love of your life. If your resolve is strong enough, distance can only make your love stronger. This may seem cheesy and cliché, but our experiences have proven this true.

Even after one year, our love continues to strengthen each day. Our first year together has been incredible. Our future plans are limitless.

[ORIGINAL POST: April 11, 2012]

I always believed the classic advice “love finds you when you least expect it” existed as a mere coincidence for those who were fortunate enough to indeed discover it. I resigned myself to the belief that I would be forever alone. I joined this website on 17 December 2011; my assumed signature read, “Love, so distant and obscure, remains the cure.” Taken as a reference from Eric Carmen’s All By Myself, I felt that it adequately depicted my true sentiment over many years of my life. I joined AVEN as a medium to better understand myself. I wanted to find like-minded people, a refuge among a sea of sexuality. I have always been introspective and I valued the new perspectives I could gain from AVEN quite highly. I created the thread titled “What romantic desires do you long for?” on 30 December 2011 as a way to express my inner longings for romance and to create a place where the romantic forum members could openly discuss anything on their mind regarding the topic. As it turns out, the opening post in that thread has become the most important piece of writing I have ever composed.

Entering the New Year shortly after writing that topic, I could never imagine what this year would have in store. In the early morning of 15 January 2012 an AVEN member with the username of “cotidiano” messaged me. She had read my words and taken a serious interest in me. Immediately I could tell that something was very different about her. The way she wrote was especially appealing to me, but I still cannot quite place words on it. She “adored” how lengthy my messages are. She even hinted at the possibility of a relationship, which left the prospect permanently in my head (see Diane’s perspective for the full message). I carefully considered how to reply for a full day, finally gaining the courage to initiate conversation about twenty-two hours after the original message. We continued messaging for an entire week. Our messages grew exponentially, at one time carrying twenty-five hundred words in a single message (it took about four hours to write each time). On 22 January 2012 we planned a Skype date for seven in the evening. While I felt more nervous that day than I ever had before, the evening went wonderfully. I will never forget hearing her voice for the first time, the way it made me melt, how fortunate I felt to have met her. I was awestruck by how wonderful she was. I was surprised by how well I was able to maintain conversation with her. After just a week, I knew for a fact that I never wanted to let her go. There was no one else like her. I had quickly fallen in love with her.

We returned to AVEN messages for the next week, again writing replies reaching over two thousand words each. I regretted my inability to initiate a relationship with her during our first Skype video chat. I planned over that subsequent week how I would do it. I questioned her about the possibility of Skyping again on 26 January 2012, to which she responded quite excitedly. Within the first twenty minutes, I asked, “Would you allow me the honor of being your boyfriend?” We had started a relationship, an outcome that I never imagined possible for me. No longer was I alone. We had found true happiness for the first time in our lives. We quickly made plans to meet in person over Spring Break. Before the end of January I booked flights for March 14 from Atlanta, Georgia to Columbus, Ohio. After a failed attempt at regressing back to AVEN messages, we decided that we would begin nightly phone conversations, usually lasting more than three hours apiece. We continued this pattern for much of February, mixing in one or two Skype conversations per week.

I always saw Valentine’s Day as the one day where the rest of the world could live my romantic fantasies while I sat helplessly alone. Naturally, everything was different this year. We shipped each other gifts to express our love. We dressed in formal attire and had a Skype conversation during which we opened our gifts. I cried when I saw the objects she had sent me. To that point I had never felt so loved in my life. Transitioning into March, we knew of the impending meeting. Perhaps surprisingly, we had no doubts that being around each other in person would work out. We had spent nearly two months writing forty thousand words on AVEN and logging some three hundred hours on phone and Skype (I meticulously keep a log of all these statistics). We knew that we were perfect for eachother. There were absolutely no doubts.

On the fourteenth day of March (a date that will be forever ingrained into my memory) I boarded that plane for Columbus. I was incredibly nervous, as anyone meeting the love of their life would be. Despite weeks of planning how we would first meet, the first encounter was a complete surprise. We stood in front of each other in shock for a few moments. Soon after she ran into my extended arms and we hugged for nearly thirty minutes straight. For me, it was the moment that I had always dreamed of. I had found my love and I had her in my arms. I savored every single thing about those first few moments, from the way her hair smelled as I held her in my arms to the way we couldn’t look into each other’s eyes for the longest time. We both couldn’t believe what was happening. I knew I was the luckiest guy in the world. We spent the six days I was there enacting all the romantic desires that we both had always longed for. I finally experienced everything I wrote in that romantic desires thread. We hugged persistently, held hands wherever we went in public, cuddled and spooned in bed until we both fell asleep. I loved how affectionately she touched me, a way that I had never before experienced. I could feel the immense love that she had for me. I poured my heart into every single moment I had with her. We created seemingly endless shared experiences by touring the city together, hand-in-hand. I never wanted to leave her loving embrace. Of course I had to return home to many tears, but we already have some five trips planned out through September. Quite evidently, we both love planning.

I truly love her. I remind her of that as often as I possibly can. She rescued me from a life of despair. No longer was love so distant and obscure, but it had finally found me. The girl of my dreams, dreams from many years of hopelessness, had found me. Having shared this intense love for three months, I could never imagine a life without her. I spend large portions of my day talking to her over Skype. If not talking, we take naps or do homework together. She has become the center of my life, just as I had always dreamed someone could be. She is constantly on my mind. No matter how tough the rest of my life gets, I always fall back onto her for inspiration and motivation to keep going. The impact she has had on my life is immeasurable. I will never let her go. I want to spend the rest of my life in her arms, making both of us feel all the love in the world. Her happiness has become pinnacle to me. Our relationship is as close to a fairy tale as one could get. The honeymoon phase will never cease. As I perfectly stated in that thread from December:

“In the end, though, I'd love to just hold onto that special someone (literally and figuratively) and never let go; to show to them how much their presence in my life means to me; to show them that I'd unconditionally love them no matter what life throws at us. It's not about romancing a girl for that ulterior motive of sex like many guys really desire. It's just about sharing my life with someone that longs to feel loved and wanted and makes me feel the same in return.”

This is truly what I have found. This is the life that has materialized for me because of that thread, because of AVEN. I found the love of my life on this website. I could never be happier than I am when I think about her and when I express my undying love for her. I love the way she melts, the way I can make her swoon at every genuine word I say. The sincerity of it makes me cry quite regularly. I mean every word I say to her from the bottom of my heart. My future has never looked so bright. I know that as long as I have her, my life will be meaningful. In the end I want nothing more than to make her happy for the rest of my life.

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On April 22nd, 2011, I wrote a journal entry describing my romantic desires: “I feel that I am looking for a person I can tell everything completely, no secrets kept or mean thoughts censored, yearnings and hopeless romances exposed, yet they love me unconditionally, no judgments or backhanded words. Conversation is always interesting, even when it's about boring things; someone who makes me feel full of color, and who, in my eyes, shines vibrantly; who I buy gifts and can tell honestly how much I adore them, without it seeming needy or sentimental because their thoughts are the same; someone who likes my scavenger hunts and off color jokes, who inspires me to be creative in the way that she did, who inspires me to be kind, like he does; who inspires me to see myself, and is comfy, cozy. I don't care for perfection, but I can't imagine opening up to someone without fear of being criticized for meanness and being a hypocrite, and criticizing them for meanness in turn. Fear of intimacy; fear that they will never love you as much as you love them, that they couldn't possibly; that they don't cling to you as if you're their lifespan, the only thing they have that makes them feel alive and safe and at home.”


On January 8th, 2012, I joined AVEN. I never considered myself to be completely asexual, but the combination of my physical insecurities and desire for emotional intimacy drove me to search for someone that would value romance over sex. I had resigned to the inevitability of becoming a crazy cat lady, or so I told myself. A spark of hope still lingered. A week later, on January 15th, I came across a thread about romantic desires by someone named SJM. I felt an incredible connection between us. I won’t claim to believe in destiny or soulmates, but in that moment, I thought that we could be something extraordinary. It was all so ridiculously irrational, too hopeful and naïve, and I scolded myself for getting carried away about this boy I barely knew. For the first time, I imagined myself in a wedding dress.
[i wrote in a journal entry, before he even replied:
“that joyful first meeting, the touches, the meaning
the way I would rush to read your letters
the speed of which we’d fall in love- although I’m already lost-” All of that came true.]


Here is the message that I sent to the love of my life:
“I’m rather new to all of this too, so please forgive me for being awkward. And by this I mean the whole concept of actively seeking out other asexuals/panromantics or what have you. To start off, some things about me: I’m 19, female, currently enrolled at The Ohio State University, majoring in English with minors in Professional Writing, Creative Writing, and Psychology. I love reading, art, music, travel, desserts, tennis, and thunderstorms. Everything in this world is absolutely fascinating to me. I’m attracted to talkative, passionate, larger than life people. I’m not trying to push toward a relationship or anything- I have no problem being just friends. But I read through your profile and we have a lot in common. Also, I absolutely adore that you write huge walls of text because, like I said, talkative people are interesting.

So I would like very much to get to know you.”

We started with messaging on AVEN, writing thousands and thousands of words every day. As you can see already, dear reader, Steven and I are both extremely talkative people. Less than two weeks later, we talked on Skype for the first time. Unsurprisingly, both of us were incredibly nervous, especially about our appearances, as we didn’t have a clear picture of each other’s physical characteristics at that time. The awkwardness soon faded, however, and we began to talk on the phone for at least three hours every night. We Skyped on the weekends and texted throughout the day. We made plans for him to visit me in Ohio (he lives in Georgia) during the overlap of our spring breaks- March 14th to March 20th. On Valentine’s Day, we had a special Skype date, with me in a fancy dress and him in a suit, and we opened up the gifts we had sent one another. Time passed slowly for us, as it always does, as we anxiously waited for March 14th.

We wanted our first meeting to be significant, so we arranged it so that I would wait in my dorm room (thankfully I have a single) and he would come through my door right at 1:00, when our countdown ended. We suspected that there might be problems along the way, and indeed there were, with flight delays and broken phones, but what actually happened couldn’t have been any better, honestly. Twenty minutes before he was supposed to arrive, I went down the hall to the bathroom to wash my hands. As I left the bathroom, I had the surprise of my life; standing directly to my left was the person I’d seen in two-dimensional form so many times before, now standing before me in full color. I will never forget that first embrace. In those six days, we made up for the all the dates we couldn’t have before. We went to the zoo, a science museum, and a botanical garden. We watched romantic movies together (and were even the only ones in the theatre) and wandered around the malls. We dined at all sorts of restaurants, played at an arcade, painted pottery, visited a kitten shelter (as we’re both obsessed with cats), and made pancakes together at my house. All of those experiences were amazing, but what I cherished the most was being able to hold hands wherever we went and cuddling together late at night. I miss all the kisses and caresses.

Perhaps we talk more than the average couple (Skype is pretty much on a live feed at this point), but I can’t get enough of him. We never get bored of each other. We talk about anything and everything, and I know that I will never need to keep secrets from him. The love we share is unconditional. He is the most incredible person I have ever met and ever will meet. He’s not only heart-warmingly romantic, but he’s also thoughtful, attentive, introspective, hilarious, intelligent, and handsome. I feel like the luckiest girl on Earth. I am ridiculously, helplessly, hopelessly in love. I will love him until my dying day.

So for those who are still looking for that special someone…Take a chance on love. Hold onto hope.

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Combined Perspective

We wrote the above perspectives separately, but simultaneously in the same Google Document. We have planned on creating this topic for over a month now, originally wanting to write all of this in person during our trip in March. We decided to create a short section about our future together, what we ultimately hope for. Diane is flying to Atlanta on 19 April 2012 to see where Steven lives for the first time. After Steven’s college semester ends, we will spend thirty-four days together in Ohio starting on 10 May 2012. We have more trips planned over the summer months and we are never hesitant to think farther into the future. After college, Steven strongly desires to permanently move to Columbus in order to begin an everlasting life with Diane. We plan on moving to somewhere more opportunistic to further our careers. We talk quite often about our future wedding, even getting into specific details on certain occasions. We don’t want anything too extravagant, just enough to allow us to express our undying love. We want to travel around the world, creating as many shared experiences as possible. Eventually we want to start a family together (yes, we have even considered this). While the specifics are uncertain, we have definitively decided that our first girl will be named “Aven.” Neither of us thought positively about our future before we found each other. We always felt something was missing. Now that we have found one another, our future will be forever defined by the powerful love that we share.

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Midnight Lady

Combined Perspective

We wrote the above perspectives separately, but simultaneously in the same Google Document. We have planned on creating this topic for over a month now, originally wanting to write all of this in person during our trip in March. We decided to create a short section about our future together, what we ultimately hope for. Diane is flying to Atlanta on 19 April 2012 to see where Steven lives for the first time. After Steven’s college semester ends, we will spend thirty-four days together in Ohio starting on 10 May 2012. We have more trips planned over the summer months and we are never hesitant to think farther into the future. After college, Steven strongly desires to permanently move to Columbus in order to begin an everlasting life with Diane. We plan on moving to somewhere more opportunistic to further our careers. We talk quite often about our future wedding, even getting into specific details on certain occasions. We don’t want anything too extravagant, just enough to allow us to express our undying love. We want to travel around the world, creating as many shared experiences as possible. Eventually we want to start a family together (yes, we have even considered this). While the specifics are uncertain, we have definitively decided that our first girl will be named “Aven.” Neither of us thought positively about our future before we found each other. We always felt something was missing. Now that we have found one another, our future will be forever defined by the powerful love that we share.

Wow, guys! I am privileged to congratulate you first! :) :cake: Congratulation!!! You give us, romantics, a hope! I still have your thread about romantic desires in my content... It reminds me of the fact that there are much more people who actually want something what I thought was dead... Happiness to you guys! I hope you will keep us posted... :cake:

P.S. feels as if I caught the flowers of the bride... :)

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Kitty Spoon Train

Wow guys, that's so beautiful! :wub: I actually got something in my eye reading that, which doesn't happen often or easily.

Congratulations and all the best to both of you! :) :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake:

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Wow, guys! I am privileged to congratulate you first! :) :cake: Congratulation!!! You give us, romantics, a hope! I still have your thread about romantic desires in my content... It reminds me of the fact that there are much more people who actually want something what I thought was dead... Happiness to you guys! I hope you will keep us posted... :cake:

P.S. feels as if I caught the flowers of the bride... :)

We will be sure to provide any updates as they occur. Thank you for your warm wishes; they really mean a lot. :) I've also been wanting to say 'thank you' for reviving my thread back in March. It had been over a month since anyone had posted in it. I also find it highly coincidental that your reviving of my thread occurred on the same day that I flew up there to meet her for the first time.

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Notte stellata

That's so sweet and romantic! :wub: :wub: I'm happy for you guys, and happy to read such a beautiful story.

Wish you two a very happy future together. :cake: :cake: :cake:

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That´s great! Congratulations! :cake: :cake:

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Nomad in Stasis

Congratulations to you both, I wish you both a happy and terrific future. It was a very touching story, and I think that it is needed. I have often seen many on AVEN who after a while of wanting to seek out a relationship give up because they feel that they could never find someone due to them being asexual and not knowing anyone else who is. You both give hope to many including myself, and I thank you.

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Aww, so sweet. I always love hearing love stories like these :wub: I can definitely relate to the hours spent on Skype, as that's also how most my evenings went when I first met my partner. Even today the Skype call tune triggers a pleasant feeling of butterflies in my stomach. We' started long-distance (U.S and North Europe) but have now lived together for a year and a half and our love has only grown deeper :)

All the best to you guys!

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silvernlilac

Oh wow that was so cute to read :) So glad you guys found each other and what a gorgeous couple you make. I hope you have a very long and happy future together

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Up and Adam

D'awww, this is just lovely. And if nothing else (emotionless beast that I am :rolleyes: ), you've given me hope!

Congratulations to both of you! :cake:

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This is such a beautiful story! Congratulations to the both of you, and thank you for sharing your story with us. Hearing stories like yours give me hope that people can still find meaningful relationships. I'm going to save this topic for the days when I need to be reminded of that.

I wish the two of you all the best. :D

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Congratulations! Best wishes! and :cake:

(what's this mistiness around my eyes?)

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That's really touching :3

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Flour Confessor

Alright, normally I'm a stone-hearted lone wolf gunslinger when it comes to romantic type stuff, but this was seriously so effing adorable. It makes me miss that feeling of being deadly in love, and want it again right now. If there are any happy, reasonably normalish babes in the general midwest who are into books, music, holidays, NyQuil, and Sunday mornings, and are even 1/3 as cute as Diane up there, please consider letting me hug you for thirty minutes straight. (PS. If it sweetens the deal any, I can count to a million, draw you marvelous iPhone pictures in Draw Something, clumsily play romantic songs on my absurdly beautiful surf green Stratocaster [including the Pokemon Blue gym leader battle theme], and have all my original teeth. I also make a mean pancake and know how to correctly spell many words.)

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Blue Diamond

Hi S and D,

Congrats you guys!

I think i heard some say "Thanks".

So I like your story and i would like to ask your permission to translate it into Vietnamese to share it with peeps in my country. It will be posted in the thread "Asexual in Vietnam". Can I have your permission to translate your story and post it there? Regards.

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Alright, normally I'm a stone-hearted lone wolf gunslinger when it comes to romantic type stuff, but this was seriously so effing adorable. It makes me miss that feeling of being deadly in love, and want it again right now.

This, just this. :wub:

Congrats :wub:

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hey, I don't post much at all, but this is really, really wonderful and i am happy for both of you!

I hope your love lasts forever!

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Just because I couldn't say it better myself, I will quote it again.

Alright, normally I'm a stone-hearted lone wolf gunslinger when it comes to romantic type stuff, but this was seriously so effing adorable. It makes me miss that feeling of being deadly in love, and want it again right now.

If there are any happy, reasonably normalish babes in the general midwest who are into books, music, holidays, NyQuil, and Sunday mornings, and are even 1/3 as cute as Diane up there, please consider letting me hug you for thirty minutes straight. (PS. If it sweetens the deal any, I can count to a million, draw you marvelous iPhone pictures in Draw Something, clumsily play romantic songs on my absurdly beautiful surf green Stratocaster [including the Pokemon Blue gym leader battle theme], and have all my original teeth. I also make a mean pancake and know how to correctly spell many words.)

ps. Upper-midwest is the place to be. And I believe Sunday mornings and pancakes are to be enjoyed at the same time. Preferably without the NyQuil. *hug*

Also, there are very few creature on this earth as cute as Diane. And her guy. WHY ARE YOU TWO SO ADORABLE?!

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Flour Confessor

ps. Upper-midwest is the place to be. And I believe Sunday mornings and pancakes are to be enjoyed at the same time. Preferably without the NyQuil. *hug*

That's where I am! Well, generally. And yes, Sunday morning pancakes, especially when combined with the Velvet Underground song "Sunday Morning," are one of the true secrets of life. I award you one internet.

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Lady Heartilly

Awww, this was really beautiful, and you two make such a gorgeous couple! :wub: I have to admit I'm bit jealous, but I'm also very happy for you both! Congratulations on finding the love of your life! :)

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YOU'RE IN THE EXACT SAME POSE IN EVERY PICTURE!

I smell a conspiracy.

Good to have couples working together... on conspiracies.

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Diabeticbutterfly

I have to say, that was better then any romance book i have ever read (And that is saying something) and it's made all the better because it's a true story! Good luck and well wishes guys! :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: Hope all us romantics could have such good luck ;) ^_^

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