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Christianity, the Bible and Asexuality


significantlysilent

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Well on the internet a few years back, one person told me asexuality was "against the nature in which we were created" and another suggested that it was unglodly, but otherwise nobody else has ever said anything like that. My mother is very Christian and she doesn't have a problem with it at all, in fact, she points out one part of the bible that says it's perfectly fine, even superior to being sexual in some ways(the part about it being better not not get married as long as you can control your lusts). I've personally never found anything wrong with it Christianity wise.

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That’s crazy.

I’m Catholic and my church have always respected and upheld people’s choice to not get married.

I'd just want to add something

A choice not to get married, yes, but the assumption is that you're making a self-sacrifice to live in celibacy. If you'd say you just don't experience sexual attraction or drive, it could be looked at with suspicion.

And I'm pretty sure claiming you have a non-heterosexual orientation is a big no-no.

I haven't talked about this with a priest myself, but I've read an article about why the Church opposes homosexuality. I swear, you could swap 80% of "homosexual" with "asexual" and get the same point, not altering anything in the article.

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By God (oh the irony), but this is crazy. I can hardly believe how wack-o some the these churches you guys here went to. :ph34r: I’ve always been told to ask questions and that God gave us our free will to make our own choices. If we want to read and enjoy Harry Potter? Great enjoy the book. You want a Tattoo? Great, go get one.

Also The Great WTF, I can’t believe you offended people because you messed up a bible verse, on accident. <_<

What kind of church did you guys go to? The West Bureau Baptist Church? I’ve only been to one church that was even similar to what you guys are describing. They um, damn my mother for letting me at 16 watch PG movies, apparently that makes her a horrible parent. :mellow: But most churches aren’t like that, at least the Catholic ones I’ve attended.

Believe it. This was the most narrow-minded bunch of assholes I've ever encountered. They tried to expel me in 4th grade when they found out my parents don't go to church and again in 6th when I punched another boy in the face for telling me that I'm gonna grow up to be a whore at the local brothel if I don't do what God wants and get married. I swear I grew up in the Twilight Zone.

just curious... Pentecostal or Non-Denominational. I have a friend who grew up in a cult...her church's teachings were similar which was a girl's purpose in life was to get married and have kids. Sooo how did you mess up John 3:16 or whatever verse it was? I was very religious till I went on a journey of truth or bust, and found out that the truth may set you free but it will also make you a heretic. Ohh well I guess I am a heretic.

as far as the OP's question, no I never really encountered much problem with outing my asexuality other than people thinking I need to see a therapist.

Jojo

I.... actually don't know. They just called themselves Christian, never said anything beyond that. I accidentally inserted the word seamonkies in the middle of the verse as a byproduct of something my dad said to me before my speech. ("Think of a funny word. It'll keep you smiling and get rid of the jitters.) I didn't realize I'd done it until much later.

Seamonkies?? actually that is really funny! Kinda reminds me of MadLibs, you know the game were you fill in a random word before knowing the story.

So did it sound like this "For God so loved the [seamonkies] that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Christians need to keep a watchful eye for the prince of darkess's minions, brine shrimp! jk :P

too bad they had no sense of humor... their loss not yours. I think you are a great person.

Jojo

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Please do not interpret this as 'aggressive talk'. Being rejected is never a good feeling to endure, however, seeing that this is being done by the "Christian community", it is not necessarily a 'bad' thing; and can help you on a positive Path.

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This just just occured to me - I've done my duty. I've fullfilled the first command ever given by God - "Be fruitful and multiply." I've sown my seed. Twice. Why can't I be left in peace?

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PerfectlyFlawedK9

I have not told anyone in the Christian community about my asexuality. However, I did tell them about my sexual assault and then i was attacked by a friend, I have PTSD from it.

They said I was playing a victim...And that I have hurt people just like my rapist/attacker has hurt people. I am sorry, but I do not go around like my rapist and give people an anxiety disorder the equivelant of a WWII veteran.

Then they tell me sermons about love and marriage and it just makes me uncomfortable...They are obsessed with marriage and virginity. Growing up, I was formed my identity around marriage and being a virgin. My whole self worth was based on my sexuality and being a nice little Church girl who was a virgin. In reality, it made me a doormat and set me up for a predator to step in an ruin me for life.

They also are obsessed with gender roles, and how men and women are so different and cannot live without eachother which leads to unhealthy relationships and marriages.

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  • 2 weeks later...
la belle rebel

Not because I'm a, but because I don't want to "be fruitful and multiply". As if you are required to have kids in order to not be considered "unnatural".

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I'm banned from Westboro Baptist's forums. Ha!

I'm sorry for all the trouble and stuff your church is doing to you... would you consider a different church-but still a Christian one? Someone else may be more receptive (if they find out).

Just an idea I had. :)

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I suppose that rejected wouldn't be the right word I would use to describe how other Christians make me feel. Perhaps alienated would be a better word. This past Sunday was quite an uncomfortable time for me because our pastor was preaching about sexual sin as a part of the current series of sermons titled Taboo. As I listened, I honestly could not understand why we needed to hear about this. I kept having to remind myself, "Most people actually enjoy having sex." I was glad to be able to leave early with a few others (we were getting baptized) because listening to it made me feel more uncomfortable than when I told my mom about being asexual. I've been trying to find a way to not completely separate my identity from my faith. I want to believe that God has granted asexuals the gift of not feeling sexual attraction. But after last Sunday's sermon, I find it hard to believe that... :unsure: I mean asexuals are not mentioned in the Bible, as far as I know, and the pastor didn't mention us either... :( As if that wasn't enough, he also told us that one of the "tools to avoid sexual immorality" is "Don't deprive your spouse of sex, unless both agree." :blink: I felt completely alienated, but I plan to speak to one of the pastors and ask him about this because I want to be able to be my normal, asexual self around everyone. I made the decision to speak to them after hearing him paraphrase 1 Corinthians 7:2 ("Just because we can, doesn't mean we should") ^_^ .

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Ace McHeeb

I'm sure this has been posted before, but hear directly from the mouth of God Himself -

But He said to them, “Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.”

Matthew 19:11,12(NASB)

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I have not told anyone in the Christian community about my asexuality. However, I did tell them about my sexual assault and then i was attacked by a friend, I have PTSD from it.

They said I was playing a victim...And that I have hurt people just like my rapist/attacker has hurt people. I am sorry, but I do not go around like my rapist and give people an anxiety disorder the equivelant of a WWII veteran.

Then they tell me sermons about love and marriage and it just makes me uncomfortable...They are obsessed with marriage and virginity. Growing up, I was formed my identity around marriage and being a virgin. My whole self worth was based on my sexuality and being a nice little Church girl who was a virgin. In reality, it made me a doormat and set me up for a predator to step in an ruin me for life.

They also are obsessed with gender roles, and how men and women are so different and cannot live without eachother which leads to unhealthy relationships and marriages.

They say you hurt people??? Where are their priorities? They don't sound very well educated, I'm sorry! They don't have much compassion, either.

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seinneadair

My church (Episcopal) has never said anything against my asexuality. Granted, I never came out to them really, I just said I wasn't interested in dating anyone regardless of gender, and thanks to the church's "no discrimination regardless of orientation or gender" policy, as long as I can say that yes, I think my orientation is psychologically healthy, it won't prevent me from being a priest. I think the amount of arguing that still goes on over orientation, gay marriage, etc. is ridiculous, but it's mostly on a national level and at the parish level I've never seen anyone's (a)sexuality cause any kind of conflict or seen that person experience discrimination.

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ThisAceWantsCake

Alright, so this has been plaguing my thoughts all day, and I decided to share it with anybody who's interested.

As most people know, Catholic marriage is mainly God granting permission for two Christians two have sex without it being sinful. And a lot of Christians agree that marriage isn't really marriage until it's been consummated. So, that being said...

If two asexual Christians wanted to get married, would a Christian ceremony really be necessary?

They could simply get married in a courthouse, and that wouldn't be a sin, as long as they don't have any intentions of having "sex out of wedlock". Plus, if they wanted to get divorced, there would be no religious issues (divorce is considered a sin). The same thing would apply to homoromantic couples. No same-sex sex, no sin.

Then again, this is just my two cents. I'm interested in what other people think about it. :)

EDIT: Also, let's try to respect other's beliefs. If your Atheist, don't bash Catholics, and vice-versa. Thanks!

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Well marriage is more than the two people who get married, but it makes their relationship "official" socially. If a couple wants to be recognized as a couple in the eyes of the religious institution, then a ceremony or a record of one would be needed. The same thing goes for same sex marriage, if marriage truly was between two people, there would be no need for debate since no one else is involved, but since marriage also gives the relationship a social connotation and also grants certain rights that people who are just dating for extended periods don't get.

If I were dating someone for ten years, people aren't going to consider that relationship is serious or committed since we haven't signed paper or done a ceremony, but if two people get a Vegas quickie wedding, that five minute relationship is considered more real than the ten year one. It is a simple fact the way society and people work. So if there are people are religious and want their peers or family who are also religious to take their relationship seriously, a ceremony might be necessary since without it, the people and the community they care about and want acknowledgement from are more likely to disregard it and not consider the relationship or feelings serious. Just because the couple doesn't want to have sex doesn't mean that their relationship has no need to be validated as much as those couples that do engage in sex.

Also, who is to say that they won't want to try having sex out of mild curiosity later. Will they only need to do the ceremony when they want to experiment even just once?

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ThisAceWantsCake

Also, who is to say that they won't want to try having sex out of mild curiosity later. Will they only need to do the ceremony when they want to experiment even just once?

That really depends on their personal beliefs and values. There are Christians who think sex isn't a sin, and others who do. But at the end of the day, it's their bedroom, and they can decide what happens goes on in there and what doesn't. For me, I don't have a single problem with it, as long as it's consensual and legal. ^_^

I love all the other points you made in the post. Society really affects everyone, doesn't it?

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I am atheist that was raised in a very, very Catholic family. The size of some of the families is a testament to the fact they were very into sex and not into birth control. ^_^

If the couple wants to do it to feel their relationship is more official, I'd say go for it. Same if they want to do it because there are social and financial benefits to being married.

Whether or not it's consummated is up the couple, not society. If you want to look at it from a religious point of view (and you probably do, since we're talking about Catholicism) I still feel it's a matter between the couple and God, not between the couple and society.

If a couple wants to get married in a church, I'd say it's ok, too. It's nobody's business what they do together when they leave the church on their wedding night. A lot of people really like the ceremonies, the decorations, the social gathering, the dresses, etc. and I don't think they should not do it just because they don't plan on having sex. I think their sex life should be private unless they decide to talk about it.

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If the two people intend to live together in the same house, I'd think that their Catholic families and friends would think it a bit odd that they didn't get married in the Church. And if they didn't get married at all, they be considered to be living together sinfully. (Maybe they would be also if they did not get married in the Church.) Yes, everyone is affected by society, especially when you are involved in a specific religious society.

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If you are Catholic & married, people around you in your family & in your church are going to be waiting in anticipation for the babies to come. You would have to explain the whole asexuality "thing," and most people probably won't understand... You're probably just going to get a lot of, "When are you guys gonna start having kids?!"

... Maybe get some kittens & puppies & put little bonnets on them and hope folks won't know the difference, "This is our first daughter, Catherine, we call her "Kitty." She doesn't look like anyone on my side of the family... I think she looks like my mother-in-law. Notice the whiskers." (Sorry. Couldn't help it. My sense of humor taking over my mind again.)

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Glitter Spock

Alright, so this has been plaguing my thoughts all day, and I decided to share it with anybody who's interested.

As most people know, Catholic marriage is mainly God granting permission for two Christians two have sex without it being sinful. And a lot of Christians agree that marriage isn't really marriage until it's been consummated. So, that being said...

If two asexual Christians wanted to get married, would a Christian ceremony really be necessary?

They could simply get married in a courthouse, and that wouldn't be a sin, as long as they don't have any intentions of having "sex out of wedlock". Plus, if they wanted to get divorced, there would be no religious issues (divorce is considered a sin). The same thing would apply to homoromantic couples. No same-sex sex, no sin.

Then again, this is just my two cents. I'm interested in what other people think about it. :)

EDIT: Also, let's try to respect other's beliefs. If your Atheist, don't bash Catholics, and vice-versa. Thanks!

I was under the impression that marriage for two Catholic aces who wanted it meant that they wanted their relationship to be recognized in their religious community and being spiritually unified and such. The spiritual-union aspect of it is the aspect that seems to be the reason why someone would want to celebrate their marriage in their religious community.

Also, while many of us aces might not want children, some do.

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I would love to have a catholic wedding! (and I'm wondering if I'm aromantic lol) I've always said I wanted to adopt so I don't think it'd be an issue at all.

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  • 1 month later...

I have been in a back and forth conversation with my home pastor about my asexuality, relationships and whether or not he can be of assistance in providing any insight religiously to all of this and he has come up with answer! I apologize is this offends anyone whom is not religious. I was seeking an answer from someone other than a therapist, doctor or counselor. There is one verse in particular he pointed out that brings up the real discovery of not only asexuals but asexuals from birth! In the bible, people who do not engage in sexual relationships are called eunuchs. Here is the verse about them.....

Matthew 19:11 "For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb; and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it."

Keep in mind he understands asexuality as it has been thouroughly researched and has stated that based on the fact that eunuchs are people who did not engage sexually because they never felt a need or were inclined too! Sounds like us aces, no?

Let's here what you all have to say. I felt pretty good getting this response from him as I now have discovered proof of its' existence from a biblical standpoint :)

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keep in mind, this has nothing to do with the castrated ones as he pointed out to me

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There's a difference between abstaining from heterosexual behaviour, and having a sexual identity. Asexuals do not necessarily abstain from sexual intercourse (however that may be defined), and they are capable of reproduction. A eunuch is a person who has been castrated - more specifically, a man who cannot have sex with a woman. From what I understand, the term 'eunuch' is also associated with celibacy - men who will not marry and procreate - and can also refer to 'effeminate' men (Possibly derogatory? Not sure.). This is very different from asexuality, especially because one can be asexual and of many gender expressions - not just men. I've read some speculation about the "eunuchs from birth" referring to gay men. I've also seen some discussion about it referring to those who are physically unable to engage in sexual intercourse, or those with a disability (Here I'll insert a big sigh about the generalizations I've read). However, I don't know enough about the social mores at that time to come to any conclusion about what it really means.

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Moved to Asexual Musings and Rantings.

Vampyrlemage

Asexual Q&A Moderator

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ignoranceisn'tbliss

There's a difference between abstaining from heterosexual behaviour, and having a sexual identity. Asexuals do not necessarily abstain from sexual intercourse (however that may be defined), and they are capable of reproduction. A eunuch is a person who has been castrated - more specifically, a man who cannot have sex with a woman. From what I understand, the term 'eunuch' is also associated with celibacy - men who will not marry and procreate - and can also refer to 'effeminate' men (Possibly derogatory? Not sure.). This is very different from asexuality, especially because one can be asexual and of many gender expressions - not just men. I've read some speculation about the "eunuchs from birth" referring to gay men. I've also seen some discussion about it referring to those who are physically unable to engage in sexual intercourse, or those with a disability (Here I'll insert a big sigh about the generalizations I've read). However, I don't know enough about the social mores at that time to come to any conclusion about what it really means.

What I'm getting from this is that, basically, the Bible is very vague, and off that one little verse people have come up with dozens of theories on it's meaning. Sounds like the usual stuff I hear from the Bible.

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And whenever we discuss the bible there's always the possibility of words changing through the multiple translations there's been and words changing throughout the centuries. It's like playing a giant game of telephone with each individual passage.

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i think there is at least one more scripture to consider if you are going to look at asexuality from a biblical stand point. :) i am attaching a link to it! this scripture is one my mom showed me when i told her that i was asexual. when i thought that i wasnt going to be able to live as full of a life as sexual people. this is not meant to offend anyone who does not have religious/spiritual beliefs, nor to offend sexual people! the scripture is 1Corinthians chapter 7 verses 1-40 (so pretty much all of chapter 7) this scripture deals with marriage. it also deals with the ability to not get married. now im not saying asexuals cannot, will not or should not get married. in this scripture it clearly says getting married is not wrong! marriage is a good thing (verses 27-28). but it also warns that these days are tough verse 26 says "crisis" using it to mean "pressures of life". at the end of verse 28 it even says he is trying to spare you these problems! in verses 32-35 it is basically saying since you dont have the burdens that come with relationships, go and do good things for God! (if you dont believe in God then it means go do something that interests you! :) ) this doesnt mean that people who are in relationships (asexual, sexual or mixed) are only going to have problems and cant have a good life. this scripture is simply saying that its a little easier to be single (verse 38). that i think we can all agree on in one way or another. :) i was able to relate to this scripture because of my asexuality. it was nice to know that something that is natural for me comes so highly recommended! :D basically, dont feel bad about being asexual or single or whatever. it can be a good thing!

i hope i didnt bore anyone to death. :redface: again! nothing said was meant to offend!

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Since castrated people are not in this discussion, imo, eunuchs who were born that way in their mother's womb refers to a physical androgyne. Those who choose to be a eunuch are philosophical androgynes; making an informed decision. However, a philosophical androgyne could be born in their mother's womb also, having both be 'asexuals'.

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