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Kink and fetish - which definitions do you use?


Iuveth

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I became slightly confused by the terms "kink" and "fetish" because people tend to use them differently than I, so I'd like to share what I found about the terms. I hope it will become clearer why I'm posting in the Gray area :)

So, I'm listening to the podcast about Fetishes and Kink here - http://alifepodcast.wordpress.com/2011/06/07/a-life-59-fetishes-and-kink/ and suddenly I hear this definition which says that fetish is more of an object whereas kink can be a situation that takes place. For instance, a fetish in shoes - the shoe isn't doing anything - and a kink of a woman in high heeled shoes walking over sb. would be a kink (I actually got this one from the Desperate Housewives, lol). Anyhow, that's a first for me - I've never heard this before.

The definitions I'm familiar with are psychological, where a fetish would be something without what a person cannot get aroused (and that actually fits the gray area - people who can enjoy and desire sex, but only under very limited and specific circumstances). It's explained quite nicely here: http://askgarnet.blogspot.co.uk/2007/11/fetish-vs-kink.html?zx=148e8bacaad5ef3b

Fetish vs. Kink

What makes something a fetish?

That depends on if we're talking in psychological terms or in popular speech.

Popular language has defined a fetish as something that turns someone on that is not necessarily sexual in it's own right. For example: Someone who has a stocking fetish may become really aroused by a woman wearing stockings, but the stockings themselves are not sexual. They are just an article of clothing.

Psychologically speaking, a fetish is actually a mental health issue. A fetish is defined as something that is not necessarily sexual, but is needed by the user to become aroused. The difference here is in the level of necessity. The psychological term fetish means that someone actually is unable to become aroused without those stockings. This is a lot more serious and can cause problems especially if the fetish is more bizarre or even harmful to others.

Because of how fetish is defined psychologically, I prefer to use the term kink when referring to things that I or others like that are not necessarily sexual in their own right. So for example: Spanking, strap-ons, and old spice deodorant are some of my kinks. I do not require any of them to become aroused, but I do enjoy them.

From this point of view, a fetish would be closely connected with paraphilia - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraphilia

sexual arousal to objects, situations, or individuals that are not part of normative stimulation and that may cause distress or serious problems for the paraphiliac or persons associated with him or her.

I suppose the "serious problems" or distress would come mainly from the inability to find a like-minded partner, because obviously most people are reluctant to talk about this.

So, were you familiar with the psychological terminology? I think it's a huge difference because if someone's claiming they have a fetish, then they are basically saying that they get sexually aroused by this one thing (or possibly more things). Maybe more loosely it could be something sensual for them, but they really need it in a relationship in case of asexuals (for instance, one may not desire sex, but really need for instance bondage even in their romantic relationship as a part of the intimacy - without it, the sensual intimacy would not be satisfying enough).

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maryjanewatson

I have always used "fetish" as something that I consistently like that isn't usually on a normal persons "aestheticly pleasing features" list.

For example, I love it when guys have really nice hands(which is ironic as I don't like being touched)to the point that if a guy has "ugly" hands, but has nice features everywhere else, I still won't find him attractive. So I've always said I had a hand fetish. I never knew fetish had such an extreme definition! Perhaps I will stop using that word, haha.

As for "kink" I always figured that was an activity type thing, like someone dressing up in an outfit or role playing during/for sex. I have always considered that as "kinky."

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Great Thief Yatagarasu

I think that fetish is a term that can be used for objects and non-sexual kinks too, since the dictionary definition of it means that it's an object that gets a sexual response and an object that inspires awe/respect. So basically, something you're fascinated with. I think a kink is more of a sexual activity.

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Janus the Fox

I use the term kink to describe something that highly interests you, like something that makes you crack a smile or something... Something that oddly sexually interests but not at a fetish level, hm... May be another term for that... 

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  • 1 month later...
LiteralNovice

I've actually used "kink" to describe small things that make arousal a bit better, "fetish" to describe something a bit stronger than kink, and I use another term: "paraphilia" to describe something a person can't get aroused without. I guess.

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That sounds like a good idea - I think with paraphilia, there can be no confusion, and people generally see kink as something less significant than fetish.

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Notte stellata

Yes, I learned about the psychological definition of fetish from sexual behavior class. It's indeed more extreme than the popular definition, but I don't think a fetish is necessarily a mental health issue. If it doesn't cause harm to one's normal function, then it's not an issue IMO.

As for kink, I'm with maryjanewatson that it's an activity type thing, e.g. role playing, BDSM.

Paraphilia is a very broad term. It means uncommon sexual expressions in general. It includes generally harmless and non-coercive behaviors, such as fetish, and coercive behaviors, such as voyeurism and zoophilia.

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Kitty Spoon Train

This is totally my own impression so I could be totally wrong, but....

I always assumed a fetish is when there is a very specific object or situation involved. Something you can directly point to. eg. Having a "foot fetish" - the object is feet.

A kink is generally more abstract, like a general activity or a behaviour or even just a state of mind. eg. The last girl I dated described herself as kinky because she was "submissive" - basically needed to be "taken" to enjoy sex - and I mean in a hardcore rape fantasy kind of way. But see, there is nothing very specific to point to as an object - it's more of a state of mind and a behavioural thing. That's what I think of as a kink.

/$0.02

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The Bearded One

For me;

"fetish"-relates to objects, like "panties"

"kink"-relates to activity, like "spanking"

The definition of either "fetish" or "kink" as important or necessary for arousal was created by abnormal psychologists.

Normal people, in my experience, usually have several of both in mild to moderate strength, and some have many.

Most people seem to have a "kink" about copulation. :)

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Great Thief Yatagarasu

I've actually used "kink" to describe small things that make arousal a bit better, "fetish" to describe something a bit stronger than kink, and I use another term: "paraphilia" to describe something a person can't get aroused without. I guess.

Being fair, yeah, I think this IS a good thing to use. I define my kink as, well, a kink, mostly due to the reasons you've put. I can do without it, but it's nice.

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League Girl

I use the word fetish because something I am into is classified as one so I say I have a fetish.

I also use it when I find something sexy or makes me feel aroused.

I guess I do have some kinks.

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In my humble opinion, the difference between kinks and fetish are simply a matter of degree.

Kinks are the extra add-ons one uses to make sex a bit more exciting. I would consider things like toys, certain positions (kama sutra anyone?), role playing... really exploring the different ways one can experience or heighten sexual arousal/pleasure.

Fetish, on the other hand, must be the central focus of the sexual act. If the fetish is not present, the person cannot be aroused or it's extremely difficult to get them aroused.

Just like anything, there is plenty of room for the gray area. Hand cuffs, in my mind, are considered kinky. The couple can be satisfied with sex whether the hand cuffs are there or not. If, however, one or both partners can't get off without them, then in my mind, one, or both, have a hand cuff fetish.

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i have alsways thought of kink as "non traditional" sexual practices, usually bdsm related activities. i think fetish is technically the arrousal from nonsexual objects. i think it is technically classified as maladaptive because climax cannot be acheived without the fetish item present. so for the stocking example, one would not able to reach orgasm without the stocking being present.

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  • 1 month later...

Regarding the term "fetish": I see two uses, and consequently two definitions of the term. There is the psychological/psychiatric term that refers to a particular object or act that is necessary for sexual arousal/pleasure/satisfaction - a fixation that is often detrimental to relationships and to personal well-being. But among kinksters or members of the BDSM community - at least what I've heard/seen in Chicago and online - "fetishes" are activities or objects that are strongly liked/preferred that either enhance or wholly constitute whatever mindset one desires by engaging in kinky play. I want to add that BDSM play doesn't have to involve or be motivated by sexual attraction/desire/arousal, so the definition of "fetish" as used in the BDSM community shouldn't have to be bound (if you'll excuse the pun) to the experience of/desire for sexual pleasure. "Kink" seems to me to be activities that diverge from normative expressions of intimacy or sexual desire, that notably involve power exchange, gender-play, the infliction of physical pain or other intense sensations, and the evocation of profound psychological vulnerability. I hope that all makes sense...

For those of you who are interested in asexual kinksters - my friend wrote a fantastic blogpost about his own experience.

http://asexualitea.blogspot.com/2012/05/asexuality-and-kink.html

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  • 2 months later...
1helluvabutlr

Fetish= object

kink= activity?

I am not sure, all I know is that I have a thing for veiny hands or hands that look very smooth and even skinned toned, no ultra burn sun spot hands. I also have a thing with collar bones and neck lines. That is a fetish not a kink, idk kink for me may be when people put v-necks and they have a nice neck or they wear a silver ring on their hand ?

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I use fetish more or less interchangeably with paraphilia. I know the DSM would spin "paraphilia" with a negative connotation, and don't think it should be surprising to anybody that it's just patently untrue moralistic nonsense. (Homosexuality as mental illness, anyone?)

I kind of like the idea of kink having more of an action-oriented connotation, as a kinky activity can be just one of many varying manifestations of a larger fetish preference. I have all sorts of kinks that I enjoy because I can experience them within the larger context of my paraphilia; they're parts of a "whole", I guess you could say.

For some that "whole", that end for which kinky stuff is the means, is simply sex, orgasm, and intimacy with their partner. According to John Money, and his concept of "love maps" (which I like, by and large, as an explanation for this stuff) this would be a "normophilic" sexuality. A paraphilic sexuality (or asexuality!) is one that revolves around the fetish subject, which is often an object, though sometimes a situation/mental state or action itself, and places far less importance on the actual sex act/climax, and in some cases, emotional bonding/intimacy is completely eschewed too.

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