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why asexuals are so emotional


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Poll: why asexuals are so emotional (88 member(s) have cast votes)

have you ever had suicidal or depressed thoughts

  1. no (18 votes [20.45%])

    Percentage of vote: 20.45%

  2. when i was younger, but not anymore (19 votes [21.59%])

    Percentage of vote: 21.59%

  3. yes (48 votes [54.55%])

    Percentage of vote: 54.55%

  4. I began having them recently (3 votes [3.41%])

    Percentage of vote: 3.41%

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#1 tavionte

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 03:59 AM

I keep reading things on asexuality having a connection with depression. I think i've seen some polls on this site asking about suicidal thoughts, and a lot of responses said they have had suicidal or depressed thoughts but they weren't related to there asexuality. so are we just more emotional than other people or is there some gene we have? and has anyone herd the idea that asexuals are more likely to be depressed than gay.

#2 Vivi

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 04:08 AM

you can put gay and depressed together. depression is actually sickness. being gay is a sexuality and there in my opinion is nothing wrong with that. also your sexuality doesnt decide how depress or not depress you are. regardless of your sexuality you may be a victim to depression or not. you might see more depressive posted from asexual her because people feel alienated and lost in a world that basically them then that they lack something and that may make them feel broken but i dont think asexual are more depress then others or even sexual are more depress then others. i simply think alot of people are going through things and posting them on here. that's its.

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#3 Nymzie

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 04:58 AM

I feel like people talk about depression much more on the internet than in person. If you spend a lot of time on AVEN and not so much on other forums that focus on being open and sharing feelings it will seem that aces are more depressed than the people you know in real life. However I am on a lot of feel-y share-y forums and it just seems like every one is- or has been- depressed, regardless of sexuality.

I on the other hand have never been depressed in my life. Yet I manage to get drawn towards depressed people's stories :rolleyes:

#4 Azure.Providence

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 05:03 AM

Suicidal Depression is a side affect of my medication that I have to take everyday so I don't think that has anything to do with me being ace. I also think people talk more about their feelings online since things are semi-anonymous and you don't talk face to face so what you are looking at is sample bias.

#5 Kitsunay

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 05:06 AM

Well, everyone is depressed at one point or another, but some are much more skilled at dealing with it. Now, in terms of asexuality, some of that depression may be due to the isolation that is often felt, but just as much is from normal problems that other people have.
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#6 Voiceless

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 05:08 AM

I suffer from depression and am currently taking medication and seeing a therapist regularly for it. I don't know whether this is the case with anyone else, but regarding the connection between depression and asexuality, I know that asexuality caused my depression because I didn't realise it existed. Because it's not a very well known thing, I thought I was just some hormone-deficient freak. So I know that in my case, struggling to discover my sexual identity did cause depression.

#7 Nymzie

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 05:11 AM

I suffer from depression and am currently taking medication and seeing a therapist regularly for it. I don't know whether this is the case with anyone else, but regarding the connection between depression and asexuality, I know that asexuality caused my depression because I didn't realise it existed. Because it's not a very well known thing, I thought I was just some hormone-deficient freak. So I know that in my case, struggling to discover my sexual identity did cause depression.

Now that you know it exists did that part of your depression disappear?

#8 Goldberry

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 05:30 AM

At this period of my life I'm doing very well, thank you.

That isn't to say that I've never had depressive/suicidal episodes. I have. It has taken some self-work, some growing out of, getting rid of people in my life who were bringing me down, and replacing them with people who would bring me up.

Discovering asexuality made me really happy. It adds a whole new dimension to life to discover something that I never really knew existed. I, for one, am a pretty happy asexual. I aim to be like an enlightened monk who just doesn't care about sex, free from its bondage!

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#9 trewdys

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 05:57 AM

Asexuality is, at most, an indirect cause of depression/suicidal thoughts. It works exactly the same as homosexuality. The direct cause is social factors.

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#10 *Orion*

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 09:27 AM

I tend to go through a period of depression once a year that can last anywhere between a week and a few months. The last one I had was particularly bad, I pretty much just stayed in bed all day (luckily I work from home and can get away with it) and thought about killing myself. Thankfully that has now passed because I was dangerously close to doing it a couple of times.

I pretty much keep my emotions to myself which could actually be a cause of my depression. Everyone I know thinks I'm a happy-go-lucky guy who doesn't take things very seriously when I'm in fact quite sensitive and emotional. The only person I've ever discussed my depression with was an ex-girlfriend who told me to "cheer up", other than that she didn't want to know. Strangely she accused me of never opening up to her after that. <_<

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#11 Pandora's Fox

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 09:36 AM

Almost anyone would feel depressed at least at some point of their lives if they are or feel alienated, alone or especially ridiculed etc. It's a matter of how much we can withstand and hold back. But we're not Vulcans, although some of us wish we were.

#12 Veisha

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 09:43 AM

Keep in mind that depression may have various causes, some are internal (ex. hormone imbalances), some are external (ex. losing something/someone important to you, weather, linked to seasonal affective disorder). Sexual people, too, get depressed. Also, not all asexuals are highly emotional.
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#13 Hexagon

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 11:01 AM

Yes. Let me summarise it in two words... I'm trans
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#14 PerfectlyDarkTails

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 11:47 AM

I dont experience much in terms of emotions, but sexuals can just get as depressed as any asexuals, regardless of what any statistics say.

#15 *killer*queen*

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 11:57 AM

The only person I've ever discussed my depression with was an ex-girlfriend who told me to "cheer up", other than that she didn't want to know. Strangely she accused me of never opening up to her after that. <_<


That’s what I find “funny” about people. They want you to talk to them, say they’re there for you but when it comes to something like depression. You tend to find that really isn’t true. If you open up about something like that to someone like that…you either get a negative reaction or no reaction at all. It’s like you didn’t say a thing. This is one of my biggest issues with people and depression. Some say we need to get over it. “Be happy!” You know what, wanting to be happy when you’re depressed…it’s not something we can just choose. It really isn’t. Depression is not a bad mood, or a slump we’re in. It’s a mental state of mind. It’s not caused by thinking bad thoughts… depression is what’s causing the bad thoughts. One thing that triggers the MORE bad thoughts in such a state? Feeling like no one cares to listen to you, or wants anything to do with you when you’re in such a needy place to begin with. I’m of the mind that the one thing that would really help with depression, or at least those who aren’t severely depressed, is feeling accepted despite it. Feeling like you can talk to YOUR support system without the fear that you might end up feeling like a leper or having people just tell you want they think you want to hear. Personally, when I’m talking about how bad I feel or the thoughts in my head, I’m NOT looking for you to fix things, or tell me it will get better. I’m simply looking to vent them out of my head and for some bit of understanding. Because if they don’t come out, guess where they go? Nowhere. And if I get anything like a negative reaction from someone I’ve taken a leap of faith on with such a personal thing, oh, hell no! I am not going to do it again. I am not going to willingly step out in the middle of the road to get run over again. They can go to hell, I’m going to protect me. Because the point of talking to someone is supposed to be making you feel better, if I didn’t (and especially if I feel worse), I’m not going to do it. And I find it “funny” that in those cases and where the depression is really bad… one has to pay someone to listen to you. Yes, they’re there to do more than listen and help either with therapy and/or medication. But they stepped up to the plate when they decided they wanted to become therapists in the first place, in my opinion. They volunteered. Granted, some of them, are also idiots but…

Think of a coin having a good side and a bad side. Just because you always look at the good side doesn’t mean there isn’t a bad side and you can’t simply ignore that it’s there. We’re both. They’re always going to be there whether the bad side is depression, a mean streak in certain aspects or what. It’s there. Ignoring that part of it… is ignoring who we really are, but people do it anyway. I’ve learned time and again, keep it to myself. I don’t care how well-meaning most people, I’ve learned you can be let down by them as well, so, no thank you, but I fix myself.

Sorry for the long rant. People like that just really irritate me and they can push you further into the hole even if they don’t mean to. To the OP - While I don’t believe sexuality is a direct cause of depression, I think the way you’re treated because of it can help at least. If you’re an Ace who doesn’t act like the rest of your peers (and maybe you’ve told them), they may consciously or subconsciously treat you differently. Make you feel like an outsider, or they don’t and you just feel like one anyway. Daily feelings like that can wear on you over time and start to affect you. But those feelings can come simply from a social interaction too and have nothing to do with your sexuality either. For as long as I can remember I’ve never felt like I belonged. Even among my group of friends. People I enjoy being with. I can feel like such an alien among my best friend of… um, years, and her family. I have to fight the urge to not simply walk out because I don’t want to hurt their feelings and I don’t want to get questioned because I honestly don’t think they’d understand. And they’d probably take it personally anyway. They’d think there’s something they’re doing to make me feel like that. And they’re not. They’re really not. It’s just too much of a “fight” to deal with so I stay put. I stay put no matter where I am, even if I feel like I shouldn’t be there. Except at parties, where I’m never really one of the crowd anyway and avoid most people (and I’m usually there because it’s a work-related thing so I have to be), I’ll leave without saying anything to anyone. I’ll just be gone.

But when you start feeling depressed, feelings like that can escalate. Well, any bad thoughts actually tend to escalate. And as much as you might try to reason through them, it just doesn’t work all the time.
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#16 Old_Tired_Heavily_Armed

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 12:19 PM

I one read a book called "Emergency Psychiatry". It was a manual for psychiatrists that practice in emergency rooms. When a person with a clear emotional grasp meets a person who is clinically depressed, 99% of the time, the reaction is one of anger and hostility toward the person who is depressed. a trained professional uses these feelings as a diagnostic tool. Most people don't. Your right...its not their fault that they react that way.
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#17 5_♦♣

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 07:05 PM

I used to be depressed/suicidal, but that was when I was also sexual. I know it sounds strange, but the suicidal thoughts coincided with the start of sexual attraction and ended pretty much at the same time that the sexual attraction completely disappeared.

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#18 Skullery Maid

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 07:40 PM

It would be weird for someone to answer "no" to "have you ever felt depressed?". In your whole life? Hopefully!

I do think that depression rates are higher for sexual minorities, but drawing a straight, black line connecting every case of depression to one's sexuality is a mistake. There are many factors that go into depression. Not all asexual people are depressed, so it can't be ONLY because of asexuality.

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#19 Sally

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 09:29 PM

I can immediately think of a half-dozen fairly famous writers who committed suicide after having severe depressive episodes over their life, and all of them were pretty obviously sexual. I've been in several groups for depression/anxiety over my life and I doubt if they were all asexual. As far as emotion, I've had several girlfriends in my life who drove me nuts with their emotionality and they were both highly sexual -- one affair after another.

That's all anecdotal evidence, which usually I deride. However, trying to tie emotionality or innate depression (rather than being upset at being marginalized) to any particular orientation is irrational when everywhere you look, there are heterosexuals (who are not marginalized for being such) being emotional and/or depressed.
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#20 Siggy

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 09:41 PM

and has anyone herd the idea that asexuals are more likely to be depressed than gay.

There was a survey going around a while back which indicated higher suicidality rates, but I do not trust that survey (even though I think I started it!). I've also seen contrary results in a more professional survey.

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#21 Strivna

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Posted 17 March 2012 - 04:41 AM

Moved to Asexual Musings and Rantings.

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#22 Elllie

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Posted 18 March 2012 - 02:49 AM

The isolated feeling I get from knowing I'm ace isn't nearly as depressing as knowing I'm in the 1% of people with really high IQs. Maybe I'm just odd that way...
I also would like to point out that the demographics of a forum aren't really that accurate of a sample for asexuality as a whole.
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#23 Lady Heartilly

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Posted 18 March 2012 - 04:15 AM

I've been feeling super depressed and suicidal lately because my asexuality caused me to lose the love of my life, and I'm afraid I'll never love someone that much again, and even if I do, the same thing will probably happen. "There's plenty of fish in the sea" isn't very comforting if your "sea" contains less than 1% of the world.
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#24 Sally

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Posted 18 March 2012 - 07:38 AM

I've been feeling super depressed and suicidal lately because my asexuality caused me to lose the love of my life, and I'm afraid I'll never love someone that much again, and even if I do, the same thing will probably happen. "There's plenty of fish in the sea" isn't very comforting if your "sea" contains less than 1% of the world.


There are many sexuals out there feeling the same way, because they figure that something about them caused them to lose their loves, and they're afraid the same thing will happen again.

If you're feeling suicidal, it's time to get more help than is available on-line -- please.
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#25 _Dee_

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Posted 19 March 2012 - 03:16 AM

For a year or so in high school, I was depressed pretty frequently. I got better in the second half of senior year, felt awesome for most of the first year of college, and then started having anxiety troubles at the very end. (It didn't become apparent until someone told me a scary story during finals week of the last semester and I kinda went nuts - kept imagining I was part of a human centipede and thinking there were bugs on me when I tried to go to sleep the night after, and then developed a fear of being in a bunk bed alone in my dorm room in the dark wearing pajamas. But after that was over I didn't recognize that I was constantly worrying about more realistic things until my doctor pointed it out to me. I'm still working on noticing when I'm anxious.) It's my second year now, and I'm gradually getting better about the anxiety. I still have bouts of milder depression now and then, and sometimes bad anxiety + self hate at once. I consider myself to have occasional depressed moods rather than someone who is depressed, since it's not ingrained in my personality now like it used to be.

That's all unrelated to my orientation, as far as I can tell. But I also wouldn't rule out an indirect connection.

I one read a book called "Emergency Psychiatry". It was a manual for psychiatrists that practice in emergency rooms. When a person with a clear emotional grasp meets a person who is clinically depressed, 99% of the time, the reaction is one of anger and hostility toward the person who is depressed. a trained professional uses these feelings as a diagnostic tool. Most people don't. Your right...its not their fault that they react that way.


So it's like there's a human instinct to be angry at depressed people? Interesting...

#26 Sally

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Posted 19 March 2012 - 03:25 AM


I one read a book called "Emergency Psychiatry". It was a manual for psychiatrists that practice in emergency rooms. When a person with a clear emotional grasp meets a person who is clinically depressed, 99% of the time, the reaction is one of anger and hostility toward the person who is depressed. a trained professional uses these feelings as a diagnostic tool. Most people don't. Your right...its not their fault that they react that way.


So it's like there's a human instinct to be angry at depressed people? Interesting...


Well, apparently there's a human instinct for "trained professionals" to feel that way and therefore base their diagnoses on that feeling. Which doesn't exactly make one admire the professionalism of psychiatrists any more than one did already.
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#27 Skullery Maid

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Posted 19 March 2012 - 07:49 PM



I one read a book called "Emergency Psychiatry". It was a manual for psychiatrists that practice in emergency rooms. When a person with a clear emotional grasp meets a person who is clinically depressed, 99% of the time, the reaction is one of anger and hostility toward the person who is depressed. a trained professional uses these feelings as a diagnostic tool. Most people don't. Your right...its not their fault that they react that way.


So it's like there's a human instinct to be angry at depressed people? Interesting...


Well, apparently there's a human instinct for "trained professionals" to feel that way and therefore base their diagnoses on that feeling. Which doesn't exactly make one admire the professionalism of psychiatrists any more than one did already.


:lol: :lol:

Anyway, just because it was written doesn't mean it's an industry-wide accepted practice.

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#28 Starr

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Posted 19 March 2012 - 08:17 PM

I would think depression and being gay / asexual are two different things but some issues with being those orientations can make you feel depressed but they aren't directly connected imo.

I used to have depression but it didn't have to do with asexuality lol. More cause I was stuck for 4 yrs in High school doing stuff like law and accounting that I hated and had no motivation and not doing what I really wanted to do ( stuff like visual and digital art lol ) but I got over it now though I still do have low points in life.


#29 CBC.Radio.Girl

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Posted 19 March 2012 - 08:50 PM

I keep getting hung up on the title of this thread. Being emotional (even overly so) =/= being depressed. People who develop depression are not necessarily highly emotional people; sometimes they're quite the opposite.

Anyway, personally, I've been depressed since I was a kid and felt suicidal a number of times. I also happen to be an extremely emotional person, but that's more related to other mental health issues. I don't see any real connection between any of that and the fact that I'm bi-romantic and grey-a.
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#30 Peaceful & Happy

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Posted 19 March 2012 - 09:22 PM

I keep reading things on asexuality having a connection with depression. I think i've seen some polls on this site asking about suicidal thoughts, and a lot of responses said they have had suicidal or depressed thoughts but they weren't related to there asexuality. so are we just more emotional than other people or is there some gene we have? and has anyone herd the idea that asexuals are more likely to be depressed than gay.



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