Living in a Sex-Driven World...

[R.M. Hester]

Has anybody found that the world made so much more sense once you realized you were asexual?

People, in general, seem much less difficult to understand now that I know what drives them. I always believe that I just had repressed or "late blooming" sexual desires, and thought that everyone else pretty much felt like I do. Now that I realize that's not even close to the truth, I am happily reanalyzing my world and finding it makes a lot more sense (even if I don't like the sense it makes.)

For example, I went out last night with a group of friends to a chic bar in my city. Normally, being in such a situation would be slightly repulsive and annoying, watching everyone prance about in their expensive designer clothes looking for a sexy mate. It always seemed so incredibly shallow and pointless to me. But now that I realize that I don't have mainstream sexual motivations, it seemed less repulsive, or more "normal" (though still very uncomfortable.)

Granted, things aren't any easier now that I "get it", but now at least I can orient myself better in sex-driven world.

Anyone else?

[AVENguy]

First off, welcome!! It's good to see you. I'm actually about to write a big thing on this topic and put it up in the "information about asexuality" section. I agree with you that the world alot of times seems sex driven, which can be extremely distressing/depressing. But look closer. Most of the time when sexual people are being "sexually driven" they're really trying to do something else, looking for emotional intimacy, trying to be socially accepted/validated, trying to have fun.

I agree that it's easier to figure out what's going on socially, asexuality provides quite an interesting perspective on the complex world of modern sexuality...

[R.M. Hester]

Yes, I now realize that all the sexual jockeying I've observed really is an attempt for emotional intimacy or social acceptance. That's why I've been able to accept it easier, and understand it too, because I also desire those things.

I'll be watching for the info section you plan to write on this. Should be interesting.

[nemesis]

I've known I was asexual since the time when my peers were all becoming interested and I wasn't. I just thought that maybe I'd change at some point in my life. I never did though.

I've been very apart from that "sexual jockeying" you speak of unless it comes straight to me in the form of someone asking me out or people asking me questions. People have a strange tendency to come to me with their questions about life and love. Mostly, the world has made sense for me. I guess I simply accepted the things I regularly observed as most people's reality and saw myself as separate from that existence (and therefore strange and out of place). I saw that I didn't feel what they felt (where sexual attraction was concerned), so the world made sense, but I didn't.

Lucky for me, I was willing to just accept myself as eccentric (but ok anyway) or I would have been pretty miserable before I realized I wasn't alone.

[R.M. Hester]

Yes, I understand what you mean when you say "I saw myself as separate from that existence." I always did too. But I always thought I was *supposed* to be part of that existence, and that fear or repression were to blame for my lack of participation in everyone else's sexual reality.

Now, I have my own sexual reality: I'm just not attracted! Instead of an aberration, I now feel like a simple and quiet minority. THAT, I can deal with!

[nemesis]

Thoughts that I may be repressed or fearful crossed my mind as well. I usually ruled them out pretty quickly though when they did. I sort of figured that if I really was repressed or afraid that I would still be attracted to people (probably unattainable ones like movie stars). I can recognize "pretty" but I don't really feel anything towards it... well, except as an artist. Pretty people have the same interest to me as pretty flowers or kittens or little birds. Lol. Actually I have a dreadful tendency to lose people I'm walking with by getting distracted and stopping or wandering off a bit.

[AVENguy]

There's a great section on sexual repression in paranoidgynandroid's faq, let me find it...

I'm worried that I'm sexually repressed or just using this to distance myself from or hide from the real world, how can I be sure I'm really asexual?

Only you can know if you're asexual or not. Do you experience sexual attraction toward other people? Are you making choices to not act upon urges or do you lack them entirely? If you are genuinely unsure of the answers then the asexual community may be a good place to explore how you feel.

There are people who consciously or otherwise avoid sexuality because they wish to avoid things like intimacy. These people are, of course, welcome in the asexual community though they generally find that whatever emotional issue they were trying to avoid is present here as well, and cannot be effectively avoided by avoiding sexuality. Asexual people deal with all of the same complex challenges in relationships as everyone else.