Lady Girl

The Good Partner Thread

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Amedot   
Amedot

I wonder if we should start a thread for the aces to talk about their partners. XP

Please post your good stuff here if you want! The sexual partners will love hearing it...everyone will. :)

So I'm in a QPR, not a romantic relationship, but I want to say something really nice about my partner (who is sexual, and our relationship isn't sexual). She doesn't think I'm "crazy" that I have paranoid delusions, flashbacks, or strong emotional responses to situations and events. She doesn't find it 'high maintenance' to reassure me. She's really patient, she will ask me to reconsider something or adjust certain behaviors, and I often take it defensively, and she waits patiently until I calm down and come back to a more rational mindset, and thanks me for reconsidering. I feel I'm difficult to live with, I've lived with me my whole life, but she has far more patience for me than I do. Also, even though I kick and snore and do all sorts of acrobats in my sleep, she still can't get a good nights sleep if she's not in bed with me. Home is so comfortable, and we both love being home together. It's so... domestic. :cake:

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Tarfeather   
Tarfeather

I feel I'm difficult to live with, I've lived with me my whole life, but she has far more patience for me than I do.

Mm.. That reminds me of when C. says she can't believe I'm willing to deal with all of her issues. I just tell her, I have to deal with it when we're together, whereas she has to deal with it all her life. No breaks for her. Being in my position is not so bad. ^^

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Wonderfulthings   
Wonderfulthings

We are both sexual (although I lean towards demisexuality), I am romantic and he is aromantic/greyromantic. I wondered if anyone has any tips on how to understand him more? He blames himself for being grey, says his heart "was closed" before meeting me (just as I blame myself for being disinterested in sex without love). He doesn't understand how it is possable to fall in love from afar or if not encouraged. To him, it takes someone like me to open up a heart to love, someone who loves fast and wholeheartedly and makes it feel safe for him to open up. He has mentioned several times being scared, especially during the first 1,5 years (we have dated past 2,5 years now).

The upside of dating a greyromantic is that he is very devoted, I am the first person he has loved, after all ;D He thinks the world of me and was devoted from very early on. I don't have to be jealous of any exes. He is very caring and nurturing.

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Tarfeather   
Tarfeather

We are both sexual (although I lean towards demisexuality), I am romantic and he is aromantic/greyromantic. I wondered if anyone has any tips on how to understand him more? He blames himself for being grey, says his heart "was closed" before meeting me (just as I blame myself for being disinterested in sex without love). He doesn't understand how it is possable to fall in love from afar or if not encouraged. To him, it takes someone like me to open up a heart to love, someone who loves fast and wholeheartedly and makes it feel safe for him to open up. He has mentioned several times being scared, especially during the first 1,5 years (we have dated past 2,5 years now).

The upside of dating a greyromantic is that he is very devoted, I am the first person he has loved, after all ;D He thinks the world of me and was devoted from very early on. I don't have to be jealous of any exes. He is very caring and nurturing.

Warning: Really horrible shouting

I'm joking. Mostly. :P

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The Not So Impossible Girl   
The Not So Impossible Girl

lol WTF Tarfeather xD

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HighDrive   
HighDrive

Another easy question:

If we are still partners after accepting the asexuallity of our partner must be because there is much more we see in them.

In my case:

She is the best person I have ever met. Caring, compassionate, intelligent, super cute and hot. She likes to take care of me and likes when I care for her. I can see how the energy that otherwise would be directed to sex, gets directed to other activities she really enjoys. And her joy is my joy.

If that wasn't enough, she accepts that my sexuality is part of my identity and does not feel our love is threatened by me pursuing it.

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Tarfeather   
Tarfeather

I learned a few days ago that me and C. have pretty much the exact same opinion on abortion. Since we usually don't talk about politics or ethics, I find it interesting how much we agree when she does have an opinion on something.

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Tarfeather   
Tarfeather

I told my partner about how I managed to approach this woman I'm interested in today, and she actually smiled vibrantly as I told the story. I don't think I can imagine anyone better in a partner than her. :wub:

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Tarfeather   
Tarfeather

So, I talked to C. about sexual compromise, and we both concluded that we don't know much about the "technical" aspects of sex, and afterward she literally went and ordered a book about "making love".

It's strange, to on the one hand be missing something so important and central to what I view as intimacy, and on the other hand to have her acknowledge that side of me so much, that I feel like we somehow share this special intimate bond after all. Hm.

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DogSpirit   
DogSpirit

This is a wonderful thread.

My wife reads the classified ads. She found us our land, the job that got me where I am, and most of the four-leggeds that have shared our lives. I literally wouldn't be where I am today without her.

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Lexikat   
Lexikat

I love this thread!!

I totally have to gush about one of my bff's. He is the absolute best friend i could ever ask for! He is sexual but helped me around the time I figured out i was ace/greyace. He listens to me rant about being ace, sexuals and exs politely and tells me when I'm being over dramatic. Also after we hang out he always makes me text when I'm home(after bussing for an hour at times and even after he has gone to bed!) He always says awesome compliments about our"dates"(hang outs, things, whatever you call them) and never lets me feel down. He even let me pick the last 3 movies we saw in theaters. He is the bestest! (I walways try to tell him that too!)

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MinervaRose   
MinervaRose

This is my first post here, hi everyone :) Thought it would be a good thing to start with why I love my asexual man, me being a sexual woman.

We've been together for over two years, best years of our lives. I've never felt more loved, safe, supported and accepted. He is very caring, always offers to help with carrying things, he makes me food all the time. We love watching movies together in bed and play video games together. He didn't identify as an asexual till after quite a while, he said he had known what it meant, but was afraid of the consequences if he accepted it. And we really work on our communication, openness, showing love in different ways.

For instance, the little things like he is really good at always texting during the day. How much he loves me and looks forward to seeing me again. He always takes my hand in public and is very attentive towards me. He is loving man and I see my future with him :wub:

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Amedot   
Amedot

She plays with my hair when I'm really upset, a physical act that immediately soothes me and something I only let those very close to me do. She loves all our pets, even though the vast majority of them are "mine" she loves them with all her heart. She makes the most delicious dinners. She knows what brand of tampons I prefer and makes sure we have some in stock. She brings me coffee when I'm at work, sometimes a breakfast sandwich too. I love her so much

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Phloembox   
Phloembox

She "pats" my knee in the car when she's driving. I love this gesture, it lets me know that even though we are silently listening to music and watching the world pass out the window, she is thinking of me.

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MrDane   
MrDane

Im a sexual man, who has spend quite some time in the gym and I look good. Tight, firm, strong... but I do like the fact, that my ace-wife is in love with me, and not my body! My body "building" is my own project.

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Lara Black   
Lara Black

I love how we find different ways to be together. Yesterday I was playing an old Final Fantasy game, and I read all the dialogues aloud for him, doing character voices. He was sitting next to me, stroking my neck and shoulders. It was so great to hear him laugh at the in-game jokes, to feel his breath on my skin… I can still feel it, even when we are apart.

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Tarfeather   
Tarfeather
On 11/8/2016 at 10:36 PM, MrDane said:

Im a sexual man, who has spend quite some time in the gym and I look good. Tight, firm, strong... but I do like the fact, that my ace-wife is in love with me, and not my body! My body "building" is my own project.

Actually having a bit of muscle also really helps with enhancing the bonding experience that cuddling brings. You know, basically you're making yourself into a more comfortable pillow for your partner. ;)

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st-brigid   
st-brigid

Hi all, I'm quite new here, and've joined because my boyfriend of about 1.5 years recently figured out that asexuality describes how he feels. We're trying to figure out how to make things work between his lack of sexual desire (he doesnt self-label as asexual, but refers to it in describing his experiences), my pansexuality, as well as my emotional/sexual needs. This is the first thread i've stumbled upon and really love the concept. 

 

SO my boyfriend is a phenomenal partner and person. He hates doing serious emotional talk type stuff, because that's not who he is, but ever since we got serious about committing to each other (about a year ago), he always listens and participates when i really need him to (i'm very emotional and have been working on my insecurity our whole time together). He's always there for me, and for anyone else who needs him--he's the kind of person who sucks at staying in touch with his loved ones, but will drop everything for you and have your back no matter what in a crisis. That's something i really love about him in general, as a person who's always going to be family to me even if we break up for good some day. 

 

And finally, one thing in our relationship that's helped fill in the gap where sex used to assure me of his particular love for me, is that he's recently started lending me his vinyl records to listen to at my place on my own stero. Note that this dude is a HUGE audiophile and doesn't let ANYBODY touch his records at all, except for his best friend from high school, and myself (after he pretty much taught me most of what i know about audiophilia and handling records). Letting me touch his vinyl was a big deal that really touched me the first time he casually said "oh and if you want to put on a record while i'm out, feel free." So now, even when i'm down about my insecurities and self-esteem, and worried about our relationship, listening to the record i'm currently borrowing or having him come over with a new one for me really helps, and really makes me feel loved in a way that's unique to us.

 

This is my first post! Thanks all for making this a great place! 

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Tarfeather   
Tarfeather

Watched Inside Out with my girlfriend yesterday, and we both ended up crying by the end of it. Me: "Why were we both crying?" Her: "Our Sadnesses must've taken control of the console!". That was such a sweet moment. <3

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Scintillatriste   
Scintillatriste

I'm asexual, and my partner of 8 years is sexual. Even before I put into words the thought that I was asexual, our sex was few and far between because I always tried to avoid it. However, we have an incredibly close and loving relationship, to the point that my self-discovery and subsequent 'coming out' barely changed anything. 

 

We say we love each other so many times a day and so sincerely that it would probably make a normal person throw up, haha. We tell each other funny or frustrating things that happen when we're not together. My partner plays music I like in the car and shows me videos they know I'll like. I massage their back and head thoroughly, which my partner absolutely loves. We cuddle and lie next to each other in bed, often falling asleep right then and there. When we're together, everything feels perfect, and nothing else matters. 

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ruuua   
ruuua

My best friend became my partner and we've been together for almost six years now. He's so wonderful, is always supportive and he brings me banana bread when I'm sad.

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Lara Black   
Lara Black

I’m overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. Today, I had to work for an hour after the end of my shift, and my partner (we work together) waited all that time just to leave the office with me and drive together for 10 minutes. We both had errands to run, so after that each was on his way, but it was precious to see him after I was done with my work. It made my day.

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Icebearpanda   
Icebearpanda

I don't have anything to add (yet) with the person I just started going on dates with BUT I am sooo happy this thread exists! I understand that the forums are places for people to vent, seek help, and find community and they are very valuable for all of that. However, I was starting to feel a little panicky because I just joined and it seemed like many threads in this section are from people whom appear less than happy in their relationships. Now I get that relationships for all types and all peoples have challenges and it is so necessary to learn and have support, and I do not want to come across as not being mindful of that. However, as someone who doesn't know where things may go with this new relationship in my life it started to feel a little like future predictions of gloom and doom. This thread gives me some welcome balance, so thank you all for contributing to it :) 

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athenahono   
athenahono

My best friend/crush (who also likes me and we're still trying to figure out when to start dating) told me that he "accepts me and loves me no matter what, even if I don't like sex. I'm still special to him and I'm no different in his eyes."

 

That made me start crying to be honest. 

 

He also brings me chocolate when I'm having my monthly friend and he brought me a taco today. (He doesn't share food like almost ever.) 

 

My friends are like: keep him.

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Gleep   
Gleep

He's my joy, my companion. I have a bajillion hobbies, cooking foods from around the world, camping, hiking, wild foods and medicines, etc. Almost with every one, he's right there beside me. If I'm sitting here translating from some Colombian, Japanese, or Korean recipe, he's googling the translations for me or bouncing around the ethnic stores by my side going "What's this?" He's hiking with me, or hanging his camping hammock next to mine. We've got our heads together world building and writing stories. .. but we don't NEED the other to entertain us. It's "leading together" It's him helping me get the pictures for my website where I'm talking about plants. Or sitting on the dock next to me reading a book out loud to me while I'm fishing. 

 

 

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GLRDT   
GLRDT
On 3/10/2012 at 8:01 PM, Percivel said:

As a sexual who has done my share of "crying like a little school girl" (no offense girls), I want Aces to know that you are awesome, dignified, and just as great of a person as any sexual! I hold you in high regard!

Thank you. Comments from strangers don't usually hit me because, well, I don't know them, but your words made a little teary eyed, so thank you for being a wonderful, awesome, and dignified person yourself!

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Treesarepretty   
Treesarepretty

When my wife and I first moved in together I was in grad school and would frequently come home several hours after she would. She used some of this time to watch cooking shows so she could make us complicated and tasty meals. They were so pretty that we took pictures of them. 

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