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Lady Girl

The Good Partner Thread

Recommended Posts

mrhumphries

My wife takes time out of her day, every day, to listen to me rant about my crap day at work. She is always kind and patient with me, even when I'm in a foul mood. She also has epic bacon-cooking skills.

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Jarndyce

I really enjoy this thread, despite being ineligible to contribute to it myself. Thank you all for sharing these most lovely snippets of your lives :)

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HanBanan

Asexual here, but I have to post about my partner!

Immediately after telling him about my asexuality and that I feel more loved when he does things for me and helps me with things I'm stressed out about than from sexual favors, he jumped up and started cleaning (which I'd been complaining about needing to do for weeks)! I was so touched that I actually cried, so I pulled him back to me and hugged him and told him he's amazing. After I had to leave, he did the dishes. I very rarely get help with housework, and we have both been busy lately, so it meant a lot to me. Every time he finds out something that makes me happy, he gets very excited about doing it. He will do anything to see me smile; all he wants me to do is tell him what I want. He is an incredible man and I am so very lucky! :wub:

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The Wreyck

I feel like I've caused nothing but difficulty for my partner with my asexuality as we discover more and more what it means in my trying to have a relationship with someone. Turns out I have a lot more sexual and sensual boundaries than I realized. And then you add in my 99.9999% aromanticism that puts boundaries on even some romantic affections. And he's been the most devoted, gentle, understanding man in the world every step of the way--he's honestly too good for me. And so I came onto the Sexual Partners Forums category to just kinda see what it's like on the other end from another perspective than my mister's constant reassuring that everything is going fine. And this topic, all these posts, they have helped me a lot. They give me a lot of strength to keep my chin up and not feel like I'm totally dragging my partner down like I tend to illogically fear that I am doing despite his reassurances.

So thank you very much all you guys for putting up with us asexuals and loving us despite all of it, and for coming on here and sharing the positive and love.

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The Wreyck

Lady Girl, I just want to add that your posts inspire me so much. They're so full of positivity and love, it just radiates out. I want to achieve a long lasting relationship with my partner that is that amazingly, patiently love filled, even through the hard times.

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Lady Girl

Thanks so much. I try to be as thoughtful in my responses and posts as I can be. I really love my husband a lot and consider him my best friend. He's more than a friend though too...I don't feel as if I'm living with my sibling or a roommate.

I don't know if I have a bad streak of mothering him going on lately or what, but I find myself speaking to him in a sort of condescending manner and it's something I'd really like to change about myself. Since this is the good partner thread...I want to say he is a really awesome partner for putting up with my 'nagging'. I never wanted to be 'that person'!

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pstuarts

I recently met the most amazing girl in the world. it all sounds rather cliched and cheesy but she makes my heart skip a beat thinking about her, seeing her puts the biggest smile on my face. When i'm with her nothing else in the world matters.

Shes asexual and im not. I'd never even come across it til i met her. i have doubts about us and what the future will hold but i tell myself only a fool would let a person they hugely care about go because they're not sexually interested. If im honest im terrified what may happen but i try and keep an open mind and will see what happens.

She makes me feel amazing. she's beautiful and caring and intelligent. I hope things work out :)

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Feral_Sophisticate

I recently met the most amazing girl in the world. it all sounds rather cliched and cheesy but she makes my heart skip a beat thinking about her, seeing her puts the biggest smile on my face. When i'm with her nothing else in the world matters.

Shes asexual and im not. I'd never even come across it til i met her. i have doubts about us and what the future will hold but i tell myself only a fool would let a person they hugely care about go because they're not sexually interested. If im honest im terrified what may happen but i try and keep an open mind and will see what happens.

She makes me feel amazing. she's beautiful and caring and intelligent. I hope things work out :)

Asexuals and sexuals can be in happy, healthy relationships. What ultimately makes or breaks any one relationship is whether or not both have the ability to compromise (a key element for any relationship, regardless of whether people are sexual or asexual), and - more importantly - whether the compromises each will need to make are sufficient for their own partner, without unnecessary sacrificing of their own interests.

Is such an arrangement easy? As someone that is sexual but with someone who is asexual (demisexual, really), no, it's not easy. However, I will tell you that it's worth it - if the above mentioned pieces all fall into place. If they don't, then the individuals probably aren't a good match - which happens all the time in the real world, regardless of (a)sexuality.

However, welcome aboard! I'm glad to hear you've found someone that you have gelled with. :)

Have some :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake:

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Rio

We all have our lizard/monkey brains. Get used to it and try to surpass it.

Captain obvious out.............

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MightyOak

My husband has THE BEST sense of humor! His daily quips and wit lift my spirits everyday. When he first came out to me that he is gray-a, the very next thing he said is, "We just break all the stereotypes don't we? I would be an asexual male and you would be a pansexual female!" Made me giggle.

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Percivel

In a post I made the other day I mentioned that my grandparents had a great love story. It reminded me again of my own.

My wife and I, too, are a great love story. Despite our challenges and sorrows, we are madly in love and have overcome much. Our love story is not like the Disney love stories...but more like the Christmas love story of the poor couple: One Christmas Eve, a poor couple had no money to buy each other gifts for Christmas. So the husband sold his sole personal possession, a pocket watch, and bought his wife a lovely silver brooch for her long beautiful hair. Unbeknown to the husband, the wife cut her long hair and sold it for just enough money to buy a gold watch chain for her husband.

I mentioned this to my wife this weekend while we were having our morning coffee in bed. We both hugged each other tightly and began to cry.

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gablesgirl22

I love that my husband can experience intimacy through our companionship on a level that is unreal. It creates this space that is almost unheard of, and our friendship is what everyone comments on all the time. It's awesome, and I don't think it would be possible to this degree if he wasn't an ace:)

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misspoptart

Oh first post! I thought I'd make it a good and positive one.

My ace boyfriend is extremely and passionately loyal. Without generalizing too much, I have to admit that it could be one of the best things about having an ace partner to begin with. The loyalty is there, and it is oh so very real and tangible. There is no jealousy or drama in our relationship, and that does wonders for our trust and intimacy.

I would never give it up!

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daveb

In a post I made the other day I mentioned that my grandparents had a great love story. It reminded me again of my own.

My wife and I, too, are a great love story. Despite our challenges and sorrows, we are madly in love and have overcome much. Our love story is not like the Disney love stories...but more like the Christmas love story of the poor couple: One Christmas Eve, a poor couple had no money to buy each other gifts for Christmas. So the husband sold his sole personal possession, a pocket watch, and bought his wife a lovely silver brooch for her long beautiful hair. Unbeknown to the husband, the wife cut her long hair and sold it for just enough money to buy a gold watch chain for her husband.

I mentioned this to my wife this weekend while we were having our morning coffee in bed. We both hugged each other tightly and began to cry.

Nice :)

Ah, The Gift of the Magi, by O. Henry. Great short story, by a master of that art. :)

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The Wreyck

It seems that no one's had anything good to say about their partners in such a long time, and I thought that is just too sad. So I'm here to kickstart us up again. Long distance is difficult at times, but we make it work. We had an amazing heart to heart last night that allowed us to get all of our emotions, both lovely and painful, out there. She is amazing with how accepting she always is. She never misses a beat and always appreciates anything I say or do despite our difference in affections. She has a hard time accepting love, but she never pushes away even when I can tell that the dark thoughts/worries in her head want her to.

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Flyaway4me

This topic is so cute :wub:

Gosh, I am so proud of my partner for her unlimited understanding, acceptance and respect for boundries. ^_^

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Lady Girl

My car broke down about a week and a half ago...and I do mean broke down (the shackle on the spring broke and the back end of the apparently totally rusted out frame hit the ground). It was an old car...and I do mean old (for a car anyway, it was a 1979 Plymouth Volare), but it had a good engine and I really really liked it. I had it towed to a mechanic across the street from where my husband works, so he was able to meet me there. The sad news that it could not be fixed and needed to go to the junkyard hit hard. I was kind of in shock to say the least. Him being there for me stopped the tears.

I needed a ride to work but my shift ended much later than his so I suggested he just take me and drop me off...he said no, take my car, it's yours now.

My husband was pretty much my hero that day. It's not the first time he's been awesome like that and I doubt it will be the last.

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daveb

Aw, that made me a little misty-eyed, Lady Girl. :)

Good man.

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Lady Girl

Aw, that made me a little misty-eyed, Lady Girl. :)

Good man.

I know, he's really great! :) :wub:

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Cali_Guy

A great partner I have three of at least They mean the world to me. I adore them the same. They are always willing to listen to my rants. They are also both always around when I need them. They are both beautiful in my eyes. I ask myself why guys have not found them. :( It makes me sad to know that no one has found them. They are everything a guy would ever need.


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Cottongrass

In a post I made the other day I mentioned that my grandparents had a great love story. It reminded me again of my own.

My wife and I, too, are a great love story. Despite our challenges and sorrows, we are madly in love and have overcome much. Our love story is not like the Disney love stories...but more like the Christmas love story of the poor couple: One Christmas Eve, a poor couple had no money to buy each other gifts for Christmas. So the husband sold his sole personal possession, a pocket watch, and bought his wife a lovely silver brooch for her long beautiful hair. Unbeknown to the husband, the wife cut her long hair and sold it for just enough money to buy a gold watch chain for her husband.

I mentioned this to my wife this weekend while we were having our morning coffee in bed. We both hugged each other tightly and began to cry.

YES! A movingly beautiful book.

The Gift of the Magi, by O. Henry.

Best story ever, my husband got it for me one of our first Christmases together.

I got him The Man Who Planted Trees, by Jean Giono. Such synergies happen over and over... it's so frequent that we give each other gifts that show our minds were in exactly the same place. ...

I echo you - our love story is not in the movies, perhaps, but it is of the best.

We are both grey/aceish, and we have our struggles with physical things, but he is the most wonderful man in the world.

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The Wreyck

My partner doesn't always know why I'm hurt or upset. In fact, it's more common for him to not understand than it is for him to understand. This is largely my fault because I am generally not keen on explaining myself properly, especially in these matters. People usually do not even realize when I feel hurt by someone because if how vague and mysterious I act. But--don't ask me how because I still haven't figured it out--he seems to always know when when I feel hurt. And he always genuinely cares and wholeheartedly apologizes, finds any way to make it better when he doesn't even know WHAT is wrong or even if he is to blame.

I will never ask someone to apologize. Even when I feel deeply betrayed and desire an apology, I will never verbalize this and ask for one. Instead I will let the pain slowly eat away at me, the hurt and betrayal. My current partner is the first to never let me slowly destroy myself with hidden pain. He doesn't even realize how much he is saving me from myself each time he sincerely reaches out to me and apologizes without question and holds me tight.

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Skullery Maid

yurt_1.png

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ThaHoward

dafuq-did-i-just-read-meme.jpg

(All I understood was fuck and mars one :p )

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Skullery Maid

dafuq-did-i-just-read-meme.jpg

(All I understood was fuck and mars one :P )

Hang on, I'm almost positive I have a picture of a yurt around here...

oregon-coast-yurt.jpg

8afdf696-f956-409f-9811-2e500969064c.jpg

and a pic of the coast (where the yurts live)(and Smith cuz she's a good dog)...

coast.jpg

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Annapox

Oh my gosh, this is such a great thread!

Not only am I an ace in a relationship with a straight guy, but I have no libido, and he thinks he might be hypersexual. Just one of the reasons everyone is confused by our relationship. There are so many things I love about my boyfriend, so I'll just pick a couple of my favorite moments.

Before we even started dating, there was one day when I walked out of class because I was having horrible anxiety issues. I just sat in the hallway for the rest of the period. When class ended, everyone just kinda walked past me. But not my boyfriend. He asked whether I wanted to talk about it and quickly figured out that I wasn't in a talking mood (sometimes I refuse to talk if I know my voice will crack or something, because once I hear the emotion in my voice, there's no way to hold the tears back anymore). So he brought me my backpack, which I had left in the classroom, and sat down next to me. He said he was happy to listen if I wanted to talk about it, but he was also happy to just sit quietly. I ended up telling him about all the things that were bothering me (and there were a lot), and I cried a little, and he just listened quietly and then tried to reassure me. When my ride came (I don't have a car, so I took a curb-to-curb bus service to school and back), he walked me to the pickup spot even though it was across campus from his car, and he didn't leave until I had found my ride and it had pulled away from the curb. It seems like a little thing, but it's one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.

Whenever I have dinner with his family, he lets me know what's on the menu ahead of time. At his mom's house, if I can't eat what they're having, he takes me to get Subway, and I eat my sandwich while everyone else eats the thing I can't eat. At his dad's house, he actually suggests changes to the menu if any of the foods are problematic for me (like having baked potatoes instead of mashed potatoes).

We have the best system for playing single-player video games together. See, I suck at video games. My reaction time is terrible. So I just make the character walk around and try to follow the arrows on the map to get to the destination, and I hand the controller over to my boyfriend whenever someone attacks me. When we play Portal, we figure out the strategy together and generally take turns with the controller, but he handles all the turrets and timed tasks.

I'll probably be back later with more stories.

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ThatBasketCase

After six years of being together, four years of marriage, and a three-and-a-half year sexual dry spell, things are finally making sense. Hubby and I talked things over last night, and all signs point to asexuality. He's not much for labels, so I doubt he'll ever really come out as asexual or gray A, or want to participate on forums like this. But we've talked everything over, I told him all about this website and what it means to be asexual according to its users, and he agrees that his outlook on sex and romance match many of the accounts in these forums. There's a lot of comfort to be had for me in learning that this is an orientation, not a possible health condition, and that my attractiveness (or lack thereof) is not the problem. So that's nice. Sigh of relief there. But after spending the evening feeling like a part of me just died, it's super nice to see a thread like this where we can stop and appreciate our partners for who they are.

So let me contribute for the purely selfish reason of needing to keep in mind all the good things in my relationship

If there's one word for Hubby, it's sweet. He is amazingly thoughtful and romantic. He throws the best birthday parties for me (always themed with something I adore), he buys me random gifts and treats on the regular, and is always clamoring for hugs, cuddles, and kisses. Even after six years together, he's still so excited just to hold my hand, which is adorable. He is a very attentive listener, which, after years of listening to anxiety attacks and period driven depression, is amazing. He tells me every day how much he loves me and how beautiful he finds me. I am on a long, slow weight loss journey, and he always points out when he notices changes to encourage me. Hubby is super supportive of my budding art career and how much time I have to spend on it after work each week. He's always telling me how proud he is of me for sticking with the exercise and my comic, and his praise and support keep me moving ever forward. He is a very sensitive and emotional person, which makes for a kind, caring, and considerate partner. I know he would literally do anything for me, but I make sure never to take advantage of that because I love him so much.

All in all, I've been very lucky to find a sweet, giving, attentive, understanding partner who loves me unconditionally. Not everyone with a sex life can say that, and that's what I need to hold onto. :)

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Annapox

I did say I'd be back with more stories.

My back has been hurting me for the past couple days, and, while it sucks, it reminds me of when the same thing happened last semester. It hurt so much to move that I just stayed in bed for most of the day, and I put my computer next to me and Skyped with my boyfriend (who currently lives about two hours away by car). One night he was watching Coraline, and he kept his phone's camera pointed at the TV for pretty much the entire movie so we could watch it together. Yes, his arms did get very tired. Yes, I told him he could put his arms down and I could just listen to the rest of the movie. No, he didn't take that suggestion. I was in pain, and he wanted to make me feel better, even if it meant holding his phone up in the air for almost two hours. (I mean, he did take breaks, but they were very short and very spread out, so it was still basically two hours of phone-holding.) It was a little ridiculous, but also very sweet.

This time around, he won't have to do that because he's coming to visit me for the weekend (yay!) and we can watch movies together the normal, Skype-free way.

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The Wreyck

I got a letter today from my partner who is at a military academy. Really made my day so much. Even though I am an author and poet--and he is anything but--he will always be better with words than me when it comes to relaying affection and love. He wrote this poem on the back of the letter so that once it was folded this would be the first thing I would see when I opened the envelope and took the letter out.

Loving is life

yet what is life without love

nothing says the man

Love is my life and my life is

You.

fVhJLRHg4KvZPUCUXEdHk.jpg

Also, his writing is prettier than mine, which is totally just sad.

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Cali_Guy

I got a letter from my partner who is at a military academy today. Really made my day so much. Even though I am an author and poet--and he is anything but--he will always be better with words than me when it comes to relaying affection and love. He wrote this poem on the back of the letter so that once it was folded this would be the first thing I would see when I opened the envelope and took the letter out.

Loving is life

yet what is life without love

nothing says the man

Love is my life and my life is

You.

fVhJLRHg4KvZPUCUXEdHk.jpg

Also, his writing is prettier than mine, which is totally just sad.

Adorable!!! Lucky you!

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