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Lady Girl

The Good Partner Thread

Recommended Posts

Kaileemonster

My ace boyfriend is absolutely amazing. I'm currently in the process of taking a leave of absence from college to figure out what i'm doing with my life. When others have questioned me and told me leaving school is the worst thing ever, he's stood by me the whole time and understands my motives for leaving. One of my options is to transfer to school about two hours away from where he lives now. When I told him, he wasn't concerned. He said he would move there with me, and we could start a life down there. He has no problem leaving his friends and family (again, he just moved to NY from AZ) for me, so that I can so some self exploration. That's dedication.

Plus he makes me breakfast, so that's pretty awesome. =)

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ThaHoward

having an ace couple is cool as sex isnt a issue, but the whole relationship the same as any other

Same goes for me and my cat :P All my "love" stories is about what me and my cat do together. Think my friends are quite tired of them :lol:

(Don't worry, it's entirely platonic :P )

But yeah, don't think it's exclusively for sexuals in a couple, might as well be the asexual :) Like I know that it's intended for "sexuals", but I don't think any would mind if an asexual or two told about their partner. As far as I can see, some have done it already :)

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Lady Girl

I just had the most awesome breakfast ever. Mr. LG made omelettes with asparagus (I love asparagus), peeled and shredded potatoes for hash browns, made the most crispy delicious bacon, and also made some amazing cinnamon French toast. Oh, there was also juice and a couple of slices of avocado on the plate. I was impressed to say the least.

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Cosplayingtoad

ok i know they is a lot already but.. I just wanted to say Its the small things she does. A small list. I love how she gets excited over small things that she enjoys. I like it when I was ill she gave me a back rub, although I didn't ask for it. when she gets all awkward and shy over small things, she is very cuddly. when she sings i feel like I'm in heaven..... I could go on.

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RMBooknerd

Its all kinds of little things. Sometimes I'll go to bed after pulling my clothes for the next day out of the closet and when I get up (hours before he does if he's off work) I'll find that my clothes have been ironed. Or he'll drop by my work with lunch. He'll drive me to certain places that have tight parking lots (if I drive myself, I park elsewhere and walk the rest) because he knows I'm uncomfortable with driving. Or if we're out shopping, he'll grab my purchases and pay for them (we keep finances separate) When I've had a rough week, sometimes he'll take our daughter out so I can have some time quiet alone at home. Or suddenly I'll find he's picked up more of my shampoo or body wash when I hadn't even thought about being low on it. When I'm keeping Passover, he's gone to all kinds of lengths to figure out how to cook dinner that is okay with my eating restrictions.

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BlueDuo

This has been really great to read, as a sexual whose partner has just told me she's asexual 3 days ago, my feelings are all over the map (if people can't tell by how active I've been on the site already :P) but I've been struggling a lot with "does she really love me or what" but we were celebrating my birthday over this past weekend right before the bomb dropped! lol but we had the BEST day together, she surprised me with a cake and champagne and candles when I got home from work and we really just generally had a great wonderful time with each other.

She also is the most supportive, non-judgemental, loving person I have ever known...I can be kind of whiney and she ALWAYS listens and always makes me feel better. Sex or no sex, I found myself a keeper :)

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carrottopgirl399

This makes me happy:)

Adding my own thoughts to this thread:

My SO is on a low-carb diet, and he has "carb days" every once in a while. This last time, we both binged on doughnuts and soda and pizza! But also, I made him cookies:). I think that counts as a good-girlfriend thing. Then again, I'm the one who identifies as ace. Sexuals: is that a good-girlfriend thing to you all, too?

This has been really great to read, as a sexual whose partner has just told me she's asexual 3 days ago, my feelings are all over the map (if people can't tell by how active I've been on the site already :P) but I've been struggling a lot with "does she really love me or what" but we were celebrating my birthday over this past weekend right before the bomb dropped! lol but we had the BEST day together, she surprised me with a cake and champagne and candles when I got home from work and we really just generally had a great wonderful time with each other.

She also is the most supportive, non-judgemental, loving person I have ever known...I can be kind of whiney and she ALWAYS listens and always makes me feel better. Sex or no sex, I found myself a keeper :)

BTW, you've given me hope.

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Cottongrass

My husband gets up early and brings me tea in bed every single day… he is the best ever. He's an early bird and puts up with all my non-morning-person-ness! He is a wonderful cook. And I love how kind he is to my family (parents, sibling), who are quirky to say the least. Definitely an absolute keeper.

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BlueDuo

This makes me happy:)

Adding my own thoughts to this thread:

My SO is on a low-carb diet, and he has "carb days" every once in a while. This last time, we both binged on doughnuts and soda and pizza! But also, I made him cookies:). I think that counts as a good-girlfriend thing. Then again, I'm the one who identifies as ace. Sexuals: is that a good-girlfriend thing to you all, too?

This has been really great to read, as a sexual whose partner has just told me she's asexual 3 days ago, my feelings are all over the map (if people can't tell by how active I've been on the site already :P) but I've been struggling a lot with "does she really love me or what" but we were celebrating my birthday over this past weekend right before the bomb dropped! lol but we had the BEST day together, she surprised me with a cake and champagne and candles when I got home from work and we really just generally had a great wonderful time with each other.

She also is the most supportive, non-judgemental, loving person I have ever known...I can be kind of whiney and she ALWAYS listens and always makes me feel better. Sex or no sex, I found myself a keeper :)

BTW, you've given me hope.

YES!! as a sexual...it can be hard to not doubt everything and all the little things you asexuals do helps sooo much :) I mean I can't speak for everyone but for me every sweet thing my gf does helps me to feel like she does really, truly love me and that is really great when you're worrying about sexual compatibility. I think in a lot of ways a mixed relationship can be something to be grateful for because all relationships are going to have sex issues but having a word and open conversation about it and opening up new opportunities to share your love with your partner is great!

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Percivel

I agree with Blue.

There is much to be grateful for in a mixed relationship. Sexuals are "forced" to look outside themselves and focus on and appreciate the great non sexual things about our partners. It helps make us less self-centered. We learn to gain control over our sexual appetites. We learn to gain control of our thoughts, especially the ones that make us question our partner and breed more negative thoughts. We also gain more control over our feelings...an even harder task.

If we can recognize when the "demons" implant bad thoughts in our heads...these lies that make us question our aces love and devotion, we can find ways to drive those thoughts out of our heads. This helps keep the negative feelings from taking over. Lows then don't become quite as low. Highs become higher. A stronger love grows from it.

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Lady Girl

So we gave each other homemade Valentine's this morning as we've done in years past (I stayed up late cutting out hearts and taping them all over the place, and he made me a card)...when I got home from work, Mr. LG surprised me with flowers and chocolates. :wub:

P.S. That's never happened before! I almost cried.

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Percivel

Awwwwe! Lady Girl......

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Percivel

My wife told me she got me something for valentines day and that she was waiting for it. She said it was something on my bucket list and she was waiting for it to come. I didn't know I had a bucket list. I said to her "Do you know what's on my 'bucket list'?" She said "What?" I said "For you to look at me in adoration for thirty seconds a day." She smiled and rolled her eyes.....confirming to me that she doesn't have the ability to do that. So I said "Okay...for five seconds." She did the same thing.

I had always wondered why she could never handle me looking at her in adoration and why she would never do that for me. I wondered if that was an asexual thing or a just my wife's personality thing. I didn't think the two were related but I always wondered if they were. I know their not for sure now.

My wife is a "doer." She shows her love by doing things for me or others and by giving gifts. That's the way she is. She's an action person...not a...heck, I don't even know what to call the other. It is probably related to her not being a complimentary person. But not related to her asexuallity. It can be tough deciphering...seperating...asexual traits from other traits. It can be confusing, particularly when you throw in all the emotion involved.

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Percivel

My wife and I were drinking our coffee in bed this morning....I bring her coffee in bed every morning...and she looked at me in loving adoration for about 20 seconds! I knew she was doing it because of her smile and the twinkle in her eye as she looked at me. WOW! It was awesome! Almost like sex itself! Neither of us said a word about it but we kept giving each other these awkward, embarrassing smiles all morning!

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Lady Girl

That's awesome Percivel! I didn't quite know what to think when you mentioned adoration before but it sounds more like what I have always considered the best way I communicate non verbally with my husband. It's when those moments of prolonged eye contact happen and sometimes it seems as though a person feels totally connected to the other. :)

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Percivel

Yes, It;s looking at someone lovingly and thinking about how wonderful they are (in general or specifically). When both lovers are doing it simultaneously....I call that "making love with your eyes."

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Fryingpan

I agree with Blue.

There is much to be grateful for in a mixed relationship. Sexuals are "forced" to look outside themselves and focus on and appreciate the great non sexual things about our partners. It helps make us less self-centered. We learn to gain control over our sexual appetites. We learn to gain control of our thoughts, especially the ones that make us question our partner and breed more negative thoughts. We also gain more control over our feelings...an even harder task.

If we can recognize when the "demons" implant bad thoughts in our heads...these lies that make us question our aces love and devotion, we can find ways to drive those thoughts out of our heads. This helps keep the negative feelings from taking over. Lows then don't become quite as low. Highs become higher. A stronger love grows from it.

I definitely agree with the appreciation part. Everything she does/has done for me in the past now seems so much more intimate, and so much more caring. i'm in the same boat as blue, with my partner only coming out last week, and so now all the times when she went out of her way in other ways physically to make me feel loved are so much more relevant. Particularly the little things like cuddling up to me in her sleep, waking me up with kisses etc.

also @Blue, i feel like actually kind of good about it now, and i feel like if we can keep the love in a mixed relationship, the relationship is not only much more secure, but can probably survive anything. I feel like it gives us anti-drama armor

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Serran

My medical issues have prevented actual intercourse for over a month and the boyfriend has been patient with it. He's working seven days a week at the moment so we can make our bills after his job downsized and he had to take a really low paying one. And with all that, he still didn't get angry at being rejected last night and just went to sleep, woke up, tucked his blanket around me because he knows I am always cold and went to work.

He'll come home today to his partner in an outfit he likes, with food ready by time he's done with his shower, the house cleaned up and aired out and find out my medical issues are over with enough to go back to our regular compromise schedule.

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Feral_Sophisticate

My asexual girlfriend cuddles like a pro. I can honestly say that with her, I have probably the most intimate relationship that I've ever had - and one that eclipses all the sexual ones I've had prior to meeting her.

She also makes a mean sandwich. :D

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eable2

In a new-ish relationship with a sexual (she thinks maybe demisexual), and it is AMAZING! We definitely are attracted to each other in slightly different ways, but we also see eye-to-eye on so many other things. We have similar interests, similar personalities, and we like to talk about similar things...it's fantastic. We both love cudding w/ each other. And we also communicate very well - I always feel like I know what she is feeling, and she says the same of me. TBH, I never thought I could enjoy a relationship this much :)

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Estel

I, myself have an IQ of about 148 (I haven't been tested in years, but it's thereabout on an educated guess) and my lady is about the same. We find similarities between us daily, and I love every detail I discover about her. It's refreshing to be able to carry on an intelligent conversation with her, and she loves having a boyfriend that can challenge her in competitive games. While I didn't begin dating her for her interest in video games, it's been a major plus as we share common tastes. My family loves her because while she is endowed, she doesn't splay her cleavage or undergarments out like they're going out of style. We enjoy passing our writing back and forth for the other to read, and we both love trying all kinds of unique cuisines (I tease her because her favorite is authentic Canto-Style Chinese while mine is Sicilian-style Italian).

Basically, the only thing I'm into that she isn't is cars and automotive technology. But, I don't fault her for it. I love her all the same, even if she can't understand half the jargon that leaves my mouth on the subject.

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HugsandPlugs

So of all the things I could post here, about how much good my beautiful ace does in my life, the timing seems right to share this one.

Today marks one year of sobriety for me, I can't believe how far I've come in a year, and I owe a large part of that success to the girl who stuck by my side when anyone would've left. She's amazing and supported me while I fought to stay clean and battle my addiction.

I made a post separate from this one about my love and the impact she has had on my life, but that's super long and just wow I typed too much :P

So the TL;DR version is:

*This starts sad but I promise it gets happy and inspirational just bear with me!*

I lost my grandpa about a year and a half ago, I started spiraling when about 4 months before that he was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. I was a year and five months clean, but I fell off the wagon hard when he died. I started using again, I gave up on everything. My girlfriend talked to my mom about her worries, I was about half an hour away from home at a friends house with enough Oxy and Klonopin in me to take down a horse. Well I came home and I was withdrawing from almost 3 full days.

Rather than hate me, yell at me, leave me, or any of the multitude of logical responses you could have in a situation like this, she stayed by my side. It's all a really big blur to me, I was either too gone or in too much pain to really remember but I was told by my parents that she was by my side through it all. She took care of me.

She proceeded to spend the next few months helping me get my life together; she pushed me to find a therapist. She encouraged me to find a job, she helped me find my way. She didn't baby me or tell me I had to do anything. She just supported me through all of it. She gave and gave expecting nothing back. I honestly am in awe of this girl. The way she manages to get me to believe in myself when no one else does, the way she can make me smile just by hearing her voice, how she stuck around when everyone left.

I am so lucky to have her. She's done so much good in my life, and I can't imagine life without her.

[...]

I made him cookies:). I think that counts as a good-girlfriend thing. [...] Sexuals: is that a good-girlfriend thing to you all, too?

Definite yes! Especially if he's on a diet and only has certain days where he can eat what he pleases. It show's that you're supportive of his diet, but also plan on giving him as much as you can on days where he gets to enjoy himself :)

...

and this is just a thought but I feel like sexual orientation does not define homemade cookie enjoyment ;P well unless you're like really into cookies O.o

*yay for bad jokes*

[upon re-reading this before I post it, I now understand why my girlfriend says I can be lame]

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cloverx

This isn't really a story, but I'm sexual and in a romantic relationship with a girl who is asexual and I have truly never been happier in my life. The bond we have together, that emotional closeness, that energy is just beyond words, and it has nothing at all to do with sex, nor do I care. I love her so much for everything she is.

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transformer1903

I'm sexual, but in an asexual relationship with another sexual person. We're agreed that we can have sex with other people if the situation arises, but neither of us really have the time, and because we're long distance (well, London-Oxford, far too far by my standards and a bit tight on a low budget) we make do with Whatsapp and a few other IM-type methods of communication.

I'm on a reading week off my course for a while, which means after several weeks of being out of synch with my partner (they're doing a Masters and have much more flexible hours), I can stay up a bit later and chat into the night. I'd been at the library all day since the early morning a couple of days ago but I wanted to keep to this promise of sticking around for a while longer. My partner had had a bit of a tiring day as well, going to one of those formality dinners nobody likes but everyone in the world of academics has to attend, and came home around midnight, texting me descriptions of all the toffs they'd had to speak to, the strange food they'd had to eat, and the stormy weather coming home. Being old forum friends, we often write "stage directions" of little soothing gestures and I was supportively sending these as they walked home.

Because they'd described the whole evening to me, I could strongly picture the scene as they finally sat down on the bed, soaked to the skin. They eventually said, "it's lovely coming home to you," and I got what that meant, they felt like I was there waiting for them. Mostly though, I felt like I was being come home to. It's a great feeling.

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Amethystasheryn

I love it when new posts appear on this thread; it's such a boost--especially when I'm down in the dumps about things, but even when I'm not.

So my Good Partner contribution is this:

I am awful at romance. Sometimes I "get" the feelings involved, a little; most of the time I don't. I suck at praise and saying "I love you" without feeling like a liar. My poor sexual (who is best with verbal affection) has this to deal with on top of the ace thing and her own weightier problems. But she never gets upset with me over it and is always working to understand the way I show affection, even if I do it differently than she does.

It's far more important to me than I can ever express in words. I've tried.

Also, she's boss at agreeing to disagree, even on hot-button issues that we both feel very passionately about.

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SidesSeer

So, the other day, I texted Ashe (yes, the Amethystasheryn above,) talking about how a fanfic chapter was making me cry. What does she do? She tells me in her next text that she's reading the chapter to see what worked me up! :) :) She does things like this pretty regularly, and they never stop making me smile, because they leave me with no doubt at all that she loves me just as much as I love her.

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Korban

Still a newbie here and grappling with what I think are probably the usual struggles in a mixed relationship. A good starting point might be listing the positives.

Even on really down days where I have a hard time doing anything beyond staring at a wall, my partner's never short or rude. I know I can be hard to be with when I'm moody and it's heart warming to know that she still loves me, even when I'm not at my best. Life has been getting real stressful and it's just reassuring to know that I have someone to talk to, or at least sit with, when I'm feeling like garbage.

I also love that she's the more forgiving, soft side of myself. I'm a little hotter-headed than my better half, and tend to have a harder view on things, so I try my best not to take that second opinion and point of view for granted.

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Korban

SO also has lovely singing voice :3

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ASF13957

Posting on this topic because it's a brilliant topic and ought to make a post-hiatus return.

I'm a romantic asexual in a relationship with an aro-spectrum asexual. My partner doesn't 'get' the point of romantic gestures, but they sometimes make an effort anyway for my sake. A few months ago I was busy for most of the day. When I finally finished doing stuff, I came back to our residence and saw that my partner had made a delicious dinner for us and also set up some candles. It was a very sweet gesture and I was really happy! We had a great conversation over the dinner, and I felt excellent for days afterwards. My partner is awesome :)

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Poots

Awh I love reading all of these. This is a great thread :D

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