Lady Girl

The Good Partner Thread

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Lady Girl   
Lady Girl

I'm primarily starting this thread for all the sexuals to post the positives about our particular asexual partner. I think we're all VERY aware of the difficulties a "mixed" relationship can cause (if not, there's plenty of threads for those posts). So let's hear some of the good stuff (good stuff ONLY please). And really, anyone can post here...if you have something good to tell us about your partner or friend.

Most recently, Mr. LG had noticed that I was in a bit of a mood (we'll say I was melancholy) on one of our days off together. We were not planning on doing anything that day so we were just sitting around listening to music and not really talking either. After awhile I noticed he had picked a song we liked when we were younger...he continued to pick my favorites. He probably played special music for me for at least two hours. It was weird because I stayed a little moody, but the mood didn't devolve into something worse. And later that evening I was able to smile and say sorry for being moody, then thanked him for the songs. The smile I got back was so great. wub.gif

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Percivel   
Percivel

The first thing that comes to my mind was something she did yesterday. On the way home from work she got a bit "testy." I was, of course, my normal charming self, but she can get impatient with me when I'm driving. When we got home my oldest daughter complimented me on the shirt I was wearing and how it brought out my blue eyes. My wife heard this and I think motivated her to say something nice (my wife almost never gives compliments). My wife didn't compliment me but she did approach me and actually apologized for being nasty in the car on the way home!

This may not seem like much, but compliments from my wife are "far and few between". Apologies occur even less!

Little steps, right?

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*killer*queen*   
*killer*queen*

As an Ace who's gotten quite depressed reading this forum at times, thank you!!!

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Elo   
Elo

Good job Mr LG. So cute, you had your personal DJ playing your favourites.

And I agree, Keep posting the good everyone!

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noregrets   
noregrets

I would love to read some more positives! I also get down sometimes (not because of the forums) from the constant feeling that I can't be a good wife because I'm asexual. *sigh*

Great idea! Keep them coming!

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Elo   
Elo

noregrets, what are some ways inwhich you are a great wife? You could post some of those and I bet it would not only cheer us up but it might cheer you up too!

I'll betcha your SO loves that you are not sexually promiscuous!

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Skullery Maid   
Skullery Maid

There are so many. Last night I was all anxious because I thought something weird/bad was happening at work, so I laid in bed to watch a movie. Girlfriend came in and laid with me, and we turned off the tv and cuddled, chatted, laughed, touched... and she got really serious and eye-watery and said she loved me and I could see how much she meant it.

She downloads songs I say I like and then plays them for me when we're driving around. She knows me inside and out... we can both look at a selection of movies, t-shirts, cats, lampshades, website designs, anything, and she can always pick out my favorite. She has never uttered a bad word about me to her family or our mutual friends.

I asked her to list some of the great things she does for me and we couldn't think of much... flowers, housecleaning, cute cards for no reason. But the stuff I really love is the more mundane. We share a car... her car... but she got up every morning and drove me to work even though she otherwise wouldn't have had to wake up. She always makes sure we have coffee in the house that I like even though she doesn't drink coffee. She tells me that I'm amazing and smart and full of potential and she genuinely means it.

EDIT: Yesterday was a great example. We had lunch with a friend who's band is leaving on tour, and she came back to the office with me. Everyone else had already left so we closed up shop at about 3:30 and, since it was a rare sunny day, had some cocktails outside and chatted and chatted. We then went home and ended up drawing each other pictures on her iPhone (we were drawing hilarious pics of what we thought our bodies looked like... there's a whole series of them!). We went to see said friend's band play, came back home, and then sat and talked about past relationships for hours... she pulled out journals and read me some of the saddest entries from one of her horrible break ups, read her awful teenage poetry... it was great. I made a 4am breakfast snack and then we went to sleep. We ended up spending almost 10 hours just laughing and talking, one on one, without tv or music... and the awesome thing is, that's not unusual.

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Mimi-le-Roux   
Mimi-le-Roux

I love this thread! It's nice to know we aces are not always horrible disappointments.

*picking up tips*

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Cakey   
Cakey

Going to meets, I know 4 asexual couples, and to me, each relationship seems really strong. I think it reflects on those around them too, because they are happy, so it makes other people happy:)

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*killer*queen*   
*killer*queen*

I love this thread! It's nice to know we aces are not always horrible disappointments.

*picking up tips*

Indeed!

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Percivel   
Percivel

As a sexual who has done my share of "crying like a little school girl" (no offense girls), I want Aces to know that you are awesome, dignified, and just as great of a person as any sexual! I hold you in high regard!

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goodyears   
goodyears

Thanks Lady Girl...it's just what the doctor ordered!!!

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Lady Girl   
Lady Girl

Thanks Lady Girl...it's just what the doctor ordered!!!

Aw, thank you Goody! I tried to be really careful about how I worded the intro, because I didn't want this to be a stereotyping thread...just one with comments about some love and how our partners show it. I think it's important to remind ourselves how love is expressed in non sexual ways. We always say we know sex doesn't equal love, but we don't do much elaborating on it.

I really love Skulls post, especially the part about her girlfriend never talking bad about her to other people. That's one that always amazes me about Mr. LG too. And he also tells me he likes my outfits or my hair, and that he loves it when I smile (which always makes me smile more!).

I'm actually really mad at him right now, but it has nothing to do with sex. And I think that's important for sexual partners to remember too. I think we go back to that core difference far too often...sometimes it's just plain being human. I think husband and I are handling a major stress in our lives in different ways, and right now we're at odds.

So instead of moping, I'm going to try to think of some more ways he shows me he loves me (this isn't easy btw, I'd rather talk and think about why I'm mad...this is a weird feeling). Ok here goes. He loves to talk to me about all the important things in life, and tells me I'm the only one he can really talk to about certain topics. He encourages me to be a better person, and makes his own efforts to do the same. When I'm sick he says he wishes it was him instead...says I shouldn't have to be sick, it makes me feel a little better just cause he said something so endearing.

Oh my gosh...I just remembered when we first got our cell phones and started texting, he spent all kinds of time going into options and sending me texts all colored, with graphics and amazingly funny lines, they were brilliant. I don't know how many he sent, but I have my favorites locked...150. :D We laughed so hard when I found the button to have the phone read them to us!

I like this thread a lot. Thanks to everyone posting here! :wub:

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trany101   
trany101

I'm not sure if I qualify for this section, but I do have an asexual friend who makes my day. She constantly brings me food that I have never heard of like mayonnaise cookies.

Yesterday was the special olympics and the night before we my birthday party so I was incredibly tired and a bit cranky. We had been planing the date for about a week, so I did my best to be in a good. It didn't take much, she was rediculously silly. We sat in the car with the windows up and the doors closed yelling at the colege students coming out of the bar about flamingoes for hours waiting for a play to start. We eaves dropped on people at subway and argued about spinach. We played lava on a playscape and attempted to learn braile (she was much more into that than I was, I found a swing and couldn't be persuaded to leave it). She makes the best dollar tree partner ever. We tend to have issues leaving the store once we are in it though. We have to touch everything, play with all the toys, and make fun of the books. We made plans to have a sword fight using glow stick swords. Then after all of the crazy, we watched a Family Guy marathon and cuddled.

I have to say, it was the best date I have ever been on.

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FenrisWolf   
FenrisWolf

Aww, all these are lovely. And friendships definitely count (aromantic asexual here)!

May I just say that I love this thread? :wub::cake:

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Lady Girl   
Lady Girl

We quit smoking together...It's been just over a week now!!!!!! :blush: He is SUCH a good partner! :wub:

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Skullery Maid   
Skullery Maid

I can't believe you guys just quit like that. That's so awesome!

My partner came home from vacation with the cutest little onesie I have ever seen... for us to send to my brother for his new baby. :wub: Cute AND thoughtful, that one!

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sexualwithasexual   
sexualwithasexual

There are sooooo many things! And I can't say any of them are connected to being asexual, of course. (Although she will never cheat.)

Yesterday was a very high and then a very low day for us. So I'll leave out the low. The high was something I can't really say here, as I don't want to "out" her. But she did something she's incredibly good at (it's something for an audience) and I was floored once again at her brilliance and simply fell in love with her all over again, and pinched myself at the luck of my life, that I get to know this person so intimately.

Later that night, (the bad) after we had come to some realizations, I said, "I feel bad at saying anything negative about our relationship, as you never do. You never have." She really never complains. Not that there aren't things that I do that bother her, but her way of working out those issues is much more civilized. She's very fair in everything she does. She never says, "You do this, and you do that." She's very good at saying, "I need this or I feel this." I call her a buddha. She's very grounded and even-headed. And when I fall apart, she never acts like that's weird. When I said once that I felt bad for my feelings, she said, "But feelings just happen, no reason to feel bad about them." That kinda changed my life, for real. She really, really listens. When I say how I feel, she takes it seriously, down to her bones. She will change her patterns. This shows me how much she really cares about me, because she's very introverted in a way, and really doesn't need other people, so to adapt, just for me, is a lot.

I love how she is with our cats. They never cease to lighten her and make her smile. Her love for them is very endearing to me. It helps me understand her as a loving person. She has a very unique sense of humor that I get, so we can always make each other smile or laugh, even in the middle of the most painful discussion. Her loyalty is supreme, and I can always depend on her. She's sensitive towards others and has a six sense about people and the circumstances and is almost always right when she has hunches. She really appreciates me and admires me.

We are still having a hard time today. I love grocery shopping together, (not sure why this is so potent for me, I think it goes back to my childhood.) and so we went grocery shopping and it seemed to salve the wounds. :wub:

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princess of doom   
princess of doom

:wub: I just love, love this string! All too often we get caught up in the negatives. It is refreshing to spend the time focusing on the positives, the moments of pure joy. Lady Girl, you never cease to amaze and inspire me.

I have been blessed with a couple of decades of a loving and whole marriage. Life is so much easier when you have someone to share it with. My greatest moment of joy was the day we were married. I was so consumed with joy, that I cried out throughout our vows. Never before, had I experienced such joy that it brought me to tears. His love embraces me.

Thank you all for searching for and appreciating the moments of joy. It is what carries us through some of the challenges.

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trany101   
trany101

I have a new story. My friend helps me in the dark room, she watches the time for the prints in the chemicals while I do all the lighting and enlarging stuff. She really helps out, I would probably be failing the class without her help. She went to help me again on Friday, but the professor didn't show up so I didn't get to make up a lab which I needed to do before I could develop the film to do the part my friend could help me with. I got grumpy. I started snapping at everyone and just being a rotten person. She sat there and let me be stupid. Then she drove me home, invited herself in, and made my day better by being quiet and just hanging around. Then it turned into the issue of she had to go home and it was two in the morning.

I am a psych major and my research focuses mainly on sexuality and gender. I have been talking to some of my asexual friends about this and they have given me wonderful ideas about what to study when it comes to asexuality. My professors think they are brilliant ideas and these friends have gotten me an independent study where I get to do another experiment! This project could be the thing that gives me an edge when I apply to graduate schools. If I get in, I will know who to thank. :)

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Mr. Shuttershy   
Mr. Shuttershy

Friendships count?

Well.

Gaw.

I'm going through a hard time right now, and I'm irritable and sad most of the time, but my friend is really sticking by me. She's really amazing. When I had confessed my romantic feelings for her, to which she rejected, because she's aro (I wish there asexual-aromantic support threads for the ace having feelings for the aro. Its a bit like sexual-asexual, just in that I have to accept and cherish all that she can give, and.. suspend my romantic feelings. Its not just an unrequited thing, we have talked about the fact that were between platonic and romantic. Rantrantrant sorry.) Anyways, even thougj I was rejected, we talked and decided it was all-or-nothing. She brought up the point that high school friendships rarely last, I portested, saying they can, but it'd be work. So, we both decided we'd work hard to keep together. I really.. I'm so happy for it. Its in these times when I see she meant it. I can see how much I mean to her.

I could write novels on her. xD;; I'll spare you.

But thanks Lady for this thread. If its ok, I see myself posting here often, even though its not sexual-asexual.

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Skullery Maid   
Skullery Maid

If its ok, I see myself posting here often, even though its not sexual-asexual.

Do it! It's important to appreciate the people close to us for what they give us and not just focus on what we wish they gave us. ;)

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Mr. Shuttershy   
Mr. Shuttershy

Double post, but ;-; she just told me her goal s to try new ways to make me feel appreciated.

Is that not just the sweetest thing? (i'm a bit uncomfy because I feel like a burden when people have to adjust to me though.)

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Bye Bye Birdy   
Bye Bye Birdy

There are sooooo many things! And I can't say any of them are connected to being asexual, of course. (Although she will never cheat.)

I was floored once again at her brilliance and simply fell in love with her all over again, and pinched myself at the luck of my life, that I get to know this person so intimately.

I'd just like to say thank you, because I can't tell you how inspiring it is to read this! Especially in a time when I feel like I'm surrounded by ugly conflicts, it gives me hope. It's reassuring to know that, sometimes, people can be wonderful and we can appreciate one another despite our differences.

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Lady Girl   
Lady Girl

Yesterday was Mr. LG's birthday, he's 49 now and says he feels good about that. :) We had a really nice day together...he took us out to eat with his birthday money and then wanted to stop at Barnes & Noble. He found a couple of good books for himself and then saw I was looking at a couple myself. He asked if I would like them and said he would buy them for me. I said yeah, I'd like them but didn't want him to spend his birthday money on me. He's so sweet he said, "It's my birthday, and my birthday money, I want to get them for you. Is there anything else you want here?" :wub:

Last week when we were talking about the changes at his work and him making less money but maybe working just as hard he said, "None of that really matters to me, as long as I've got you." Gulp, it really doesn't get much better than that! I love him so much. :wub: :wub: :wub:

Thanks again EVERYONE for posting such loving stories!!! Please keep them coming. :D I like to smile!

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Serran   
Serran

Boyfriend and I have been together 6 years. Our relationship was becoming stressed due to the sex issue. Then he found out about Aven, got mad, had his fit etc. The day after that though, he did a complete reversal. He came home and offered me a compromise, then when we agreed to it and went to actually perform said compromise, he asked me throughout if I was OK with this or that. He has NEVER done that before. So he's trying to be understanding and our relationship has been less stressful because of it. He even talked to my mom on the phone - something he usually never agrees to because she scares him, ha. And we made an agreement I am going to Florida to visit my family soon, he is taking care of the pets while I am gone (even though he hates cleaning litter boxes) because I don't trust any strangers to take care of them for me. :)

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Lady Girl   
Lady Girl

I mentioned earlier that we quite smoking together, that was clear last March! We are approaching 10 months quit. Wow. Thank you Mr. LG.

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Empty Chairs & Tables   
Empty Chairs & Tables

The only thing I have to say any more about him is that he was a selfish, cowardly asshole.

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jojo2003   
jojo2003

Such a great idea! I am running out of likes, so just a post to add.

I was working really late one evening and my partner came driving over to grab a bite to eat in a nearby restaurant. Just for me!

Like Lionel said: "Isn't she lovely?"

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learningtocope   
learningtocope

EDIT: Yesterday was a great example. We had lunch with a friend who's band is leaving on tour, and she came back to the office with me. Everyone else had already left so we closed up shop at about 3:30 and, since it was a rare sunny day, had some cocktails outside and chatted and chatted. We then went home and ended up drawing each other pictures on her iPhone (we were drawing hilarious pics of what we thought our bodies looked like... there's a whole series of them!). We went to see said friend's band play, came back home, and then sat and talked about past relationships for hours... she pulled out journals and read me some of the saddest entries from one of her horrible break ups, read her awful teenage poetry... it was great. I made a 4am breakfast snack and then we went to sleep. We ended up spending almost 10 hours just laughing and talking, one on one, without tv or music... and the awesome thing is, that's not unusual.

I love this post. This is a regular thing for my SO and I too. It is THE GREATEST thing I love about her. I have never had a connection so strong! Every time something gets me down; whether its a fight, work, bills, anything. I just think about it and look forward to the next time we can do that.

Another thing about her is everyday when I look into her eyes and the smile on her face I can see her love for me just shine. And it brightens up my day

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