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Not wanting a girlfriend is an illness?


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#1 Oswald

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Posted 08 March 2012 - 09:21 PM

I found this article pretty ridiculous. Aromanticism is not a coping mechanism. Geez.
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#2 Guest_member25959_*

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Posted 08 March 2012 - 09:29 PM

O nice. I must be pretty damn ill then. :P

#3 Po*

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Posted 08 March 2012 - 09:41 PM

That sucks.

But for some reason, I think the researcher was maybe talking about self confidence? That's just something I picked up.

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#4 DunceHat

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Posted 08 March 2012 - 10:54 PM

Whatever the researcher was actually talking about, what he said was both ignorant and offensive. People are so unaware of us that they say things that upset us without even realizing it. This just spreads the misunderstandings.
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#5 Vampyremage

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Posted 09 March 2012 - 12:00 AM

I'm not even really aromantic and I still found that to be more than a little ignorant. Why must so many assume that just because most people want something, if you happen to be a little different than the majority you are clearly ill?
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#6 Vdougie

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Posted 09 March 2012 - 12:30 AM

OH, MY GOD! I'M SICK! I'M DYING! I AM AROMANTIC, AND I HAVE NEVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND! QUICK! SOMEBODY TAKE MY TO THE HOSPITAL!

On a serious note, what that researcher said was not only false but ignorant. There are many people through out life and history who have been single and happy with their life. That "researcher" needs to do more research himself.

And why did he specifically mention "girlfriend" only? Why not boyfriends for females?

#7 Oswald

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Posted 09 March 2012 - 01:13 AM

Honestly, I have no clue. Maybe the publication's used to catering to a straight male demographic? Based on some of the comments, it was a pretty stupid assumption. Even not based on the comments, it was a pretty stupid assumption. :\
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#8 Samael

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Posted 09 March 2012 - 07:33 PM

Most of the people who commented on the idiotic article seemed to be total schmucks as well. There's no big surprise that aromanticism is not well-known. Sadly, these kinds of attitudes are common enough, and need to be constantly fought off if one is to make an effort at visibility.
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#9 Senwyn1

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Posted 10 March 2012 - 12:07 AM

OH, MY GOD! I'M SICK! I'M DYING! I AM AROMANTIC, AND I HAVE NEVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND! QUICK! SOMEBODY TAKE MY TO THE HOSPITAL!

On a serious note, what that researcher said was not only false but ignorant. There are many people through out life and history who have been single and happy with their life. That "researcher" needs to do more research himself.

And why did he specifically mention "girlfriend" only? Why not boyfriends for females?


Reminds me a bit of the House episode unfortunately. Aromantics: Lying, sick or dying.

I can probably help clarify why it's only focusing on males. The site is called 'kotaku' and otaku, in Japan, are typically characterised as overweight, obsessive, creepy, male anime fans (often equated with hikkikomori who are basically shut-ins). They're heavily marginalised and seen as quite disgusting, especially due to their fixation with anime girls (sometimes this is unfair but sometimes it seems justified - I've heard of male idol otaku masturbating before shaking the hand of their favourite idol with the besmirched hand!). Otaku is often used as a word of pride over here by anime fans, but I guess they don't get the meaning. It's highly derogatory, worse than geek.

Anyway, the focus on males is probably because of that. I mean there are female otaku too, but stereotypically they're male. And sorry if I come across as a complete japanophile - I used to be a strong anime fan and you pick up some of the terminology.

#10 Radioactive Goat

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Posted 11 March 2012 - 03:08 AM

http://heartiste.wor...xual-purgatory/

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#11 Faelights

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Posted 11 March 2012 - 08:18 AM

I get the sense that the researcher was talking specifically about people who DO feel romantic attraction, but then subsequently convince themselves that they don't need to pursue a relationship because they have low self-confidence, etc, as DunceHat pointed out, even though they actually want a relationship. Repression, as it were; I understand it's very difficult for people who don't know the difference to differentiate between repression and either asexuality and/or aromanticality.

To be honest, based on that impression, I feel that the title of the article misrepresents the researcher and that it is the writer who conflated repression of romantic desires that have a basis in romantic attraction, with not experiencing romantic attraction (aromantic), as if it's all the same thing. Seems like a case of oversimplification of research results by the media to me, similar to the case of the research, in Texas, if I remember correctly, that supposedly found that watermelons contain something similar to Viagra... Sexual stimulant or something, which subsequently led to a spike in watermelon sales... Except, it turns out, if you read the actual research, the substance was mostly found in the rind of the watermelon, which most people don't actually consume.

Well, without reading the original research, it's hard to tell what exactly the researcher meant, especially since it appears there is a bit of a language barrier as well.

#12 Shadow Link

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Posted 13 March 2012 - 08:10 PM

Why is it such a big deal to so many people, I don't understand why people have to get into other peoples business and it is always the same conclusion, so annoying. People should just leave other people to live their life as they want to.

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#13 Radioactive Goat

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Posted 14 March 2012 - 11:45 PM

It's because they're minorities.
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#14 Samael

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 01:17 AM

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2012/02/02/beta-of-the-month-asexual-purgatory/

Related.


The sheer volume of people with severe mental retardation commenting on the imbecile blog was mind-boggling. Their opinions are a good read for the purpose of getting angry, though.
There is dignity in suffering; nobility in pain; but failure is a salted wound, that burns and burns again !
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Therefore there is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way.

#15 . .

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 02:04 AM


http://heartiste.wor...xual-purgatory/

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The sheer volume of people with severe mental retardation commenting on the imbecile blog was mind-boggling. Their opinions are a good read for the purpose of getting angry, though.

Then I'm staying away from it. It's safer that way :)

#16 crucis

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 07:24 AM



http://heartiste.wor...xual-purgatory/

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The sheer volume of people with severe mental retardation commenting on the imbecile blog was mind-boggling. Their opinions are a good read for the purpose of getting angry, though.

Then I'm staying away from it. It's safer that way :)

Too late for me. I got more sad than angry though. These people are beyond hope, is all.. try looking at them from a dispassionate, sociological perspective.

#17 Nogitsune

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 03:44 PM

The sheer volume of people with severe mental retardation commenting on the imbecile blog was mind-boggling. Their opinions are a good read for the purpose of getting angry, though.


"Severe mental retardation"? Really? I get being angry, but that doesn't justify making an ableist comment like that.

As for that article, I like the title. It's good to know that so many heteroromantic women (and quite a few other people) are just as ill as I am!
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#18 Samael

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 09:28 PM


The sheer volume of people with severe mental retardation commenting on the imbecile blog was mind-boggling. Their opinions are a good read for the purpose of getting angry, though.


"Severe mental retardation"? Really? I get being angry, but that doesn't justify making an ableist comment like that.


Yes, really, and that's likely an understatement. Dunno if it's against the terms of use to use "foul" language, though, to descibe the reality of the blog in question. If there are kids reading this thread I should probably have used some foul language warning or something. :lol:
There is dignity in suffering; nobility in pain; but failure is a salted wound, that burns and burns again !
But I have not failed. Iíve just found 10,000 ways that wonít work.
Therefore there is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way.

#19 Nogitsune

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Posted 16 March 2012 - 02:37 AM

Yes, really, and that's likely an understatement. Dunno if it's against the terms of use to use "foul" language, though, to descibe the reality of the blog in question. If there are kids reading this thread I should probably have used some foul language warning or something. :lol:


...Whether or not kids are reading this thread, equating offensive bigots (which I assume the people in that comment thread are - I haven't read it myself) to people with mental disabilities is not okay.
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#20 Verust

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Posted 25 April 2012 - 08:47 PM

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2012/02/02/beta-of-the-month-asexual-purgatory/

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That link... bleh. The whole thing is just offensive to everyone not a "pure animal instinct" heterosexual man.

#21 Skullery Maid

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Posted 26 April 2012 - 12:44 AM

I get the sense that the researcher was talking specifically about people who DO feel romantic attraction, but then subsequently convince themselves that they don't need to pursue a relationship because they have low self-confidence, etc, as DunceHat pointed out, even though they actually want a relationship. Repression, as it were; I understand it's very difficult for people who don't know the difference to differentiate between repression and either asexuality and/or aromanticality.

To be honest, based on that impression, I feel that the title of the article misrepresents the researcher and that it is the writer who conflated repression of romantic desires that have a basis in romantic attraction, with not experiencing romantic attraction (aromantic), as if it's all the same thing. Seems like a case of oversimplification of research results by the media to me, similar to the case of the research, in Texas, if I remember correctly, that supposedly found that watermelons contain something similar to Viagra... Sexual stimulant or something, which subsequently led to a spike in watermelon sales... Except, it turns out, if you read the actual research, the substance was mostly found in the rind of the watermelon, which most people don't actually consume.

Well, without reading the original research, it's hard to tell what exactly the researcher meant, especially since it appears there is a bit of a language barrier as well.


Thank god. Sanity, thy name is Fae!!

The writer of the article was TRYING to piss you off. Keep in mind that the researcher was not the writer of the article. That article so biased and with so little actual text from the study as to be completely unreliable.

Here's another article, or posting, which provides some context for the study: Japan Fights Declining Population; Male Shut-Ins

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#22 Faelights

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Posted 26 April 2012 - 01:36 PM

Thank god. Sanity, thy name is Fae!!

My dear SM, I swear, if you praise me any more, I may develop an ego too large too sustain. :P

*hugs* :wub:

And thank you for the link, I liked that summary much better. ^_^

#23 NamTar

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Posted 27 April 2012 - 04:40 AM

And why did he specifically mention "girlfriend" only? Why not boyfriends for females?

LOL. I must be okay then, since I'm a girl.

Seriously though, it pisses me off so much when people try to pathologize other people's relationships or lack thereof. I think if you're happy doing whatever you're doing, it's fine. I'm happy being single and wish to remain that way, and I feel it's perfectly healthy for me.

But as others have said, the article is about people who want a girlfriend and feel they can't get one, not about people who legitimately do not want one.

#24 Beware The Demopan

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Posted 28 April 2012 - 10:28 PM

[looks at article, then laughs like a maniac] (THEM! AND THEIR LOGICIZED CRITICISMS!)>:lol: [stops laughing, reads other article, then gets a little pissed] Why these people treat virgins/asexuals/aromantics/antisexuals like lepers is beyond me! :angry: I don't have a girlfriend and I'm doing just fine (Though I have a crush on someone, but that's not important).
....We came in?



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#25 777777777

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 02:37 PM

http://heartiste.wor...xual-purgatory/

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WTF? Are they trying to be as offensive as possible?

The original article is also quite odd.
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#26 Ace McHeeb

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 04:04 PM

I said it afore an ahl say it agin, "What I don't do behind closed doors is NOBODY'S business!" I need to add that to my signature.
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#27 oneofthesun

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Posted 30 May 2012 - 10:38 PM

If you found an article saying that not wanting to drink pee was an illness would you believe that too?

Anyone can call themselves a "researcher" and even real researchers can have agendas. Why should you give a fig what any of these people say?
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#28 runester

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Posted 03 June 2012 - 03:51 AM

Now, this brings me back to my old saying: "Love is an illness." (meaning hetero-type) I used it for shock value, when I worked with older folks. It always brought them a good chuckle together.

#29 Haunted Trolley

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Posted 03 June 2012 - 07:40 PM

*Head explodes in contemplation*
You say it is what I think - I say it is what I know

You say it is what I choose - I say it is who I am

You say it is a matter of opinion - I say it is a matter of knowledge

#30 Beware The Demopan

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Posted 05 June 2012 - 01:58 AM

And why did he specifically mention "girlfriend" only? Why not boyfriends for females?

Probably because in society, males are not allowed to be virgins. Feck, even people in their teens are doing it. Next thing y'all know, elementary school-aged kids will start getting into the whole "sex craze" our society is in.

*Head explodes in contemplation*

Ditto!

Edited by Raccoons, 06 June 2012 - 05:50 PM.
Edited a quote

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Isn't this where....




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