Jump to content

Anyone ever hear of a lithromantic or identify as one?


Bellaitalia

Recommended Posts

So not a romantic interest in rocks, then?

:lol:

I've certainly had the experience of being madly infatuated with someone with them not knowing. This was my chem teacher in 10th grade, so I didn't want anyone to know, and it would have been a major problem if those feelings were reciprocated! But I think part of the agony was the fact that here was a person who, by all means, it didn't make sense for me to have these emotions about. And I could never express them. But it could have been that agony which fueled my feelings, for I guess that otherwise they wouldn't be nearly as strong.

I don't think I will ever have those sorts of feelings again, and that's partly due to this attitude that I've grown a little and I'd rather just be level headed.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 months later...

This seems really intriguing. I've never heard of it before. I don't think I am one, but I'd like to ask something from people who identify as such.

Do you engage in "shipping" of fictional characters? You know, it's what fans of, say, a certain book sometimes do on the internet. Writing fan stories where some of the characters are in love, that is. I somehow think that a lithromantic might be interested in that, since it doesn't require them to worry about that character loving them back. I even saw a fanfic where a character was crushing on another, but the other one not feeling the same, and I figure it might appeal to some of you?

I might be completely wrong though.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Another lith here. Also to answer the question about shipping: I don't write fanfic at all. I'm not terribly obsessed with shows/movies so as to write about the characters.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Yay! A new word!

I know I am perfectly happy being in love with someone who doesn't return my romantic feelings as long as we're friends and they're in my life. I definitely don't see being "friend zoned" as a bad thing. And then I do have sort of a habit of losing interest in people once they start getting needy. It's also a huge turn off when people like me TOO much... I don't think I've ever been interested in someone who expressed they were interested in me before I felt any kind attraction for them first. But I do think it'd be nice to be in a relationship with someone who loves me back... I just can't be with someone who is super clingy and over the top with expressing their love.

So I guess I can relate to lithoromantics a bit, but I don't actually identify as one.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Kitty Spoon Train

This is interesting...

Right off the bat, I need to mention that I'm extremely heteroromantic (and demisexual), so I'm clearly not aromantic in any true sense, but I have actually experienced something that echos this to some degree: squishes and crushes which I didn't (necessarily) want reciprocated, but I liked having them there and just enjoying the feeling. Basically, like the existence of the person and just being around them is soothing, and I admire things about them and enjoy being around them - but don't need or desire any kind of active relationship at all.

Hmm, well, even though this definitely isn't my orientation - it's good to know that such feelings can exist and that I'm not crazy. :lol:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I first saw this label in another thread and thought that it sounded kind of like me. The major difference, though, is that I do tend to want some reciprocation . . . just not a lot of it. I love flirting and such, but if I suspect they want anything more serious, I tend to get very uncomfortable.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Dame du Lac

I used to think I wanted to date and have boyfriends until I went on dates and had a boyfriend! Then I realised all attraction went out the window pretty quickly. Only in the last few years have I realised its the thought of a relationship that makes me back off rather than lack of sexual attraction. Since being on Aven I have had sex with a friend I previously had slept with but I realised I am comfortable with that because I know he does not want me as a girlfriend.

I can see why they picked a term suggesting rocks. It must feel like that to a person who is interested in me, can see I am attracted to them, but then won't let them in!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Do you engage in "shipping" of fictional characters? You know, it's what fans of, say, a certain book sometimes do on the internet. Writing fan stories where some of the characters are in love, that is. I somehow think that a lithromantic might be interested in that, since it doesn't require them to worry about that character loving them back. I even saw a fanfic where a character was crushing on another, but the other one not feeling the same, and I figure it might appeal to some of you?

I might be completely wrong though.

I do this a lot. In series and movies, my favourite characters were always those who were in love but didn't get the person (although this is very rare - usually, the one who doesn't get the person is "the bad guys", doesn't really want them for other than sex or gets someone new, who is more appropriate for them and reciprocates the love). Most of my fanfiction and storywriting in general was (and is) based on a lithromantic lead character.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Interesting! I wonder if that is why I only like people who don't like me back and am not interested in people that like me. For me it can get kind of frustrating and lonely.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Do you engage in "shipping" of fictional characters? You know, it's what fans of, say, a certain book sometimes do on the internet. Writing fan stories where some of the characters are in love, that is. I somehow think that a lithromantic might be interested in that, since it doesn't require them to worry about that character loving them back. I even saw a fanfic where a character was crushing on another, but the other one not feeling the same, and I figure it might appeal to some of you?

I might be completely wrong though.

I've never written fanfiction, but I've definitely had my lith aspects manifest in major crushes/squishes on fictional characters, including even those from cartoons... and between ages (ca.) 14-20, getting lost in full-fledged fantasy worlds where I (or an idealized persona of mine) would interact with them.

Curiously, that's what first brought me into tabletop RPGs, too, back in the days... our group played a lot of Pendragon (RPG with a King Arthur's knights setting), and I was obsessed with roleplaying "courtly amor" characters, which basically is lith squared - roleplaying a fictitious character rom-attracted to another fictitious character who doesn't even love him back. Yeah... come to think of it, now when I write it down it seems pretty messed up. :huh:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm like this, but with a bit of variation. I want my feelings to be requited, but I still don't necessarily want to have a long-term relationship with the person. I guess I'm interested in "casual romance", if that would be a thing. Although I think I could have a romantic relationship with the right person. I do feel uncomfortable when someone likes me romantically, but I always thought it was because they were sexualizing me as well.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm like this, but with a bit of variation. I want my feelings to be requited, but I still don't necessarily want to have a long-term relationship with the person. I guess I'm interested in "casual romance", if that would be a thing.

What would you consider to be "casual romance"? Would it be just flirting, or would you desire a more hands-off romantic relationship?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Azure.Providence

Very interesting--never heard of this before. I have a question. So once a Lith finds themselves attracted to someone what would they typically do? Pine from far away? Try to get all hot-n-heavy with someone who has no interest? Some combination thereof? I am very curious.

The only similar example that comes to mind is the cuckold community. Basically there is a group of people who get really sexually turned on when their partner does not desire to have sex with them(or more specifically the partner desires to have sex with anyone but them). Not exactly the same thing but that is what came to mind when I think of desiring non-reciprocated feelings.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 5 months later...

Glad I stumbled upon this forum and to see that I am not alone in the way I feel. The emotions that emerge while dating or learning of the affection of another always felt suffocating and inducing a sense of panic (all I would think of is how to escape/avoid the situation/person). I have up till now believed that I was just afraid of a comittment due to my inexperience when it comes to relationships. Figures it is not normal to feel slight disgust of a person that one previously fancied after the feelings have been reciprocated. It finally makes sense why it was so hard to let go of the one girl I dated, one that treated me coldly and was always just out of reach.

What bothers me is that I am not asexual and I have this emptiness inside, a hole that no piece seems to be able to fill. Are most of you happy with just having a crush? Anyone of you that managed to enter a relationship even though you are lithromantic?

Everything makes so much sense now! Explains why I always become so good friends with my pals girlfriends.

Strange how putting a name on something can make ones friends understand you better..

Link to post
Share on other sites
Great Thief Yatagarasu

I'm not lithromantic. But being grey-romantic, I can kind of relate, in that I can often be okay with people not liking me back romantically. Because hey, at least we're friends, right? On the other hand, I have been heart-broken before, so yeah. Plus, it'd be nice if the people I like like me back, because at least that evens out the relationship/friendship.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 5 months later...

Oh my god... Discovering this term has sparked a third epiphany!! I can't believe this. And to think that there are people who are just like me!! There aren't enough words to describe how I feel right about now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Benjaminthecoathanger

I didn't realise that that was an actual thing! I thought that maybe that was just another of my weird quirks.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Ugh, may be me, maybe not me. Became true when was having my first "real" crush. Butterflies were there, affection was there, then spooked out when it started to go a bit too fast. Quite sick and tired to think what I am.. demiromantic/aromantic/lithromantic.. so desided just to be asexual - no less, no more.

Link to post
Share on other sites
princesspeach

...I can fall in love and be attracted to a person but not desire reciprocation. The idea of being in an actual romantic relationship with them turns me off. In fact, I dont even want anything special from them, and I do not need to hear that they love me. I can choose to kiss them, maybe even enjoy having sex with them--but get turned off to know that they enjoy me a lot. Basically I want them to just be neutral with me--like me as a person. I love being around them and flirting and get butterflies when I see them just how anyone is while falling in love. But the second I feel that it's reciprocated, I back away.

This is me. I've been trying to figure out why I don't fit properly into this whole "Romantic-Demiromantic-Aromantic" business. What you said (emphasis added) describes me exactly. I can be well and truly in love with someone, and the moment it turns into a "Relationship" or I find out they reciprocate my feelings, the affection just...sort of curls up and dies. I'm kind of horrified by the idea of someone being in love with me - nothing to do with feeling undeserving or anything like that. It just makes me uncomfortable. I would be the happiest person in the world if I could just live with my best friend - literally, having it go no further than really fond feelings of friendship for either of us.

Also, that helps me make a little more sense out of the fact that I have no gender/attractiveness/age/body type preference for my crushes/semi-romances. It's completely about who they are as a person.

So...seriously, thank you for posting this, it just made everything click into place for me. I seriously was starting to think there was just something wrong with me, but...apparently I am not alone. smile.gif

Well niapri you pretty much summed up my life :) I had a crush on my guy best friend for like 2 years and then when he decided to like me back we started dating and it went downhill after like 2 weeks!! I just didn't really fancy him anymore, and now I think I understand :)

Maybe the lithromantic's perfect partner is a cat.

The scary thing is how much I've considered this :3

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 months later...

Hey! That kind of sounds like me, only I'm more in a physical sense as my profile says right now. I'm still sorting myself out I guess. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
words are futile devices

The more time passes, the more obvious it becomes that I am lithromantic through and through.

My romantic feelings come and go in waves. For weeks at a time I can be so in love with a person, so romantically attracted to them, so convinced that my life won't be complete without them (okay that's a slight exaggeration, but you get my point). Either they are aware of this attraction or they're not; it doesn't make a difference. There always comes a point at which my feelings begin to disintegrate, or just drop off entirely. If my feelings are never reciprocated, I know I'll eventually get over it and return to a state of not caring. If they are reciprocated, panic follows close behind. The feelings vanish instantaneously.

For the past month I've been swimming in romantic feelings for a particular person, who I've sort of been in love with for two years now. The difference this time, though, is that I actually admitted my feelings to him. And I explained my incapability of handling romantic relationships. I've been so hopeful that we could make it work somehow. But here it is, a month later, and I feel that attraction waning yet again. I'm beginning to think staying single is the better option, and getting involved with this person would only bring frustration, misunderstandings, and pain. Plus, I get the idea that he's not prepared to deal with this emotionally confused mess of a girl who sometimes feels romantic and sometimes not, oh and she's asexual, to top it all off. I can't blame him; why would he want me? I think I'm already mentally distancing myself from the idea of him because deep down, I know we're not ever going to work. Not with him being romantic and sexual and me being... me.

I've got to say, the constant up-and-down motion of my romantic interest in people makes me feel like more of a robot than a human sometimes. How I can be so passionately interested in someone one day, to feeling absolutely nothing about them the next? Do any other lithromantics struggle with guilt? I don't know why I am this way, and I just wish I could be either totally romantic or totally aromantic and spare myself, and others, the trouble.

/rant

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 months later...
StrangeCreature

The more time passes, the more obvious it becomes that I am lithromantic through and through.

My romantic feelings come and go in waves. For weeks at a time I can be so in love with a person, so romantically attracted to them, so convinced that my life won't be complete without them (okay that's a slight exaggeration, but you get my point). Either they are aware of this attraction or they're not; it doesn't make a difference. There always comes a point at which my feelings begin to disintegrate, or just drop off entirely. If my feelings are never reciprocated, I know I'll eventually get over it and return to a state of not caring. If they are reciprocated, panic follows close behind. The feelings vanish instantaneously.

For the past month I've been swimming in romantic feelings for a particular person, who I've sort of been in love with for two years now. The difference this time, though, is that I actually admitted my feelings to him. And I explained my incapability of handling romantic relationships. I've been so hopeful that we could make it work somehow. But here it is, a month later, and I feel that attraction waning yet again. I'm beginning to think staying single is the better option, and getting involved with this person would only bring frustration, misunderstandings, and pain. Plus, I get the idea that he's not prepared to deal with this emotionally confused mess of a girl who sometimes feels romantic and sometimes not, oh and she's asexual, to top it all off. I can't blame him; why would he want me? I think I'm already mentally distancing myself from the idea of him because deep down, I know we're not ever going to work. Not with him being romantic and sexual and me being... me.

I've got to say, the constant up-and-down motion of my romantic interest in people makes me feel like more of a robot than a human sometimes. How I can be so passionately interested in someone one day, to feeling absolutely nothing about them the next? Do any other lithromantics struggle with guilt? I don't know why I am this way, and I just wish I could be either totally romantic or totally aromantic and spare myself, and others, the trouble.

/rant

You're not alone, and we seem to share similar feelings...

I'm only just realizing that I'm lithromantic. I used to think that I was so strange...I tried to be romantic, but soon after I started dating, my feelings would vanish. If my love isn't reciprocated, however, my feelings just grow stronger and stronger. It's not that I feel guilt per-se, but I definitely do feel despair. Until now, I had always wondered why I seem to fall out of love as soon as someone starts really loving me back. It's an automatic response. There's absolutely nothing conscious about it. I don't sit around and think, "Hey! I want someone who does not reciprocate love for me". In fact, I wouldn't have thought that at all...but it does seem to be in my nature to get overwhelmed, and extremely uncomfortable, if someone fawns over me romantically. I dislike kissing. Long periods of cuddling is something I don't want to sit through, and holding hands is only okay for a short period of time. Interestingly, the only person I ever wanted to marry was more like a friend to me...and in the end, it turned out that he didn't love me back. I used to wonder if I was aromantic because of how incredibly uncomfortable I feel in truly romantic situations, and how I just became aggravated with someone who loved me back when we were dating...and yet...I do fall in love, and fall out of love very quickly. Sometimes the minute I break up with someone, I begin to feel romantic feelings for them again. My mother once told me (upon observation of all my relationships) that I'm a heart-breaker. It's true, even though I never mean to hurt anyone. I've cheated on people, broken up with them quickly, and ultimately been a terrible girlfriend...I'm currently in a queerplatonic partnership with an aromantic, and I'm the happiest I've been. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, I've heard of it. When I first did, I wondered if I might be one, but this belief has since passed. It's very hard to pinpoint if it might be a possibility because my romantic interests are very infrequent

Link to post
Share on other sites
Earth Sprite

Dear friends,

I have got some experience of that kind of personality for 5-10 years. (Don´t know how many years, because I can't say exactly, when the stalking process began & ended ... if it has ended :)

I have been trying to find out the dynamics of the mind acting that way. It would be interesting to know, whether some of you have been wrestling with the same things.

Please, would you mind me asking for one question.

Would it be practical enough to abandon the term 'lithromanticism' for understanding it one special type of 'masochism', in fact? (Moral/spiritual/non-physical masochism)? What do you think?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not lithromantic myself, but this sort of a/sexuality would definitely go a good way towards explaining why a seemingly good number of people who generally identify as entirely asexual are nevertheless quite happy to squish on fictional characters, where the risk of reciprocation is zero.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lambda Corvus

I'm not lithromantic myself, but this sort of a/sexuality would definitely go a good way towards explaining why a seemingly good number of people who generally identify as entirely asexual are nevertheless quite happy to squish on fictional characters, where the risk of reciprocation is zero.

I may be picking at nits here (and I apologize if this seems judgmental), but something must be addressed. It may be misleading to say "this sort of a/sexuality", when sexual orientation and romantic orientation are completely separate. I realize your intentions were far from malicious, but I just felt it needed to be emphasized for potential newcomers to the discussion.

Link to post
Share on other sites

That's fair, AlGorithm. Sometimes I'm not careful enough in proper use of terms.

Link to post
Share on other sites
StrangeCreature
Would it be practical enough to abandon the term 'lithromanticism' for understanding it one special type of 'masochism', in fact? (Moral/spiritual/non-physical masochism)? What do you think?

I don't think being lithromantic is masochistic at all. I'm certainly not a masochist. I don't want to be rejected or feel hurt at all. In fact, I can't stand the feeling of being neglected, abandoned, and under-appreciated. I simply like the in-between states of romance. I dislike when my partner fawns over me, and seem to lose interest in relationships I enter fairly quickly, especially if there is too much reciprocated romance. I prefer close platonic and queerplatonic relationships because they simply are more fulfilling to me, even if I do daydream about "true love".

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...