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Anyone ever hear of a lithromantic or identify as one?


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#1 Bellaitalia

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Posted 29 February 2012 - 12:25 AM

I got really excited because I found something that describes me completely!! :) and I was wondering if anyone heard of being a lithromantic or think you are one?

Basically as a lithromantic, I can fall in love and be attracted to a person but not desire reciprocation. The idea of being in an actual romantic relationship with them turns me off. In fact, I dont even want anything special from them, and I do not need to hear that they love me. I can choose to kiss them, maybe even enjoy having sex with them--but get turned off to know that they enjoy me a lot. Basically I want them to just be neutral with me--like me as a person. I love being around them and flirting and get butterflies when I see them just how anyone is while falling in love. But the second I feel that it's reciprocated, I back away. Can anyone relate?
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#2 Reflecting-Life

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Posted 29 February 2012 - 12:58 AM

No I've never heard of that before. But i am only a newbie figuring herself out as time goes on. It sounds like an interesting orientation :) I think I'll look into it to learn more. I want to learn as much
as I can cause all orientations are so interesting.

Glad you found a title that sums you up. It can tbe a great feeling of relief when that happens!!!!

#3 DejaVu

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Posted 29 February 2012 - 01:23 AM

holy crap! that might be me.
I'll like someone and/or want them to like me but as soon as they do its just the biggest turn off. Is that what that is?? i thought i was just being contrary
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#4 Starr

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Posted 29 February 2012 - 01:32 AM

Yes I have heard of Lithromantic before ( from tumblr ) and I may be one as well....just when I expressed that on another blog I was bombarded with questions from people believing it must be difficult for me or couldn't even fathom the idea that you don't want the person you love to love you back lol.
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#5 Bellaitalia

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Posted 29 February 2012 - 01:52 AM

Yep thats exactly how I am. I want them to like me back but not tell me in any way--the second I think they REALLY like me and they want more--nope..I get turned off and don't even want to be near them. I feel like I'm about to throw up when I find out someone likes me that much in that way. It's so strange but that's just me.
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#6 DejaVu

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Posted 29 February 2012 - 01:55 AM

hahahaha i know :lol:

#7 Starr

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Posted 29 February 2012 - 04:31 AM

Yep thats exactly how I am. I want them to like me back but not tell me in any way--the second I think they REALLY like me and they want more--nope..I get turned off and don't even want to be near them. I feel like I'm about to throw up when I find out someone likes me that much in that way. It's so strange but that's just me.


Well I've never felt like throwing up but ppl who have expressed romantic interest it sets off alarm bells in me and I get the urge to avoid them like a plague. I always thought this was because they wanted something that I didn't want but the thing with me is my romantic attraction works along the line of a demiromantic / grey romantic so probaby a mix of that and Lith lol

#8 mrwright

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Posted 29 February 2012 - 09:10 AM

I got really excited because I found something that describes me completely!! :) and I was wondering if anyone heard of being a lithromantic or think you are one?

Basically as a lithromantic, I can fall in love and be attracted to a person but not desire reciprocation. The idea of being in an actual romantic relationship with them turns me off. In fact, I dont even want anything special from them, and I do not need to hear that they love me. I can choose to kiss them, maybe even enjoy having sex with them--but get turned off to know that they enjoy me a lot. Basically I want them to just be neutral with me--like me as a person. I love being around them and flirting and get butterflies when I see them just how anyone is while falling in love. But the second I feel that it's reciprocated, I back away. Can anyone relate?

It's the first time I've heard about this (well, since I've been here I discovered many things I've never knew before). So it's like you're in love with someone but you like that person doesn't fall in love with you (so he acts normally as friend, right?). It's something really curious, if you feel happy this way, I'm glad :)

#9 RandomGirlK

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Posted 29 February 2012 - 02:51 PM

It fits me, on every crush except for the one I have now (with someone who wont reciprocate cause she isnt into girls), who I think I would be soooooooo happy if we were in a relationship, but before it was when I had a crush on a man and he did once say he had a crush on me as well, but I said I only liked him as a friend.

#10 PerfectlyDarkTails

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Posted 29 February 2012 - 03:44 PM

Heh... Yeah sounds like me, I'm one of those selfish receive rather than give types, more selfishsexual selfishromantic than lithrosexual :lol:

#11 TeddyMiller

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Posted 29 February 2012 - 07:08 PM

So not a romantic interest in rocks, then?

#12 MadRat

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Posted 29 February 2012 - 10:13 PM

I think I might be lithromantic (Ive never heard this word before). Ive never had a crush on accessible person. Only on unattainable ones - more like half-gods, mythical beings or something like this than "real" people.
 
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#13 maven

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Posted 29 February 2012 - 11:02 PM

I've heard of it! You guys have your own stripe on the Aromantic flag (not that it's ever used, lol). The definition I've heard is "individuals who experience romantic love but do not desire their feelings to be reciprocated."




...the whole lith=rock was the first thing I thought of too, not sure why they chose that prefix...

#14 skmetoff

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Posted 01 March 2012 - 10:47 PM

Whoa, I'm loving this thing! :D I'm talking about labels, how can anyone think they are limiting, there's one for everything!
And don't get me wrong, I'm not being sarcastic, I think I might be a lithromantic as well. I never knew how to call this trait of mine, so I explained with "I want to be unhappily in love". Nobody understood me because they thought - if you're unhappy in something, there's no way you can enjoy it, except if you're masochistic which I'm not. Although now I think I maybe wanted to be unhappily in love because I just wanted to be in that state of daydreaming and "squeezing stomach muscles" and so on, but I don't want to have to do anything about it. Also, maybe it was because I just didn't know I was asexual so falling for someone I couldn't have gave me (and others) an excuse why I'm single.
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#15 Gessekai

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Posted 01 March 2012 - 11:19 PM

*raises hand*

It's why I don't pursue my squishes, and why I feel no guilt about squishing on people who will never reciprocate or are already taken. I don't actively flirt or try to get their attention. I just happily and secretly nurse my "romantic" feelings (no sex though...I really don't care at all about that.) for them without ever showing it or feeling bad about it. As a matter of fact, as soon as I find out the person is already taken, it makes me even happier because I know there won't be any potential unwanted outcomes like reciprocation.

Also, as you may have noticed from speech, I can maintain more than one squish at a time without guilt. It's really quite refreshing. Now if only I can get my mother to stop whining that I'm only afraid of commitment...
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#16 Bellaitalia

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Posted 02 March 2012 - 12:47 AM

Oh my gosh you sound like me! Just today I had a long talk with my mom about my feelings towards relationships etc. I feel really depressed about it because she seems to think I have a problem and it's not normal to be the way I am. This is what I told her:

I feel really uncomfortable when I find out that people like me a lot in more than a friend way. I want them more when they dont want me--and I feel completely comfortable kissing them if I like them and don't know if they feel the same.. I feel uncomfortable when they express their emotions and say things like "you are so beautiful"..or they just text me a lot and actually tell me they like me. I find them annoying and just have no desire for them. I like just being single and on my own. And I also told her (Maybe a little tmi but Idc) that I just feel soooo awkward if I would ever have sex...like just the noises people make and things people say during it just grosses me out. And to know that the other person is getting pleasure from me grosses me out. Does anyone get/relate to what I'm saying?? I'm still trying to figure out why I'm like this. I'm not sure if I can completely say I am asexual..I'm on the fence about it still.
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#17 niapri

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Posted 02 March 2012 - 06:56 AM

...I can fall in love and be attracted to a person but not desire reciprocation. The idea of being in an actual romantic relationship with them turns me off. In fact, I dont even want anything special from them, and I do not need to hear that they love me. I can choose to kiss them, maybe even enjoy having sex with them--but get turned off to know that they enjoy me a lot. Basically I want them to just be neutral with me--like me as a person. I love being around them and flirting and get butterflies when I see them just how anyone is while falling in love. But the second I feel that it's reciprocated, I back away.


This is me. I've been trying to figure out why I don't fit properly into this whole "Romantic-Demiromantic-Aromantic" business. What you said (emphasis added) describes me exactly. I can be well and truly in love with someone, and the moment it turns into a "Relationship" or I find out they reciprocate my feelings, the affection just...sort of curls up and dies. I'm kind of horrified by the idea of someone being in love with me - nothing to do with feeling undeserving or anything like that. It just makes me uncomfortable. I would be the happiest person in the world if I could just live with my best friend - literally, having it go no further than really fond feelings of friendship for either of us.

Also, that helps me make a little more sense out of the fact that I have no gender/attractiveness/age/body type preference for my crushes/semi-romances. It's completely about who they are as a person.

So...seriously, thank you for posting this, it just made everything click into place for me. I seriously was starting to think there was just something wrong with me, but...apparently I am not alone. :)
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#18 Syatten

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Posted 02 March 2012 - 11:01 AM

Well, this is really interesting.
I have sometimes felt like that, as if the affection of another person was a burden. But I think that I do want to be reciprocated but without any sexual implications. Or maybe not. Because what Bellaitalia said about liking the other person in a neutral, objective way sounds really nice. However I think it's really difficult, because I'm totally not objective when I fall in love.

I'm a bit confused about my feelings right now, so I'll think about this and will follow this thread. Thanks for the interesting topic ^_^
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#19 skmetoff

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Posted 02 March 2012 - 04:11 PM

Does lithromantics also separate into lithomoromantics, litheteroromantics and lithbiromantics?

#20 Ace Konstance

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Posted 02 March 2012 - 04:17 PM

Quite similar to mine and yet different. I fall in love with a gay fictional character and is happy this way. But I imagine myself as a top gay for him instead of a gal, even though I am a girl.

#21 Bellaitalia

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Posted 02 March 2012 - 05:43 PM

Niapri-- I am the same way. Only my "crushes" on males are different than females. For males, I become infatuate and obsessed and get excited when they pay me attention/flirt with me. I do want to take it to the next level eventually but I am scared. I back away when they start coming on to me too soon and find things about them that turn me off. I guess i do that to avoid intimacy.

With girls, I feel totally comfortable around them and love them as friends. When they show me attention I just get happy in a friendly way to hang out--not obsessive at all. And I definitely dont desire for them to be more romantic with me at all.

Yes lithromantics would separate into categories...so I guess I am a heterolithromantic--maybe Demi. I'm still so confused since my attraction towards girls is more of an admiration thing and I want to be just like them/them be my beat friend.
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#22 Avery_N_Co

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Posted 13 March 2012 - 09:33 PM

Well, it took a few months, and I have known this for about a month. But I am heterodemilithromantic asexual. If that doesn't make labels confusing, I have no idea what does...
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#23 Butts Galore

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 01:48 AM

Not me, but I've heard of it, yes.

#24 Jockey

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 03:07 AM

I don't think I'd heard the term. It sounds sort of like me! I sort of... like people very intensely and want to spend some time with them without wanting them to like me much. But I don't want to have sex with them, no matter who initiates. I'm not sure if I have had a sexual feeling towards them at all.

Although actually, it's been awhile since I really felt this way about anybody. But it is how I felt about a lot of people in my preteens, teens through about age 21.
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#25 Delphi Doll

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 03:22 AM

Wow it seems like more posters identify with this label than not!
I don't, but it's an interesting term and makes me wonder the "causes" of it, just out of curiosity.
*adds another term to her list*
I'm finding this site to be extremely informative already.
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#26 planetgeorge

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 03:25 AM

I got really excited because I found something that describes me completely!! :) and I was wondering if anyone heard of being a lithromantic or think you are one?

Basically as a lithromantic, I can fall in love and be attracted to a person but not desire reciprocation. The idea of being in an actual romantic relationship with them turns me off. In fact, I dont even want anything special from them, and I do not need to hear that they love me. I can choose to kiss them, maybe even enjoy having sex with them--but get turned off to know that they enjoy me a lot. Basically I want them to just be neutral with me--like me as a person. I love being around them and flirting and get butterflies when I see them just how anyone is while falling in love. But the second I feel that it's reciprocated, I back away. Can anyone relate?


Yes!! I believe that accurately describes me and my girlfriend. We are both very much in love with each other but do not desire sex. Thanks for posting this!

#27 cleuchtturm

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 03:32 AM

I've never heard of it. Though I don't identify as it, it's what always winds up happening to me. -_-

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#28 maven

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 03:47 AM


I got really excited because I found something that describes me completely!! :) and I was wondering if anyone heard of being a lithromantic or think you are one?

Basically as a lithromantic, I can fall in love and be attracted to a person but not desire reciprocation. The idea of being in an actual romantic relationship with them turns me off. In fact, I dont even want anything special from them, and I do not need to hear that they love me. I can choose to kiss them, maybe even enjoy having sex with them--but get turned off to know that they enjoy me a lot. Basically I want them to just be neutral with me--like me as a person. I love being around them and flirting and get butterflies when I see them just how anyone is while falling in love. But the second I feel that it's reciprocated, I back away. Can anyone relate?


Yes!! I believe that accurately describes me and my girlfriend. We are both very much in love with each other but do not desire sex. Thanks for posting this!

Lithromantic is a romantic orientation, not sexual orientation. It has nothing to do with whether or not you desire sex, whether you feel sexual attraction, or whether you identify as asexual/sexual/grey-a/demi. Lithromantics feel romantic attraction towards people, but do not need that romantic attraction to be reciprocated by the other person. Lithromantic isn't about being nervous or worried when approaching a crush, it's about not needing your crush to like you back. In fact, both the liths I've known do not want reciprocation. They feel romantic love or strong romantic feelings for someone and would prefer those feelings not be returned. Neither of them want to be in relationships (this may not describe all lithromantics), they prefer to feel their love from afar.

On another note: I've often thought that a lithromantic + aromantic pairing would be perfect. No danger of your partner falling in love with you. The lith would be perfectly happy loving the aro without needing romantic love in return.
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#29 Qwerty

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 10:45 AM

But if the relationship isn't reciprocated or responded in some way then it's not really a relationship. Not to make fun of it but it is like being in love with a rock. If you don't know if the rock loves you back then it's not a relationship.

I see myself as the perfect partner for the lithromantic. On several occasions I've met a nice girl and thought she was really fantastic and interesting. I thought about her every single day. But I never phoned her back. Zero relationship.

Maybe the lithromantic's perfect partner is a cat.
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#30 Hexagon

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Posted 15 March 2012 - 11:33 AM

Thats almost me... maybe exactly. Although I'm not sure about the kissing.
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