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newgirl

40's

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Beachwalker

Pfffftttt - not remembering what day it is is normal :P

Yay it's nice to feel normal sometimes :)

I shall be forty next year, my dirty thirties are a bit of a let down. I thought I might finally find my sex drive since women are meant to hit their sexual peak in their thirties but NO I found aven instead, still I guess it's good to know I am not alone :)

Who knows what the forties will bring.

I quite like the word spinster and may start addressing myself as such. Even if I was sexually inclined I think I would still be a spinster and maybe even a cougar.

LOL I have been waiting to hit my so-called 'sexual peak' since I found out there was such a thing.

I think it must have seen me and run away screaming years ago.

I have hit my romantic peak, however. I think so, anyway. And it's kinda nice. Being in my 40s is actually far more liberating than

being in my 30s....I think I was still holding onto vestiges of my younger years when I was told it was TERRIBLE to be anywhere past

30! :blink:

I also feel I may be hitting my romantic peak since I have an awesome girlfriend who is also asexual.

Yeh I never considered the possibility of a sexless relationship until finding Aven but am now slowly turning the idea around in my brain. Still not sure if it's something I would want but I wouldn't rule it out either!

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Peaceful & Happy

I feel more older and wiser. I am 48.

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newgirl

I think Oprah once said on her show" women life "begins" at 40

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papab

Pfffftttt - not remembering what day it is is normal :P

Yay it's nice to feel normal sometimes :)

I shall be forty next year, my dirty thirties are a bit of a let down. I thought I might finally find my sex drive since women are meant to hit their sexual peak in their thirties but NO I found aven instead, still I guess it's good to know I am not alone :)

Who knows what the forties will bring.

I quite like the word spinster and may start addressing myself as such. Even if I was sexually inclined I think I would still be a spinster and maybe even a cougar.

LOL I have been waiting to hit my so-called 'sexual peak' since I found out there was such a thing.

I think it must have seen me and run away screaming years ago.

I have hit my romantic peak, however. I think so, anyway. And it's kinda nice. Being in my 40s is actually far more liberating than

being in my 30s....I think I was still holding onto vestiges of my younger years when I was told it was TERRIBLE to be anywhere past

30! :blink:

I also feel I may be hitting my romantic peak since I have an awesome girlfriend who is also asexual.

Yeh I never considered the possibility of a sexless relationship until finding Aven but am now slowly turning the idea around in my brain. Still not sure if it's something I would want but I wouldn't rule it out either!

Same here....with (late) thirties came a determination to accept myself for myself and a single life. But since finding Aven I'm definitely giving it some thought.

LOL - Not that I'd even know where to start :unsure:

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Rolling Everforward

I am 44 this week.

I feel alienated, mostly. I felt that way in my teens and early 20s, and have started feeling that way again over the last 2-3 years.

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Rolling Everforward

Hey I'll join the alienation club if you'll agree to be president. I've felt like an outsider my whole life. I hate it. But that's just how it is. Sometimes I think it'd be a relief to get hit by a bus and just end this nonsense while I still have my health. Other times I figure I'm just being melodramatic and hormonal.

My thoughts are frequently melodramatic. When I was a teen, I would fantasize about living in an empty town - all the amenities, none of the people. The memory of those fantasies just popped up a couple of weeks ago.

I don't like alienation. I'd just like some people to understand what I'm feeling, and everyone else to leave me alone.

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Beachwalker

I am 44 this week.

I feel alienated, mostly. I felt that way in my teens and early 20s, and have started feeling that way again over the last 2-3 years.

Hope you have a good birthday :) :cake:

Alienated is an interesting word. In what sense of the word do you mean it?

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Cousin It

I've felt alienated pretty much all of my life too - maybe longer.

I actually quite like it. Alienated people can observe without feeling the need to participate.

And this just popped into my head - a quiz for 40-somethings. Identify this quotation:

'My music's all about urban alienation ... apparently'

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Rolling Everforward

I am 44 this week.

I feel alienated, mostly. I felt that way in my teens and early 20s, and have started feeling that way again over the last 2-3 years.

Hope you have a good birthday :) :cake:

Alienated is an interesting word. In what sense of the word do you mean it?

In the sense of feeling like what's important to other people isn't important to me, and vice versa. This causes me to be less interested in society, and terse when I do interact.

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Beachwalker

I am 44 this week.

I feel alienated, mostly. I felt that way in my teens and early 20s, and have started feeling that way again over the last 2-3 years.

Hope you have a good birthday :) :cake:

Alienated is an interesting word. In what sense of the word do you mean it?

In the sense of feeling like what's important to other people isn't important to me, and vice versa. This causes me to be less interested in society, and terse when I do interact.

Yeh I'm a bit like that which is probably why I am single I would rather be alone than with someone who annoys me. I enjoy my own company but I do like social interaction as well but as long as its with people I like and in an environment I feel comfortable in. Nightclubs I feel uncomfortable, pubs are more my cup of tea. A barbecue at a friends house or social drinks down the beach rather than a fundraising ball. Rarely do I put myself in a situation I know I wont like anymore but when it's unavoidable like a wedding, I just grin and bear it.

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Rolling Everforward

I am 44 this week.

I feel alienated, mostly. I felt that way in my teens and early 20s, and have started feeling that way again over the last 2-3 years.

Hope you have a good birthday :) :cake:

Alienated is an interesting word. In what sense of the word do you mean it?

In the sense of feeling like what's important to other people isn't important to me, and vice versa. This causes me to be less interested in society, and terse when I do interact.

Yeh I'm a bit like that which is probably why I am single I would rather be alone than with someone who annoys me. I enjoy my own company but I do like social interaction as well but as long as its with people I like and in an environment I feel comfortable in. Nightclubs I feel uncomfortable, pubs are more my cup of tea. A barbecue at a friends house or social drinks down the beach rather than a fundraising ball. Rarely do I put myself in a situation I know I wont like anymore but when it's unavoidable like a wedding, I just grin and bear it.

I like company when I want it. That's obviously a very selfish attitude to have, and hard on one's friends/partners. I have a hard time making myself available, or showing interest, when I'm not in the mood for company.

It's not that people always annoy me... but there are times when almost anyone will be annoying to me.

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Rolling Everforward

I am 44 this week.

I feel alienated, mostly. I felt that way in my teens and early 20s, and have started feeling that way again over the last 2-3 years.

Hope you have a good birthday :) :cake:

Alienated is an interesting word. In what sense of the word do you mean it?

In the sense of feeling like what's important to other people isn't important to me, and vice versa. This causes me to be less interested in society, and terse when I do interact.

That's a good explanation of the feeling. I wouldn't be surprised if most people feel that way and just pretend they don't, in order to protect their self esteem. Or they might not even be aware they have a choice to be uninterested in what society is into. There's plenty of people who feel displaced and alienated though. Art and literature deal with those themes often. I think its necessary to feel that way to find yourself in context.

But anyway, I talk too much.

When I was much younger, I would look at some couples and think, "wow, they look so happy, why am I not happy?"

Then, as I became more knowledgeable about people and relationships (which is not to say I am very knowledgeable - I am just more knowledgeable than I was), I realized that a lot of people who seem happy, aren't. They're faking it, because that's easier than admitting they're not happy and changing the way they live their lives. As the saying goes... for everyone who seems perfect in every way, there is someone out there who is sick of their sh!t.

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Blitzentan

Pinning this thread so it doesn't get lost :)

Tanwen

Older Asexuals Mod

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Blitzentan

Thanks, SGE :D

*Goes to look for a red carpet :lol: *

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Lady Girl

When I was much younger, I would look at some couples and think, "wow, they look so happy, why am I not happy?"

Then, as I became more knowledgeable about people and relationships (which is not to say I am very knowledgeable - I am just more knowledgeable than I was), I realized that a lot of people who seem happy, aren't. They're faking it, because that's easier than admitting they're not happy and changing the way they live their lives. As the saying goes... for everyone who seems perfect in every way, there is someone out there who is sick of their sh!t.

Hi! I've been thinking about this for a couple of days now...and I totally know what you mean. I always thought the same thing. I've started to change my mind on this a little bit though. I don't think most are faking it, I think many may just have the good common sense to keep their troubles at home. I mean, how uncomfortable would it be if everyone walked around wearing their emotions on their sleeves? We would see a lot more fighting and crying in public and that would be, well, awful.

I guess I think people are happy sometimes and sometimes not, and there are proper times and places to show it either way.

I think it's important though to realize that when we get all sad and think that everyone is happier than us, we are only thinking of the public face.

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newgirl

I didn't get my first official boyfriend until I was 40 year old and I'm glad he didn't come into my life until now.

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nbtxdude

Doesn't feel any different than when I hit 20 or 30.. Other than I'm older and frailer. No relationships, no nothing... :(

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blondie12

The Forties aren't bad. I often think I'm 47 and falling apart, but my mind is young.....I work out and enjoy life, then I injure myself and can't heal like I could in my twenties and thirties. Life is what you make it, age is just a number. Life is good, I can't complain.......

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Alphaprocess

My thoughts are frequently melodramatic. When I was a teen, I would fantasize about living in an empty town - all the amenities, none of the people. The memory of those fantasies just popped up a couple of weeks ago.

Before I read this, I was wandering around my area at six-ish this morning and thinking exactly that - how nice this area is with nobody about and wouldn't it be nice etc. Though normally I don't go so far as to not want anyone about, ever.

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Rolling Everforward

I used to like walking in the middle of the night, back when I had the kind of job that was supportive of being up in the middle of the night.

Unfortunately, while there are a lot less people around at 2 AM, the ones who are around are frequently crazy (I am cognizant of the implication there!).

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Peaceful & Happy

I like being able to stay up all night the crazy people are at home, I out loose on the streets :ph34r:

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seneca

The real problem with being a 46 year old single male is people look at you real funny. They assume you're either gay or a pedophile. ( been accused of both) When you try to explain the truth, no one believes you. They want their own version of reality.

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newgirl

Even though i have a male friend in my life, I don't have a problem being single and "alone"

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Aspiecat

Pinning this thread so it doesn't get lost :)

Tanwen

Older Asexuals Mod

Yay! Thank you!

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Aspiecat

One of the things that annoys me is the contradiction of society's views on how women should behave, especially as said women enter their "middle years" (ugh). We are told "40 is the new 30" and that women are now empowered and able to do so much more than they once did.

So how am I supposed to find a job when I am constantly told "sorry, we are looking for more junior staff", "sorry, you are over-qualified" and "sorry, we're afraid you might have to see to your child at a moment's notice"? Hm...well, the last is an exaggeration, but you catch my drift, right?

Women who reach their 40s are supposed to have totally independent high school or university-aged children, not barely-turned 13 year olds with Autism who need their mother to NOT be out of the house from 7am to 7pm five days a week. Yet we hear all the time about how society has changed its attitude towards women and we are now supported in re-entering the workforce, with so many family-friendly employers they're practically falling over themselves. Yeah, right. I don't think so.

And what is this about "cougars"? If a 43 year old man started dating a 26 year old woman, a few eyebrows would go up, but not many. In fact, anyone who questioned the age disparity would most likely be shot down by sensible people, and told "who cares about such an age gap? It's perfectly fine". Yet when it's the WOMAN who is 43 and the MAN who is 26, hoo boy! That is definitely an eyebrow-raiser! There is even a bloody Cougar Formula (divide the woman's age by 2, then add 7...if the number is higher than the man's age, she is a cougar). But once the woman turns 50, the formula then states she is NOT a cougar, because the man's age climbs above the answer!

What is more, there is NO formula for the situation where the ages are reversed. Interesting, huh? And yes, in case you haven't already worked out, the above is about me and my SO. I have to wait until I am 50 before I am not considered a cougar (although I always thought a cougar was more a state of mind thing, where older women actively sought out younger men, and I certainly did not seek out my SO!).

There are times when I think "older" women are not much better off than they were a generation ago - and perhaps have a harder time, as they are expected to be Oprah, Michelle Obama and Sigourney Weaver, all in one package. But without millions of dollars at my fingertips, without nannies and staff to command when I need something done, without a personal trainer seeing me every single day, and without a stylist and Botox, well, I am still expected to be like these "women of the people...women who understand your life as a middle-aged woman in the 21st century".

Gimme a break, FFS.

Society is actually as eager to class women, particularly those who are no longer "young and pert", below men, as it was 30, 40 years ago. Only nowadays we are supposed to be genetically-modified or something. Coz *I* sure as Hell am still waiting for all the accolades to come my way simply for being so flipping fantastic!

:mad:

Hm...rant over, methinks.

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