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Now I have a question for you all. Do any of you home school? I do (I cheat a little and do public school online). If you do, how do you connect with other parents/students? I'm an introvert and hate "going out" but force myself to because my little ones are not introverts, and they need interaction regardless. How do you handle it, even if you don't homeschool? (Lol, if you are introverted like me, I mean).

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  • 2 weeks later...
radi0act1ve

I don't actually have any questions or anything to add, I just wanted to say hi. I'm new, and I already like this thread. I have two boys from a previous relationship, and whenever the subject of sexual orientation comes up, I tend to skirt it due to the "oh, you have kids that must mean you had sex = not a real asexual" thing coming out of somebody's mouth. My boys aren't even close to thinking about being attracted to people yet but I am already worrying about what to say.

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LuxuryPenguins

I have a question for all the ace mums or people who have had children in this thread. I am 18 and my platonic partner is 17. Neither of us are ready for kids and we are both in school but we do have serious plans to have at least one child together. I was wondering if anyone had advice that they'd be willing to share about being asexual and pregnant. If there are any parents who got pregnant without having sex I'd really like some advice on that as well, especially if there is a way to do it that doesn't cost thousands of dollars and doesn't involve a turkey baster;)
I know this doesn't relate to the thread but it is filled with ace parents so I thought I'd stick my head out and ask.

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QueenCreole

Hey aces! ♠️

Just wanted to say I love this thread. I'm the mom of one and an ace!

Queen

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I have a question for all the ace mums or people who have had children in this thread. I am 18 and my platonic partner is 17. Neither of us are ready for kids and we are both in school but we do have serious plans to have at least one child together. I was wondering if anyone had advice that they'd be willing to share about being asexual and pregnant. If there are any parents who got pregnant without having sex I'd really like some advice on that as well, especially if there is a way to do it that doesn't cost thousands of dollars and doesn't involve a turkey baster;)

I know this doesn't relate to the thread but it is filled with ace parents so I thought I'd stick my head out and ask.

I am a single woman who has a baby from IVF with a sperm donor... which is an expensive way to do it. But artificial insemination with a doctor is not that expensive if you don't want to do it at home with a turkey baster.

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turkey baster? I now have visions of kids with names like sanderson, nugget, tenderloins and thanksgiving. :lol:

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Hello all! I've posted a few times on various places around AVEN but I figured I'd post here as well. I am a mom of 5 (soon to be 6). I love my kids, I have always wanted my kids, I just have never really liked getting them, but that's posted elsewhere.

I have a wonderful (but very sexual) husband, am a stay-at-home mom and we do homeschool. My kids are 17, 15, 14, 11, 2, and due in August. The oldest three are girls, the younger are boys including the new baby.

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MariposaAzul

Hi all... I am a bit of a lurker but love this thread...

So I am posting because my life just got "officially" complicated and I am feeling a need for some digital hugs/support.

My husband of ten years and I just had a very truthful and heartfelt conversation today... and we have concurred that our romantic relationship is over, and in the future(near at least) we don't see its revival being a plausible possibility.

We have two amazing daughters and will probably stay legally married as right now it seems the best option for them...

and we both still feel like family, just not romantic... so yah that will be complicated figuring out a clear and fair system of responsibilities, etc, etc.

I have been looking at polyamory type sites as that seems like it might offer some good strategies on dealing with co-parenting in unique situations :)

One other hiccup that made me very interested in a recent post... Both of us would love to have a third child but don't want to conceive through sex... so have to decide if it would be too strange to do artificial insemination or what ever :P

Anyhow, it feels so nice/helpful to know that you all are out there... may have gone through similar situations... may have had similar feelings... so thanks for just being there!

Went to pride today and felt just a tad marginalized in an already marginalized sector :P

and of course any thoughts, similar situations, etc and etc, will be gratefully received and added to the giant planet of "ideas that need to be sorted out" that is currently orbiting my psyche :)

Good luck, Good love, and thanks to everyone!

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QueenCreole

Now I have a question for you all. Do any of you home school? I do (I cheat a little and do public school online). If you do, how do you connect with other parents/students? I'm an introvert and hate "going out" but force myself to because my little ones are not introverts, and they need interaction regardless. How do you handle it, even if you don't homeschool? (Lol, if you are introverted like me, I mean).

Hey I homeschool. My life really revolves around my family and close friends. Our outings are usually a trip to the store, to a friend's house or a restaurant. I think regular interations are the best. I don't try to force anything.

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Now I have a question for you all. Do any of you home school? I do (I cheat a little and do public school online). If you do, how do you connect with other parents/students? I'm an introvert and hate "going out" but force myself to because my little ones are not introverts, and they need interaction regardless. How do you handle it, even if you don't homeschool? (Lol, if you are introverted like me, I mean).

Hey I homeschool. My life really revolves around my family and close friends. Our outings are usually a trip to the store, to a friend's house or a restaurant. I think regular interations are the best. I don't try to force anything.

I homeschool too, though I do have some who take some classes at the local public school. We live in a state that allows dual enrollment. :)

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  • 3 weeks later...
DreamingThinker

I am not a parent, nor am I at a suitable age to start having children, but my dream in life is to be a great mom some day. I know I'd like to adopt some kids from around the world, but I'd also really like to have at least one of my own, so I can have the entire experience and see myself in my kid etc., but I don't know how it'll end up when the topic comes of having kids and doing what it takes to do so. I've never felt sexual attraction and fear what it'll be like part taking in the action of intercourse when it doesn't appeal to me, I fear offending my future significant other by seeming disinterested and I don't know what I'd do when I'd have to explain to my kids in the future what it's like to start feeling things that I've never felt myself. So I guess my question is, what is it like being an asexual parent? Also how do you get past your feelings in order to have a kid? What added stresses do you think there are in being an asexual parent? Thank you for your time :)

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I am not a parent, nor am I at a suitable age to start having children, but my dream in life is to be a great mom some day. I know I'd like to adopt some kids from around the world, but I'd also really like to have at least one of my own, so I can have the entire experience and see myself in my kid etc., but I don't know how it'll end up when the topic comes of having kids and doing what it takes to do so. I've never felt sexual attraction and fear what it'll be like part taking in the action of intercourse when it doesn't appeal to me, I fear offending my future significant other by seeming disinterested and I don't know what I'd do when I'd have to explain to my kids in the future what it's like to start feeling things that I've never felt myself. So I guess my question is, what is it like being an asexual parent? Also how do you get past your feelings in order to have a kid? What added stresses do you think there are in being an asexual parent? Thank you for your time :)

My husband and I have spent years back and forth with my sexuality because we never really understood it until recently. We truly spent years waiting for my sex drive to "kick in". Having found AVEN and been able to explain that it's just me and it's not going to be "fixed" has changed the expectation in our relationship, nothing else, but because of that expectation change, the stress has lessened a lot. Coming from knowing and being able to explain it, you can hopefully find someone who will understand and not feel offended, hurt, angry, or any of the other things we've been through over this over the years.

As for explaining to the kids... trust me, it's not too difficult. :unsure: I have 3 teenage daughters, all of whom have very "normal" tendencies. They come home talking about boys and crushes and they stop and stare at guys on TV (sometimes I swear I can see them drooling!). It's not a difficult conversation, in part, because the advice is still the same. (At least from me.) Consider me old-fashioned if you will, but I tell them to wait until they are married to act on those impulses for several reasons. I'd like to think I'm doing something right, my 17 year old is still a virgin and not because she's asexual (believe me, the girl is DEFINITELY attracted to boys!).

The biggest stresses, for me, have been the relationship with my husband which is improving all the time and, to some degree, understanding why my teenage daughters behave the way they do sometimes. (I never did understand all the "girly" things the teenage girls did when I was one, oh well.) I have a few close friends who are helpful in that respect. They know what I'm facing and they are quick to offer their insight when I ask.

Feel free to PM me anytime. :D

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Greetings,

I am a 28 year old asexual mama to a 22 month old girl. I have been married to my husband, who is sexual, for almost 3 years. I discovered AVEN about a month ago, and it has felt like a breath of fresh air to me.

I absolutely love being a mom, and I honestly look forward to having more children if my marriage survives our current bought of turbulence. I haven't been able to really discuss asexuality with my husband, as all attempts at communication at the moment are just met with him stonewalling.

So many of my acquaintances talk about pregnancy and birth in a sexual way (e.g. How sexy and goddess-like it made them feel, and how giving birth is the epitome of sexuality, etc.) I seem to be the only one that doesn't share these sentiments, though I don't feel that my story should be any less valuable, or that there is anything wrong with me as a result.

Pregnancy was a bit awkward in some ways. I felt like it was a big announcement to the world that, yes, I did engage in sexual relations. And all personal boundaries seemed to disappear when I was pregnant. People (including random strangers) would ask questions that would never be said to a non-pregnant person. And everyone felt like they had a right to touch you, and know all the intimate details concerning you. Yet no one was really interested in you or how you really felt about it all.

I was so happy to have been able to have a homebirth assisted by a midwife. I'm quite self conscious, and it was stress-reducing to know that only the midwife, my doula, and my husband would be present at that moment. No surprise visitors, no random strangers, no unnecessary poking and prodding.

Anyway, sorry about the rambly post! I look forward to getting to know other asexual parents and hearing your perspective on being a parent :)

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I have a question for all the ace mums or people who have had children in this thread. I am 18 and my platonic partner is 17. Neither of us are ready for kids and we are both in school but we do have serious plans to have at least one child together. I was wondering if anyone had advice that they'd be willing to share about being asexual and pregnant. If there are any parents who got pregnant without having sex I'd really like some advice on that as well, especially if there is a way to do it that doesn't cost thousands of dollars and doesn't involve a turkey baster;)

I know this doesn't relate to the thread but it is filled with ace parents so I thought I'd stick my head out and ask.

this can be easily done if he is willing to masturbate so that you can use his sperm.

it can all be done with no sexual contact between you two, in your own home and NO cost.

if he cannot do that then it gets more complicated....and pricey

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aspieace91

I totally agree with your opening post in this thread. I have just recently discovered AVEN and that there is a word to describe my lack of desire for sex. However, I do want to have my own kids someday. In the past, I can remember thinking to myself that I want kids, I just dont really want to have to have sex for that to happen. I feel like I would just feel awkward about it and just be going through the motions just to get it over with. I have thought about adoption a little bit. My aunt and uncle do foster care and I am their nanny. They have 2 kids that they got at 4 days old from the hospital. One has been adopted. So it i possible to adopt a baby. I know that. But dealing with all the legal stuff as well as the emotional stuff that comes with fostering and adopting is something that I think just isnt for me. Kudos to those who do foster. I have a lot of respect for foster parents. But it just isnt for me. I really do want my own kids. But I also have this uneasiness about letting myself fall in love with a sexual guy, because it wouldnt be fair to him to make him abstain from sex just because that is what I want. I am really conflicted with myself. Now that I have realized the reason for my uneasiness about relationships, I kind of worry about my future a little bit. Part of me hopes I will end up being demi sexual when I find that one special guy, but what if I dont? Then what? And what if I do happen to find another ace who also happens to want his own kids? I guess it will just be awkward and trying to get it over with for both of us?

I know there are ways of becoming pregnant without actually having sex, but I feel like that is cheating nature, and I feel like I would be lying to myself and mocking God's plan if I did that....

I don't want to have a religion bash, I just had to mention that because it is what is on my mind...

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I totally agree with your opening post in this thread. I have just recently discovered AVEN and that there is a word to describe my lack of desire for sex. However, I do want to have my own kids someday. In the past, I can remember thinking to myself that I want kids, I just dont really want to have to have sex for that to happen. I feel like I would just feel awkward about it and just be going through the motions just to get it over with. I have thought about adoption a little bit. My aunt and uncle do foster care and I am their nanny. They have 2 kids that they got at 4 days old from the hospital. One has been adopted. So it i possible to adopt a baby. I know that. But dealing with all the legal stuff as well as the emotional stuff that comes with fostering and adopting is something that I think just isnt for me. Kudos to those who do foster. I have a lot of respect for foster parents. But it just isnt for me. I really do want my own kids. But I also have this uneasiness about letting myself fall in love with a sexual guy, because it wouldnt be fair to him to make him abstain from sex just because that is what I want. I am really conflicted with myself. Now that I have realized the reason for my uneasiness about relationships, I kind of worry about my future a little bit. Part of me hopes I will end up being demi sexual when I find that one special guy, but what if I dont? Then what? And what if I do happen to find another ace who also happens to want his own kids? I guess it will just be awkward and trying to get it over with for both of us?

I know there are ways of becoming pregnant without actually having sex, but I feel like that is cheating nature, and I feel like I would be lying to myself and mocking God's plan if I did that....

I don't want to have a religion bash, I just had to mention that because it is what is on my mind...

I 'hear you', one can only do what he/she is comfortable doing, we have to follow our 'hearts'/road, often not a straightforward one...I think you have to think about these things but not let them 'run your life'/worry you too much, you'll find your own path if you let yourself find it

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QuasiVulcan

OH I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE! It took me until after I had my son to realize I am an asexual, I always just thought there was something wrong with me until I realized there were so many of us :D

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  • 2 months later...

Hey all. Someone pointed me here this afternoon and Im so happy they did!! Im a Grey and a mother of 3. Kids are 16, 9 and 7.

Wow this site just gets better and better. Fellow parents in the same kinda situation as me....overwhelming but mega exciting!!

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Now I have a question for you all. Do any of you home school? I do (I cheat a little and do public school online). If you do, how do you connect with other parents/students? I'm an introvert and hate "going out" but force myself to because my little ones are not introverts, and they need interaction regardless. How do you handle it, even if you don't homeschool? (Lol, if you are introverted like me, I mean).

Someone just linked me to this thread and I'm so glad this was the first post I see. I'm a special ed teacher myself and the school district is horrible. My son has some medical issues that previously weren't being addressed well by HIS public school district and I was seriously considering home schooling. I was also thinking about how to get him social interaction and my top options were exracurriculars at the rec center and take him to the playgrounds. Frequently. But I'm thinking he needs to stay in school simply for the social aspect!

I'm really glad I read this thread. I think I have a lot in common with some of you. I'm 30 and a mother of one, an 8 year old boy. I waited until marriage for sex not for moral reasons, really, but because I just didn't find it as intriguing as anyone else seemed to and wanted to see if the miracle of marriage would solve that. My now ex knew I wasn't interested by still forced himself on me (to which a therapist told me, "What did you expect?") all while forging a second family. Anyway, the good thing I got out of the failed marriage was the most wonderful son ever. He was born with a lot of health issues and my ex decided he didn't want anything to do with a failure, so we haven't heard from him in years and I have raised my son with the help of my parents (my mom has sinced passed away). My son has since recovered from his health issues and beat any delays he had (no IEP, nothing) and is actually a year ahead in school. You would never guess he overcame major problems just to look at him. He's sweet, kind, funny, and my best friend!

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm so glad I found this thread! I'm married and we have an amazing 3.5 year old son. He brings so much joy to us, even on the bad days when we've just had a fight, we look at him and just can't help but feel pride and happiness.

We had agreed to try for a second child starting this month. I can tolerate sex with enough warning and mental preparation.

After yet another fight earlier this week, I discovered AVEN and so much suddenly made sense. I told my husband and we're going to see a sex therapist with the understanding that we both need to make compromises to make our relationship work.

It's probably not a good idea to have another child right now, but I've honestly thought about it and if ultimately our relationship ends, is rather have 2 children than a broken marriage and 1 child. I really want another child. Is that a terrible way to think about this?

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Thought I would join in, I'm a Single mom by choice to 2 girls, 14 & 8yo and asexual:) I am facing a bit of a quandary right now, I'm 38 and have wanted another one for a long time but baby fever is really kicking in now so I finally looked up the sperm bank I used last time and OMG, there is no way I can afford to use the bank again, prices have about doubled and they are insisting on shipping the little guys to the tune of almost $200 shipping when I live about 30 minutes from the bank. I can't afford roughly $1k per cycle and thats doing it at home without a Dr or midwife. So I'm left with the option of using a known donor which is scary as all get out legally, especially since I don't want a father or co-parenting thing. The really frustrating thing is I'm having a really hard time finding someone who is willing to actually do AI, most seem to want to do it the old fashioned way which would be hard enough with someone I'm actually in a relationship with but with a total stranger? I just can't get over the mental part of it. A friend suggested a 1 night stand kinda thing but I'm ace, having sex to get pregnant just does not compute you know? You would think a guy would be more then happy to take $50 and hand over his stuff in a cup and sign a contract saying this is a business transaction and he will not pursue parental responsibility and I will not pursue child support and he gets to spread his seed around. Days like this I wished I liked sex..

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I'm 19 years old and asexual, but would like to start a family (albeit not for a few years)!

Reading through this thread it's very encouraging to see just how many of you have gone on to have kids, and it just goes to show that enjoying casual sex and wanting to start a family are too completely different things.

Just out of interest I was wondering if those of you with children of your own also have an asexual partner?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello Everyone. I want to introduce myself before I jump into the conversation. I'm 46, married, and father to an 11 year old daughter. She's entering puberty now so we're going through her emotional and physical changes. Parenting didn't feel terribly difficult until about a year ago. Yes, it certainly had it's challenges, but it was overall fun. We still have fun, but it feels more and more like work as she gets older and her needs change. She's in 6th grade and has been in the same school her whole life - next year she transitions into a new school (7-12) with teenagers and all the issues that come with that. Not looking forward to it. I'm really glad I have my wife to transition her into young womanhood. I would be clueless. My wife is sexual, and assuming my daughter is sexual like most of the population, I'll be glad to have her address that. So far the kiddo has not mentioned an interest in boys, but she's young still. I'm in no hurry for that to happen, if it ever does.

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Storm_Poppins

Hey guys!

I've only recently accepted myself for who I am and what I feel, so I thought this site may be the perfect place to start!

I'm a mom of a beautiful two year old girl, and many people find this contradictory to my sexuality.

Cheers!

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I have a question. My datefriend told me i used to be such a flirt before we got together (which I didn't know), but now I'm not. It's my first relationship and I don't know if that is perhaps usual that it happens. Do any of you have any experience with it?

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This is such a great thread! I really want to have kids (sooner than later) and I keep thinking about how I'll have them. No IVF treatment or turkey basters for me. Most likely I'll do it the old fashioned way but I hope at that time I'll be in a queerplatonic relationship preferably polyamorous as I don't have strong romantic urges but my lovey dovey ways can be too much for just one person. Plus I'd like my partner to be able to have sex without feeling like they're being shot down every time they want to. I know its a fantasy to think that way but so is the dream of marriage with a white picket fence, 3.5 kids, and a family dog. It still happens.

So hopefully I'll be able to contribute to this thread when I have my first child.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello all, married father of two, my son is 11 (on the Autism Spectrum) and my daughter is 7. I'm asexual, and newly relieved to find this space. My wife is the love of my life, but has trouble with my orientation, and has lately sought partners outside our marriage. I am trying to manage this so as to keep the lives of our children as stable and nurturing as possible. I have found this thread encouraging an helpful, and I thank you.

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My son asked me, when he was about 6 or 7 I think. Maybe a bit older, I can't remember now. He just turned to me one day and said, "If you love people the opposite sex you are called straight, if you love people the same sex you are called gay. What are people like you called?"

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Sorry, I was answering a question about 10 pages back, about how to tell your children you are asexual, and I thought I had pressed the quote button, but hadn't.

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