Asexual Parents Thread

[Cazz333]

Yes. The pressure is hard. Keep going for all it's worth. It's sad to see your own parents crack under that pressure...

[Aspiecat]

Hey all, I am checking back in after an absence due to RL being - to be really really blunt - a shithole. Although my husband and I separated a while ago, we only announced it IRL about five weeks ago - including to our son - and I am firmly ensconced in the spare bedroom and sharing a toilet and bathroom with a recently-turned 13 year old boy.

Yay.

There are a few things that are bright in life, and most of them seem to be due to my son Sam, who continues to make me smile. He is so like me its scary but at least I 'get' him where his father struggles to understand his son.

Here he is, back in January, in front of that nice gentleman Mr Maul, at our local cinemas. He's tall - 168cm and just turned 13, and is not only taller than I am, but lets me know it, too...

This is a fave of mine, taken October last year when he was selected as a soloist at a Broadway-style evening thingo:

And last of all, here he is a couple of weeks ago, having been selected as one of 10 acts to entertain his high school (1250 kids, it's NOT small!) for their name-sake's day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CVQNBhR7Fw

He was, last week, given the part of Joseph in the school's production of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" when the Yr 12 student dropped out (Sam is in Yr 8 ). I think at last he realises he CAN sing, after all hehe. And thank FSM he's tall for his age.

So that's my boastful rant over and done with. As I said in my opening post in this thread, we parents love talking about our kids and other parents are not adverse to saying, "Ooooh...how wonderful!" LOL

Aspie

PS: He wants to have a career on Broadway so am considering moving to the States in a couple of years for his senior high schooling to give him the best advantage...I will be close to so many more AVENites if so!

[aces_wild]

Aspie, let me be the first to welcome you back. I figured something was up.

You should be proud of Sam. It takes a lot of character to get up in front of strangers and perform. I couldn't (and didn't) do it at his age.

There is a lot of information online about good theater programs here in the States, at least at the college/university level. I am less familiar with what is available currently at the senior high school level but most medium to larger schools have theater programs. I'm guessing that the best ones would be in or near major entertainment centers (e.g., Los Angeles and New York) or in college towns with strong university-based programs.

[Aspiecat]

Thanks, aces.

At the moment, Sehome HS outside of Seattle seems good - it's literally around the corner from WWU, and that university has a very good performing arts program. I wouldn't want Sam in one of the top-level universities for arts, as the pressure would be far too much for him. He wants NYADA, but he's been watching Glee so thinks that school is a Mecca - which it is for many young hopefuls - and hasn't considered there are other places he can go.

I will continue to peruse various university's websites to see what is what, but it looks like a move to WA is on the cards as my "special person" sees that as a good place to settle for a variety of reasons.

I should have put in he DOES realise NYADA is fictional haha

Edited June 11, 2012 by Aspiecat

[Lintu]

Hey all, I am checking back in after an absence due to RL being - to be really really blunt - a shithole. Although my husband and I separated a while ago, we only announced it IRL about five weeks ago - including to our son - and I am firmly ensconced in the spare bedroom and sharing a toilet and bathroom with a recently-turned 13 year old boy.

Yay.

There are a few things that are bright in life, and most of them seem to be due to my son Sam, who continues to make me smile. He is so like me its scary but at least I 'get' him where his father struggles to understand his son.

Here he is, back in January, in front of that nice gentleman Mr Maul, at our local cinemas. He's tall - 168cm and just turned 13, and is not only taller than I am, but lets me know it, too...

This is a fave of mine, taken October last year when he was selected as a soloist at a Broadway-style evening thingo:

And last of all, here he is a couple of weeks ago, having been selected as one of 10 acts to entertain his high school (1250 kids, it's NOT small!) for their name-sake's day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CVQNBhR7Fw

He was, last week, given the part of Joseph in the school's production of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" when the Yr 12 student dropped out (Sam is in Yr 8 ). I think at last he realises he CAN sing, after all hehe. And thank FSM he's tall for his age.

So that's my boastful rant over and done with. As I said in my opening post in this thread, we parents love talking about our kids and other parents are not adverse to saying, "Ooooh...how wonderful!" LOL

Aspie

PS: He wants to have a career on Broadway so am considering moving to the States in a couple of years for his senior high schooling to give him the best advantage...I will be close to so many more AVENites if so!

He is just too cute!!!!!

[Aspiecat]

Thanks, Lintu!

Yes, I am very proud of him. He had mid-year exams last week and he found out he got an A+ for Maths, so he's stoked about that. Also, he gets $20 for every 'A' and $10 for every 'B' in exams so has scored well already haha This week he finds out the rest of the grades...I am hoping to lose money for once!

[Lintu]

Thanks, Lintu!

Yes, I am very proud of him. He had mid-year exams last week and he found out he got an A+ for Maths, so he's stoked about that. Also, he gets $20 for every 'A' and $10 for every 'B' in exams so has scored well already haha This week he finds out the rest of the grades...I am hoping to lose money for once!

That's awesome! He really is adorable and is totally a copy of you! :)

[Aspiecat]

C'mon, other parents (and Friends of AVEN Parents - you know who you are!)...post pics of your lovely kiddies getting bigger and taller, and tell us of their achievements.

I can proudly say my Sam has A+ for every mid-year exam bar one - and that "bar one" is because he hasn't found out yet!

I am so proud of my brat haha

[Lintu]

Well, as I suppose all of you know now, I don't have kids. But I do have a lovely niece! She's actually my best friend's daughter but I'm really like an aunt to her. She is now 16 months old ^_^ And I love her soooo much

Today I picked her up from the daycare and we went strollin' round the city, going to the park to play a little, sitting at a coffee shop and shopping for nail polish She helps me pick colors, I swear!

[Aspiecat]

Sounds like you have a great relationship with her, Lintu!

[krissy]

Hi, parent of an almost 2 year old here! Got our first hair cut this weekend, very exciting stuff! :) It's nice to see/feel not so alone with my sexuality and having a child.

Lintu- Your son is very talented.

[Aspiecat]

Hi Krissy, great to see another ace parent here! And the first haircut...oooo...hope you kept some clippings.

Not to rain on anyone's parade, Krissy, but it's my son in the thread...Lintu isn't a parent but has an honorary niece upon whom she dotes highly. And thank you for the compliment - he loves performing and wants to make a career out of it.

Tell us about your son/daughter, and how it is for you being an asexual parent.

Aspie

[krissy]

Hi Krissy, great to see another ace parent here! And the first haircut...oooo...hope you kept some clippings.

Not to rain on anyone's parade, Krissy, but it's my son in the thread...Lintu isn't a parent but has an honorary niece upon whom she dotes highly. And thank you for the compliment - he loves performing and wants to make a career out of it.

Tell us about your son/daughter, and how it is for you being an asexual parent.

Aspie

Sorry, I was confused apparently!

I did keep her curl, and the place we went issued her a certificate for being brave! It was so cute.

My daughter is your typical almost 2 year old, wild and busy and crazy! She loves to "swim" and is learning to sign (ASL.)

As a parent, it's been interesting. I've always felt like I was asexual, I just never enjoyed things I "should." A sense of obligation to a partner ended me up with my amazing little girl. Now that I have informed myself more about my orientation, it has been interesting. People don't understand how I am asexual with a child if I wasn't raped. It's caused a lot of confusion for others, and for awhile for myself too. Right now I don't worry too much, she is too young to start crossing that bridge, but I know some day I will need to.

[Aspiecat]

Oh, Krissy, a two year old! She'll be keeping you on your feet, alright.

As for being an ace parent, I totally understand what you mean. And being married (although we're separated now), the bloody comments about being "cruel" to my husband, "depriving him of his rights"...OMG, I've heard it all LOL

Just take your time with that bridge and crossing it. Enjoy your daughter and never mind those who question your being asexual while being a parent.

Welcome to the Parents' Thread, Krissy!

[krissy]

Thank you!

We had a great day today. My little one is non-verbal and they thought it was hearing loss, but she passed her hearing tests with flying colors! She also passed the brain tests (I guess IQ, I'm not really sure) so the big systems are working, so they think the speech will come soon! I've been struggling a lot with this, and was just relieved to finally have good news.

[Aspiecat]

Krissy,

It's so hard when we wonder if our children are meeting their milestones, isn't it? I still worry about my son all the time and how he will cope with life, given his Asperger's.

The professionals are probably right in that her speech will come later. Some children's speech does. My own speech came after my second birthday, as did my walking. But I did both at a level more in line with my age, rather than a much younger toddler, as the family doctor thought I might. Indeed, my speech was soon ahead. However, as an Aspie, this is not unheard-of.

Great news, anyway, that your daughter's results all show things are within norms.

[Evenstar71]

Hi Doppel and other readers of this post.

I am asexual. However, I am also a parent, and both these facts about me are equally important.

I have, over the years, frequented various parenting boards, some of which have been good, some of which should be put out of their misery. Occasionally, I would find myself wishing I had someone in these fora to whom to talk about how I felt about sex. On the odd occasion I *did* raise the topic of never having enjoyed sex, of not wanting to be touched, and so on, the responses were either "well, that's weird", or "oh, I know what you mean! I am so tired, too!" Naturally, neither was suitable.

There were a few of us, however, who really did not like sex, and although we had children, we were in a position that many parents at AVEN understand all too well: for whatever reason, we had a child, or children, but it's not as a result of enjoying sexual activity.

Whenever I tried to raise topics about being a parent who was asexual (although at the time I didn't have a label for how I felt), the others who felt similarly would warn me I would be shot down if I didn't delete the post, or at least refrain from raising the topic again.

So as an asexual parent, I have always felt out of kilter and on my own.

Until I came to AVEN. I joined later in 2010 but it wasn't the best time, so returned last month. And I have found other aces who are also parents! C'est bon! Certainement, c'est tres bon! This means that I can chat with other mums/dads within the safe confines of AVEN about my child and know that if the subject of my asexuality comes up - even indirectly - no-one will blink an eyelid.

There are other AVENites who support the need for a wee corner of the site where we can blather of about our kids without boring the majority of AVEN members who, for the most part, are young and haven't got children. Many of them have no intention of having kids and don't care for conversations about children. From toilet-training to high-school graduations, such subject matter will kill chat in milliseconds.

Being asexual and a parent are mutually exclusive, but they intertwine as well. While the fact my son suddenly - and unwillingly, I might add! - became a chick magnet in his first day at school after girls heard him sing is true, you might think it has nothing to do with my being ace. Well, that is true. However, if that was posted in a parenting sub-forum here in AVEN, I can guarantee that (a) other parents will respond with questions, comments and stories, and (b) somewhere along the way, the subject of asexuality will arise. For instance, my son's school is Catholic (the govt schools here are crap) and it's bad enough ds and I are Atheist, and ds is rather effeminate, but to add in the mix that mum is a different sexual orientation? Not that the school will know or NEEDS to know, but the less ammunition school bullies have, the better.

AVENites form close bonds very quickly within these virtual walls. For many, it's the only place they feel safe in a world that is highly sexual and does not suffer a lack of sexual behaviour gladly. As many gay people did in the past - and still do now - asexuals often put on a mask for the outside world, going through home life and working life pretending we are cool with it all. Then they go back to AVEN, even their bodies physically relaxing in the knowledge that while of course there are douche-bags everywhere, even in AVEN, there is total acceptance of being asexual.

Can you imagine what it's like, then to be a parent AND ace? The judgement that is made is incredible. We even get judged by some other aces, who scoff at the fact we even contemplated having children. I have been personally attacked but that was trolling and a different issue. Still, it reminded me that not all asexuals are going to understand my need to talk about my son, and to be frank, they'd much prefer it if I didn't.

However, we parents DO go on about our kids! We love them to bits! We WANT to talk about them, and we know that most other parents are going to smile and nod when we talk about first days at school, the Tooth Fairy, crap teachers, and the suchlike.

More importantly, there are a number of aces who want to have children in the future. They really have few places to go to for advice, as they are conflicted about being asexual - and therefore, by definition, disliking the method of conception - and yet wanting to love and raise a child or children. A parenting sub-forum would give these AVEN members the chance to bounce ideas off those of us who have children already, either by choice or not (and some did NOT choose).

I see an AVEN sub-forum - and, hopefully, for now a pinned thread - a place AVEN members can go to talk about parenting issues, to ask questions, to give advice and support, and to raise awareness of how many of us are both asexual and parents. There are even AVENites who are grandparents - imagine the experience and advice THEY have to offer!

Aspiecat

Hi Doppel and other readers of this post.

I am asexual. However, I am also a parent, and both these facts about me are equally important.

I have, over the years, frequented various parenting boards, some of which have been good, some of which should be put out of their misery. Occasionally, I would find myself wishing I had someone in these fora to whom to talk about how I felt about sex. On the odd occasion I *did* raise the topic of never having enjoyed sex, of not wanting to be touched, and so on, the responses were either "well, that's weird", or "oh, I know what you mean! I am so tired, too!" Naturally, neither was suitable.

There were a few of us, however, who really did not like sex, and although we had children, we were in a position that many parents at AVEN understand all too well: for whatever reason, we had a child, or children, but it's not as a result of enjoying sexual activity.

Whenever I tried to raise topics about being a parent who was asexual (although at the time I didn't have a label for how I felt), the others who felt similarly would warn me I would be shot down if I didn't delete the post, or at least refrain from raising the topic again.

So as an asexual parent, I have always felt out of kilter and on my own.

Until I came to AVEN. I joined later in 2010 but it wasn't the best time, so returned last month. And I have found other aces who are also parents! C'est bon! Certainement, c'est tres bon! This means that I can chat with other mums/dads within the safe confines of AVEN about my child and know that if the subject of my asexuality comes up - even indirectly - no-one will blink an eyelid.

There are other AVENites who support the need for a wee corner of the site where we can blather of about our kids without boring the majority of AVEN members who, for the most part, are young and haven't got children. Many of them have no intention of having kids and don't care for conversations about children. From toilet-training to high-school graduations, such subject matter will kill chat in milliseconds.

Being asexual and a parent are mutually exclusive, but they intertwine as well. While the fact my son suddenly - and unwillingly, I might add! - became a chick magnet in his first day at school after girls heard him sing is true, you might think it has nothing to do with my being ace. Well, that is true. However, if that was posted in a parenting sub-forum here in AVEN, I can guarantee that (a) other parents will respond with questions, comments and stories, and (b) somewhere along the way, the subject of asexuality will arise. For instance, my son's school is Catholic (the govt schools here are crap) and it's bad enough ds and I are Atheist, and ds is rather effeminate, but to add in the mix that mum is a different sexual orientation? Not that the school will know or NEEDS to know, but the less ammunition school bullies have, the better.

AVENites form close bonds very quickly within these virtual walls. For many, it's the only place they feel safe in a world that is highly sexual and does not suffer a lack of sexual behaviour gladly. As many gay people did in the past - and still do now - asexuals often put on a mask for the outside world, going through home life and working life pretending we are cool with it all. Then they go back to AVEN, even their bodies physically relaxing in the knowledge that while of course there are douche-bags everywhere, even in AVEN, there is total acceptance of being asexual.

Can you imagine what it's like, then to be a parent AND ace? The judgement that is made is incredible. We even get judged by some other aces, who scoff at the fact we even contemplated having children. I have been personally attacked but that was trolling and a different issue. Still, it reminded me that not all asexuals are going to understand my need to talk about my son, and to be frank, they'd much prefer it if I didn't.

However, we parents DO go on about our kids! We love them to bits! We WANT to talk about them, and we know that most other parents are going to smile and nod when we talk about first days at school, the Tooth Fairy, crap teachers, and the suchlike.

More importantly, there are a number of aces who want to have children in the future. They really have few places to go to for advice, as they are conflicted about being asexual - and therefore, by definition, disliking the method of conception - and yet wanting to love and raise a child or children. A parenting sub-forum would give these AVEN members the chance to bounce ideas off those of us who have children already, either by choice or not (and some did NOT choose).

I see an AVEN sub-forum - and, hopefully, for now a pinned thread - a place AVEN members can go to talk about parenting issues, to ask questions, to give advice and support, and to raise awareness of how many of us are both asexual and parents. There are even AVENites who are grandparents - imagine the experience and advice THEY have to offer!

Aspiecat

[Evenstar71]

Aspiecat! I am so glad you are on here. I can relate so much to your entire post. I don't think being asexual and wanting a child are mutually exclusive- for me it was a means to an much desired end. That is not so say that I got married and used my husband to have children. I was trying to do everything to be "normal." A few counselors I sought help from were dumbfounded when I asked if having an aversion to sex could be normal. They encouraged me to try to various things to "empower" my sexuality in my marriage, etc. My friends couldn't relate. Like you said, it wasn't that I was too tired. I felt that every time I was negating myself and my value in the hopes that I would have some kind of breakthrough.

On the flip side, I have always wanted children. There are plenty of people who endure whatever process to become parents, i.e. in vitro, egg donor, gay couples who engage in a heterosexual encounter for the purpose of procreation, etc. In that sense, it is very mechanical and toward an objective. Kind of like how when a mom breastfeeds- it has nothing to do with sex. Ironically, a world seemingly obsessed with the sexuality of breasts cannot tolerate a mother breastfeeding her child in public. Were that breast hanging out of a bikini top, well then... that's different!

I will not apologize for being a mom, nor will I apologize for my newly acknowledged orientation of being asexual. There is nothing more wonderful than children and the people who are selfless enough to nurture them into self-actualized individuals.

What a gift your son has in you.

Keep posting! I need someone to talk to!

Your son is so cute! I have a red-head too!

[krissy]

Krissy,

It's so hard when we wonder if our children are meeting their milestones, isn't it? I still worry about my son all the time and how he will cope with life, given his Asperger's.

The professionals are probably right in that her speech will come later. Some children's speech does. My own speech came after my second birthday, as did my walking. But I did both at a level more in line with my age, rather than a much younger toddler, as the family doctor thought I might. Indeed, my speech was soon ahead. However, as an Aspie, this is not unheard-of.

Great news, anyway, that your daughter's results all show things are within norms.

It's been very difficult. She was a preemie so her milestones are off to begin with. We had another speech consult yesterday and they think she understands, her receptive score is much higher than her expressive, but she gets frustrated when you don't understand her babbling. Everyone agrees we need a new speech therapist, so next week will be me interviewing new therapists for her. They think its a "coordination disorder." Which does make some sense, and they want me to start babbling back at her seeing if I can get her to mimic sounds in her current sound vocabulary. I think it's just been frustrating because no one knows what's wrong, everything is a guess. I'm just glad everyone agrees she will talk at some point because she is trying so hard. I appreciate the hope so much!

[Aspiecat]

Aspiecat! I am so glad you are on here. I can relate so much to your entire post. I don't think being asexual and wanting a child are mutually exclusive- for me it was a means to an much desired end. That is not so say that I got married and used my husband to have children. I was trying to do everything to be "normal." A few counselors I sought help from were dumbfounded when I asked if having an aversion to sex could be normal. They encouraged me to try to various things to "empower" my sexuality in my marriage, etc. My friends couldn't relate. Like you said, it wasn't that I was too tired. I felt that every time I was negating myself and my value in the hopes that I would have some kind of breakthrough.

On the flip side, I have always wanted children. There are plenty of people who endure whatever process to become parents, i.e. in vitro, egg donor, gay couples who engage in a heterosexual encounter for the purpose of procreation, etc. In that sense, it is very mechanical and toward an objective. Kind of like how when a mom breastfeeds- it has nothing to do with sex. Ironically, a world seemingly obsessed with the sexuality of breasts cannot tolerate a mother breastfeeding her child in public. Were that breast hanging out of a bikini top, well then... that's different!

I will not apologize for being a mom, nor will I apologize for my newly acknowledged orientation of being asexual. There is nothing more wonderful than children and the people who are selfless enough to nurture them into self-actualized individuals.

What a gift your son has in you.

Keep posting! I need someone to talk to!

Your son is so cute! I have a red-head too!

I hear you!! The frustration of parenting as an asexual can be overwhelming at times, can't it? I tell few people about my asexuality because they look at me as if I am using it as an excuse to not have sex.

Oh, and my son's a white-blondie LOL One pic has reddish lights on him hahaha

[Aspiecat]

Krissy,

It's so hard when we wonder if our children are meeting their milestones, isn't it? I still worry about my son all the time and how he will cope with life, given his Asperger's.

The professionals are probably right in that her speech will come later. Some children's speech does. My own speech came after my second birthday, as did my walking. But I did both at a level more in line with my age, rather than a much younger toddler, as the family doctor thought I might. Indeed, my speech was soon ahead. However, as an Aspie, this is not unheard-of.

Great news, anyway, that your daughter's results all show things are within norms.

It's been very difficult. She was a preemie so her milestones are off to begin with. We had another speech consult yesterday and they think she understands, her receptive score is much higher than her expressive, but she gets frustrated when you don't understand her babbling. Everyone agrees we need a new speech therapist, so next week will be me interviewing new therapists for her. They think its a "coordination disorder." Which does make some sense, and they want me to start babbling back at her seeing if I can get her to mimic sounds in her current sound vocabulary. I think it's just been frustrating because no one knows what's wrong, everything is a guess. I'm just glad everyone agrees she will talk at some point because she is trying so hard. I appreciate the hope so much!

So the docs currently are looking towards a neurological issue? How is she physically with her coordination?

[Aspiecat]

Aspiecat! I am so glad you are on here. I can relate so much to your entire post. I don't think being asexual and wanting a child are mutually exclusive- for me it was a means to an much desired end. That is not so say that I got married and used my husband to have children. I was trying to do everything to be "normal." A few counselors I sought help from were dumbfounded when I asked if having an aversion to sex could be normal. They encouraged me to try to various things to "empower" my sexuality in my marriage, etc. My friends couldn't relate. Like you said, it wasn't that I was too tired. I felt that every time I was negating myself and my value in the hopes that I would have some kind of breakthrough.

On the flip side, I have always wanted children. There are plenty of people who endure whatever process to become parents, i.e. in vitro, egg donor, gay couples who engage in a heterosexual encounter for the purpose of procreation, etc. In that sense, it is very mechanical and toward an objective. Kind of like how when a mom breastfeeds- it has nothing to do with sex. Ironically, a world seemingly obsessed with the sexuality of breasts cannot tolerate a mother breastfeeding her child in public. Were that breast hanging out of a bikini top, well then... that's different!

I will not apologize for being a mom, nor will I apologize for my newly acknowledged orientation of being asexual. There is nothing more wonderful than children and the people who are selfless enough to nurture them into self-actualized individuals.

What a gift your son has in you.

Keep posting! I need someone to talk to!

Your son is so cute! I have a red-head too!

So how many children do you have?

[krissy]

Krissy,

It's so hard when we wonder if our children are meeting their milestones, isn't it? I still worry about my son all the time and how he will cope with life, given his Asperger's.

The professionals are probably right in that her speech will come later. Some children's speech does. My own speech came after my second birthday, as did my walking. But I did both at a level more in line with my age, rather than a much younger toddler, as the family doctor thought I might. Indeed, my speech was soon ahead. However, as an Aspie, this is not unheard-of.

Great news, anyway, that your daughter's results all show things are within norms.

It's been very difficult. She was a preemie so her milestones are off to begin with. We had another speech consult yesterday and they think she understands, her receptive score is much higher than her expressive, but she gets frustrated when you don't understand her babbling. Everyone agrees we need a new speech therapist, so next week will be me interviewing new therapists for her. They think its a "coordination disorder." Which does make some sense, and they want me to start babbling back at her seeing if I can get her to mimic sounds in her current sound vocabulary. I think it's just been frustrating because no one knows what's wrong, everything is a guess. I'm just glad everyone agrees she will talk at some point because she is trying so hard. I appreciate the hope so much!

So the docs currently are looking towards a neurological issue? How is she physically with her coordination?

We know she has a collagen/vascular disorder with hypotonia and possibly apraxia. Her coordination is a joke. She falls all the time, but she also is bowlegged and in-toed. No one can seem to pinpoint what the problem is as they all seem to overlap. We are headed back to the hospital for more appointments in the morning and for her new little leg braces!

We had a huge success this week though, she crawled up a slide for the first time. :)

[Aspiecat]

Krissy - How did the appointment go? And are the braces going okay?

[krissy]

Krissy - How did the appointment go? And are the braces going okay?

The appointments went well, med changes again which seem to be agreeing with her. The braces are on hold as her feet grew (the braces fit, but the shoes...well no luck) so they had to order a bigger shoe size for her. We should have the shoes in the next 2-3 days. She liked putting the braces on though, and helping to velcro them up herself. That is always a good sign, she seems to know they are hers and then not mind them. Crossing my fingers it goes well once we get the shoes.

Today's positive: She is starting to combine signs (she is learning ASL) to make sentences, more please, eat please, eat more, so yay! She is also finally getting the difference between yes and no. It's starting to ease frustration for everyone that she can communicate basic needs like food!

[Aspiecat]

Krissy, great to hear the appointment went well. Also wonderful that the ASL is working. Sign language is incredibly essential for kiddies who are finding verbalising difficult. I myself did an AUSLAN course a few years ago and it was so interesting!

Keep us up to date with your young one...

[Aspiecat]

Found out my Sam has been making up the stories about having all these friends. The kids he hung around with at school seem to be rejecting him and he is very upset over it all. Although as he is an Aspie, I wonder if he is just having a hard time with the increasingly intricate social skills required to maintain group friendships. To be sure, he has never received one request to spend time over school holidays or weekends at his supposed friends' homes, although these kids do get together (FB statuses tell one an awful lot)...just without him. Even the geeky group he had been welcomed into have told him he's not right for the group..."not geeky enough", by all accounts. And the other groups are apparently rejecting him because he's "too uncool"... <_<

And it's not just the friends issue that is worrying. His science teacher, a lovely woman who has called me a few times to chat about Sam (she thinks he is too good for this school and ought to try for a music or science scholarship at a grammar school), said earlier this year that he will be a clear target for the bullies who hate certain kids because they are simply good at everything at school (Sam is, bar sport, but he's a member of the school swim team). And sure enough, he's had sports uniform stolen from his bag, his calculator smashed, textbooks, sewing scissors, stationery and class notes stolen from his desk....and nothing is really being done. He's also had things taken off him in the playground, been punched and been told twice by separate groups of kids if he tells anyone, he'll be beaten up. We've reported these happenings, but we have to fight to hear if there has been any repercussions for the bullies, and in the meantime Sam is scared of more bullying occurring. :(

sigh

I really hate this. It's been going on ever since he was tiny, and he simply wants to go back to being home-schooled, although I cannot allow that. He is too far-advanced in his academic work for me to be able to cater to his needs any more, and even though I am not a proponent of the apparent need for kids to make friends with others their own age (he has always gotten along with adults fare better), learning how to get along in this confusing, neuro-typical world is a necessity, to be honest.

He's on winter school hols until Wednesday, and then I will demand the school meet with me regarding all this. It cannot go on. His counsellor at school (to whom Sam has NOT divulged the friends situation, he admitted) is increasingly frustrated that the small things she has requested be put into place for him are not being done, to the extent she will walk into his classroom unannounced, look around, see Sam surrounded by class bullies, or in a place where he cannot hear or see the teacher, or notice they still have not replaced his stolen textbooks (so he can't do his work effectively)...and leave, looking unhappy, without saying a word.

Sorry, guys, just a vent.

Aspie

[faltered]

Any parents of aspies out there?

My aspie child is, well to be blunt, a bigot!

Seriously though I'm struggling to deal with it. He has aspies, ocd, and severe adhd. Its to the point that if he doesn't have his meds he is border line psychotic.

Any ways, he feels anyone who doesn't look like him or think like him has something wrong with them. Gay people, anyone who doesn't fit specific gender roles, you name it, different is not good. Now eventually this is and sometimes has led to big problems. My wife is bi and has a girlfriend and I'm pan romantic currently leaning towards guys. Big problem. Our kids don't know because they aren't old enough right now to understand the concepts and we want to keep things as stable as possible for them.

But eventually its going to come out. My oldest son I suspect will not even care. And my youngest will think its cool. But my middle child, the one with aspies might blow a gasket. He is already getting the point of asking questions about sex which I answer. Problem is he takes big issue with sex between anyone thats not a girly looking female and a manly looking man.

Has anyone had to deal with this before? Any words of wisdom? I would hate to think he is just stuck in his ways, he is after all only 10. Not only that he is the only one in the family who thinks that way so I don't even know where he got it.

[Aspiecat]

First of all, Faltered, great to see you here.

Secondly, if you read the post just above yours, you'll see that it's about my 13 year old Aspie son. I am an Aspie as well, so have that perspective on parenting Asperger's kids.

Lastly, it is indeed common for kids - even adults - with Asperger's to have issues with people who are outside the "rules", whatever those rules might be. They get something into their heads regarding right and wrong, and BAM! that thought seems to take take root, to become pretty much their status quo and to be the standard by which they hold the rest of the world. <_<

Now while I am sorry to tell you that this apparent stubbornness does not really go away with time, I can throw you this one bone: with persistent work on your son's social skills and on talking with him about how others perceive his behaviour, things can improve. Your son may always have this attitude, but over time, with your help, he can certainly learn to not allow it to alienate others, and may even, when an adult, find his own methods of trying to change his way of thinking. One thing about we Aspies, once we grab onto an idea, we hold onto it as a dog does a bone, and we don't let go easily. So when it's a GOOD idea, we usually work at it until we have it perfect.

Insofar as your and your wife's orientations are concerned, I am sure you will both be careful with revealing the "not quite run-of-the-mill" marriage and lifestyle you have, as to me it seems as if you both love your children very much and just want what is best for them. I would say the 12 year old, depending on his maturity, could be the first one to be informed about this, but perhaps when he is a bit older. My own son is a very accepting kid insofar as sexual orientation is concerned, which is one of HIS stubborn ideas, and cannot fathom how people are not as passionate about marriage equality as he is! LOL And while that sounds good, he really still needs to realise that people are NOT evil just because they do not have the same train of thought haha. There are other prejudices he has - he hates people swearing, who are disrespectful, and who disturb others' efforts to work - in other words, high school is torture for him and he is NOT getting over it.

If you have any questions or just need to vent, please PM me or you can have a rant here. There are a few parents in AVEN, and I am sure you and I are not the only ones with Aspie kids.

Good luck and keep us up-to-date with what is going on with your 'tribe' hehe

x

[VDaniel2]

Are there any fathers in the forum? If so, would they want to share their experience?

* Was your partner ace too?

* Any challenges with conception?

* Do you have more than one child?

* Do you see asexual traits in your child?

* Have you come out to your child(ren)?, and if so how old were they when you did, and how did they receive your asexuality?