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Aspiecat

Asexual Parents Thread

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Fictacello

Hi guys.

I'm 51 (will be 52 in a few weeks) and have been married 24 years and have a 19 y.o. daughter. She tells me she's not asexual, but she hasn't met anyone she's interested in.

I know I myself am - never was very interested - was a virgin despite dating until in grad school and was always much more interested in spending time with someone that was a good storyteller than in being intimate.  Wasn't sure I was even straight, but never sought out a female partner, either. The guy that claimed my virginity (I was in my mid-20s) told me he wasn't surprised that I was thinking I might be gay because I was still a virgin.  To this day I find anything beyond a friendly hug to be kinda gross (like kissing).

Haven't had sex in half a dozen years now, and before that it more often consisted of a hand job to finish spouse off (I was really starting to resent the feeling of obligation, too). I'm thinking now that my letting myself get morbidly obese was just a way to keep from having to deal with anyone finding me sexually attractive.

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chair jockey

It's a sad story of yet another young person being under pressure to be sexually active. I love how I'm 51 and no one ever thinks of me in connection with sex.

 

Welcome to AVEN and enjoy your time here.

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InariYana

Hello, mother of one here :) my daughter is almost 12 and soon she'll be taller than me and I bet she'll try to pat me on the head whenever she gets the chance :D 

(just noticed I posted here before, oops! sorry)  

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LemonTheDestroyer

Hey! I just joined yesterday and am so glad this id's one of the first threads I found! I am 22 and have 2 daughters who are 1 and (almost) 3. No one I've told has quite understood my want for children and my being asexual (I have been told many times I can't be asexual since i have kids lol) but I haven't had sex since my youngest was concieved and am totally happy with that. I'm always wanting to talk about them, so this is perfect!

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chandrakirti

Welcome @LemonTheDestroyer! Have some :cake:. You're not alone, as a mum of a 26 year old (now, you can total up how many sexless years I've had!:lol:), I find it very understandable. As you will see from around the forums, there are quite a few aces with children, and some in relationships as well, I found that once I got rid of the distraction of having a bad marriage, I could focus on her welfare and make a success for her.

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JDP

I'm asexual and both my kids are grown. They don't know, though.

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MrDane

Sexual, father of three, wife realised she is asexual 10years after first child.

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DesiButters519x

I am not a parent, I am in my early 20's but I find this so fascinating, and reading some stories here truly puts a smile on my face. I long to be a parent one day, despite being asexual, it's my dream, and I often find myself daydreaming of the day I will get to hold my own child, hear he/she call me mommy, seeing my baby take their first step. I do wonder what it would be like, being an asexual parent. I can see why many parents here want to talk about their children, and it sucks that you are judged just because your ace and have kids. So what? I mean just because you're asexual doesn't mean you can't be a parent. If you're ace and don't wanna have kids, fine, but don't judge someone else if they have kids. We are supposed to be a community who loves and respects each other, and given that our group is small, being so negative isn't helping the ace community, things like that only make things worse. I may be young and I may not be a parent, but I love the idea of this thread and reading about other ace's expriences as parents is truly heart warming and I hope that one day I too can join the convo as a parent, but for now hearing you all and hey... some advice would be nice too^^ lol

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Hand sanitizer

When two asexuals get married, will their children be asexual?

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Hand sanitizer

  If the response is no, Asexuality is a genetic disorder, isn't it? 

   

  Could it be related to histone proteins?

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chandrakirti

I don't think a sexual orientation could be described as a genetic disorder really, any more than a heterosexual /homosexual orientation.

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SarahN

Hello all! 

I have 3 sons.....we stay busy! 😅 great to see other parents!

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Light18

I have a 5yo and am so glad this thread exists. I always knew I wanted a child, but even in high school, my vision involved me being a single mom because I guess I never really wanted the sex part. I have a wonderful husband who is very supportive but we had the one and that was it.  Think we had more sex trying to conceive than any other time in our relationship. But I was tracking my basal temp and everything so for me, it was a means to an end.

 

Question for anyone that wants to respond: did you know you were ace before you were a parent? It might be because I am mid30s, but I did not know of such a thing and just thought I was broken for so long.

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LoopingBear

I have two kids - 7 and 9. I had them because I wanted kids although it turns out I’m not actually that maternal! I still love them deeply though. This is a great thread to have :)

as for Light18’s question - I knew I was different but I didn’t know asexuality was a thing until very recently. Like you I just thought I was broken.

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chandrakirti

I just had a though. When my daughter began to express an interest in sex, at the age of 13, I was horrified! Not at the person she was interested in, who was at school with her, but at the fact she was even interested at all! I'd forgotten all about sex by that time and I had a lot of shock, realising she wasn't going to be like me....now, she says she hasn't made her mind up about herself yet anyway, so maybe there's a bit of me in her after all!:D

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Light18
On December 9, 2017 at 2:25 AM, chandrakirti said:

I just had a though. When my daughter began to express an interest in sex, at the age of 13, I was horrified! Not at the person she was interested in, who was at school with her, but at the fact she was even interested at all! I'd forgotten all about sex by that time and I had a lot of shock, realising she wasn't going to be like me....now, she says she hasn't made her mind up about herself yet anyway, so maybe there's a bit of me in her after all!:D

I hadn't thought about that in much yet. My step-daughter is almost 13 but hasn't really spoken about crushes or anything yet.

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Coffee Bean

I'm mostly inactive on these forums, but follow this thread through email updates and wanted to pop in to say hi to the newcomers. It's nice to see some activity again. 

 

I've got 3 daughters, so I know I'm in for a tough time later when they start becoming hormonal and interested in sex, but have no idea how I'm going to approach the subject (thankfully I've got time as the oldest in only in kindy). I know I can't control their actions when the time comes, but to be perfectly honest, my perfect scenario involves them waiting until they're adults to make that decision like I did. I was admittedly an (still am)  introverted anime and game nerd though, so... 

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zonavar69

I consider myself asexual and I'm a parent with 3 teenagers (to ex partner) and one new 4 month old with my current partner. She and I have not been intimate at all since the birth, and during the pregnancy I think once we tried it and I felt awful.

 

Over the last two years I could could the number of times my partner and I have been intimate on one hand.

 

I'm abjectly frightened of sex and haven't a clue where to start. I feel that sex for me is not an important part of normal life even though I know I 'miss out' on a lot of normal adult stuff because of that. I don't know why. I've been un-sexual (there's a new word!) since my teens. I never had any sexual interest at all in high school or through university.

 

As a parent it makes things somewhat tricky as I've never been married, and had less partners than fingers on one hand, so I consider myself not only un-sexual but massively inexperienced at the same time, so it all could feed into the anxiety and fear of intimacy which leads me to feel that sex just isn't for me.

 

 

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