• Announcements

    • Kelly

      New Team members Needed--Moderator, Project Team, and Declass Team: Voting   12/10/13

      See:   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164659-new-declass-team-member-needed-voting/   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164657-new-moderator-member-needed-qa-co-mod-and-world-watch-mod-voting/   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/164656-new-project-team-member-needed-resources-and-education-director-voting/  
    • Kelly

      AVENues Holiday Special Edition is now live   08/17/17

      The new edition of AVENues is done!   See:        
    • Lady Girl

      Ace Community Census   11/06/17

      It’s time for the 2017 Ace Community Census!   see:   http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/162675-announcing-the-2017-ace-community-census/  
    • Heart

      Help fund AVEN's servers!   11/06/17

      AVEN is doing its annual fundraiser to raise donations for server costs! See http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/163251-aven-server-fundraiser/ for more details.  
Aspiecat

Asexual Parents Thread

Recommended Posts

Aspiecat

Hi Doppel and other readers of this post.

I am asexual. However, I am also a parent, and both these facts about me are equally important.

I have, over the years, frequented various parenting boards, some of which have been good, some of which should be put out of their misery. Occasionally, I would find myself wishing I had someone in these fora to whom to talk about how I felt about sex. On the odd occasion I *did* raise the topic of never having enjoyed sex, of not wanting to be touched, and so on, the responses were either "well, that's weird", or "oh, I know what you mean! I am so tired, too!" Naturally, neither was suitable.

There were a few of us, however, who really did not like sex, and although we had children, we were in a position that many parents at AVEN understand all too well: for whatever reason, we had a child, or children, but it's not as a result of enjoying sexual activity.

Whenever I tried to raise topics about being a parent who was asexual (although at the time I didn't have a label for how I felt), the others who felt similarly would warn me I would be shot down if I didn't delete the post, or at least refrain from raising the topic again.

So as an asexual parent, I have always felt out of kilter and on my own.

Until I came to AVEN. I joined later in 2010 but it wasn't the best time, so returned last month. And I have found other aces who are also parents! C'est bon! Certainement, c'est tres bon! This means that I can chat with other mums/dads within the safe confines of AVEN about my child and know that if the subject of my asexuality comes up - even indirectly - no-one will blink an eyelid.

There are other AVENites who support the need for a wee corner of the site where we can blather of about our kids without boring the majority of AVEN members who, for the most part, are young and haven't got children. Many of them have no intention of having kids and don't care for conversations about children. From toilet-training to high-school graduations, such subject matter will kill chat in milliseconds.

Being asexual and a parent are mutually exclusive, but they intertwine as well. While the fact my son suddenly - and unwillingly, I might add! - became a chick magnet in his first day at school after girls heard him sing is true, you might think it has nothing to do with my being ace. Well, that is true. However, if that was posted in a parenting sub-forum here in AVEN, I can guarantee that (a) other parents will respond with questions, comments and stories, and (b) somewhere along the way, the subject of asexuality will arise. For instance, my son's school is Catholic (the govt schools here are crap) and it's bad enough ds and I are Atheist, and ds is rather effeminate, but to add in the mix that mum is a different sexual orientation? Not that the school will know or NEEDS to know, but the less ammunition school bullies have, the better.

AVENites form close bonds very quickly within these virtual walls. For many, it's the only place they feel safe in a world that is highly sexual and does not suffer a lack of sexual behaviour gladly. As many gay people did in the past - and still do now - asexuals often put on a mask for the outside world, going through home life and working life pretending we are cool with it all. Then they go back to AVEN, even their bodies physically relaxing in the knowledge that while of course there are douche-bags everywhere, even in AVEN, there is total acceptance of being asexual.

Can you imagine what it's like, then to be a parent AND ace? The judgement that is made is incredible. We even get judged by some other aces, who scoff at the fact we even contemplated having children. I have been personally attacked but that was trolling and a different issue. Still, it reminded me that not all asexuals are going to understand my need to talk about my son, and to be frank, they'd much prefer it if I didn't.

However, we parents DO go on about our kids! We love them to bits! We WANT to talk about them, and we know that most other parents are going to smile and nod when we talk about first days at school, the Tooth Fairy, crap teachers, and the suchlike.

More importantly, there are a number of aces who want to have children in the future. They really have few places to go to for advice, as they are conflicted about being asexual - and therefore, by definition, disliking the method of conception - and yet wanting to love and raise a child or children. A parenting sub-forum would give these AVEN members the chance to bounce ideas off those of us who have children already, either by choice or not (and some did NOT choose).

I see an AVEN sub-forum - and, hopefully, for now a pinned thread - a place AVEN members can go to talk about parenting issues, to ask questions, to give advice and support, and to raise awareness of how many of us are both asexual and parents. There are even AVENites who are grandparents - imagine the experience and advice THEY have to offer!

Aspiecat

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Jon Snow

I don't know if this forum will really be active.

I feel that there is a need for a safe place for parents in AVEN. And it may open certain minds.

I vote yes!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sally

Yay! If I could have voted a hundred times "yes", I would have!

I think this is really necessary as visibility on AVEN for another segment of asexuals that will be more important in the future. It's also educational for AVEN members that being asexual does NOT automatically mean that you don't want kids.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Doppel

I would just like to clarify that the purpose of this thread is for parents on AVEN to discuss issues relating to them. There will be a separate thread at some point to discuss the feasibility of an Asexual Parents sub-forum. Sorry if there has been any misunderstanding in regards to this thread.

Doppel, Asexual Relationships Moderator.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Aspiecat

Okay, I'll start a discussion.

How young is too young for kids to start dating? I've always thought that kids shouldn't date in their early teens, and even mid-teens (say, up to 17) rankles a bit. My ds (12) has been telling me for the past year he plans to concentrate on his education and not date until he's 18 or 19 (hm...possible ace?). However, today at lunchtime a girl in his class asked him to go out with her because she loves his singing voice and thinks he's "cute". :rolleyes: <_<

Ds naturally told her he couldn't possibly (as he was too busy hahaha) and even though she started to compliment him on his uniform :lol: She finally gave up when he approached the social group he's attached himself to.

I joked about it with him when he told me, and was glad we could be light-hearted about it, but it got me thinking. He's at a new school after being home-educated, 1200+ kids. He is surrounded by peer-pressure constantly now, and although he's a strong-minded kid about his principals, he is already making friends and is bound to be affected by their behaviour, especially as he gets older.

So what age *is* too young to date? And what constitutes a "date", anyway? Would you allow your child to date as young as 12 and - because it happens - regard someone as their boyfriend/girlfriend at this age?

Aspie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Faelights

Not a parent (yet, at least), but I thought I'd pop in here and share some thoughts.

Personally, when I think about it, I think it's okay for kids to start dating in junior high. However, when I thought about this more, I realized it was because I have a very "innocent", "cutesy" idea of dating... that is, I figure they're just like really good friends that go out to places together and enjoy that time...

When I think about it further, I realize that some kids are sexually active, or start becoming sexually active in junior high. But perhaps I was in a sheltered group, this never occurred to me in a serious manner until now. I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that as an asexual and not feeling sexual attraction, I am basically blinded to these experiences, i.e. they go right over my head even if they're right in front of me.

Which makes me wonder a little... I know my parents have always been a little worried, and I always laughed it off in response. I remember once I hit junior high, they were very, very against the idea of my attending sleepovers, because they felt it was dangerous. Yet I couldn't fully understand why or how it might be dangerous, though in retrospect, I think they were thinking of sexual things. They had similar worries while I was with my ex-bf, and I spent 5 out of 7 nights a week at his place...

This concern just seemed/seems so natural to them... that is, it's just a natural conclusion for them, whereas it's not even remotely natural to me. I guess my big question is, would this become natural to me as well, if I became a parent? Or would I still have to keep reminding myself that other people have thoughts (i.e. experience sexual attraction) that I don't have, and that these thoughts could put my child in danger?? Does anyone remember if they had a different attitude towards it before they became a parent and now?

And really, is my innocent image of junior high relationships a result of my being still "a child" and not a parent, or is it really related to my asexuality?

... oh god, I rambled so much.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Beachwalker

Oh hey all, parent here, haven't stopped much in the last 18 hours troops were up at 5am, so cannot contribute meaningfully to discussion at present time. Just wanted to say hi and thanks for your efforts to everyone involved in getting this thread happening :)

Oh, I have 1 daughter and 3 foster sons

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Aspiecat

Hi Beachwalker, nice to meet you. Talk about anything parent/kid-related here. Be nice to have more parents have a chat!

Aspiecat

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Aspiecat

I think I've always had the same attitude towards dating, from when I was old enough to recognise what 'dating' generally was, right up to know. I like the fact girls and boys can be friends and nothing more, for as long as they can. It's such a healthy existence.

However, is that viewpoint *due* to my being asexual, as Fae asked of herself? Because I am a parent, and have not considered myself anyone's "child" since my adoptive mother died when I was 25 (my adoptive father died a week after I turned 18). Then I was parentless and now, some years later, am aware that I have no concept of being anyone's child any more.

It's an interesting thought: whether, as an asexual parent, my asexuality may influence how I encourage or discourage my son's introduction to the dating scene. For one, all our friends are sure he's gay, but he has shown no interest in either girls or boys beyond simple friendship - ever. Could he be ace himself, and nothing I do or say - even subconsciously - will affect his own personal view on dating? As I said, he, at the age of 11, had already decided he wouldn't date until aged 18 or 19 - and he's due to start 'varsity at 17.

Aspiecat

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
aces_wild

Hi all, maybe I can contribute something positive from time to time. I raised two kids to adulthood (although I cannot lie, their mother did most of the work). Aspiecat, I'm certainly old enough to be the grandparent you mentioned in an earlier post but I'm not one yet although that MAY be changing later this year depending on what the prospective parents decide.

We let our two "date" starting about the age of your son as long as the activities were chaperoned. And of course at that age they were dependent on us for transportation at that age. Just wait until they can legally drive a car!

Your comment about all your friends being sure he's gay resonates with me. (Of course if he is, so what?) Many people thought the same about me. After all, the notion that someone wouldn't be sexually attracted to anyone was/is unfathomable to the vast majority. True story, though. One of my best friends in the late 1960s asked me if I was asexual. I denied it because I didn't understand myself that well back then, but it has amazed me to this very day that he even could conceive of such a thing, especially during those times.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Aspiecat

Hey, aces,

Thanks for adding your post. Certainly it's great hearing from someone who has raised children into adulthood. What experience you'll bring to the rest of us here in AVEN.

I have no issue with my ds possibly being gay. He's very effeminate in many ways, as is as camp as a row of tents when feeling comfortable, but the jury is out, because he'll sort out how he feels himself when he's ready. Whatever his orientation (even - gasp! - straight!), he's always going to be my son and will have my unconditional love no matter what.

Interesting about your friend so long ago suggesting you may be asexual. As you say, amazing for that time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Philip027
So what age *is* too young to date? And what constitutes a "date", anyway? Would you allow your child to date as young as 12 and - because it happens - regard someone as their boyfriend/girlfriend at this age?

As long as it isn't breaking your local laws or whatever, I'm not particularly a fan of setting any particular age limit on pretty much anything. Physical age means little to me; mental age means almost everything. It should be decided on a case by case basis on the kid's level of maturity and awareness, which will vary for everyone.

This is coming from someone who isn't a parent and will most likely never be one, so take this opinion with a grain of salt.

Which makes me wonder a little... I know my parents have always been a little worried, and I always laughed it off in response. I remember once I hit junior high, they were very, very against the idea of my attending sleepovers, because they felt it was dangerous. Yet I couldn't fully understand why or how it might be dangerous, though in retrospect, I think they were thinking of sexual things. They had similar worries while I was with my ex-bf, and I spent 5 out of 7 nights a week at his place...

I was fortunate in that aspect, I guess... I've had the occasional sleepover here and there, many times with those of the opposite sex, but never got any sort of reaction like you did, even in high school. I never would have understood the worry, either. I guess I was already passing off asexy vibes back then.

It's an interesting thought: whether, as an asexual parent, my asexuality may influence how I encourage or discourage my son's introduction to the dating scene. For one, all our friends are sure he's gay, but he has shown no interest in either girls or boys beyond simple friendship - ever. Could he be ace himself, and nothing I do or say - even subconsciously - will affect his own personal view on dating? As I said, he, at the age of 11, had already decided he wouldn't date until aged 18 or 19 - and he's due to start 'varsity at 17.

When I was his age, I was still quite passionate about schooling. Key word: WAS. (It didn't last)

Not saying he will turn out like me (most people do not), but I will say this: treasure these years while you've got em. One of the things that came along with my disenchantment with school was that I believe I gradually became a greater source of stress and disappointment for my mom, more so than she sometimes lets on (even though she claims she's not fazed by it, I still suspect that she has at least some lingering regret about not being able to see her own kid's graduation, for instance)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Aspiecat

Philip,

You say you were a source of stress and disappointment for your mother. I hope that isn't the case, but tbh, most mums of course want the best for their children, and seeing their kids gradually lose interest in education can bring its share of worry. I am sure she loves you very much and the disappointment was short-lived.

In general:

On a different track now, for those of us parents who identify as asexual, does our orientation affect our parenting? Gay parents have fought for years to have themselves regarded no different in their parenting as straight parents. So surely be ace doesn't mean we parent differently.

Or does it? If it does affect our parenting, how so?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
aces_wild

OK, "Gramps" here (lol). In my case being asexual made no difference in my approach to parenting. I believe there were two key reasons for this. First, I only began to realize that my sexual orientation was asexual maybe 5 or so years ago and by that time both my children had reached adulthood (my youngest just barely). More importantly, however, it would not have and to this day does not influence how I interact with them. People are just the way they are. I could not mold either of them to be straight, gay/lesbian, bi, ace or any other sexual orientation. Even I wanted to "force" an asexual "agenda" on them (to paraphrase a common right-wing refrain), it would not be possible. What I did do, I think, was help them to have a completely open mind about their sexuality and that of others. I believe both of them are straight or at least that is how they would identify at present, but I also know that they both have friends who would not identify as straight.

After all that I would come down on the side of my asexuality having no effect on my parenting.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Aspiecat

I think one way being asexual can affect parenting is in how many child you have, and of course that's not directly "parenting" - not the day to day and principal-based things, at any rate. But my dislike of sex has meant there was a good chance ds would be an only child. The fact I fell pregnant twice after his birth, the stories behind these pregnancies are emotionally painful and they certainly were most certainly not the result of enjoying sexual activity.

As for everyday parenting, perhaps some things might 'creep in', if I think about it. Ds is very like me in personality, and some of that MUST come from being around me so much. Although whether his dislike of unsolicited touching is due to his being Aspie (which is entirely probable, really), or from possibly being ace, or from picking it up from me. Dh hates the fact our son isn't touchy-feely like him, and tells me sometimes it's my fault, because ds has picked it up from my behaviour.

I don't know. Maybe.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Philip027
Philip,

You say you were a source of stress and disappointment for your mother. I hope that isn't the case, but tbh, most mums of course want the best for their children, and seeing their kids gradually lose interest in education can bring its share of worry. I am sure she loves you very much and the disappointment was short-lived.

Well, it's still an ongoing issue for us... it came to a head around high school time, though.

She does just want me to be happy, but our ideas on that would be accomplished don't really jive together. I still just suspect she has her hopes for me, and that I feel like I'm dashing them one by one.

In general:

On a different track now, for those of us parents who identify as asexual, does our orientation affect our parenting? Gay parents have fought for years to have themselves regarded no different in their parenting as straight parents. So surely be ace doesn't mean we parent differently.

Or does it? If it does affect our parenting, how so?

Eh, I'd think that if it does affect it, it's probably in a minor way. I doubt she's ace, but she seems able to play the part well enough.

That's not to say that I don't think she influenced (both directly or indirectly) how I turned out, though.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lintu

You are just fantastic, aspiecat. :) I only read the original post but once I read the other ones I'll reply to them as well!

:cake: to you, you are a star! I couldn't agree more with your words.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lintu

Oh my, dating.

When I was 13 I had my first boyfriend, we didn't do much though... just some light kissing. My parents never really cared about me or what I did, so that wasn't much of an issue. Ever since then I don't think I spent over a month without having some sort of a "relationship" or a "getting there" kind of thing. But I never had sex with any of them. I was very aware of what my boundaries were, I was sort of a parent to myself... I never really thought about it, though. It was just very clear to me what was right for me and what wasn't. BUT, it was never weird for me to imagine people my age doing "stuff"... It never seemed to me like, "whoa, we're only 14, how could you possibly be having sex already?" When I was 16 and lost my virginity, I was the last one out of my friends.

When I became a mother, everything just flipped. I can't imagine my kids dating at 12-13, it seems way too early for me, especially knowing that kids start having sex earlier nowadays and god only knows when they will when my kids are 13. It's hard for me to imagine being okay with anyone touching my daughter at all, but if asked I'd probably have to say "no dating till you're 18". I suppose it's not very realistic, I just hope my kids would feel comfortable enough to tell me about it if they were seeing someone or willing to, so I wouldn't have to worry about whether or not they are. Speaking of, I hope they'd ask for help if they needed it (like, about protection and things)... Which reminds me an incident that happened to me, I was walking around the pharmacy when I saw an older lady looking at condoms. She seemed very disoriented, and eventually picked one box and left. A couple of minutes later I saw a young guy which I assumed was her son walking back to the condom aisle with the box she'd picked and she walked after him, then they both asked me if that was the kind I'd recommend... Didn't know if I should laugh or cry :blink:

Okay, don't really know what else to say for now, so I'll just stop babbling :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Aspiecat

Maya,

Interesting about how neither of us are keen on our kids dating "too early" (whatever that means, really). Kids are more sexually aware these days - I'm sure they know more than I do! - and there is a bigger sense of complacency, I believe, amongst children nowadays. The over-sexualisation of the media and the advertising industries play a big part in that, of course.

Didn't know if I should laugh or cry

:lol: OMG - the irony, Maya! Imagine that. I'd be going, "You're asking me? I have NO idea."

hahahaha

I really like it that ds can go to the movies or ten-pin bowling with a group of mates - boys and girls - and there's nothing in it - they're just friends, all of them. They range in age from 10 to 13, and they're all a great bunch of kids.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
rh1985

I don't have children yet but I really want a baby in a couple of years (I'm almost 27 and would like to start trying by age 30) so I liked seeing this thread. I've often felt rather "different" when reading these forums because I want to have a baby so much. I've always loved babies and children (and they always seem to like me!) and have worked as a babysitter for over 10 years. I used to want like 3-4 kids but since I'll be a single mother I'll probably have just one. I'm hoping to have IVF with donor sperm and I have the money set aside for it (that I inherited from a relative), I just wish I had the job/living situation to start trying now!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nomad in Stasis

I would like to bring up some things on the matter of children.

1: I want to have children, but one of my concerns is that I am sort of disowned by my parents, but if I have kids, I want them to be able to know their grandparents, but I am not sure how the relationship would work out. There are things about my parents that absolutely hate, but I still love them. (And I have tried to resolve the issue)

2: I know this is odd considering I don't even have a relationship yet and especially not anywhere close to having kids, but I worry about myself being a father. I have problems that, although some of which have been corrected with meds, I worry about how I will act toward my children. I do not really like physical contact, but I do love kids.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
aces_wild

I would like to bring up some things on the matter of children.

1: I want to have children, but one of my concerns is that I am sort of disowned by my parents, but if I have kids, I want them to be able to know their grandparents, but I am not sure how the relationship would work out. There are things about my parents that absolutely hate, but I still love them. (And I have tried to resolve the issue)

2: I know this is odd considering I don't even have a relationship yet and especially not anywhere close to having kids, but I worry about myself being a father. I have problems that, although some of which have been corrected with meds, I worry about how I will act toward my children. I do not really like physical contact, but I do love kids.

Speaking as an older person who would like to have grandchildren, and knowing many others who already do, I would be willing to bet that your parents would figure out how to put their differences with you aside for the sake of a relationship with their grandchild.

I'm afraid I can't offer anything helpful regarding your second point, but it's good that you are giving these issues some serious thought. it goes without saying that children (especially little ones) need a lot of TLC and they do have to be held, cuddled and generally touched a lot.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lintu

Maya,

Interesting about how neither of us are keen on our kids dating "too early" (whatever that means, really). Kids are more sexually aware these days - I'm sure they know more than I do! - and there is a bigger sense of complacency, I believe, amongst children nowadays. The over-sexualisation of the media and the advertising industries play a big part in that, of course.

Didn't know if I should laugh or cry

:lol: OMG - the irony, Maya! Imagine that. I'd be going, "You're asking me? I have NO idea."

hahahaha

I really like it that ds can go to the movies or ten-pin bowling with a group of mates - boys and girls - and there's nothing in it - they're just friends, all of them. They range in age from 10 to 13, and they're all a great bunch of kids.

For the record, I said "no" because that was the kind I got pregnant while using... <_<

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Aspiecat

I don't have children yet but I really want a baby in a couple of years (I'm almost 27 and would like to start trying by age 30) so I liked seeing this thread. I've often felt rather "different" when reading these forums because I want to have a baby so much. I've always loved babies and children (and they always seem to like me!) and have worked as a babysitter for over 10 years. I used to want like 3-4 kids but since I'll be a single mother I'll probably have just one. I'm hoping to have IVF with donor sperm and I have the money set aside for it (that I inherited from a relative), I just wish I had the job/living situation to start trying now!

Hi rh,

It's a great idea to have a sound economic and living situation in place when looking at raising a child. Also wise to, if you are planning a child, to wait a little bit - nothing wrong with having children in one's twenties, but it's so expensive buying a home these days and the job market is rather erratic. By the time you're 30 hopefully you'll have all that behind you.

Is there any issue where you live (?) in doing IVF when single?

Maya,

Interesting about how neither of us are keen on our kids dating "too early" (whatever that means, really). Kids are more sexually aware these days - I'm sure they know more than I do! - and there is a bigger sense of complacency, I believe, amongst children nowadays. The over-sexualisation of the media and the advertising industries play a big part in that, of course.

Didn't know if I should laugh or cry

:lol: OMG - the irony, Maya! Imagine that. I'd be going, "You're asking me? I have NO idea."

hahahaha

I really like it that ds can go to the movies or ten-pin bowling with a group of mates - boys and girls - and there's nothing in it - they're just friends, all of them. They range in age from 10 to 13, and they're all a great bunch of kids.

For the record, I said "no" because that was the kind I got pregnant while using... <_<

:lol: :lol: Oh dear...!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lintu

I don't have children yet but I really want a baby in a couple of years (I'm almost 27 and would like to start trying by age 30) so I liked seeing this thread. I've often felt rather "different" when reading these forums because I want to have a baby so much. I've always loved babies and children (and they always seem to like me!) and have worked as a babysitter for over 10 years. I used to want like 3-4 kids but since I'll be a single mother I'll probably have just one. I'm hoping to have IVF with donor sperm and I have the money set aside for it (that I inherited from a relative), I just wish I had the job/living situation to start trying now!

Hi rh,

It's a great idea to have a sound economic and living situation in place when looking at raising a child. Also wise to, if you are planning a child, to wait a little bit - nothing wrong with having children in one's twenties, but it's so expensive buying a home these days and the job market is rather erratic. By the time you're 30 hopefully you'll have all that behind you.

Is there any issue where you live (?) in doing IVF when single?

Maya,

Interesting about how neither of us are keen on our kids dating "too early" (whatever that means, really). Kids are more sexually aware these days - I'm sure they know more than I do! - and there is a bigger sense of complacency, I believe, amongst children nowadays. The over-sexualisation of the media and the advertising industries play a big part in that, of course.

Didn't know if I should laugh or cry

:lol: OMG - the irony, Maya! Imagine that. I'd be going, "You're asking me? I have NO idea."

hahahaha

I really like it that ds can go to the movies or ten-pin bowling with a group of mates - boys and girls - and there's nothing in it - they're just friends, all of them. They range in age from 10 to 13, and they're all a great bunch of kids.

For the record, I said "no" because that was the kind I got pregnant while using... <_<

:lol: :lol: Oh dear...!

Yup... don't know if you have those where you all live, but don't trust R3 condoms >_<""

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
rh1985
Is there any issue where you live (?) in doing IVF when single?

I live in the United States so it's available to me. I have to pay for it myself though (and I already have the money set aside), most insurance here won't cover it even if it's being done because of intertility.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lintu

How about this as a topic:

How important do you think it is to tell your kids you're asexual? Is it like letting them know that they have two dads because you're gay? Or is it just insignificant?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
aces_wild

I think it is probably important to bring up once they are old enough to grasp it. When is that? It most likely varies with the individual but I would think at least 16. The reason I would broach the subject is because of the possibility that asexuality is tramsitted somehow from parent to child. I would've had a lot less stress in my life had I known that I was ace when I was in my late teens.

Having said this I have never told my kids, both of whom are adults. The reason is I didn't suspect that I was until 3-4 years ago. It is probably not necessary in the case of my eldest who I am about 95% confident is sexual. I think the jury is still out on my youngest, so to speak. I need to work up the courage to tell her.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Aspiecat

Maya,

As Aces said, I think when kids are at an age to comprehend such things is probably appropriate, if one decides to divulge that information to one's children. In a family situation where the parents are gay, it is kinda physically obvious that a kid's parents are two dads or two mums as opposed to the more usually-seen one dad and one mum. So chatting about this orientation naturally occurs from a young age.

However, in most parenting situations where there is a mum and dad and one is asexual (or both?) the physical differences are not so obvious. The asexuality is not reflected in the gender of the parents. Of course, there are going to be gay couples, one of whom is ace....in a world of 6.5 billion people, the odds are in favour of that! But I'm sticking with the hetero-asexual parents.

I haven't told my son, and probably won't for a while, although I will certainly (once single) be bringing asexuality into conversations when talking about orientation (I have friends who are YY, gay, drag queens, trans-gender so conversations like this are common enough anyway) soon enough. After all, if my son ends up ace, I want him to feel it's as fine to be asexual as being sexual.

That being said, I think the kids of asexual parents (well, for the time being, it's mostly going to be one parent) won't cop as much flak as kids of gay parents.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now