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What is 'Sexual attraction'?


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This actually makes a lot of sense! I'd read up on the difference before now, but it was a little while ago. So basically, sexual desire is broader than sexual attraction. Sexual attraction is where you would like to focus your sexual desire on a certain person, whereas sexual desire is just the need for physical happenings no matter who you're with (or not with). Thanks for this thread :)

So if I wanted to fuck my female dog or my niece, just for physical release...I wouldn't be neither a zoophile and a pedophile ?

No, if you 'wanted' to do that, it would mean you're sexually attracted to your female dog or niece. Which is sickening, by the way.

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I have a question that's really, really been bugging me. I'm hoping someone can help, please.

This is just an example:

All Person A wants to do is dip Person B in ice water. Seeing Person B in ice water sexually stimulates Person A.

(Person A is ONLY interested in the act, not in nudity or seeing/touching Person B's body.)

Does Person A have a 'sexual attraction' towards Person B? :unsure:

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To me, I think sexual attraction is when you get physically attracted to someone to the point you want to specifically have sex with them. You want to have sex with them since there's this desire you see in them that makes you want to have physical penetrative sex with them.

You know, as I am writing this, I do realize that I do not experience the above, but I think that's is what people who experience sexual attraction towards others feel.

Sexual desire, on the other hand, should mean something different. I think it's when you just want to experience the consented sex acts itself, but it's not because you think that person is "sexy" or as a response to an attraction from them. You "just" want to have consented sex to satisfy your choice of wanting sex.

Just trying to help :)

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That's interesting. I didn't think of the difference between sexual attraction and sexual desire. So, sexual attraction is the act of penetration while sexual desire is thinking "I just want to do something sexual with this person"?

Do you consider wanting to see someone sit in ice water as something sexual?

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I think sexual attraction is intrinsic. While sexual behaviour is the physical sexual action, sexual orientation is a preference that exists in someone's mind.

For example, historically, people who lobbied for anti-gay rights were strict on wanting to ban people of the same sex from having sex with each other. People would get punished, jailed, killed if 2 people of the same sex did sexual acts with each other. The problem with this was that these anti-gay activists were only judging people by their sexual behaviour, not their intent on why they want to have sex. Maybe those individuals who were having sex just wanted to perform a sexual fetish that they had. The moral of the story: sexual behaviour (such as homosexuality) is an action, and may not reflect their sexual orientation (such as gays, lesbians, asexuals). Yes, behaviour and orientation can be different categories.

I think this is a great site for more info on these terms: http://www.familyplanning.org.nz/health_info_issues/sexual_health_information/sexual_orientation_behaviour_identity

I also got the definitions from "the Genderbread Person" from Itspronouncedmetrosexual.com

Hmm, I'm not sure about the ice water example. If person A is sexually attracted to person B, I think Person A would be already sexually attracted to Person B before B went into the pool. What do you mean "sexually stimulates"? If it's sexual attraction then it's sexual attraction :)

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WhenSummersGone

I think Sexual Attraction is when you actually want to have sex with a specific person or someone turns you on in a sexual way. There must be a physical attraction that leads to sexual thoughts for sexuals. Sexual Desire is just your desire for sexual contact. Desire can stand alone or it can come from finding someone sexually attractive.

The same happens for me with romantic desire. I can desire romance by myself or I can see someone romantically attractive and think about dating them or think about romance.

I have a question that's really, really been bugging me. I'm hoping someone can help, please.

This is just an example:

All Person A wants to do is dip Person B in ice water. Seeing Person B in ice water sexually stimulates Person A.

(Person A is ONLY interested in the act, not in nudity or seeing/touching Person B's body.)

Does Person A have a 'sexual attraction' towards Person B? :unsure:

I would say this is more a fetish than being turned on by them specifically.

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That's interesting. I didn't think of the difference between sexual attraction and sexual desire. So, sexual attraction is the act of penetration while sexual desire is thinking "I just want to do something sexual with this person"?

Do you consider wanting to see someone sit in ice water as something sexual?

I think you're approaching this slightly wrong...

Here are my thoughts:

Sexual desire: the desire to perform sexual acts (with any person who might be suitable, not aimed at a specific person)

Sexual attraction: the desire to perform sexual acts with the specific person that you are feeling that attraction for.

I think the reference to penetrative sex was what was throwing you off... I don't define "sex" as being purely of the penetrative kind. In fact, I don't really have a good definition of sex, but I do know that there are acts that I wouldn't call penetrative but that I would call sexual, such as a hand job. The penetration isn't the main distinction; it's the lack of or presence of direction to the desire. So, in a way, one could call sexual attraction a sexual desire that is directed at a certain specific person.

So, as for the dipping in ice water thing... if they felt it was sexual, then I guess it would be sexual. As WhenSummersGone said, it may be a fetish or kink, but if both parties are consenting and feel it is a sexual experience, then I'd call it sex. So if person A wants to put person B specifically in ice water, it would be sexual attraction, but if person A just wanted to put someone in ice water, I would call that sexual desire.

Does that help clear it up?

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Mafer_Potter

Here are my humble thoughts:

If someone feels sexually aroused by X person, and masturbates and/or have sexual fantasies with X person... but that someone does NOT want to have a sexual relationship with X person in real life, then I think that someone is someone asexual.

I mean, I believe that one might have fantasies about this thing or this other thing, but that doesn't mean they actually want to make said fantasies true.

But, if you see someone and say "yeah, I'd tap that" and then actually have the opportunity (and take the opportunity) of tapping said that, then that's a sexual person.

I think so, anyway.

Me, for instance, I might have fantasies and stuff with some people(s) but I don't want to have sex with them (or anyone, for that matter).

I think that being asexual (any kind of) means that you don't really want to have sex as a norm... You might want to have it when you meet the right person (demisexuals, yes?).

Simply put, asexuals who like sex (or think sex is nice or whatevs) simply don't feel the need to go and actually have sex like most sexual people would.

I reckon most of us would better sit and watch some films or play a game or... anything else.

Or that's what I think, anyway.

We do not need nor want sex, but that doesn't mean we do not have fantasies with someone we think is sexually desirable.

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Here are my humble thoughts:

If someone feels sexually aroused by X person, and masturbates and/or have sexual fantasies with X person... but that someone does NOT want to have a sexual relationship with X person in real life, then I think that someone is someone asexual.

I mean, I believe that one might have fantasies about this thing or this other thing, but that doesn't mean they actually want to make said fantasies true.

This is not at all correct. What you describe here applies to me in a lot of situations. But I am most definitely not asexual. There could be all sorts of reasons for not wanting a sexual relationship with someone in real life. Compatibility being the biggest and most obvious one.. I can find someone attractive and fantasize about them and mastrabuate to those fanticies, but at the same time realize they would make a poor relationship partner. Many sexual people, myself included, just aren't all into casual sex with any attractive stranger.

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Mafer_Potter

Here are my humble thoughts:

If someone feels sexually aroused by X person, and masturbates and/or have sexual fantasies with X person... but that someone does NOT want to have a sexual relationship with X person in real life, then I think that someone is someone asexual.

I mean, I believe that one might have fantasies about this thing or this other thing, but that doesn't mean they actually want to make said fantasies true.

This is not at all correct. What you describe here applies to me in a lot of situations. But I am most definitely not asexual. There could be all sorts of reasons for not wanting a sexual relationship with someone in real life. Compatibility being the biggest and most obvious one.. I can find someone attractive and fantasize about them and mastrabuate to those fanticies, but at the same time realize they would make a poor relationship partner. Many sexual people, myself included, just aren't all into casual sex with any attractive stranger.

I believe I might have been misunderstood :(

I meant to say that you might find someone attractive (physically) and feel quite aroused by them and even though you could have a nice relationship with them (and you knew that you could have a nice, healthy relationship with them) you simply do not want. :)

Those are my thoughts, though and I strongly believe that one's sexuality is one's to be tagged as one sees fit. :)

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I've heard that people often have sex with the lights tuned off. Actually in the dark. I find this hard to believe. What would be the point if you can't see each other?

Would that be sexual attraction or desire? Both?

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I've heard that people often have sex with the lights tuned off. Actually in the dark. I find this hard to believe. What would be the point if you can't see each other?

I find that lack of sight enhances the sense of touch. I enjoy sex in the dark and/or close my eyes often because of this.

Would that be sexual attraction or desire? Both?

Neither. It's completely tangential to the issue.

Here are my humble thoughts:

If someone feels sexually aroused by X person, and masturbates and/or have sexual fantasies with X person... but that someone does NOT want to have a sexual relationship with X person in real life, then I think that someone is someone asexual.

I mean, I believe that one might have fantasies about this thing or this other thing, but that doesn't mean they actually want to make said fantasies true.

This is not at all correct. What you describe here applies to me in a lot of situations. But I am most definitely not asexual. There could be all sorts of reasons for not wanting a sexual relationship with someone in real life. Compatibility being the biggest and most obvious one.. I can find someone attractive and fantasize about them and mastrabuate to those fanticies, but at the same time realize they would make a poor relationship partner. Many sexual people, myself included, just aren't all into casual sex with any attractive stranger.
I believe I might have been misunderstood :(

I meant to say that you might find someone attractive (physically) and feel quite aroused by them and even though you could have a nice relationship with them (and you knew that you could have a nice, healthy relationship with them) you simply do not want. :)

Well yes, that's a different story. I'd say those people are asexual.

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Mafer_Potter

I've heard that people often have sex with the lights tuned off. Actually in the dark. I find this hard to believe. What would be the point if you can't see each other?

Would that be sexual attraction or desire? Both?

I think they could think "darkness" is... more romantic? ^_^

Well yes, that's a different story. I'd say those people are asexual.

I'm glad I could explain myself a little bit better. :)

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I've heard that people often have sex with the lights tuned off. Actually in the dark. I find this hard to believe. What would be the point if you can't see each other?

I find that lack of sight enhances the sense of touch. I enjoy sex in the dark and/or close my eyes often because of this.

I was heading to sleep when I posted so my comment may have come across flippant. The thought did occur to me however that I've never had sex in the dark, at least not from start to finish Sex under the covers has been a rare occurrence and the covers never stayed on for long. I think the main factor in me taking any enjoyment from sex and to heighten my arousal is to see the act as it's happening and to look upon the reaction of my partner. Without this visual component, my enjoyment is severely lessened and boredom sets in. I remember in the past actually pausing the proceedings to switch a light on for this reason.

I'm not saying the above is abnormal but the point I was trying to make was that perhaps for people to be comfortable having intimate, sensual sex with the lights off denotes a basic sexual attraction. There is no reliance on a visual stimulus as there is for me. I guess you might disagree and put this down to personal preference.

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Feral_Sophisticate

i have a question. if im asexual why told me a pshicoligy that we like to use sexual toys ?

Just because someone is asexual, and doesn't feel sexual attraction, that doesn't mean they are necessarily unable to feel sexual (or physical) pleasure. Some asexuals masturbate, and some enjoy orgasm - but not all do.

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Mafer_Potter

i have a question. if im asexual why told me a pshicoligy that we like to use sexual toys ?

Just because someone is asexual, and doesn't feel sexual attraction, that doesn't mean they are necessarily unable to feel sexual (or physical) pleasure. Some asexuals masturbate, and some enjoy orgasm - but not all do.

Exactly! You might like the feeling of sexual release, but that doesn't mean you also want to have a sexual relationship with someone. :)

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Vampyremage

I believe the difference between sexual attraction and sexual desire has to do with whether or not one actually feels an innate want of having sex with a specific person. That is to say, an individual may see someone and fantasize sexually about that person; they may even masturbate to fantasies about that person. Clearly, that person is experiencing sexual attraction, however unless that individual might also potentially want to act upon that attraction were all other circumstances ideal, that is not sexual desire. Sexual desire usually, although not always, occurs simultaneously with sexual attraction

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WhenSummersGone

I believe the difference between sexual attraction and sexual desire has to do with whether or not one actually feels an innate want of having sex with a specific person. That is to say, an individual may see someone and fantasize sexually about that person; they may even masturbate to fantasies about that person. Clearly, that person is experiencing sexual attraction, however unless that individual might also potentially want to act upon that attraction were all other circumstances ideal, that is not sexual desire. Sexual desire usually, although not always, occurs simultaneously with sexual attraction

I agree. They can be linked. The times I have felt sexual desire towards someone I knew I was sexually attracted to them as well.

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Vampyremage

I believe the difference between sexual attraction and sexual desire has to do with whether or not one actually feels an innate want of having sex with a specific person. That is to say, an individual may see someone and fantasize sexually about that person; they may even masturbate to fantasies about that person. Clearly, that person is experiencing sexual attraction, however unless that individual might also potentially want to act upon that attraction were all other circumstances ideal, that is not sexual desire. Sexual desire usually, although not always, occurs simultaneously with sexual attraction

I agree. They can be linked. The times I have felt sexual desire towards someone I knew I was sexually attracted to them as well.

The curious thing is that in my transition from asexual to grey demisexual, the experience of sexual desire is one that I have now had. However, I'm still not at all certain I can say that I've ever experienced sexual attraction even towards my husband who I have experienced sexual desire for.

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WhenSummersGone

I believe the difference between sexual attraction and sexual desire has to do with whether or not one actually feels an innate want of having sex with a specific person. That is to say, an individual may see someone and fantasize sexually about that person; they may even masturbate to fantasies about that person. Clearly, that person is experiencing sexual attraction, however unless that individual might also potentially want to act upon that attraction were all other circumstances ideal, that is not sexual desire. Sexual desire usually, although not always, occurs simultaneously with sexual attraction

I agree. They can be linked. The times I have felt sexual desire towards someone I knew I was sexually attracted to them as well.

The curious thing is that in my transition from asexual to grey demisexual, the experience of sexual desire is one that I have now had. However, I'm still not at all certain I can say that I've ever experienced sexual attraction even towards my husband who I have experienced sexual desire for.

I just think that if you want to sleep with a particular person then you may find them sexually attractive, or you're just sexually attracted to them. With the last guy I dated I noticed that I was getting more drawn to his body in the same way most people would. I think I even called him sexy. The way I viewed him was different and it wasn't just romantic.

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kiaroskuro

Having skimmed a number of posts in this thread, this whole thing about sexual desire and attraction is still a mystery to me.

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Having skimmed a number of posts in this thread, this whole thing about sexual desire and attraction is still a mystery to me.

There are probably a lot of people out there who would agree :P It's not easy or straightforward, which is a large part of why this thread exists and is so popular. Best of luck I guess!

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kiaroskuro

Having skimmed a number of posts in this thread, this whole thing about sexual desire and attraction is still a mystery to me.

There are probably a lot of people out there who would agree :P It's not easy or straightforward, which is a large part of why this thread exists and is so popular. Best of luck I guess!

Okay ... it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one who's confused (= :huh: )

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Hm.. Ok so am I right in saying that sexual attraction is thinking you'd like to have sex with a specific person, while sexual desire is actually wanting to follow through and have the sex? Like sexual attraction is brain and sexual desire is body? And can people have sexual desire that isn't based off sexual attraction, for example they masturbate because they desire the physical feeling, but they aren't attracted to the idea of having said physical feelings with another person?

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luvtheheaven

Hm.. Ok so am I right in saying that sexual attraction is thinking you'd like to have sex with a specific person, while sexual desire is actually wanting to follow through and have the sex? Like sexual attraction is brain and sexual desire is body? And can people have sexual desire that isn't based off sexual attraction, for example they masturbate because they desire the physical feeling, but they aren't attracted to the idea of having said physical feelings with another person?

Yes. I think you're correct. I also think you can have sexual desire to have sex with someone, with anyone, just you really want to "have sex". Or you can be desperate to find a person you're sexually attracted to who is willing to have sex with you - another type of sexual desire. I think you can call sexual attraction "desire" but not vice versa. :P

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Vampyremage

Hm.. Ok so am I right in saying that sexual attraction is thinking you'd like to have sex with a specific person, while sexual desire is actually wanting to follow through and have the sex? Like sexual attraction is brain and sexual desire is body? And can people have sexual desire that isn't based off sexual attraction, for example they masturbate because they desire the physical feeling, but they aren't attracted to the idea of having said physical feelings with another person?

I would say that's a fairly accurate summation. As a grey demisexual, I would say that yes you can in fact have sexual desire without sexual attraction. As an example of sexual fluidity, I transitioned around a year ago from asexual to grey demisexual. The thing that changed was not sexual attraction (of which I still have none) but rather sexual desire. On occasion, I feel sexual desire for my husband although sexual attraction, specifically, is something I've still never experienced and, at this point, probably never will.

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Even after reading everyone's discussions on this I am still very confused on whether or not I am experiencing sexual attraction.

With my partner, I experience romantic attraction, sensual attraction, and aesthetic attraction for sure.

When I get aroused by genital touch by him, my body feels like it wants to satisfy itself with him because I find him aesthetically and emotionally pleasing and we're in a relationship, but in my mind I do not actually want to go through with having sex except for pleasing him and getting rid of my arousal (plus it also feels good and makes me feel even more emotionally connected to him)?

I'm not sure if this is making any sense so far.

Like I don't want to have sex but I do because my body wants it and I find how he looks (including his genitals) and personality attractive and if I'm going to have sex with an actual person (which makes me embarrassed and I really don't want to do except if the other person wants to) I want to have sex with him because I find him pleasing both to look at and be romantically involved with and I know that him and his genitals can make me feel good.

I must sound totally nuts. I think my body is basically like look you obviously want sex look how aroused you are you like the look of his junk and you know it makes you feel good you must want it but my mind is like nope don't feel like it sorry.

:redface: Can anyone make some sense of this?

More in the next post below...

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I think the other part of what confuses me is that I fantasize about sex and I get that doesn't necessarily make me sexual but when I act out my fantasies it makes my body feel good like I imagined it would but my mind still seems to be unsettled about it.

EDIT: In another attempt to simplify my thoughts, how can I want something when the opportunity isn't present but every time it is I don't want it even though I would be acting out the same fantasies that I seem to enjoy? What makes my mind not want this even though the scenarios are the same?

The closest category I can even fathom for all this is grey asexual since I seem to be sexually attracted to my partner but for some reason I really can't act on it without being embarassed in the slightest. I want to be able to act on it without feeling this way but I physically cannot. Somehow I enjoy sex with him because it's him and it's sex but at the same time my mind tells me this isn't what I want to do at the moment.

And then again I may just be shy.

Am I just embarrassed by acting out my desires even though it's what I truly want so my mind says abort mission?

I've given myself a headache trying to figure all this out...I hope some of you lovely people may be able to give me some ideas on what my situation could be. I'm super sorry for the long ramble of questions! :cake:

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Mad Skittlez

Okay, I think I'm getting the hang of it. Now that I think about it, when I see someone I find attractive, I'm generally thinking something along the lines of "I could stare at them for hours" or "I would cuddle the f*** out of them." Sex doesn't even come to mind. Guess I just never noticed that before.

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