Guest member25959

What is 'Sexual attraction'?

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Duggie   
Duggie

I think we are all "grey" when it comes to relative terms. This really is splitting hairs, but I can see that the underlying question is, "does my sexuality awareness make me less asexual?" In short, though one may be free of sexual desire AND sexual attraction, he/she can still witness and be aware of someone's sexual mannerisms, dress, behavior, and suggestions; this doesnt make you any less asexual. 'Just my take.

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Reptillian   
Reptillian

Sexual attraction- intrinsic relativistic conceptualized internal responses from external feedback that one perceives to have the prosperity to engage into sexual activity given the option due to the cravings from the parts due to mental stimulation that evokes such arousal in which that is in agreement with subjective arousal'

Thus, sexually attracted-' It is a state of intrinsic relativistic conceptualized internal responses from external feedback due to aspects of mental stimulation that evokes such arousal in which that is in agreement with subjective arousal'

These two definitions resolves so much problems regarding conceptualizations of sexual attraction, but it is not without problem. For one thing, what if a person has a extreme state of disassociated sexuality which goes contrary to their mental stimulation? So the person in question can be used to go against this definition especially when the internal responses are not activated by external responses.

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Hungerwolf   
Hungerwolf

To respond to PIFs picture analogy, maybe I'm taking it too literally, but I don't feel any of those thing. I feel no sexual attraction or desire for her, and wouldn't if it were a hot dude either. As a fetishist, however, I would like her to perform my particular interest. I just don't desire to penetrate or be penetrated. Genetalia don't do anything for me.

That's why I consider myself asexual. I like to add a third category to sexual and romantic, and that is phillic. This relates to deriving non-sex sexual pleasure, such as intimate massages, fetish play, and the likes. Basically, would you fap to them without imagining them having sex.

By that definition, I would be asexual, heteroromantic, and biphillic.

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Talia   
Talia

I'm really confused by this thread. Can someone help me out? :)

I read the defining sexual attraction pinned thread in asexual musings and rants ( http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/77043-defining-sexual-attraction/ ) and it shows how complicated the definition of sexual attraction and desire is and explains how there is often fierce debate on what sexual desire means, but then this thread gives an exact definition of desire as if that debate doesn't exist at all.

Is this thread AVEN's current official definition? Or... something else? I'm just really confused mostly because this is pinned in the Q&A section as if it is the real definition of sexual desire, which makes me a little sad to be honest. I don't want to start up the debate, but rather understand if this thread is supposed to be taken as the one truth and if not, did I miss something that says it isn't? ^^

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OperettaZero-of-Hearts   
OperettaZero-of-Hearts

Hm... I'm trying to distinguish between atheistic attraction and the physical, does anyone else get a certain gut feeling, that sudden jolt of excitement when seeing someone attractive? It's just that, I does not come with any desire for contact or anything else.

The desire I am not sure of, there is a tiny desire but no drive to fulfill said desires, it feels a little more than curiosity. As I see that image and the same sex counterpart, there is little arousal from them, yet full nude and sexual images does nothing for me.

Also the fantasies are a bit concerning, some are uncontrollable and it is like being blinded for a second by that fantasy image, this happens in real life attractions and rarely from porn which I can't get any direct arousal from.

Something is changing, and I don't like the way it is going.

I kinda feel that. I mean, I know I'm hetero, but there are times when I get that sort of fleeting "feeling" if I see someone of my gender that's physically attractive. I think it's just the body connecting visually pleasing humans with reproduction, and especially since in the media we're conditioned to see women as sexy, it's easy to pay more attention to what MAKES them "sexy." I have absolutely NO desire to act on any homosexual behavior, and it weirds me out to think of MYSELF doing it, but it's just a matter of noticing, hey, you're attractive, and I acknowledge this XD

Also Im pretty sure the fantasies are really just moments of curiosity. Just the mind exploring "What happens if...?" Like having a dream. If you had a dream with erupting volcanoes and rabid wolves chasing people, chances are it's just the imagination, and not what you'd want to happen. I hope XD

Again, this is just my opinion, not trying to group anyone into a category!! XD Did I explain this right? I dunno, if somebody wants to add to this, that'd be great if they wanted

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vadbaxter   
vadbaxter

Well sexual attraction is what makes someone want to have sex with someone. I'm attracted to just about everyone sexually, yet for me it's just because I want to please them. I don't get any pleasure out of the act itself. My pleasure comes from the fact I pleased them in some way.

Mind you I suppose it's almost always mental.

As I am still new to learning the labels of Asexual & Pansexual (which both fit me very well) I wont call myself an expert.

Physical attraction is based on ones physical features that appeal to someone.

It sounds like everyone is just over thinking the issue.

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SmithWood   
SmithWood

Sexual attractiveness on the idea of physical attraction. :wub:

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WhenSummersGone   
WhenSummersGone

is attraction the desire to consider the possibility of sex, rather than the desire for sex?

I'm curious about this too. I find it hard to tell if I actually desire sex or if I'm just curious what sex would be like with someone. Sex can be pleasurable for me, depending on who I have it with, but I can easily go without it. Only under very rare conditions can I be more opened to having sex or want sex.

I think maybe only a few times I've experienced sexual attraction (I'm 27), like short fantasies with a few people. However I've always found sex pretty boring mentally in real life so I don't think I always experience sexual desire even if I am sexually attracted to someone. I guess I consider myself mostly asexual because of my lack of sexual desire with/for most people.

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Geo   
Geo

Well sexual attraction is what makes someone want to have sex with someone. I'm attracted to just about everyone sexually, yet for me it's just because I want to please them. I don't get any pleasure out of the act itself. My pleasure comes from the fact I pleased them in some way.

Mind you I suppose it's almost always mental.

As I am still new to learning the labels of Asexual & Pansexual (which both fit me very well) I wont call myself an expert.

Physical attraction is based on ones physical features that appeal to someone.

It sounds like everyone is just over thinking the issue.

Sexual attraction is NOT what makes someone want to have sex with someone. Sexual desire is. As a sexual person I really find AVEN's obsession with attraction quite puzzling and unfortunate.

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Robin L   
Robin L

It all looks good on paper, but actually identifying which of the thousands of emotions we feel is actually sexual attraction is hard.

Especially the lack of it.

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Forever   
Forever

Wow, your definitions are quite complicated. Am I the only one who thinks that you are overthinking things?

As a sexual, for me, sexual attraction is when I find someone physically pleasing. It's when I don't only find someone pretty but when I start to think that I would like to touch him/her intimately and get sexual fantasies about them. It also feels a bit like I'm "drawn" to that person.

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TheNaughtyNeutrois   
TheNaughtyNeutrois

The picture of the girl triggered two reactions in me


1) Admiration of the female body, I find them pleasing to the eyes especially in lingerie. So I guess its the fetish part of me going "OOh, so pretty!" I can appreciate the female body, the luscious curves, the smooth soft skin, the long trailing hair. Then my mind dives into 2.

2) Half naked girls, the thought of TW: sexual violence

pinning her down, strangling her, making her cry and bleed under my touch and control... YES PLEASE. Already, just looking at the picture, my mind automatically pictured the girl a bruised mess, bleeding cuts all over and tears rolling down her cheeks. She doesn't even have to be sexually abused, going off that, she doesn't even have to be completely naked - just seeing flowing thick blood, tears and hearing cries will satisfy me.

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Toph   
Toph

Wow, your definitions are quite complicated. Am I the only one who thinks that you are overthinking things?

As a sexual, for me, sexual attraction is when I find someone physically pleasing. It's when I don't only find someone pretty but when I start to think that I would like to touch him/her intimately and get sexual fantasies about them. It also feels a bit like I'm "drawn" to that person.

That makes so much sense! Thanks for simplifying it - I was having one of those over-think-words days.

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shockkkk   
shockkkk

Can somebody explain this to me?

As stated in AVEN's general FAQ:

I find people attractive and I get horny, but I dislike sex and would never do it. Am I asexual?

If you're turned on by other people then you don't fit the definition. Asexuality is about lack of attraction to other people, not about lack of activity. Asexuals do not get horny toward other people, they would feel completely satisfied if they never shared a single sexual experience for the rest of their lives.

As stated AVEN Wiki:

Sexual attraction is a feeling that sexual people get that causes them to desire sexual contact with a specific other person.

These seem contradictory to me.

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WhenSummersGone   
WhenSummersGone

I agree^, because I do get sexually aroused by some people but I don't desire sex with them. To me sexual arousal and sexual desire are two completely different things.

I think the word "horny" is a bit confusing, does it mean sexual arousal or sexual desire towards another person?

Here's a good topic about this: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/55945-sexual-arousal-vs-sexual-attraction/

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Guest member25959   
Guest member25959

Can somebody explain this to me?

As stated in AVEN's general FAQ:

I find people attractive and I get horny, but I dislike sex and would never do it. Am I asexual?

If you're turned on by other people then you don't fit the definition. Asexuality is about lack of attraction to other people, not about lack of activity. Asexuals do not get horny toward other people, they would feel completely satisfied if they never shared a single sexual experience for the rest of their lives.

As stated AVEN Wiki:

Sexual attraction is a feeling that sexual people get that causes them to desire sexual contact with a specific other person.

These seem contradictory to me.

What's the issue, the front page quote or the Wiki quote? The Wiki can be edited by anybody but it requires a registered account

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shockkkk   
shockkkk

The problem isn't the front page quote or the wiki quote. The problem is that even official AVEN resources give conflicting views on what sexual attraction is which can make things extremely confusing for people. While I'm aware that the AVEN Wiki can be edited by anyone, if the AVEN Wiki definition is clearly wrong, why hasn't it been fixed? It has been up there for quite some time.

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Arctic Fox   
Arctic Fox

The FAQ answer seems to be implying that if you're aroused by someone, you must be attracted to them. This is simply not true. Don't some asexuals enjoy porn or have fetishes?

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Soloray   
Soloray

My conclusive definition for sexual attraction is that

1) It is an attraction

2) It leads to sexual desire

Therefore:

It is an attraction which leads to sexual desire.

Not gonna complicate it more than that

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Geo   
Geo

My conclusive definition for sexual attraction is that

1) It is an attraction

2) It leads to sexual desire

Therefore:

It is an attraction which leads to sexual desire.

Not gonna complicate it more than that

Except that that's wrong. Sexual desire is innate. It's not caused by attraction.

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Soloray   
Soloray

My conclusive definition for sexual attraction is that

1) It is an attraction

2) It leads to sexual desire

Therefore:

It is an attraction which leads to sexual desire.

Not gonna complicate it more than that

Except that that's wrong. Sexual desire is innate. It's not caused by attraction.

Maybe I should have added attraction leading to sexual desire with said attractive person. But I still stand by my point.

As for sexual desire, that itself is simply a desire for sexual activity be it masturbation (not sure really) or what couples do in their night hours.

As for relating sexual attraction and sexual desire?

- Both are related in terms of dealing with sex, one is a desire, one is an attraction for it

- A desire is basically a drive whilst attraction is basically a drive to desire

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desire

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attraction_(emotion)

Therefore it makes alot of sense to say that sexual attraction causes sexual desire for something or someone. This does not mean that absence of sexual attraction means no sexual desire as if that person has sexual desire but no sexual attraction then the desire may most likely be directed at nothing.

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C.F.L.   
C.F.L.

Can somebody explain this to me?

As stated in AVEN's general FAQ:

I find people attractive and I get horny, but I dislike sex and would never do it. Am I asexual?

If you're turned on by other people then you don't fit the definition. Asexuality is about lack of attraction to other people, not about lack of activity. Asexuals do not get horny toward other people, they would feel completely satisfied if they never shared a single sexual experience for the rest of their lives.

As stated AVEN Wiki:

Sexual attraction is a feeling that sexual people get that causes them to desire sexual contact with a specific other person.

These seem contradictory to me.

Does that definition also deal with sensual attraction. I guess I'm still learning about all this, and is little confused about the differentiation between aesthetic and sensual attractions on one hand; and the diff between sensual and sexual attractions on the other.

It also seems that the term being "turned on" is highly ambiguous, really can mean a lot of different things to different people.

Any idea?

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anon_anonymous   
anon_anonymous

My conclusive definition for sexual attraction is that

1) It is an attraction

2) It leads to sexual desire

Therefore:

It is an attraction which leads to sexual desire.

Not gonna complicate it more than that

Except that that's wrong. Sexual desire is innate. It's not caused by attraction.

Maybe I should have added attraction leading to sexual desire with said attractive person. But I still stand by my point.

As for sexual desire, that itself is simply a desire for sexual activity be it masturbation (not sure really) or what couples do in their night hours.

As for relating sexual attraction and sexual desire?

- Both are related in terms of dealing with sex, one is a desire, one is an attraction for it

- A desire is basically a drive whilst attraction is basically a drive to desire

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desire

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attraction_(emotion)

Therefore it makes alot of sense to say that sexual attraction causes sexual desire for something or someone. This does not mean that absence of sexual attraction means no sexual desire as if that person has sexual desire but no sexual attraction then the desire may most likely be directed at nothing.

i think you missed part of the puzzle. attraction doesn't always cause desire... this isn't physics, it's psychology, there will be a lot less universals.

on the assumption that desire, like attraction, we just innately recognize it when it is experienced... then i can testify to that. neither do i think it need be a conscious inhibition of attraction, though i am not absolutely 1000% sure, sadly,

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anon_anonymous   
anon_anonymous
so in a room a sexual, a demi/semy/grey, a repressed sexual and an asexual all see the above picture and say

sexual...I would fuck that all day long and ride her like a race horse

demi/semi/grey...I would fuck that all day long and ride her like a race horse..as long as i knew her well enough first and i liked her

repressed sexual...I aint looking

asexual..ooo nice bed linen

My reaction would be more like: She's hot, but I don't wanna fuck her.

Not sure if that makes me a grey or an a, I'm so confused.

exactly, me too!

this is where people are confusing the issue by using the term 'repressed'. you can't have your cake and eat it i'm afraid, can't claim that asexuality is just about attraction AND that sexuals are either active or repressed. well you can try, but you'll make a fool of yourself in terms of like 50% of inactive 'sexuals'.

maybe there should be a term between demi and asexual... i would fuck her / him all night long etc., as long as i didn't actually have to bother.

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Soloray   
Soloray

My conclusive definition for sexual attraction is that

1) It is an attraction

2) It leads to sexual desire

Therefore:

It is an attraction which leads to sexual desire.

Not gonna complicate it more than that

Except that that's wrong. Sexual desire is innate. It's not caused by attraction.

Maybe I should have added attraction leading to sexual desire with said attractive person. But I still stand by my point.

As for sexual desire, that itself is simply a desire for sexual activity be it masturbation (not sure really) or what couples do in their night hours.

As for relating sexual attraction and sexual desire?

- Both are related in terms of dealing with sex, one is a desire, one is an attraction for it

- A desire is basically a drive whilst attraction is basically a drive to desire

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desire

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attraction_(emotion)

Therefore it makes alot of sense to say that sexual attraction causes sexual desire for something or someone. This does not mean that absence of sexual attraction means no sexual desire as if that person has sexual desire but no sexual attraction then the desire may most likely be directed at nothing.

i think you missed part of the puzzle. attraction doesn't always cause desire... this isn't physics, it's psychology, there will be a lot less universals.

on the assumption that desire, like attraction, we just innately recognize it when it is experienced... then i can testify to that. neither do i think it need be a conscious inhibition of attraction, though i am not absolutely 1000% sure, sadly,

Actually, I did not.

The topic asked what is sexual attraction not how to identify it and for identification you'd need alot more than just basic psychology as you'd also have to identify repulsion factors such as STIs, Pregnancy and Culture.

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anon_anonymous   
anon_anonymous

well you weren't explicit - in that sense you missed [explaining] one part of the puzzle.

let's play S E M A N T I C S ! ! !

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Ciri   
Ciri

The answer to this is simple.

What is sexual attraction?

Something I do not experience.

Sex is something I enjoy on a physical level but hate on a mental level. I don't look forward to it, I enjoy it in the same way I enjoy drawing or listening to music or long walks on the beach at 7am. It's not as fun as sitting on Bournemouth pier in the middle of a storm, though. So not something I seek out.

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Soloray   
Soloray

well you weren't explicit - in that sense you missed [explaining] one part of the puzzle.

let's play S E M A N T I C S ! ! !

and that would be?

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Geo   
Geo

My conclusive definition for sexual attraction is that

1) It is an attraction

2) It leads to sexual desire

Therefore:

It is an attraction which leads to sexual desire.

Not gonna complicate it more than that

Except that that's wrong. Sexual desire is innate. It's not caused by attraction.

Maybe I should have added attraction leading to sexual desire with said attractive person. But I still stand by my point.

As for sexual desire, that itself is simply a desire for sexual activity be it masturbation (not sure really) or what couples do in their night hours.

As for relating sexual attraction and sexual desire?

- Both are related in terms of dealing with sex, one is a desire, one is an attraction for it

- A desire is basically a drive whilst attraction is basically a drive to desire

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desire

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attraction_(emotion)

Therefore it makes alot of sense to say that sexual attraction causes sexual desire for something or someone. This does not mean that absence of sexual attraction means no sexual desire as if that person has sexual desire but no sexual attraction then the desire may most likely be directed at nothing.

No not exactly. Here this Wikipedia article is far more relevant. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_attractiveness The first few lines particularly. Sexual attractiveness is the ability of a person to draw in the (pre existing)sexual desires of another and aim them at them self.

It's like hunger and food preference. Hunger exists on it's own as a desire that must be fulfilled. It's an innate part of being a human(or any kind of organism really). Sexual attractiveness is like your favorite foods, they are merely the particulars you choose to satisfy your desire. If cheeseburgers are you favorite thing, you're still going to get hungry in the total absence of cheeseburgers.

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Soloray   
Soloray

My conclusive definition for sexual attraction is that

1) It is an attraction

2) It leads to sexual desire

Therefore:

It is an attraction which leads to sexual desire.

Not gonna complicate it more than that

Except that that's wrong. Sexual desire is innate. It's not caused by attraction.

Maybe I should have added attraction leading to sexual desire with said attractive person. But I still stand by my point.

As for sexual desire, that itself is simply a desire for sexual activity be it masturbation (not sure really) or what couples do in their night hours.

As for relating sexual attraction and sexual desire?

- Both are related in terms of dealing with sex, one is a desire, one is an attraction for it

- A desire is basically a drive whilst attraction is basically a drive to desire

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desire

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attraction_(emotion)

Therefore it makes alot of sense to say that sexual attraction causes sexual desire for something or someone. This does not mean that absence of sexual attraction means no sexual desire as if that person has sexual desire but no sexual attraction then the desire may most likely be directed at nothing.

No not exactly. Here this Wikipedia article is far more relevant. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_attractiveness The first few lines particularly. Sexual attractiveness is the ability of a person to draw in the (pre existing)sexual desires of another and aim them at them self.

It's like hunger and food preference. Hunger exists on it's own as a desire that must be fulfilled. It's an innate part of being a human(or any kind of organism really). Sexual attractiveness is like your favorite foods, they are merely the particulars you choose to satisfy your desire. If cheeseburgers are you favorite thing, you're still going to get hungry in the total absence of cheeseburgers.

It's basically what I said but in a one liner

"It is an attraction which leads to sexual desire."

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