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What is 'Sexual attraction'?

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Maroshka H'ghar   
Maroshka H'ghar

Yeah.. because of how they talk to me it would seem like they can just decide who they are attracted to. I haven't "Come Out" to my family but they're always setting me up and telling me "Give this person a chance, you might like him" ... thing that never happens. IDK.. it's like another world to me.

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The Great WTF   
The Great WTF

You might find this link very useful: http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/topic/69810-what-is-sexual-attraction/ It's a basic discussion/description thread about sexual attraction.

This second one is a much more detailed and in-depth thread. http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/topic/77043-defining-sexual-attraction/

Apologies for the shoddy links. I hate trying to do coding on my phone.

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Kitty Spoon Train   
Kitty Spoon Train

Since discovering that I'm demisexual, I've asked sexuals to describe to me what it actually means to them to be sexually attracted to someone. eg. What do you feel when seeing a person on the street who qualifies as "hot" and "sexy" for you?

The most common response is something along the lines of that they experience an immediate thought of sex. Not necessarily a very concrete urge to actually take that person home as such, but at least a "reminder" of their own sexual nature and a vague feeling that this is the kind of person that is their sexual "type", and that they sort of mentally mark down a vague possibility of something sexual with the person in future - if other contingent factors are met of course.

So basically, when sexual people say something like "I'd tap that" - it's actually a fairly accurate offhand assessment from what I can tell. I was 33 years old until I realised that this isn't some completely hyperbolic "colourful language" exaggeration. :lol:

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Notte stellata   
Notte stellata

Yeah.. because of how they talk to me it would seem like they can just decide who they are attracted to. I haven't "Come Out" to my family but they're always setting me up and telling me "Give this person a chance, you might like him" ... thing that never happens. IDK.. it's like another world to me.

I don't think they can decide who they are attracted to. Sexual attraction is involuntary. When people say "Give this person a chance, you might like him", they mean you may grow into someone over time, sort of like secondary sexual (or romantic) attraction. But there are also some sexuals who rarely or never experience secondary sexual attraction. For them, it's either instant attraction or nothing beyond platonic will ever happen.

Since discovering that I'm demisexual, I've asked sexuals to describe to me what it actually means to them to be sexually attracted to someone. eg. What do you feel when seeing a person on the street who qualifies as "hot" and "sexy" for you?

The most common response is something along the lines of that they experience an immediate thought of sex. Not necessarily a very concrete urge to actually take that person home as such, but at least a "reminder" of their own sexual nature and a vague feeling that this is the kind of person that is their sexual "type", and that they sort of mentally mark down a vague possibility of something sexual with the person in future - if other contingent factors are met of course.

Yeah, that's what my sexual partner says. He experiences sexual attraction quite frequently, most of the time to strangers he sees on the street. Obviously there's no concrete desire to actually have sex with these passersby, but he'll think of sex whenever he sees an attractive girl.

Another thing to note is the "contingent factors" differ greatly from person to person. Not all sexuals would have sex with an attractive stranger right away, even if the stranger agreed. Some sexuals can jump into sex after two minutes' talking; others need to like their sexual partner as a person first, or even wait until a relationship is formed.

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Caspian   
Caspian

Desire for sex and sexual attraction are two completely different things. As a sexual, I can easily experience one without the other.

I'd classify the "I'd tap that" or "I'd bang her" as more desire for sex than sexual attraction. I have those thoughts sometimes for girls who I don't even find attractive. Those are thoughts which fire in my brain at random moments. I have no control over them and I am sometimes surprised at myself when they come.

Sexual attraction, however, is just finding someone sexually attractive. It's distinct from any desire for sex. Although it is sometimes paired with the desire for sex when I see someone especially sexy/sexually attractive, this isn't always the case. But this is just me-- I don't know if any other sexuals feel the same way.

But pure sexual attraction---regardless of whether it's accompanied by desire for sex---often brings the thought "she's cute" into my head. It's accompanied by a slightly increased pulse, and I have a desire to interact to the person I find sexually attractive. I want to find stupid excuses to hang around her because doing so always makes me happy. Sometimes this will turn into thoughts like "I want to do her," but that's rare.

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♣Ryan♣   
♣Ryan♣

Moved this thread from Asexual Q&A to For Sexual Partners, Friends and Allies.

GIR,

Asexual Q&A Moderator

Merged it (posts #59 - #65) with the What is Sexual Attraction thread.

Lady Ghoul, Sexual Partners, Friends, and Allies Moderator

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WhenSummersGone   
WhenSummersGone

This is something I'm struggling with. Do you believe that sexual attraction is based on looks and what you see (visual)? Or do you think if someone experiences sexual arousal only without thinking someone is sexy or sexual thoughts, is that sexual attraction as well? Becoming aroused while fooling around is something that confuses me when I have no interest in sex at all.

It would be weird to label myself heterosexual then later explain I have no desire to have sex.

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Lady Ghoul   
Lady Ghoul

I think sexual attraction is extremely subjective. It seems it can be anything from simply finding someone good looking to being aroused and having sexual thoughts while in their presence.

I'm only aroused while fooling around (so many would say I don't experience sexual attraction), but I do desire sex, and that is exactly why I consider myself sexual.

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WhenSummersGone   
WhenSummersGone

That makes sense. Like I can get aroused without thinking sexual thoughts, which is weird, so its kind of confusing.

I guess I say I'm asexual because I don't have the sexual thoughts, want or desire to have sex with people.

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Lady Ghoul   
Lady Ghoul

Moving this thread from Sexual Partners, Friends, and Allies to Asexual Q & A.

Lady Girl,

Sexual Partners, Friends, and Allies Moderator

Pinned in Asexual Q&A

GIR,

Asexual Q&A Moderator

Edited by GIR
To pin this

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Vyanni Krace   
Vyanni Krace

This helps me understand a lot more than I did just a few minutes ago. Thanks for posting this topic. And for putting so much well written detail into the explanation too. ^_^

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giantrabbit   
giantrabbit

This discussion reminds me of the obscenity trial in the 1960's which prompted a judge to say that he couldn't define obscenity, but "I know it when I see it."

That's kind of how I feel about sexual attraction/desire/arousal/whatever in a nutshell. I can't define it, but I know I've never experienced it.

I look at that picture of the scantily clad young lady, and I think about why she is posing in her underwear and what brought her to that point in her life, what her mother thinks about it, if she's embarrassed to be posing like that in a room undoubtedly full of camera people and crew, if she's cold, is that tan real, etc. Whether or not I'd like to have sex with her isn't anywhere in my mental conversation. It's the same if it were a man posing in his underpants. It just...doesn't do anything for me.

I've met people I think are physically attractive, but it's never been accompanied by any desire to do anything sexual or even to do anything that might eventually lead to anything sexual somewhere down the road, i.e. date the person. Pornography doesn't do anything either. I see it, and I'm thinking about all kinds of things that have nothing to do with sexual attraction/desire/arousal/whatever. I imagine someone who is not asexual would have an experience very different from mine when meeting someone they find attractive or when viewing pornography. I couldn't tell you what that experience would entail, but it probably wouldn't be like mine.

I guess my point is that maybe sexual attraction is not something that can or should be generally defined, but something that everyone needs to evaluate for themselves.

:)

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AlwaysTheOddOneOut   
AlwaysTheOddOneOut

First post was very helpful. Then I started reading the replies. I now realize I understand nothing.

So, it's like seeing someone attractive and being immediately sexually enticed? Like you would sleep with that person if you could, but not nescessarily? Or just like aknowledging that person is attractive? The average person thinks of sex very frequently. Is this the reason why?

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luvtheheaven   
luvtheheaven

So I just realized that rather than reviving the top that hadn't had a reply posted since January, I should've probably posted my question here. It's about sexual attraction for straight females rahter than straight males.

You can read my long post here: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/69591-feeling-sexual-attraction-does-it-mean-living-in-a-world-of-temptation/page-2

;)

I'm a newbie. Please forgive me for not doing this whole forum thread replying thing quite right.

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fiddleabout   
fiddleabout

I think that sexual attraction is totally mindless and functions at the cellular level in all life forms. It is a fundamental proclivity of self-organizing energy, inasmuch as survival is impossible without cells reproducing themselves. To even have to make this assertion is to belabor the obvious, in my opinion. Sexual attraction is the sole reason that life persists in the first place. It is a foregone conclusion, and human beings are at effect in reality and not at cause.

Species homo sapiens is (burdened?) with a cerebral cortex that will not settle for simple explanations. There are damned few of us who are bereft of conflict when it comes to hashing out our identities and our purpose for continuing the struggle for survival. But we are driven - we did not create Reality. We only know that it exists beyond our individual egos.

As an individual body, you simply are what you are. When it comes to attitudes about sexuality, pleasure, relationships with other people, and the like, you need no justification. You live it, and the devil take the hindmost.

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Deyuko   
Deyuko
I get confused about the Demi stuff...would a demi-sexual really say the same things as a sexual person but only add that they know the person well? To me that can apply to any sexual who is respectable and attentive to the person. A guy wanting to "bang" the first girl he sees is sexual, yet the one that wants to grow and learn about the girl, date her, let time pass is demi? If I'm understanding that correctly, I do not think I agree.

A Demi sexual is someone who doesnt have any sexual attraction to anyone, but once they fall in love (DEEP love, no "love at first sight" stuff, this is a long, few years, process) they start feeling sexually attracted to the person, wanting to do sexual things with that person, but they still don't feel any sexual attraction to the world around them, and have no desire to have sex with anyone else in the world, even if they were "the hottest thing that ever existed"

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Deyuko   
Deyuko
I think sexual attraction is extremely subjective. It seems it can be anything from simply finding someone good looking to being aroused and having sexual thoughts while in their presence.

I'm only aroused while fooling around (so many would say I don't experience sexual attraction), but I do desire sex, and that is exactly why I consider myself sexual.

I have to disagree with the "good looking" part

I find people good looking, many people, but its the same as appreciating a nice painting to me

It doesn't make me feel anything more for that person, not even the need to have that person, unlike with paintings xD

I think you'd need to feel a little more than "he's good looking" for it to be considered sexual attraction (unless otcomes along with "god i want him in bed, NOW) xD

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Michal2012   
Michal2012
So, what is sexual attraction, you ask?

As the AVENwiki states, 'Sexual attraction is a feeling that sexual people get that causes them to desire sexual contact with a specific other person.'

But we can expand on this:

This is something that is often grouped together with sexual desire, and vice versa. But don't be fooled! The two do not equate, as is explained here:

Sexual attraction - Seeing someone and not only finding them attractive, but thinking you'd like to have sex with them, like fantasies and such. It's attraction to another person that at it's end wants to be physically intimate, as opposed to being attracted to someone in a way where you think, "I'd like to get to know them" or "I want to be their best friend" or "I want to be close to that person".

Sexual desire - The desire to actually follow through with sexual attraction. I don't consider physiological reactions to be part of sexual desire, really, because in my case I know my body responds to sexual stimulus, the difference is that my mind isn't interested. So sexual desire is another mental thing, wanting actively to perform sexual acts with another person and believing that if you do you will feel gratified.

You've probably seen term 'sexual attraction' thrown around a lot on AVEN, and you may have wondered how it feels. Well, here are some insightful analogies:

Then...wait, what makes sexual attraction sexual? Or anything at all? And what separates it from other types of attractions?

That to me is like asking "well if you smell coffee but don't want to go get one right now, how can you still think it smells good?". Thinking coffee smells good = attraction. Wanting to go get a coffee = desire. Sometimes the two go together, and thinking coffee smells/tastes good and periodically wanting coffee are certainly related. But you can think coffee smells good without wanting to drink the coffee you smell, and you can want a coffee without smelling some first.

Sure, sometimes you smell fresh coffee and you decide you'll have one right now, thanks, but there's no rule that says that's the way it always has to go down.

As far as differentiating sexual and aesthetic attraction, put crudely, it's the difference between "Oooooh, pretty!" and "I'd hit that." It's unmistakeably sexual in nature to me, and it was unmistakeably sexual to me for years before I had any sexual experience. I hate to put forward "you just know" as an explanation, so I've mulled it over, and really the best I can do is that it's a form of attraction that's tied in with sexual arousal and sexual fantasy, so even when you feel it on its own, you know it's sexual. The closest I can get is that it feels like sexual fantasy feels, even if there's no specific fantasising/mental-scenario-building going on.

Just like seeing in color verses not seeing in color, what you are used to feels normal. as a homosexual, I feel sexual attraction on and off throughout the day. But it's not distracting, it's easy to put on the back burner so to speak. I really have to choose to want sex for it to effect me. It's very noticeable, but at the same time it's nothing out of control. if it is, the person is probably hypersexual.

When having sex with someone you feel sexually attracted to is a feeling that makes you feel loved and more alive, but if it's with someone that you don't like romantically, it can be a rotten experience even for a non asexual person.

I like to compare it to your sense of smell. Something that's always there, but usually unnoticed or backgrounded. But occasionally something that motivates you to action, or makes you frustrated if there's something delicious that you can't have. Like smell, though, even if you can't have the delectable thing, that's still a pleasant sensation, despite the frustration (up to a point, anyway wink.gif)
And PiF's humorous analogies:
sexual attraction..it is what it is..most do know what it is..but for some reason want to personalise and there starts the confusion

so to give the over thinkers a helping hand here is my opinion on sexual attraction

BE WARNED..A RUDI PICTURE FOLLOWS

Caution: Spoiler contains dated bed linen

linen.jpg

so in a room a sexual, a demi/semy/grey, a repressed sexual and an asexual all see the above picture and say

sexual...I would fuck that all day long and ride her like a race horse

demi/semi/grey...I would fuck that all day long and ride her like a race horse..as long as i knew her well enough first and i liked her

repressed sexual...I aint looking

asexual..ooo nice bed linen

As noted earlier, sexual attraction and sexual desire are two distinct experiences. Meaning, you can experience one and not the other, which also means that you can not experience sexual attraction, whilst experiencing sexual desires, and vice versa.

Seems confusing? Fact is, sexuality isn't always so straight forward, as is thoroughly explained in 'Sexuals aren't all the same either...I think'. Everyone's sexuality has unique qualities.

CBC shares their experiences here.

Hopefully this thread has been helpful, hopefully now you are more in the know. biggrin.gif

Quick summary:

If you wish to read further into this subject, and others, have a read though the 'Asexual-Sexual Q&A thread'

A big thanks to 'gnik', 'That One', 'Jillanimal', 'Olivier' and 'SkulleryMaid' for their contributions that contributed led to this thread's creation.

Thanks for reading

Sexual attraction is attraction on the basis of sexual desire or the quality of arousing such interest.]Sexual attractiveness or sex appeal refers to an individual's ability to attract the sexual or erotic interest of another person, and is a factor in sexual selection or mate choice. The attraction can be to the physical or other qualities or traits of a person, or to such qualities in the context in which they appear. The attraction may be to a person's looks or movements or to their voice or smell, besides other factors. The attraction may be enhanced by a person's adornments, clothing, perfume, hair length and style, and anything else which can attract the sexual interest of another person. It can also be influenced by individualgenetic, psychological, or cultural factors, or to other, more amorphous qualities of the person. Sexual attraction is also a response to another person that depends on a combination of the person possessing the traits and also on the criteria of the person who is attracted.

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anon_anonymous   
anon_anonymous

"mark down a vague possibility of something sexual with the person in future".

ok so what is the difference between not doing this because you naturally lack the predisposition to be sexually attracted to them, and not having much of an imagination?

FWIW i do occasionally meet people that i "know" i would like to have sex with. i walk past people like that i don't know a few times every few years... much more often, i consider how i might want to if i got closer to them, though i know that isn't gonna happen.

i guess what i'm getting at, is what is the difference between not having sex because you can't with the people you would want to, and not doing so because you are asexual. i guess there is one?

and, assuming that there's a big difference, how would one tell whether one's lack of sexual activity is due to one or the other???

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anon_anonymous   
anon_anonymous

is attraction the desire to consider the possibility of sex, rather than the desire for sex?

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Aqua-ace   
Aqua-ace

Sexual attraction sounds so straightforward at a first glance, but now I'm finding myself tripping over some very confusing questions that also delve into the mind-body problem of philosophy... Someone please help?

When people refer to 'sexual urges', are they referring to attraction, desire, libido, or all of them? Are each of these both physiological and mental?

Also, what about people who experience sexual attraction and libido, but chose to give up sex? Would all celibate count as people who don't have sexual desire? Is sexual desire the motivation to pursue sexual contact, and is it intrinsic like with attraction and libido? Is it purely mental (and conscious?), Or does it have a physiological component?

If sexual desire is part physiological, part mental: In regards to celibacy being a conscious choice, does that mean the mental aspect of sexual desire is overturned? Could the mental component be considered stronger-- Mind over matter? Some allosexual (experiences sexual attraction, desire and libido?) celibate people never regret their decision, therefore are not repressed... though even with no regrets, the body's remaining desire for sexual contact can be at odds with their conscious decision to reject it.

If these questions are baffling and I'm overthinking this, it's because 'desire' is an ambiguous term to me. :wacko:

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Lady Ghoul   
Lady Ghoul
I think sexual attraction is extremely subjective. It seems it can be anything from simply finding someone good looking to being aroused and having sexual thoughts while in their presence.

I'm only aroused while fooling around (so many would say I don't experience sexual attraction), but I do desire sex, and that is exactly why I consider myself sexual.

I have to disagree with the "good looking" part

I find people good looking, many people, but its the same as appreciating a nice painting to me

It doesn't make me feel anything more for that person, not even the need to have that person, unlike with paintings xD

I think you'd need to feel a little more than "he's good looking" for it to be considered sexual attraction (unless otcomes along with "god i want him in bed, NOW) xD

For some sexual people, finding someone good looking is considered to be having sexual attraction.

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anon_anonymous   
anon_anonymous
I have to disagree with the "good looking" part

I find people good looking, many people, but its the same as appreciating a nice painting to me

It doesn't make me feel anything more for that person

i like this post. for me, sexy people are somewhat like paintings - i am glad they exist, but don't so much want to take them home, as muse fleetingly on possessing them. i wouldn't say i like them anymore than anyone else, but don't necessarily differentiate their sexiness from who they are. but, without the desire to "take them home", there's no beating of my heart or breathlessness involved - very rarely at least. complicated questions...

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anon_anonymous   
anon_anonymous
Sexual attraction sounds so straightforward at a first glance, but now I'm finding myself tripping over some very confusing questions that also delve into the mind-body problem of philosophy... Someone please help?

When people refer to 'sexual urges', are they referring to attraction, desire, libido, or all of them? Are each of these both physiological and mental?

Also, what about people who experience sexual attraction and libido, but chose to give up sex? Would all celibate count as people who don't have sexual desire? Is sexual desire the motivation to pursue sexual contact, and is it intrinsic like with attraction and libido? Is it purely mental (and conscious?), Or does it have a physiological component?

If sexual desire is part physiological, part mental: In regards to celibacy being a conscious choice, does that mean the mental aspect of sexual desire is overturned? Could the mental component be considered stronger-- Mind over matter? Some allosexual (experiences sexual attraction, desire and libido?) celibate people never regret their decision, therefore are not repressed... though even with no regrets, the body's remaining desire for sexual contact can be at odds with their conscious decision to reject it.

If these questions are baffling and I'm overthinking this, it's because 'desire' is an ambiguous term to me. :wacko:

hi, i relate to your confusion. i understand the idea of desire [tho it's just a term - work out what each person means by it] as being about wanting to have sex with someone. picture someone to you that is the perfect, most attractive person you can imagine. would you have sex with them, and under what conditions? that, is maybe a test of what triggers sexual desire in you.

but attraction? i have no idea what this term means, and it's used a lot here, so that's confusing.

presumably, it's not the above.

i could spew forth a lot of answers actually, but yeah, it'd be beside the point because i'm not aven.

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anon_anonymous   
anon_anonymous

the other thing is that there is surely no "sex in itself". i do not believe that anyone can imagine a sex act without even any psychological etc. result.

so, to say that asexuals don't want sex for the reason of wanting sex, seems confused to me.

which is not to say that a list of sexual and asexual reasons for having or not having sex, exist... but for me, the list "for" would probably be limited to a massive psychological boost.

edit or maybe that's the point - asexuals can see sex as meaningless psychologically inert action?

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Lady Ghoul   
Lady Ghoul
Sexual attraction sounds so straightforward at a first glance, but now I'm finding myself tripping over some very confusing questions that also delve into the mind-body problem of philosophy... Someone please help?

When people refer to 'sexual urges', are they referring to attraction, desire, libido, or all of them? Are each of these both physiological and mental?

Also, what about people who experience sexual attraction and libido, but chose to give up sex? Would all celibate count as people who don't have sexual desire? Is sexual desire the motivation to pursue sexual contact, and is it intrinsic like with attraction and libido? Is it purely mental (and conscious?), Or does it have a physiological component?

If sexual desire is part physiological, part mental: In regards to celibacy being a conscious choice, does that mean the mental aspect of sexual desire is overturned? Could the mental component be considered stronger-- Mind over matter? Some allosexual (experiences sexual attraction, desire and libido?) celibate people never regret their decision, therefore are not repressed... though even with no regrets, the body's remaining desire for sexual contact can be at odds with their conscious decision to reject it.

If these questions are baffling and I'm overthinking this, it's because 'desire' is an ambiguous term to me. :wacko:

For many people the term attraction is as ambiguous as desire. Anyway, this is a short essay I wrote called Sexual Desire and Attraction.

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Aqua-ace   
Aqua-ace
Sexual attraction sounds so straightforward at a first glance, but now I'm finding myself tripping over some very confusing questions that also delve into the mind-body problem of philosophy... Someone please help?

When people refer to 'sexual urges', are they referring to attraction, desire, libido, or all of them? Are each of these both physiological and mental?

Also, what about people who experience sexual attraction and libido, but chose to give up sex? Would all celibate count as people who don't have sexual desire? Is sexual desire the motivation to pursue sexual contact, and is it intrinsic like with attraction and libido? Is it purely mental (and conscious?), Or does it have a physiological component?

If sexual desire is part physiological, part mental: In regards to celibacy being a conscious choice, does that mean the mental aspect of sexual desire is overturned? Could the mental component be considered stronger-- Mind over matter? Some allosexual (experiences sexual attraction, desire and libido?) celibate people never regret their decision, therefore are not repressed... though even with no regrets, the body's remaining desire for sexual contact can be at odds with their conscious decision to reject it.

If these questions are baffling and I'm overthinking this, it's because 'desire' is an ambiguous term to me. :wacko:

For many people the term attraction is as ambiguous as desire. Anyway, this is a short essay I wrote called Sexual Desire and Attraction.

I read that, and it answers some other of my questions. So sexual attraction when based on things like the way a person moves, dresses, their voice, etc. could explain why individuals of the same gender and same allosexual orientation naturally have 'preferences' to certain people; it's not like they're attracted to every single person of that (or those, or all) gender(s)! Does that mean that attraction is in part towards a person's gender expression, not just gender identity, not just biological sex?

I had thought sexual attraction was mainly attraction to secondary sex characteristics, or anything a person perceives as sexual.

Now I have a better understanding of attraction, but I'm still struggling with the mind-body problem, and what sexual desire means.

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Lady Ghoul   
Lady Ghoul

I think it could mean attraction is partly towards another's gender expression, but sexuals might also be attracted to the person's biological sex as well. Lesbians desire to have sex with another woman, heterosexuals actually do desire to have sex with a member of the opposite sex...it is often a great part of the appeal.

I don't think sexual attraction is always based on things that people perceive as sexual. My husband is the person I want to be with, he is the one I love and care about...those things aren't generally perceived as sexual really, but because of them I would say I am sexually attracted to him.

To me sexual desire means one wants to have sex with another person. This is actually what my husband lacks...a basic interest in having sex. I, on the other hand, can have boring, unfulfilling sex...and I want to try again. I have clear desire, but not so obvious sexual attraction.

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anchor31   
anchor31
so in a room a sexual, a demi/semy/grey, a repressed sexual and an asexual all see the above picture and say

sexual...I would fuck that all day long and ride her like a race horse

demi/semi/grey...I would fuck that all day long and ride her like a race horse..as long as i knew her well enough first and i liked her

repressed sexual...I aint looking

asexual..ooo nice bed linen

My reaction would be more like: She's hot, but I don't wanna fuck her.

Not sure if that makes me a grey or an a, I'm so confused.

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luvtheheaven   
luvtheheaven

Right so the exact definition of even what "wanting" sex would mean matters a lot in this conversation.

I take it straight females on average are different than straight males on average when it comes to a typical sexual person which also makes this whole thing frustratingly more complicated. And I don't even know where gay guys/women fall or bisexuals but maybe all females and all males can be grouped together... or idk.

Let's take this example, since it's my brother's birthday today.

Let's say you bake a chocolate cake for your birthday, because you *love* the way chocolate cake tastes - the icing too. You lick the spoon for the batter and get all extra traces of icing off of the spreading utensil before actually washing the dishes because you like the flavors that much. You clearly are a "sexual" person for the sake of this example, because you thought to make this of all things for your own birthday, it was your desire, and acting on it made you happy - satisfied you in a way.

You eat one piece a day until it's gone. Maybe you want to eat more, you have the desire to eat like 3 pieces in 1 day - but it's conflicting with some other desires - the desire to make the cake last longer because you want to have the enjoyable feeling every day for 10 days or whatever as opposed to eating the whole cake up in only 3 or 4 days. The desire to not be super unhealthy - a desire for a long life, or to not get fat, to not look like a big in front of your other family members, the desire to fill up on other types of food that you also want to eat instead - these things could apply to sex too, for a sexual person. They want to have sex twice in one day, maybe, but they also want to do what their partner is comfortable with and these are perhaps conflicting desires, or they want to have sex every day in a week but they only have time to either have sex or watch a movie one night and they truly do want to see this film, or things like that. They have some "background desire" for sex regardless of if other wants overpower their want for sex on any particular occasion.

There might be a person who wants to eat the chocolate cake just as much as the person mentioned above wants to. But they are allergic to eggs or some ingredient in the cake and can't. This could be considered akin to a sexual person who has no opportunity for sex at the moment, or does not have properly functioning sex organs, or the correct ones for the gender that they identify with or something.

There can also be a person who wants the cake a lot but simply chooses not to eat any pieces. They are the same as the first example person who ate one piece a day, except they end up choosing zero pieces a day. They just have other desires that overpower it, like a sexual person who chooses to be celibate for religious or some other reason. Maybe they're gay and in their society being gay would give you SUCH a bad reputation that it's worth it to just never have sex, and for this person choosing to be celibate makes them happier, or so they believe it will, than giving in to their temptation to eat the cake and risk getting talked about. Who knows.

You can eat the cake even though you don't like it - it's way too sweet, or the wrong flavor, or you're already full. This could be like an asexual person having sex. It doesn't have to be akin to rape or something - you could be trying the cake just to see if you like it and it isn't until you're already tasting it on your tongue and swallowing the food that you realize you don't like it. You could be eating it just to make the person who baked it happy, to be polite or whatever - these things can roughly be translated to the sex idea, right?

There might be an analogy where you don't like icing or don't like the exact flavor, chocolate isn't your favorite, or maybe you really ONLY can enjoy another flavor of cake or whatever. This goes up to different people's different sexual preferences and stuff. Orientation, actual different types of sex acts you can enjoy, etc. Maybe you like cuddling but not kissing, etc. Even mastrubation and whether or not that is an enjoyable experience for you can fall into this category of maybe liking only the icing and not the cake or something.

But um... sexual attraction has very little to do with this. I mean the "Attraction" part vs. "Desire". Sexual attraction can't fit into this analogy. You can't say if you have a sense of smell and think the cake smells good that it's the same as being sexually attracted to someone, can you? I mean, I guess you could. You can think hard-boiled eggs smell bad but still enjoy eating them. Or think coffee smells pleasant even if, like me, you're not a coffee drinker and don't really have the desire to even try coffee - I'm partially afraid of getting addicted to coffee like most of America lol but mainly I know it's supposed to be bitter and I doubt I'll like it. I do think it smells pleasant though.

I think sexual attraction is like looking at the cake and actually having a fantasy of yourself eating it or something. Which isn't what usually happens for cake but I'm guessing for a lot of sexual people, looking at a person they find sexually attractive is kind of like that. You think about your own sex organs or theirs, as if in the cake example you were thinking about your own taste buds or the consistency of it in your mouth in detail or the sugar and how amazing the sugar in the cake is or something. I don't know, I'm speculating here.

Anyone want to add to my post here? :P

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