What is 'Sexual attraction'?

[Guest]

From what I've seen, most of the "come on your own face" videos are filed under "humiliation", aka BDSM. Come on someone else's face, yeah, that's a big ticket seller. Then there's that weird habit in porn of slapping one's phallus upon another's visage, which I really don't get, but to each his own.

[Lord Jade Cross]

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[Guest]

Jade, most of sex is one sided... it's just that both sides take turns, unless you're into the sub/dom thing, in which case turns are not taken. But yeah, there isn't (nor sure there be) perfect parity in sexual behaviors between the parties.

[Lord Jade Cross]

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[Tarfeather]

Jade, most of sex is one sided... it's just that both sides take turns, unless you're into the sub/dom thing, in which case turns are not taken. But yeah, there isn't (nor sure there be) perfect parity in sexual behaviors between the parties.

That seems rather dissapointing. I thought the point was to have equal rights so to speak

Equal rights, different choices.

[Lord Jade Cross]

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[Guest]

I'd say it sort of is and sort of isn't. While one side might be more physically obviously giving, there's intense pleasure in the giving that makes it far from selfless. Most sexuals get pretty much as turned on giving as receiving oral, in my experience. And PIV is definitely going and receiving at the same time.

Well yes... since I don't participate in PIV, there is no sex act that I participate in that's giving and receiving at the same time. And, like, one partner may like having their ass slapped and the other person may like slapping an ass, but it doesn't mean they both have to play both sides. Some people prefer giving oral sex to receiving it, or vice versa... so yeah, equal rights, but rarely equal preferences.

[Androgynoid Replicant]

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[FaerieFate]

This thread has been merged with 'What is Sexual Attraction'?

Faeriefate, Questions about Asexuality co-moderator

[Guest]

I'd say it sort of is and sort of isn't. While one side might be more physically obviously giving, there's intense pleasure in the giving that makes it far from selfless. Most sexuals get pretty much as turned on giving as receiving oral, in my experience. And PIV is definitely going and receiving at the same time.

Well yes... since I don't participate in PIV, there is no sex act that I participate in that's giving and receiving at the same time. And, like, one partner may like having their ass slapped and the other person may like slapping an ass, but it doesn't mean they both have to play both sides. Some people prefer giving oral sex to receiving it, or vice versa... so yeah, equal rights, but rarely equal preferences.

You don't 69? D: heh

..I kind of think all sex acts are giving and receiving at the same time though if both partners desire each thing that's happening? (whether giving or recieving)

Like what you said about BDSM before

it's just that both sides take turns, unless you're into the sub/dom thing, in which case turns are not taken. But yeah, there isn't (nor sure there be) perfect parity in sexual behaviors between the parties.

that is *completely* giving and receiving of pleasure at the same time from *both* partners (if you're doing it right aha) ..as a masochist, the receiving of pain *is* giving me intense pleasure (physical and emotional) and for my kink buddy (a sadist) the *giving* of that pain gives him intense pleasure..so I am giving him pleasure by allowing him to torture me, and he is giving me pleasure *by* torturing me, so we are both giving and receiving intense pleasure at the same time, no need for ''turns'' because it's all simultaneous. Even if I am being ordered around, humiliated, abused (consensual I mean) it's still as intensely pleasurable for me as it is for him.. No matter what we do, we both have to be experiencing some form of emotional and/or physical pleasure from it, or we wouldn't do it.. I actually assumed it was this way for most people when it's all consensual and innately desired by both partners etc(but maybe I was wrong in this?)

I think all sex and/or sensual intimacy between two people should be like that.. whatever you're doing, it should be equally emotionally and/or physically pleasurable for you both. Sure it doesn't always work like that..but that's the best way to experience total intimate ecstasy (emotional and/or physical) in my opinion :3 ..But yeah whatever works for each couple is obviously best for them, when it comes to what they do intimately together.

[Guest]

Some male spiders can, err,

fuck after being beheaded.

This is how amazing male anatomy is.

and some can detach from their own penis and leave it inside the female while it continues to fertilize her.. they do this so they can run off before being eaten, but still get to serve their purpose in life (which is, to make baby spiders haha) :lol:

From what I've seen, most of the "come on your own face" videos are filed under "humiliation", aka BDSM. Come on someone else's face, yeah, that's a big ticket seller. Then there's that weird habit in porn of slapping one's phallus upon another's visage, which I really don't get, but to each his own.

On the face is such a waste T_T ...how is it going to get into your belly if it's smeared all over your cheeks and forehead?

..Oh wait, I can still think of ways

[Devon1967]

I have no idea what it is my wife does but me its a complete blank I try understand it to me it feels like I'm trying to do a jigsaw and haven't got all the pieces to it to get the full picture so no matter how many times you try you can never finish as pieces are missing of the puzzle

[fabulous_unicorn]

This has been on my mind lately because I'm unsure of what it truly is or what it feels like. Normally most allosexual people can describe the feeling. I however can't. I don't even think I can fully grasp the concept. So what is sexual attraction in your opinion and what does it feel like? Can you please give your own definition and not the dictionary definition.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Sexual attraction is a nebulous term that not even all sexual people experience, so it's really pretty pointless trying to figure out what it is. However, as AVEN describes it, it is the desire to engage with others in a sexual manner.

[FaerieFate]

This thread has been merged with "What is 'Sexual Attraction'?"

Faeriefate, Questions about Asexulaity Co-Moderator

[Guest]

..I kind of think all sex acts are giving and receiving at the same time though if both partners desire each thing that's happening? (whether giving or recieving)

[...]

I think all sex and/or sensual intimacy between two people should be like that.. whatever you're doing, it should be equally emotionally and/or physically pleasurable for you both. Sure it doesn't always work like that..but that's the best way to experience total intimate ecstasy (emotional and/or physical) in my opinion :3 ..But yeah whatever works for each couple is obviously best for them, when it comes to what they do intimately together.

Dunno, Ficto. I can only enjoy sex where the roles are strictly separated - me as an active giver and only giver, the woman as a passive receiver and only receiver.

Of course you have some point, as I am receiving something - the feeling of being a good and useful servant to mylady. :P But that is a strictly emotional benefit, not a sexual one (and my genitals are absolutely off limits as a tool for providing the service. Let's face it, I'm really a one-trick-pony). Acts in which I would be sexually recieving are horrifically gross to imagine.... I will not ever give consent to them.

For me personally, only one-sided sex is good sex; mutuality in sex is an idea that turns my stomach... count me out of that.

[Guest]

..I kind of think all sex acts are giving and receiving at the same time though if both partners desire each thing that's happening? (whether giving or recieving)

[...]

I think all sex and/or sensual intimacy between two people should be like that.. whatever you're doing, it should be equally emotionally and/or physically pleasurable for you both. Sure it doesn't always work like that..but that's the best way to experience total intimate ecstasy (emotional and/or physical) in my opinion :3 ..But yeah whatever works for each couple is obviously best for them, when it comes to what they do intimately together.

Dunno, Ficto. I can only enjoy sex where the roles are strictly separated - me as an active giver and only giver, the woman as a passive receiver and only receiver.

Of course you have some point, as I am receiving something - the feeling of being a good and useful servant to mylady. :P But that is a strictly emotional benefit, not a sexual one (and my genitals are absolutely off limits as a tool for providing the service. Let's face it, I'm really a one-trick-pony). Acts in which I would be sexually recieving are horrifically gross to imagine.... I will not ever give consent to them.

For me personally, only one-sided sex is good sex; mutuality in sex is an idea that turns my stomach... count me out of that.

Hah I'm so confused but I'm tired so that's probably why?

For me and my intimate friend, we both enjoy everything we do equally, whether giving or receiving, though neither of our genitals are involved obviously hah it's BDSM, torture etc

I wasn't saying it was always like that, just that it seems like it would be boring if you're literally only doing something for the other and getting nothing out of it (emotional or physical) sounds exactly like what sex was for me and my ex haha.

If you enjoy it, you're getting something out of it, yeah? even if it's only emotional enjoyment and the satisfaction of pleasing a partner, that's still ''getting something out of it''.. I as more referring to just doing it because they want it while you wait for you turn to get what you want.. seems, well.. I wouldn't enjoy that. I can only enjoy if we are *both* getting pleasure out of what we do, even if that's just having the other person bite me so it hurts.. we are both getting something emotional out of that, the genitals don't even count or come into it hah.

The sex act my hypersexual ex enjoyed most was giving oral and making a woman orgasm either through oral or with fingers or anything she wanted. That was the most enjoyable thing for him, and the most satisfying, though his genitals weren't being directly stimulated or anything during that, the pleasure was mostly emotional (I think that's how it is for a lot of sex? physically good yeah but the emotional aspects really add to the pleasure) ..Anyway yeah he was obviously always unhappy with me because I can't get any pleasure out of having my genitals stimulated, just.. no. But sexual people can also enjoy ONLY the act of giving and not care too much about receiving. In the brothel I worked in, some guys would literally pay to spend the hour doing things to the girl, whatever she asked, and wouldn't even take their own pants off. That's how much they enjoyed the giving. ...Guys like that were always sorely disappointed with me though hah, I'd say ''oh foot massage is the most pleasurable thing I can receive thanks'' ..''no seriously, I'll do anything, what do you want?'' ''foot massage?'' ..''no to give you pleasure'' ..''foot massage'' ..''no, to your bits'' ..''I can't enjoy things being done to my bits sorry'' ''you must enjoy something!'' ''I enjoy footmassages'' ''...is it too late for me to choose another girl?'' ..ahaha worlds most useless prostitute :p

Anyway yeah the difference between a sexual person llke that and an asexual who does get emotional enjoyment from the giving of an actual sex act (sexual pleasure, orgasm etc) is the sexual person desires it, and becomes unhappy with that which they desire, whereas an asexual couldn't give a hoot less if they do it, and would rather not, but if it makes their partner happy etc then they do it and can get emotional pleasure out of doing it. That's not desiring sex for emotional pleasure though, that's getting emotional pleasure out of making your partner happy.

[Guest]

If you enjoy it, you're getting something out of it, yeah? even if it's only emotional enjoyment and the satisfaction of pleasing a partner, that's still ''getting something out of it''.. I as more referring to just doing it because they want it while you wait for you turn to get what you want.. seems, well.. I wouldn't enjoy that. I can only enjoy if we are *both* getting pleasure out of what we do, even if that's just having the other person bite me so it hurts.. we are both getting something emotional out of that, the genitals don't even count or come into it hah.

Yeah, which is kinda what I said... but if the genitals don't come into play, I just can't see how on Earth it's supposed to be sexual. *shrug*

The sex act my hypersexual ex enjoyed most was giving oral and making a woman orgasm either through oral or with fingers or anything she wanted. That was the most enjoyable thing for him, and the most satisfying, though his genitals weren't being directly stimulated or anything during that, the pleasure was mostly emotional (I think that's how it is for a lot of sex? physically good yeah but the emotional aspects really add to the pleasure) ..Anyway yeah he was obviously always unhappy with me because I can't get any pleasure out of having my genitals stimulated, just.. no. But sexual people can also enjoy ONLY the act of giving and not care too much about receiving. In the brothel I worked in, some guys would literally pay to spend the hour doing things to the girl, whatever she asked, and wouldn't even take their own pants off. That's how much they enjoyed the giving. ...Guys like that were always sorely disappointed with me though hah, I'd say ''oh foot massage is the most pleasurable thing I can receive thanks'' ..''no seriously, I'll do anything, what do you want?'' ''foot massage?'' ..''no to give you pleasure'' ..''foot massage'' ..''no, to your bits'' ..''I can't enjoy things being done to my bits sorry'' ''you must enjoy something!'' ''I enjoy footmassages'' ''...is it too late for me to choose another girl?'' ..ahaha worlds most useless prostitute :P

Anyway yeah the difference between a sexual person llke that and an asexual who does get emotional enjoyment from the giving of an actual sex act (sexual pleasure, orgasm etc) is the sexual person desires it, and becomes unhappy with that which they desire, whereas an asexual couldn't give a hoot less if they do it, and would rather not, but if it makes their partner happy etc then they do it and can get emotional pleasure out of doing it. That's not desiring sex for emotional pleasure though, that's getting emotional pleasure out of making your partner happy.

Hehe. You know I was baffled the first time you told that here on the boards, I never thought that johns like that come into a brothel. And I agree with the gist here - while I do obviously have a lot in common with these guys, there's that one huge difference - no matter how long I "go without" (and I don't even know how long that is in my case - it's definitely been a good couple of years, as R. and I never connected on a sexual level), I simply never feel any kind of driving desire/need to go out and find a woman to please (and the idea of paying a prostitute for it still sounds "lol what?" to me. Come on. That money's way better spent on pizza, obviously! :lol: ).

Seeing as I'm at the very least highly skeptical of the idea of ever getting into a relationship again, and don't plan on picking gals up for sex outside of a relationship, either, there's a pretty sizeable chance I'll never have sex again in my life. And even though I did enjoy it in the past, I don't see this "possibly never again" as any kind of loss - sure, I'd be open to it if it happened (as long as it's fully on my, rigidly defined, terms), but if it doesn't happen, there's literally zero life quality at stake for me, and no desire of mine getting frustrated. Sex simply isn't any kind of important factor in my life quality.

And that's exactly what differentiates me from a sexual person.

[Curlz]

I'm kinda confused about what exactly sexual attraction is, because I don't think I've ever felt it. When my friends and other people discuss that stuff, I really don't know what they're talking about. Does this mean I'm asexual?

[Guest]

I'm kinda confused about what exactly sexual attraction is, because I don't think I've ever felt it. When my friends and other people discuss that stuff, I really don't know what they're talking about. Does this mean I'm asexual?

Pretty much, do you desire partnered sex for sexual and/or emotional pleasure under some circumstances? What "sexual attraction" feels like doesn't really matter (as no one can even agree on what it is) .. But the only truly defining factor in asexuality is whether or not, under some circumstances, you desire partnered sex for sexual and/or emotional pleasure.

It's tricky though because I always assumed I was a regular person who wanted sex until I actually had it. Then I was like "whaaaaat?" ..I kept having it for like 5 years (maybe longer?) assuming I had to just keep doing it and eventually I would want and enjoy it (a doctor actually told me that!) but it just never happened. Eventually I gave up and decided id have to be single forever, because it's not possible anyone could want a relationship without sex (thats what i thought anyway) ..then in 2013 I learned about asexuality and realized that's what had been happening the entire time (and got an ace partner!!!)

But yeah, sometimes ace people "feel" like sexuals in many ways but just..don't want sex. I am very sex positive, find people "hot" and sexy and all that..desire love and intimacy and sensuality, and have a high libido and masturbate regularly, so all that made me think I was sexual. I had to actually *have* sex to know it's pretty much like grazing a chalk board with my nails, something I definitely don't want to do!!! So I guess in that kind of situation it can be hard to know? I don't know how common that is though?

[Snao Cone]

I'm kinda confused about what exactly sexual attraction is, because I don't think I've ever felt it. When my friends and other people discuss that stuff, I really don't know what they're talking about. Does this mean I'm asexual?

If you're not sexually drawn towards specific people, that doesn't necessarily mean you're asexual - it's about desiring partnered sex at all. If you sometimes crave sex with another person, in general or someone specific, that's sexual. It doesn't matter if you feel "attraction" to anyone; it's whether partnered sex is a part of your overall physical and emotional needs.

Much like Panfictosaurus, I assumed I wanted to have sex because of things associated with it - I found people beautiful, I found people charming, I have an open mind, and I have a libido. But all the times I went out of my way to have sex, it didn't do anything for me. I have no needs unmet by not having any sexual partners, and that determines asexuality more than my opinion on the appearance of beautiful people.

[Guest]

My understanding of sexual attraction is that its more mental (and maybe emotional??) where as libido/arousal is physical and may or may not be a thing that happens when sexual attraction is felt. Maybe thats were the confusion lies, people are getting things that are related but different jumbled up??? Maybe possibly??

[henpen82]

Okay so to recap

Are you still asexual if you experience sexual attraction but NOT sexual desire? or what it that called?

what is it when you experience sexual attraction, your consciously have sexual desire (you want to have sex) but subconsciously don't (i.e. not sexual arousal

so SEXUAL ATTRACTION + SEXUAL DESIRE - SEXUAL AROUSAL

so your attracted to someone, you want and desire sex, but your body just doesn't respond!

and this is different to Erectile dysfunction because your not actually 'turned on' - but you'd like to be 'turned on?

[Guest]

Are you still asexual if you experience sexual attraction but NOT sexual desire? or what it that called?

If you ask me: Not having any desire for partnered sex is asexuality. Period. Regardless of whether or not there is any "sexual attraction" involved, whatever that even means.

But obviously, there's a bunch of people who would disagree with this statement. *sigh*

what is it when you experience sexual attraction, your consciously have sexual desire (you want to have sex) but subconsciously don't (i.e. not sexual arousal

so SEXUAL ATTRACTION + SEXUAL DESIRE - SEXUAL AROUSAL

so your attracted to someone, you want and desire sex, but your body just doesn't respond!

and this is different to Erectile dysfunction because your not actually 'turned on' - but you'd like to be 'turned on?

If I understand correctly what you say there... yeah, having the desire for sex, plus whatever "sexual attraction" is supposed to be, but not managing sexual arousal is some kind of dysfunction (in case of male-bodied people, erectile d.). That dysfunction may be psychological or organic/physiological; and as we all know, there are certain pills against it.

Either way, that has nothing do do with one's orientation, and is completely unrelated to asexuality. (And as far as I can tell, this isn't controversial - there's a very broad consensus on that. :))

[AndyF]

I wanna know how having sex feels like, but feel about it in the same was as I wanna go sky diving or bungee jumping. Does that make me asexual or not?

[RedAceofHearts]

I wanna know how having sex feels like, but feel about it in the same was as I wanna go sky diving or bungee jumping. Does that make me asexual or not?

It sounds like basic curiosity to me, not necessarily "sexual desire"

[Snao Cone]

I wanna know how having sex feels like, but feel about it in the same was as I wanna go sky diving or bungee jumping. Does that make me asexual or not?

That certainly doesn't disqualify you as an asexual. If your interest in sex is more as a novelty or curiosity than a desire then you may be asexual. I'm in the same boat. I've had sex to get myself to do something "fun" even though it's always turned out to feel like a chore or a disappointment or a waste of time. The motivation was to go outside my comfort zone and try something that's touted as amazing, as is often the case for people sky diving or bungee jumping.

[Tarfeather]

This place keeps making me feel uncertain whether I'm asexual after all..

[Guest]

This place keeps making me feel uncertain whether I'm asexual after all..

Told ya. :p

You know that you've said a bunch of things in your time here that made me wonder if you aren't a good bit "grayer" than you're aware of. I really don't think you're fully asexual, though.

[El-not-so-ace]

I sometimes think whether I'm grey or not too, but what counts is that I want to try something like that with my boyfriend. If it ends up turning out that I'm an ace, I'll deal with that later. :)