Odo Ital Posted December 8, 2011 Share Posted December 8, 2011 Hello lovely people of the AVEN forum! I've been reading a lot of the posts here, and it has been incredibly helpful. I'm still confused though (yes, I know, I haven't completely solved the mystery of sexuality, shocker) and would appreciate some advice. I don't experience primary sexual attraction per say. I never see someone and think that I'd like to have sex with them. It just doesn't compute for me. I do find myself interested in people as far as intimacy goes, though. Inside, I'm totally touchy-feely, though I see that as separate from being sexual, but I am interested in sex because of the intimacy. I do know that I'm only attracted to other women in terms of a relationship, because it feels right; I could go into more detail but basically it's just that I am interested in women/feminimity over male bodies/ masculinity. Also, I am interested in sex down the line, it's just not the reason I am initially interested in someone. I also place a much higher value on intimacy than sex, but again, I'd enjoy it. At this point, though, I've only felt sexual attraction for fictional characters. Woo. Hopefully not tmi. I think it's because I feel an emotional connection and I'm able to fantasize about them. Does this sound like demisexuality? I read somewhere that demisexuality would mean you did not experience primary sexual attraction, but then someone said primary sexual attraction could be emotional attraction. What does that mean? Any input very much appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
Cazz333 Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Demisexuality is confusing to me so can't help there. I'd just say don't experience primary sexual attraction and a preference for intimacy over sex and sexual acts, intentions and viewpoints. I think it is a bit like this 1. Nonsexual view of sex | 2. Sexual view of sex | 3. nonsexual view of non-sex a.k.a physical intimacy | 4. sexual view of physical intimacy view- here means how you see a behavior in terms of sex or not. 1 and 3 mainly asexual 2 and 3 and 4 mainly sexual However it gets complicated when the gray sexuals and gray asexuals enter the picture. With a gray asexual 1 and 2 happen. As well as 3 and 4. With a gray sexual the same but with 2 and 3 having more weight. Link to post Share on other sites
Member33070 Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Hmm, so I'm sick and sleepy but this thread and its small number of replies makes me sad. You strike me as a possible demisexual, but I'm not feeling up to typing it all out. Can I throw a link to a definition at you and then just get your opinion on that? http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Demisexual You might have seen it before, but I rarely see people linking the wiki, so I'm just gonna do that...tralala... Link to post Share on other sites
etzy Posted December 10, 2011 Share Posted December 10, 2011 Sounds Demi to me, though I'm a newbie at all these definitions myself. But it sounds like you don't care about sex, but figure you'll enjoy it with "the right one" later. Right? Also, I totally get you on the fictional characters thing. By the way :P Link to post Share on other sites
Odo Ital Posted December 10, 2011 Author Share Posted December 10, 2011 Thanks for the replies, it's all very helpful! Basically I was looking for someone to relate. And I feel validated now and such. Woot. Etzy: haha, I'm glad someone else gets the fictional characters thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Uhh Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 I get the whole fictional characters thing too. I think it's cause with fictional characters we tend to know so much about them and really get to know them and can relate so there's the emotional aspect at play. So it's different than just seeing an attractive person that you don't know anything about... like you can't relate to someone just because they are aesthetically pleasing. I, too, am still trying to figure out the whole gray-a/demi thing. But what you've described sounds like demisexual from the definitions I've seen. Like it seems like it's not that you don't like/enjoy sex, you just have to get to know the person first and have an emotional connection? Link to post Share on other sites
dezdimona Posted December 14, 2011 Share Posted December 14, 2011 I feel very similar, generally with guys though, unless deeply emotionally connected I'm not interested but everything you say pretty much checks all the boxes, always felt different. I am not sure if sexuality is utterly definable or maybe alternates through certain times but I guess the best definition would be demi it seems for me and possibly for you. Actually pure primary sexual attraction towards someone in reality doesn't really occur... If in love I could probably see myself be intimate, that the key... intimacy, that is what I want, that showers the seed that grows so I could dive into the ocean of someones being and relish it in the deepest most enduring way. Wish the art of real romance was more alive or not put on to achieve a selfish goal. Don't be nice to me to do anything but establish emotional connection... well in an ideal world. Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 Welcome theres many here still confused, including me! What you have written, fits me quite well, too well! I dont see ordanary people at physically attractive myself either no fantasise with those people. Yet I also find it interesting just to try it, I can go as far as saying I will probably find it fantastic. I find that there is the odd squish for men and women, slightly more men than women, commited relationships I believe could be a problem for me. I am completly curious of how sex feels like. This is where it gets strange, I too get a sence of sexual attraction to fictional characters... just follow my devant link in the signature. To me, this is not demisexuality, as this is defined as developing sexual attraction for a person you have known over a long period of time, but others have their own interprations. Instead I believe it is just curisoity bi/hetro/homo/pan curisoity is completly normal and it does not make you less of an asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
etzy Posted December 15, 2011 Share Posted December 15, 2011 I get the whole fictional characters thing too. I think it's cause with fictional characters we tend to know so much about them and really get to know them and can relate so there's the emotional aspect at play. So it's different than just seeing an attractive person that you don't know anything about... like you can't relate to someone just because they are aesthetically pleasing. This. And there's also the point that they can be basically whoever we want, so you almost make them into the ideal partner. Not to derail this topic completely, but yeah :P Link to post Share on other sites
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