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I'm gray, that explains everything


Snarkyaxolotl

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Snarkyaxolotl

I haven't been on the forums for a while and didn't notice the wiki which explains the different levels in the spectrum like demisexuals and gray. I believe gray explains my situation well since for me, sex remains in a fantasy world and instantly dissolves when I meet people.

My fantasy world is split between romantic and sexual, yet they both never seem to overlap. For me, romance and sexuality only exists in a fantasy worlds because it's limited to only fuzzy feelings (which may arouse me), but without any graphic detail or story line. This is why I never liked porn or romance stories very much, it involves details that I don't relate to or turn me off. Bodily fluids makes me squeamish and I frankly find kissing scenes in movies/tv shows to be a waste of my time. The graphic details of sex turn me off and I find romantic relationships to be too overwhelming and complex for my rational mind to understand. Maybe my mind is just too simple, all I want is the fuzzy feeling without an actual physical or emotional attachment to anyone.

It appears that I ONLY enter a sex fantasy with images of attractive faces and voices of strangers or people I've never talked to in a while. However, if I actually have to spend time with a person, my focus shifts to their personality and my judgments of a persons character traits. For some reason this TURNS OFF my ability to have sexual fuzzy feelings. If I happen to like someone I spend time interacting with, it's because I admire their personality (I like strong and friendly character traits). I'm completely turned off by people that try to shove their sexuality in my face and I'm annoyed by shallow people. I seem to have the uncanny ability to detect shallowness, I can easily hear it in people's voices and it gives me negative vibes that make me want to run away.

Now my "romantic fantasy" mode turns on when I meet someone I like (both in character and appearance) but don't get to spend much time with them (because I only meet them at school or whatever). I get fuzzy homoromantic fantasies from guys who are both cute inside and out (I don't get the fuzzies from girls I interact with, but rather I have mere admiration of their "being" if that makes any sense). Now when I actually interact with people, the romantic fantasy disappears and we form normal friendships. Now of course that's not normally how I make friendships (friends for me are made in situations where we have common interests). My theory is that I create a phantom versions of people I like to interact with because I don't get out much, but these phantoms instantly dissolve when I finally get to meet the REAL person.

I feel "romantic" sometimes when I make people giggle, but not sure what that is. lol

Edit: I've even wondered if I were an aspie because sometimes I think like one (but I'm not mind-blind, so that can't be it, lol)

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Perfect and safe fantasy world... :)

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  • 2 weeks later...

Haha, wow this sounds exactly like me. I am sort of a dreamer, mainly because my homesituation wasn't really healthy, and it helped me to escape. When I'm alone I drift off a lot, and these are the only times I feel a sexual attraction. Like you, it's when I see someone good looking, who in my mind fits the person I want him/her to be, and I have an attraction (not sexual perse) However, when I talk to this person, I discover flaws, and the feeling is gone. I'm a social person, or I seem to be from the outside, but I'm really quite lonely. I go out a lot with friends, and those guys hook up a lot, but I'm just happy dancing and drinking which is great, and I love flirting as a selfesteem boost, but not more.

Haha I agree, I hate shallow people. I'm from a pretty wealthy city nearby Amsterdam, and people are so damn shallow. I want more in life than expensive stuff, hooking up with hot girls and getting a great job, but it seems I can't escape from that mentality here. It's really nice though to find someone who's like me in a way, who knows, I might be an Aspie too :P

I haven't been on the forums for a while and didn't notice the wiki which explains the different levels in the spectrum like demisexuals and gray. I believe gray explains my situation well since for me, sex remains in a fantasy world and instantly dissolves when I meet people.

My fantasy world is split between romantic and sexual, yet they both never seem to overlap. For me, romance and sexuality only exists in a fantasy worlds because it's limited to only fuzzy feelings (which may arouse me), but without any graphic detail or story line. This is why I never liked porn or romance stories very much, it involves details that I don't relate to or turn me off. Bodily fluids makes me squeamish and I frankly find kissing scenes in movies/tv shows to be a waste of my time. The graphic details of sex turn me off and I find romantic relationships to be too overwhelming and complex for my rational mind to understand. Maybe my mind is just too simple, all I want is the fuzzy feeling without an actual physical or emotional attachment to anyone.

It appears that I ONLY enter a sex fantasy with images of attractive faces and voices of strangers or people I've never talked to in a while. However, if I actually have to spend time with a person, my focus shifts to their personality and my judgments of a persons character traits. For some reason this TURNS OFF my ability to have sexual fuzzy feelings. If I happen to like someone I spend time interacting with, it's because I admire their personality (I like strong and friendly character traits). I'm completely turned off by people that try to shove their sexuality in my face and I'm annoyed by shallow people. I seem to have the uncanny ability to detect shallowness, I can easily hear it in people's voices and it gives me negative vibes that make me want to run away.

Now my "romantic fantasy" mode turns on when I meet someone I like (both in character and appearance) but don't get to spend much time with them (because I only meet them at school or whatever). I get fuzzy homoromantic fantasies from guys who are both cute inside and out (I don't get the fuzzies from girls I interact with, but rather I have mere admiration of their "being" if that makes any sense). Now when I actually interact with people, the romantic fantasy disappears and we form normal friendships. Now of course that's not normally how I make friendships (friends for me are made in situations where we have common interests). My theory is that I create a phantom versions of people I like to interact with because I don't get out much, but these phantoms instantly dissolve when I finally get to meet the REAL person.

I feel "romantic" sometimes when I make people giggle, but not sure what that is. lol

Edit: I've even wondered if I were an aspie because sometimes I think like one (but I'm not mind-blind, so that can't be it, lol)

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  • 2 weeks later...
Snarkyaxolotl

....I think I have ADHD. I wonder if that's related.

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I relate to so much that! There are things that I read (okay I'll admit I read smut) that turn me on so fast but doing it myself? BLEGH NO THANK YOU. This did change when I developed romantic feelings for someone but still (while I felt satisfied) wasn't the same as my fantasies. I am utterly incapable of wanting to do anything sexual with someone I know unless I'm very very very close to them already. But this is a very rare occurrence.

the romantic fantasy disappears and we form normal friendships

My romantic feelings often 'catch & die' as well. I start to feel a little something then bam it's gone before I'd ever dream of doing anything about it.

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