Barbi Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 I just realized that I am asexual. I am 27 years old. I am married. I have two children. I have my own adult website. I have been invited to be in Playboy(and other men's mags). I have never had an orgasm. I want to be normal. Must I resign myself to a life of asexual existence? Or is there a cure? If not,how do I cope with life? Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 Well...most people here aren't looking for a 'cure' so I'm not sure how much help we could be to you. Have you tried discussing it with a doctor? The general view here is that your sexuality (hetero, homo, bi, a) is unchangable, but if it's something that really upsets you then I can only suggest speaking with a doctor be it physical or mental. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
biggreenmonkey Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 I'll agree with Cate. I don't know, do we have anyone on the board who can attest that mental/physio help has made them better? Link to post Share on other sites
Dargon Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 I feel I should mention that I am male, so my opinion may be less valid concerning some things. First, I do not believe there is a "cure". As for the "asexual existance," the choice to act on your asexuality is yours. There are asexuals here who are married/have kids, so that is not too uncommon. As for the adult industry, this choice is yours. I have seen an adult magizine or two, and all I have seen in them is ladies posing in the nude, but not actually committing sexual acts. Deciding whether or not you wish to continue should be based on your own feelings and comfort with it. You must realize others will look at you in a sexual manner should you continue to pose, but this does not mean you must act in accordance to their views. Link to post Share on other sites
little_lamb Posted February 17, 2005 Share Posted February 17, 2005 no cure? oh come on, practice has gotta make perfect... :P Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 no cure? oh come on, practice has gotta make perfect... :P Spoken with the air of a grade 9 boy. Anyway...that's not a cure, that's a surrendar or submission and if a person wants to do that, that's his or her perogative. S/he can screw like a bunny if s/he wantss..but if at the end of the day, they experience no sexual ATTRACTION (being the definition is in the ATTRACTION, not biological side) then s/he is still A. I'm sure there are many aseuxals who are "practising" feeling they'll get to like it some day (makes it sound like trombone lessons or something!) People who claim they were 'cured' are like people who have seen Jesus, who am I to tell them they haven't? Link to post Share on other sites
gypsylady Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 cijay, I think little_lamb was poking fun... Link to post Share on other sites
Barbi Posted February 18, 2005 Author Share Posted February 18, 2005 How do I validate myself as a woman-as a mother-as a wife,if I can never experience PASSION? All my life,I listen to people talk about the "BIG O". I feel like I have failed as a person just because I can never do that. I know what others will say-society makes me feel that way. Well,maybe so,but there is no denying that 99.9% of all human beings can experience the full gamut of human emotions and physical feelings. I remember as a young girl thinking that being gay must be a nightmare. Now,I guess I wish I could experience even gay passion. I feel neutured. Is this normal for asexual human beings? I laugh. I cry. I get mad. I bleed. I love. I hate. so why can't I have the rest? How do others cope? Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 I don't think most of us feel as if we're 'coping' with anything. I don't feel as if I'm missing anything. If it's something that's not possible for you to experience then wouldn't it be better to try to find a professional (psychiatrist?) to help you see that the inability to experience six seconds of muscle spasms doesn't make you less human than to beat yourself up over something you have no control over? Cate Link to post Share on other sites
mindlife Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 How do I validate myself as a woman-as a mother-as a wife,if I can never experience PASSION? ... I laugh. I cry. I get mad. I bleed. I love. I hate. so why can't I have the rest? How do others cope? You have experienced passion. The tone of your writing is evidence enough that you have. Orgasm is not necessarily passion, sex is not necessarily passion. How do you validate yourself as a woman? You validate yourself as a woman by asserting that a woman is what you are and believing it. As the mind goes, so will follow the rest of the identity and confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 cijay,I think little_lamb was poking fun... Oh sorry, my mistake - humour: ha ha : usually people who post one sentence things like that end up next posting 20 pages of "you guys aren't for real" - my mistake. Anyway, I never thought about needing sexual attraction to validate myself as a human being. Hmmm, that would be a bitch to contend with. Actually, I am physically, surgically neutered and I don't even feel less of a woman. I guess I just never thought about orgasm being that big of a deal. I'm just happy with what I have. Link to post Share on other sites
Hexpiral Posted February 18, 2005 Share Posted February 18, 2005 How do I validate myself as a woman-as a mother-as a wife I can never experience PASSION? As mindlife said, I think you have experieced passion. About the validation thing: Why do you need others´ approval? You ARE a woman, a mother and a wife, you don´t need somebody to tell you that. Sex shouldn´t be the fundamenal issue in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Barbi Posted February 23, 2005 Author Share Posted February 23, 2005 Thanks you all. I guess I just need time for all of this to sink in. I feel like I have entered an alien world. Everything looks different now. Sometimes,accepting reality can be very disconcerting. This is defineately one of those times. Link to post Share on other sites
biggreenmonkey Posted February 24, 2005 Share Posted February 24, 2005 I hope you don't feel the need to isolate yourself. I can imagine it is very hard for you to accept it, but don't hesitate to turn to this forum if you have any issues/concerns. Life definitely isn't simple, and you shouldn't feel alone. Link to post Share on other sites
confused but not confused Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 I have a suggestion for you Barbie with NO offence as you are in adult industry. Just try some time not talking about sex or try to minimize your talks/interaction with very sexual persons or whoever. Take a break and then decide that Are you really asexual. I feel ( I maybe wrong) is like when a teenager under peer pressure is pushed to idealize very slim body and got eating disorder. Maybe you are a normal sexual person and internally doesnot want to talk/act about it 24/7? If you take a little longer break, maybe you will find that your body can function the way you want I mean Big-O, just discover yourself and stop following the media circus about fat, sex etc. Because I feel that if you were asexual, you might be feeling uncomfortable into entering into adult industry, if you chose it by yourself. No offense, this is just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
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