How do you cope with being forever single due to asexual feelings?

[Fllay]

Agree with what jneeni said, but I'm not hoping too much...

And no, I don't want children. I don't like children, except for a few kids I know.

[JustinJ]

I don't cope with it. i enjoy it. I tried having a girlfriend and it was a lot of hassle for very little payoff. Staying single just suits me better.

[Roy M.]

I would say that I coped with being single by becoming asexual.

[Annie1]

I would be very sad about being alone (I am in a mixed relationship currently, but that's another story).

My current relationship will most likely end due to sexual difference and I have no idea what I will do after.. because there is no point to start a new relationship with a sexual and finding a suitable partner seems impossible :).

I am the kind of person who needs companionship most of the time. I can be alone for a while, but then it gets frustrating. I like making someone nr 1 and also like being someones nr 1.. I am not sure about not wanting children, I am not obsessed with the idea but in the far future I would maybe like 1-2 children.

I am hoping that some day I will just meet an asexual guy who thinks the same way.. if not, then I will try to keep myself busy with work and find some close friends (maybe even through asexual sites).

[Aaishu]

I am an aromantic asexual girl, virgin. I have never been in any relationship so far. I was always single in my life. Never tried to get in to relationship too. I am highly disguisted about sex and I don't want to do it in my entire life.

I am interested in having long lasting platonic relationship ( non-sexual, not too romantic with good emotional bonding).

It should be my first and last relationship in my life. I'd rather be single than being in a wrong relationship.

[RainbowGalaxy]

Just to point out this isn't an exclusively asexual problem. I think most people of every orientation feel down about being single at least some of the time, and absolutely anyone is susceptible to feelings of insecurity, low-confidence, loneliness and depression. Obviously being asexual doesn't exactly help, if you have a fear of loneliness, but sexual people can have that fear too, and just as strongly. It's just as possible to combat these thoughts and either meet the 'right' person for you or lead a perfectly happy single life as anyone else. By all means, accept the realities of being asexual, but try not to use it as an excuse to give up on trying to be happy, because you still deserve to be. I would personally work on improving your self-image and pursuing other things in life that can fulfill you, rather than getting anxious over things you can't help.

[Aaishu]

Just to point out this isn't an exclusively asexual problem. I think most people of every orientation feel down about being single at least some of the time, and absolutely anyone is susceptible to feelings of insecurity, low-confidence, loneliness and depression. Obviously being asexual doesn't exactly help, if you have a fear of loneliness, but sexual people can have that fear too, and just as strongly. It's just as possible to combat these thoughts and either meet the 'right' person for you or lead a perfectly happy single life as anyone else. By all means, accept the realities of being asexual, but try not to use it as an excuse to give up on being happy, because you still deserve to be. I would personally work on improving your self-image and pursuing other things in life that can fulfill you, rather than getting anxious over things you can't help.

I am damn sure that I am an asexual. I am not interested in sex. I do not have insecurity, low-confidence, loneliness and depression as you said. I am very happy being single. I wanted to remain spinster through out my Life. I am doing social service now and I'd like to do it my entire life. Being an Indian, at one point of time I will be forced for marriage since it is mandatory in this country . That time I don't wanna create problems by marrying a sexual I can never live with a sexual guy. I am capable enough to tackle my parents by my stubborn nature of not marrying. But The will kinda emotionally blackmail me. I'd like to live happy and make my parents happy.

Furthermore, I am not comfortable when people touch me. i am quite repulsive over the body fluids too. Hug and kiss in cheek is fine but other than that I cannot tolerate at all. Not even a single second. Instead I can remain a spinster my whole life. That is why I have classified myself as AROMANTIC ASEXUAL which is 100% correct.

[RainbowGalaxy]

Just to point out this isn't an exclusively asexual problem. I think most people of every orientation feel down about being single at least some of the time, and absolutely anyone is susceptible to feelings of insecurity, low-confidence, loneliness and depression. Obviously being asexual doesn't exactly help, if you have a fear of loneliness, but sexual people can have that fear too, and just as strongly. It's just as possible to combat these thoughts and either meet the 'right' person for you or lead a perfectly happy single life as anyone else. By all means, accept the realities of being asexual, but try not to use it as an excuse to give up on being happy, because you still deserve to be. I would personally work on improving your self-image and pursuing other things in life that can fulfill you, rather than getting anxious over things you can't help.

I am damn sure that I am an asexual. I am not interested in sex. I do not have insecurity, low-confidence, loneliness and depression as you said. I am very happy being single. I wanted to remain spinster through out my Life. I am doing social service now and I'd like to do it my entire life. Being an Indian, at one point of time I will be forced for marriage since it is mandatory in this country . That time I don't wanna create problems by marrying a sexual I can never live with a sexual guy. I am capable enough to tackle my parents by my stubborn nature of not marrying. But The will kinda emotionally blackmail me. I'd like to live happy and make my parents happy.

Furthermore, I am not comfortable when people touch me. i am quite repulsive over the body fluids too. Hug and kiss in cheek is fine but other than that I cannot tolerate at all. Not even a single second. Instead I can remain a spinster my whole life. That is why I have classified myself as AROMANTIC ASEXUAL which is 100% correct.

Okay.

That's great. I'm very happy for you.

I didn't say that people could be happy being single (I said the complete opposite, in fact) my post was aimed at people like the OP who are not happy. Sorry if that was not expressed clearly.

[marki]

I've been single for 27 years, have never had a relationship, and truly have no clue what people are supposed to do in them. It sucks thinking I will be single ( even though I've become adjusted to living on my own) forever....but I have lots of hobbies and interests that I can share with others so that helps. I would love to think I could find someone....but I don't think I ever will unless I can learn how to read people better. I've blown off some girls possibly in my life without even knowing it. I just don't understand them!

[ShogunV2]

I don't have any optimistic or inspiring words on this subject. I will have to make peace with the fact that I will be alone forever. It's sad and it hurts so much I want to die some days but that is my situation. Love does not exist for me in this world and never will. The only way for me to survive and retain my sanity is to simply accept the reality of my existence.

It's not all bad though. In a sense we will always be alone. Even those that have others in their lives. We come into this world alone and we leave this world alone.

They say "death and taxes." I say "death and solitude."

[Adogg]

You're far from the only one, I think about the same thing every day and the cliches people give me are just that, cliches. That's just what people are supsed to do because they don't have any real answers. Unfortunately,I don't have any solution either, for myself or anyone in a similar situation.

[Sally]

Being asexual doesn't mean you will be alone forever. There are sexuals who have been alone all their lives; there are asexuals who are not alone.

[Adogg]

I've pretty much given up on ever finding a good, solid romantic asexual relationship. Apparently I'm one of the very, very few asexuals out there that likes children or even wants any. I'm not against people who don't want children, I just happen to like children. And the instant an asexual guy hears that I never hear from him again. It doesn't matter how well we get along together as a couple, that one subject is always the breaking point. One guy even berated me about be a self obsessed bitch over wanting children.

So I generally learn to be other things than lonely. I play a lot of EVE online these days, and I have the best Sims3 game ever, and I love the entire civilization I've built in Minecraft. I don't see my friends that often, but a lot of them are getting married and settling down and starting families these days so it's become a little hard to be that one single woman who always stands out like a sore thumb. And having to explain to them that I really don't want to get set up with any of their friends doesn't help matters.

It's hard being the single, romantic asexual. It's like being put in a room full of cookies and then being told not to eat a single one because you're allergic to all of them. And hoping, maybe, just maybe, there's another room somewhere with a cookie that's just for you. But you don't know how to get to that room or how to even find that one special cookie.

There are others of us out there who want kids for sure.I never look at that as an ace related issue though, there are plenty of sexuals who use alternative means to have children.

[Sir Robbins]

Being asexual doesn't mean you will be alone forever. There are sexuals who have been alone all their lives; there are asexuals who are not alone.

it's gotta be really hard to have sexual desires for people and never have them fulfilled. That is involuntary celibacy and almost torture

[dreaminthepast]

My advice would be to have meaningful friendships that validate you as a person. Have hobbies where you are interacting with people who share the same interests.

I think if having a romantic relationship is something that is of interest than why not? I agree, being asexual doesn't mean you'll be alone forever." True, it may be harder to find these relationships, but I fully believe they exist. I think the key is first and foremost to have honest communication with potential partners. It may not be easy, but it's important.

Also, the older I get and the more people I meet I've come to realize that there is no one definition of what a relationship should be. I've met many people who are celibate for whatever personal reason and are in committed, loving relationships. Or, perhaps exploring having more than one partner is a way to satisfy needs within a relationship. An honest and open Poly relationship can be a healthy way of creating relationships..

[karnzter]

I've never been in a relationship my entire life, wen through a lot as a bullying victim and got catfished and had my heart broken by the guy whom I used to have an secret emotional bond whose identity was used. Ever since the catfishing incident, I stopped, or rarely, had romantic and sexual attraction to any guy I see; started a strong fluctuating repulsion with romance, love and sex; intensified my trust issues; and kept relationships and marriage (which I call the R and M words because I find those very sensitive to discuss about) a very last priority.

I kept myself busy with school, and after I graduated college, work. Videogames, books, food and music also kept me distracted from singlehood. I don't socialize a lot since I have anxiety and a fear or screwing things up and I prefer to be in isolation most of the time. Even though I'm reclusive to others, I'm surrounded mostly by family and relatives so they became my closest group of familial relationships to date. I have friends, but not as close. And since they live in the city (I live in the suburbs), we usually communicate through Facebook. I don't go out of the house unless its with my family or going to work or for work-related errands. I was never used to leaving the house other than going to school or to the city with family for most of my life.

But in all honesty, there are times that I do consider longing for someone to love me, despite what I've been through and all my flaws, burdens, imperfections and brokenness. But the fear or being lied at and getting hurt again still lingers and the fear that I can hurt my family for being in a relationship (especially if things could get ugly between the guy and me and/or if it already involves sexual activities of any sort) are what kept me from doing so. So far, I've been holding on despite having a conflicting open-minded/closed-minded view about it.

[Tarfeather]

Being asexual doesn't mean you will be alone forever. There are sexuals who have been alone all their lives; there are asexuals who are not alone.

it's gotta be really hard to have sexual desires for people and never have them fulfilled. That is involuntary celibacy and almost torture

Stress on almost, but yes, pretty much. Weird to hear this from an asexual.

[HesitantAlien]

I'm pretty much ready to be single from now on. I turn 43 today. I am OK with it I think. I don't want to settle for what I don't want. It's rare for guys or girls to like me, except within the last year. As I have become more comfortable with myself, and with being alone I have gotten more attention. I am kind of an unusual person, so anyone staying around will be interesting to see. Especially with my being Asexual. I just don't know if it will ever happen, so I am just going to be happy on my own, surrounded by my friends and family, and my epically wonderful cats. I think I have a pretty good life. :)

[Homer]

I am one of those "singles forever", turning 34 soon and with no relationship experience but for a 6 months-ish exception around 15 years ago.

As to the question - it's not a/sexuality that has caused me to remain single for so long. There are other factors (like not being able to grasp what the difference of a close friendship and a romantic relationship actually is, and, more importantly, simply never feeling "that way" ever again.) So there isn't really anything to "cope" with as I don't feel deprived of anything romantic.

[Wattle]

I turned 32 recently and I last had a boyfriend when I was 16 (and I got out of that as soon as I could lol). I think my folks are more concerned with my spinster status than I am. The only thing I'd like is companionship...like a housemate? It would be nice to be around someone that gets me and also expects nothing but friendship of me.

The main thing that bothers me about it is that because of my age people tend to assume I'm either married, or have kids (or both). When I reply that no, I have cats and never want kids, it seems to make them uncomfortable :P

[Yuri Daisuki]

Hmm I think it would be to make more good friends. Y'know how friends have different interests, for example, you like art and music, X likes art too but doesn't really like music, Y likes music but not art, so you make friends with the both of them, and widen your social circle. This way, even though there isn't one person you can connect with for everything, at least, you can still forge great friendships. I think it's also important to set goals for yourself. Is there something that you always wish to do? You can try to fulfil your dreams and lead a meaningful life. Sometimes, when we have many important people in our lives and a lot of exciting stuff waiting for us to act on, we don't feel that lonely. Well, at least that's what I try to do haha (when I want to date but there just isn't someone that I like)

[danigirlawkward]

I think it's very easy to get to the point that you are. I've had those same thoughts just like the OP more times than not. It's difficult because 1. I'm 24 and I've only had sex 2 times with no emotional implications behind it (but that's another story), 2. Most of my fellow girl friends are in great relationships and 3. I only really seem to have guys interested in me physically. In my 24 years of living, I've never been in a relationship, I have always been single. During my college years, I was obsessed with being in a relationship and dating that I tried so many different dating sites but I still didn't want to just give my body away so I gave up after awhile because the guys either just wanted sex or the few conversations I had fizzled out eventually.

Anytime I did get emotionally close with a guy, my insecurities took over and I would say something that would push him away or he didn't feel the same way. There are times now that I get lonely (especially now that I'm living by myself for the first time) but I remember that relationships are also hard work and that my loneliness shouldn't be a reason to get into a relationship. When I'm ready, it'll happen. That's very cliche I know but I think it's true.

The sad part about it though is that even if deep down I'm super lonely, I honestly just stopped caring and worrying about it. I sort of succumbed to the possibility that I may never ever go on a date or be in a relationship. Does it suck? Yea but then that just leaves me to focus on myself and maybe that's what I have to do instead. Maybe I'm just one of those people who is meant to alone forever. And that's okay because I'd rather be alone forever than settle for an unhealthy relationship that could ruin me mentally, emotionally, and/or physically.

[DashaT]

I knew I would be single forever even before I discovered I was ace. No one has ever been interested in me, even before knowing my orientation, because I'm fat and ugly and don't care about diets or makeup. So that makes me unlovable, I know.

I thought it would be a bit better with fellow asexuals, but it's not. The other ace males I know are as shallow and sexist as the hets and they are only interested in women who are thin and actually pretty and not some messed up tomboy like I am.

I'm 27 and always been single and people don't even want to talk to me. Most of the time I have more pressing issues, like how am I going to afford food once my student loans run out and trying to find a job when no one wants to hire me, but yeah the feeling comes back. Like when the only person you think is a friend leaves me behind for his new girlfriend who is of course nothing like me and I feel the same feeling of dissapointment I get every time I risk getting close to someone. Note to self: stop doing that, you know it only leads to pain because they're never, ever interested, and I mean never.

So here I am, alone and penniless, again. Story of my life. I should be used to it by now, but I'm not.

[Blondbeard]

I am one of those "singles forever", turning 34 soon and with no relationship experience but for a 6 months-ish exception around 15 years ago.

As to the question - it's not a/sexuality that has caused me to remain single for so long. There are other factors (like not being able to grasp what the difference of a close friendship and a romantic relationship actually is, and, more importantly, simply never feeling "that way" ever again.) So there isn't really anything to "cope" with as I don't feel deprived of anything romantic.

I'm actually starting to think that differences between many aces and sexuals are not related only to sex and attraction, I'm noticing that many aces in this forum, not all of course, have a very different understanding of friendship, social rules, etc...it looks like the average ace is closer to be an Aspergers person than the average sexual.

[AceInDaBlackHole]

I'm not really a romantic but, I did always hope to have children. For me, there are some things that get easier and others, harder, the older I get.

I have my focus on joining some activity groups, if I can get in. There's like movie nights, ceramic classes, that kind of thing.

I guess for me, to cope means to think about ways I can still have a social life and to try to make it happen. I'm a little slow to make it happen, as with everything else, because I've seen soooooooooo many things fall apart that I get panicked when trying something new. I would imagine that these things get easier the more they're done.

I don't think asexual has to mean lonely.

[Whispearl]

Better now that I used to be. I thought I was aro until I had my first relationship, and I thought I couldn't live without one when it ended. Then I got into a terrible relationship that, while it really, really sucked, taught me that I'm perfectly okay on my own, can handle a lot more than I thought without anyone by my side, and also that I'm still on the aromantic spectrum. I'm open to getting into a relationship if it's really what I feel is the right move at the time, but between some insecurities I'm still working through after the sucky relationship, and how self-sufficient I learned that I am because of it, I'm taking a break and definitely not trying to look for anything because I neither want or need it at this point. Single life seems more and more ideal to me with each passing day, but hey, I'm open to that changing.

[AceInDaBlackHole]

I don't give up on keeping some possibilities open.

I'm starting slow and just trusting the process. We're not meant to be alone when being alone means hurting so by following the process, my hunch is things will be clearer and that may mean having a partner. idk.

There's also friendships and I'm hoping to find a close knit circle of a few people who all want to be a family together.

There's various levels of intimacy and I'm wondering if some of these relationships are found off-line and where?

Where are single people hanging out or are there any organized get togethers by the on-line community?

[Éadweard]

You know being forever single isn't something unique to asexuals. There are people from every orientation who are forever single, either by choice or circumstance. Asexuals cope just like anyone else.

[seneca]

I wish I had something deep and philosophical to say about this, but the truth is, I don't. Most days it's just me being me. I like kids, and yes, sometimes it really upsets me that I won't be having any of my own, but what can be done?

As for romantic love, I have no idea what it is. I don't understand anything about love.