How do you cope with being forever single due to asexual feelings?

[Great Thief Yatagarasu]

HAVE HOPE, GIRL.

I know EXACTLY how you feel, because I've been feeling that for a while. But then I came to two realisations: The one guy who I came out to as asexual (who's pretty much my ex, except we didn't date...if that makes sense) would still go out with me in a heartbeat, and this other guy (who I like quite a lot now) seems to like me as more than a friend (maybe). So, keep hope, because things DO get better! There are people out there who will love you for you, and not for the things you can and can't do - even if you think that person doesn't exist, you just have to know that they DO, and hell, you might even know them already. Don't give in, darlin'.

[silvernlilac]

Wow so many replies thanks everyone. Most of the time I dont really mind being single as I really do value my freedom and I like that I can selfish and do what I want :P But those moments of loneliness and craving companionship do come up. Plus I would like to get married one day, I dont think I want children though but to get married would be nice. Well thanks for the encouragement, glad I am not the only one who feels like this :)

[*~Mango~Blaze~*]

ah I kind of know how you feel I've never had a relationship probably because I never do anything about my crushes <_< even if my latest one seems to be a little more than a crush, but you know its not so bad being single in fact a lot of the time its brilliant- you can do pretty much whatever you want without upsetting anybody.

Then again its tough being lonely but whenever I am- I always remember that theres ALWAYS hope and if I'm meant for love~ it'll find me. -_- I'm rambling a little here but I hope it helped.

[Kashi]

One of my biggest fears is the day when the last of my close friends leave. I know they're not gonna wake up one day and say "Well, I guess it's about time I abandon Sam." but... Everyone has goals and knows what they want to do with their lives. Go to a good college, join the military, ect. I have no idea what I'm doing.

So I'm fine with my single-ness now, because I know I have this great group of people that I care about and cares about me. But once they grow up and leave I will be pretty lost >.>;

I feel so dumb for not thinking of this! Nooooooo clearly I now have the great yet terrible task of convincing all of my friends to not have children....fml lol

[Squiddable]

Awww OP, I know exactly how you feel!! Sometimes I also worry that no one will ever love me again... and romantic prospects are often few and far between. However, as others have said, don't lose hope! It will happen!!

As for coping methods? Well, eating chocolate (or something else if you prefer... like ) and watching your favourite show or read your favourite book always helps. It works for me.

So, don't worry about being alone forever and I'm sure that you'll meet someone someday... and your loneliness will be a distant memory! :cake: Hope you're feeling better!

[Amia]

ah I kind of know how you feel I've never had a relationship probably because I never do anything about my crushes <_< even if my latest one seems to be a little more than a crush, but you know its not so bad being single in fact a lot of the time its brilliant- you can do pretty much whatever you want without upsetting anybody.

Then again its tough being lonely but whenever I am- I always remember that theres ALWAYS hope and if I'm meant for love~ it'll find me. -_- I'm rambling a little here but I hope it helped.

I feel the EXACT same way... Specially now that I really like this guy but I'm not willing to do anything about it since I know how it's gonna end...I've hard a hard time realizing that I might be forever alone due to my asexuality, but these feeelings come and go.... Sometimes I like being alone because I can do whatever I want, and no fears of someone leaving me, bla bla bla, but also sometimes when I really want to be with someone, and the closeness, the hugs... all of it...

But I'm sure it will get better for you :)

[Rigras Leever]

As you can see from all the replies, you're not alone! I think that if you do want a relationship, you should seek it out even though it'll be harder to find someone who wants a no-sex relationship. There are others out there who want the same thing. :)

I'd like a low to no-sex relationship myself, but in the meantime I'm not going to put life on hold!

[Drurowin]

I know how you feel, especially with the depression when seeing people in a stable relationship. This is made worse by being homoromantic, so... likeliness is further reduced (compounded by not being able to talk about it with most people).

In terms of coping, it depends on how I can distract myself. If I can safely stay awake for a while (/long/ while) without worrying about being dead on a school day, I'll just start doing programming work. That almost always works, but then I'll usually look at the clock and it will be _EARLY_... :P I'd say that's a pretty good way of dealing with the "nobody wants to date a gay asexual" issue, but distracting yourself that way also keeps you in the rut of not going out to meet people who _MIGHT_ want to date you. In short, it works wonders for distracting yourself, but it keeps you where you are since it isn't social.

If worst comes to worst, I've got some stuffed animals that I'll cuddle to trick my brain into calming down. Doesn't work nearly as fast as getting into hack mode, but it gets the job done in a pinch.

Generally, I ignore anyone who say things along the lines of "every dog has his day", and not just because I'm not a dog. It seems pointless to hold my breath, and I'd rather not faint, so I'll just allow myself to be pleasantly surprised when (and to please the pessimists reading, if) I finally do find someone. If it happens tomorrow, great. If it happens next month, great. If it happens next time, pity for this time, but great.

Also, I was going to say "it doesn't look like you're alone", but at least the previous poster has stolen my line. I'd like to say that having this community where you are able to talk and associate with others who are going through the same thing who might also have tips of their own is terrific.

[Valerie]

I feel similar to. I am lately coming to terms that I may be asexual. My boyfriend and I recently broke up and he was the only boyfriend I ever had. We broke up because of our sexuality differences but we are still friends. I thought maybe I would be relived to just be friends but I feel sad about it. I want more than friendship but do not want a sexual marriage. I hope to get married someday to someone but I am not sure if it will happen because of my asexuality. It makes me feel sad now but at the same time I know there are benefits to being single to. I know I can trust God no matter what happens but I do see what you mean about feeling sad about being single and asexual. It can be frustrating to know that most people are sexual.

[ADP]

I feel the same way. It's not that I wouldn't ever be willing to have sex, but for me it would be an expression of my connection with someone else, not of a basic hormonal urge. This definitely puts me on a different time table from that of most of the straight men I could potentially date---and I haven't felt any kind of romantic connection with the ones I've gone out with, except for one, and that didn't work out for other reasons. The asexual thing just adds on another layer of difficulty to the already enormous problem of finding the right person. I comfort myself with the idea that it's always better to want something you don't have than to have something you don't want--an unfulfilling, sex-based relationship.

[fullmetal heart]

well I never had a relationship and when I feel lonely when I feel lonely I talk to my friends,watch anime, listen to music, cuddle with my dog or just read a good book I'm kind of a geek that way :lol:

[Aeriosa]

Uuugh. I'm usually pretty much ok with my single-ness, but not tonight. Every once in a while the crush I've had for so long catches up with me and smacks me in the face with its unattainability.

Of course, since this mood doesn't hit me very often, my solution is usually "sleep it off". I'll feel better in the morning...

[Vampyremage]

Uuugh. I'm usually pretty much ok with my single-ness, but not tonight. Every once in a while the crush I've had for so long catches up with me and smacks me in the face with its unattainability.

Of course, since this mood doesn't hit me very often, my solution is usually "sleep it off". I'll feel better in the morning...

Yup I know the feeling. I've been dealing with that a little bit too lately although I know my crush (who is only recent anyway) would never work as a partner with him being sexual and me, well, not being sexual. I still love spending time with him but it makes me rather sad sometimes that it can't be anything more than that.

[SASE Icecream man]

HAVE HOPE, GIRL.

I know EXACTLY how you feel, because I've been feeling that for a while. But then I came to two realisations: The one guy who I came out to as asexual (who's pretty much my ex, except we didn't date...if that makes sense) would still go out with me in a heartbeat, and this other guy (who I like quite a lot now) seems to like me as more than a friend (maybe). So, keep hope, because things DO get better! There are people out there who will love you for you, and not for the things you can and can't do - even if you think that person doesn't exist, you just have to know that they DO, and hell, you might even know them already. Don't give in, darlin'.

Things do get better. It's kinda true, even if you don't want to hear it, that you never know whats around the corner. :D I was getting comfortable with forever being single, and I probably would have been, if I had all the freinds I have now. Then I found I liked someone who liked me back, and we set up a first date! Happiness can find you.

[Lilya]

You're not alone. I feel exactly the same way. I'm 23 and I've actually never had a boyfriend, the reason being that I am still unsure about what kind of relationship I could bear. Despite being asexual, I know that with all the abuse I was subjected to as a child/teenager, I will probably never be able to be sexually active with anyone. That thought really scares me, and it makes me realize how small the chances are of me being in a relationship. This also implies that I have deep issues about trusting men. I know it sounds crazy, but I'm scared that if I get into a relationship with a guy he'll end up wanting more and I'll end up a). broken hearted or b). raped. I'm not trying to say that I believe that all men are this way, it's just a fear I cannot shake off my mind every time I have a crush on a guy. Anyway... this means that every time I do get a crush on a guy I am too scared to do anything about it. After a while I've started to wonder if I'm not actually aromantic. I'm a sucker for romance, but I can't imagine myself being so physically close to someone (although here again it's mostly an issue of trust).

The thing is that I really can't shake this desire within me to have such an emotional bond with a guy. I often feel really lonely which leads me to have really dark thoughts. Usually I try to keep myself distracted from this by studying and working hard, or simply by watching tv-series. All of this love I have in me but can't express, I try to share it with my friends by taking care of them and buying them presents. I wouldn't go as far as to say I feel like I'm in a relationship with my friends, but it can get so intense that it can temporarily make me forget this lonely feeling, although it always comes back in the end.

I get so depressed when I learn that my friends have new boyfriends and I'm still alone. I know I don't want to get married and I don't want children either, but I want a big romance like you see in movies...just under different conditions. What I'd like is a companion with whom I share similar interests, but who wouldn't expect for things to get too physical. Someone who could teach me how to trust before I could give anything in return. I guess you could call it "best friend with benefits". Does such a person even exist? I can only hope. Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't simply start thinking otherwise and try to "put myself out there". Waiting is great because it makes you feel safe, but I guess you can't really meet anyone until you poke your head out of the ground. But I know... this is easier said than done! ;)

Anyway... I hope this was helpful. :)

[Member25303]

I've always been single, and I am happy...it does get lonely sometimes though. I don't mind having a good relationship with a guy who is like a best friend to me, who can go to the movies with me, or to a football game (yes, I am one of those women who don't mind it), etc. I do hope there is one exist for me, but yes, I have to be "out there" if it is meant to be. :)

[virginqueen]

Even that's my biggest fear. That too if I happen to be homoromantic.

[MadRat]

I know it sounds crazy, but I'm scared that if I get into a relationship with a guy he'll end up wanting more and I'll end up a). broken hearted or b). raped.

I'm not trying to say that I believe that all men are this way, it's just a fear I cannot shake off my mind every time I have a crush on a guy. Anyway... this means that every time I do get a crush on a guy I am too scared to do anything about it.

*hugs* It doesn´t sound crazy. I have the same problem. I wasn´t even abused, but I was bullied at school and noone never helped me. I just came to conclusion that the only one person who can ever help me is me. And all those bad relationships of my family members and schoolmates only made my distrust stronger.

So now I don´t even know if I´m able to fully open my heart to a real person, ´cause I fall only for inaccessible people - because it is safe, I bet.

[Harmonica]

I'm sure I can cope with it, as long as I have close friends to keep me company.

I'm an animator and already too into my work, plus I may be moving around a lot which wouldn't be good for a family anyways.

None of my professors are married LOL. Animation is our love.

[DagonX]

I am in my late 40's and if I wasn't Asexual and end up living as GQ FtM I probably would been single even if I was sexually active.

As teenager and in early 20's I had my version of kinky sex life as bi-dyke not as frequent as I like but I was more actively sexual.

And having "relationships" with whole sharing rent or mortgage type scenario that just didn't seem to work for me.

I have lived all my life with various disabilities and haven't been able to work. If I was legally male and heterosexual my chances of finding girlfriend probably would be with someone disabled too and we wouldn't be able to afford to marry and have family on SSI/SSDI check and if she worked we would have live on her income while I lost what little I had becoming totally dependent on her.

I wouldn't have wanted that.

Ideally when I was teenager when I thought of my future it wasn't this. I didn't really know what my future would be but I had hoped for better future.

I can't even afford dating, and personally sex I don't got a problem with it when I am into someone but it really sort of bothers me too due to my asexually wiring.

But even if I was more gray or more sexual traditional I still would have hard time with sexual intimacy regardless of my labels and my track record really fricking sucks with any type of relationship.

I still being who I am would have had hard time being anything but single.

I chose years ago not to date I can't afford to do that activity even if I wanted too.

The sucky part of being asexual and also transgender is I wouldn't even have clue how find people I would want to hang out with and be friends with. I didn't really have many options for just making friends, love seem pretty close to impossible but every now and then something would happen but mostly I spent years alone as single person.

The people I would probably date if I was more active socially, sex wouldn't be necessarily focus maybe s&m but not necessarily sex. But even if I was having sex it wouldn't necessarily meant a relationship either.

I get pretty lonesome and always have feel that lonesomeness and I get very depressed about it.

I wish I had someone very close to me that I cared about that cared about with me who shared my interest that we were family and did family stuff together.

I never had a family of choice, I spent many years hoping for one.

But never really finding where I belong with people, my special place.

I knew early on that my chances ever marrying was close to nil.

Getting older and being also physically ill struggling depression isn't much fun.

Its lonely too.

I had hoped by now at least have closer group of friends, my illness stole it too.

Will that change in future? I hope so.

I know when I was in the active Queer/Pansexual S&M crowd yes I did on surface look like I was involved with lot of people but I learned hard way when I got sick and quit going to events not one of those people missed me or really cared where I had went.

It was like friends you hang out in Gay bar over drinks, you party and hang but it never goes any further than that.

Life sometimes hard and lonely.

I wouldn't matter if I was homosexual, heterosexual or asexually wired, I still most likely would be single and often would feel very isolated and lonely.

[infinite]

wow, I can't believe there are so many women here.. is anyone out there in Dallas, texas by any chance? I feel the same way, but AVEN has given me hope. Hopefully some day I would find a girl that would want a sexless relationship. Somebody I could love and just do stuff with. I admit I hate being single it sucks. I'm almost 25 I have dated a few women but who was I kidding? it was never going to last. Being asexual isn't fun at all, the thoughts always in the back of your head haunting you that you might just have to go through life all by yourself. Hopefully we'll all find somebody someday. I'd love to talk to more ladies on here. AVEN is a blessing!

[T2Logan]

I'm unsure of how I would fee. I want and desire to be alone at the moment to allow myself space and time to grow as an idividual and to discover myself, however, in 5, 10, 15 years I cannot predict how I'd feel. I guess for me it would probably depend on how fulfilled I feel in my life with regards to my career and my family and friend relationships. I'm not romantic so I don't desire the romantic companion, but maybe down the line I'd like a closer companion that is also aromantic, but closer than a friend.

[Mirai19]

I feel like this sometimes. A little while ago I would get so annoyed reading people posting stupid stuff like "with the boyfriend" and it would make me feel really lonely because I don't see much of anyone these days. Oddly, since I realised that I could be asexual all the sad feelings seem to have evaporated because it feels like it's just not going to be possible for me to get involved with another person. I have had 2 relationships but one was when I was 14 so I don't really count that and the other guy was a complete...er, horrible person. But truthfully, a best friend is all I want.

[*~Mango~Blaze~*]

well I never had a relationship and when I feel lonely when I feel lonely I talk to my friends,watch anime, listen to music, cuddle with my dog or just read a good book I'm kind of a geek that way :lol:

haha same here

[Steam Wolf]

I've been feeling like I'll be "forever alone" lately. Most of the time I'm fine with the crazy amount of friends and awesome job I have but sometimes it hits me hard. I also live with a couple so when they're being cute and cuddly, I get a bit jealous because I miss it. I would definitely have to be in a relationship with another asexual but I doubt it'll happen. One day I'll be prepared for forever alone.

[faraway]

I feel like this sometimes. A little while ago I would get so annoyed reading people posting stupid stuff like "with the boyfriend" and it would make me feel really lonely because I don't see much of anyone these days. Oddly, since I realised that I could be asexual all the sad feelings seem to have evaporated because it feels like it's just not going to be possible for me to get involved with another person. I have had 2 relationships but one was when I was 14 so I don't really count that and the other guy was a complete...er, horrible person. But truthfully, a best friend is all I want.

Sometimes I reach the same conclusion. Relationships involve so much drama and risk; plus, they tend to be subjected to more rigid protocols. However, there has to be something in between that and friendship... I have two best friends, but they're both male, and for that reason alone I don't feel as strongly connected to them as I would with a female best friend (I'm wired that way, can't help it). I guess what I would want is a mixed friendship with the same level of union and commitment as a romantic relationship (an ideal one, that is).

Why don't you count the relationship you had when you were 14?

[Aeriosa]

All I really want a boyfriend for is so that I can cuddle with someone on a regular basis. I feel like all my emotional needs are taken care of by my friends. I am friends with mostly dudes, and they are my best friends ever. They are better friends than I could ever ask for, and I love them and they love me. Now if only I had someone to snuggle with -.-

[Mirai19]

I feel like this sometimes. A little while ago I would get so annoyed reading people posting stupid stuff like "with the boyfriend" and it would make me feel really lonely because I don't see much of anyone these days. Oddly, since I realised that I could be asexual all the sad feelings seem to have evaporated because it feels like it's just not going to be possible for me to get involved with another person. I have had 2 relationships but one was when I was 14 so I don't really count that and the other guy was a complete...er, horrible person. But truthfully, a best friend is all I want.

Sometimes I reach the same conclusion. Relationships involve so much drama and risk; plus, they tend to be subjected to more rigid protocols. However, there has to be something in between that and friendship... I have two best friends, but they're both male, and for that reason alone I don't feel as strongly connected to them as I would with a female best friend (I'm wired that way, can't help it). I guess what I would want is a mixed friendship with the same level of union and commitment as a romantic relationship (an ideal one, that is).

Why don't you count the relationship you had when you were 14?

I just feel like I was too young for it to count, the whole thing was a bit silly and embarrassing ^^' No offence to anybody else, it's just the way I see it.

[Aeriosa]

I love it when the guy I have a crush on does the arm-around thing. He's even done the whole Maneuver (the yawn-stretch-arm around) and it's just adorable.

I mentioned this earlier, actually, having this crush on this guy for so dang long. We've acknowledged that it's there, and we act all cute at each other sometimes, but nothing ever comes of it. But that's ok. For several days after we're all cute together everything is awesome.

If it turns out he's asexual as well, I would probably have to re-evaluate my stance on people being "meant for each other".

....

Sometimes I'm a hopeless romantic >.>;

Ok, so, this guy? Who I have mentioned on more than one occasion? I guess he was talking to my sister the other night because she knows more about sex than anyone else he knows...And, well, he might be asexual. I don't want to give all the details she told me, but holy freakin' crap what are even the chances of that? It totally made my day when she told me but I'm gonna try to not get my hopes up too much. She told him about this forum too, so that's pretty cool.

I might not be forever alone for too much longer.

[Tania85]

I'm 26 and have always been single (and been in love only once in my entire life), but I don't feel lonely. Well, okay, maybe sometimes I do, but I survive. Still waiting to get lucky and find someone who doesn't want sex in a relationship...