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How do you cope with being forever single due to asexual feelings?


silvernlilac

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I have been single now for well over 5 years. Had one boyfriend between 2004-2005 but he was my first boyfriend. I feel hopeless about getting into a relationship because of the asexuality. I have a big desire for romance and companionship and that never ever goes away. I can push it to the back of my mind and try not to think about it but it is always there, haunting me. I feel depressed whenever I see or read about couples and relationships and even seeing someone update their status on facebook saying they are in a relationship can really upset me. I feel it is a waste of time trying normal dating sites for obvious reasons and asexual dating sites are dead and so I feel hopeless about trying those too. I just want a male companion/best friend so much, someone I can hang out with and do fun stuff with like make cakes, go for walks, watch films and all that stuff. It really gets me down so much and I do worry I will always be alone. The fact I have had one boyfriend before doesnt really make me feel better as we kind of got pushed together by someone who was match making us and I feel incrediably lucky to have ever met him. But I worry I will never be that lucky again. People always say 'you dont know what is round the corner'. Im bored of hearing that. How is that supposed to make me feel better exactly? I do value my indepedance and freedom and like being alone but then that loneliness and desire for companionship never goes away. I dont have many male friends, would be nice to have more but I feel uncomfortable around a lot of men, dont know why.

There must be others like me on here. I cant believe I am the only one that feels this way. How do others cope with the loneliness and feeling that things may never really change and knowing that being asexual makes getting into relationships soo much harder. Thanks for reading

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I've been single a while now, too. For a while it was terrible, but it's pretty easy for me now. I'm a giant nerd, and girls are weird, so I tend to hang with guys more than anything. While I would love to get some romance in my life, they really close platonic friends. I've been hanging out with them so long I've just become "one of the guys", for the most part. There are days when I get depressed at my lack of romance and cuddles.

This song

is my power song. It has gotten me through those sad, lonely times.

Just hang in there. Good things come to those who wait :)

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I feel the same way. I went on my first date awhile ago and after having lunch together later he never talked to me again and I think is avoiding me or something. I don't know if I did something wrong or if it's just because it became obvious that I'd never have sex since it became obvious that's something he really wanted. I have a bunch of guy friends, but most of them like guys or I know it would never happen or work. I want to know what it's like. It was made even worse by how a film professor of mine was telling us about his first kiss and how in his acting class he has them make a timeline of events in their lives so they can draw emotions for different scenes. I don't want to be an actor, but I feel like that's why I can never understand romance films because I've never experienced it and what if I end up having to work in something involving romance. I'll be completely lost. Everyone I know has done these things so it's not like there's anyone that would understand. I like being alone too, but I'm scared of always being that way. It does get harder.Sorry about this being so long.

What I've found that helps is talking to people online. I sometimes keep an online journal. Two people even drew pictures for me and it helps me not feel so alone since people can be very nice. I also adopted a cat that I love more than anything. She's with my mom right now, but I get sent a bunch of pictures of her. I hope this was able to help. :cake:

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I'm aromantic. I never experience romantic feelings, so it is all good for me.

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I'm grey-romantic so while being single really doesn't bother me, it would be nice to be in a relationship again.

I really don't take such a cynical view when it comes to my relationship prospects, however. Being asexual might make things a little more difficult, but I can be patient and wait until I find the right person. I am more social than I have been in times past, confident in myself and what I am and am not willing to comprimise in a relationship. I believe it will only be a matter of time until I find someone compatible. Until that time, I'll make the best of my life as it is now and look forward to being with a future partner when and if that future partner comes around.

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There must be others like me on here. I cant believe I am the only one that feels this way. How do others cope with the loneliness and feeling that things may never really change and knowing that being asexual makes getting into relationships soo much harder. Thanks for reading

Sometimes it feels like the worst curse is wanting the companionship of a relationship, but not the sex, doesn't it? It's true, you do sometimes look at the scale of the problem and wonder if you can ever change it. If you're smart, you adapt and realise that without any real desire for sex, you are far better suited to being single and you kind of settle. You learn to enjoy your own company and, I think, in some ways you convince yourself that your better alone. Or at least content.

But you know what? Life is pretty weird. I've learned that no matter how cast-in-stone things appear now, you have literally no clue where you'll be in a year, or two years, or ten years. Things happen that you never would have expected in a million years, good and bad.

And consider this: we live at a time that is a rising peak for people looking for relationships outside the accepted "norm". Society is more accepting by the month. Technology allows people with any kink (or lack of kink) to get in touch with like minded people, connect and discover. You can travel anywhere, at any time, with just a little motivation and a fair wind at your back.

There has never been a better time to be *you*. Enjoy it :)

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never odd or even

being asexual =/= singleness. go to meet ups. they help :)

i've been in two ace relationships [one wittingly through aven/ace meets and one unwittingly. both are quite similar, how coincidental] and two relationships with sexuals, one was very sexual and was not good [esp as i didnt know i was ace and was being told there was something wrong with me etc] and the other was pretty much ace [he didnt find me sexually inviting/attractive/want sex with me because i was not sexual]. my advice is not to worry too much, things usually hit you when you stop expecting them [personally i find that when you stop expecting things you usually find that things happen].

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Lady Heartilly

Yeah, I feel this way a lot, especially right now, but the truth is if you seek out love, there is a good chance that you will eventually find it. I've had seven boyfriends, and one of my friends thinks it's amazing how quickly I'm able to find a new one every time a relationship ends. She says it's so funny how I get more action than she does even though she's sexual. I just . . . I don't know; I'd really like to find something that could last forever, and I haven't given up hope that it will happen. It just does seem a lot harder when so many odds are stacked up against you. *hugs* Don't give up, though. You never know what the future may hold.

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How do you cope with being forever single due to asexual feelings?

I´ve always expected I´ll be single. I knew it and accepted it many years before I found out I´m asexual.

I don´t feel 100% aromantic but I don´t want to be in a relationship until I fall in love and this is extremely rare (three times in my whole life). And extremely painful because when I fall for someone that person never loves me back.

I like the idealized idea of romantic relationship but reality sort of sucks (for me).

Haha, I like even idealized idea of sex, but I don´t know from my personal experiences how much it would sucks (for me) IRL. I think probably more than a relationship.

I don´t want to have children - that´s another thing which makes everything easier. Or more complicated - many asexual guys want to have children. If I found compatible asexual partner it would be OK but I don´t think it´s very likely. It´s not only about asexuality, it´s about lifestyle in general. For example, I don´t want to live in the same house with my partner, I need my space. A lot of space. This is more important to me than a partner.

How many gray-romantic asexuals might be out there?

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I have the same thoughts, and I'm sorry that you feel this way because I know exactly what you're going through.. I recently came out ot my best friends and one of them asked me if I was going to be single forever or if I was going to look up for someone like me, and I told her that I would definetely try to look for someone but I know how hard it is so I'll probably end up alone... And it scares me, because I do feel the need for some company beyond friendship. I've had some boyfriends, but never with a big or meaningful connection, and very short relationships actually (no more than 2 months). Right now I like a guy at my office, but I know it would never go anywhere because of me not wanting sex, so I just don't act on it and hopefully it will stay a very platonic thing, because if he ever shows even the slightest interest it would be very frustrating for the both of us, and nothing could ever happen...

I gues the fact that I'm surrounded by couples doesn't help either (all my friends are either married or super commited and we all hang around together and I'm always the single one)... How do I cope with this? I think I don't, but I guess I try to see the whole thing as something absolutely external to me, like it's never going to happen so why bother... I try to do other things that keep me from thinking, like reading some good books, listen to some music or watch funny tv shows... And try not to focus on the loneliness... easier said than done! Maybe it doesn't help much, but feel free to talk and PM me if you ever need to :)

You were right, you're not the only one to feel like this... :cake: :cake: :)

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How do you cope with being forever single due to asexual feelings?

I´ve always expected I´ll be single. I knew it and accepted it many years before I found out I´m asexual.

I don´t feel 100% aromantic but I don´t want to be in a relationship until I fall in love and this is extremely rare (three times in my whole life). And extremely painful because when I fall for someone that person never loves me back.

I like the idealized idea of romantic relationship but reality sort of sucks (for me).

Haha, I like even idealized idea of sex, but I don´t know from my personal experiences how much it would sucks (for me) IRL. I think probably more than a relationship.

I don´t want to have children - that´s another thing which makes everything easier. Or more complicated - many asexual guys want to have children. If I found compatible asexual partner it would be OK but I don´t think it´s very likely. It´s not only about asexuality, it´s about lifestyle in general. For example, I don´t want to live in the same house with my partner, I need my space. A lot of space. This is more important to me than a partner.

How many gray-romantic asexuals might be out there?

I also never want children and wouldn't even consider comprimising on that one. If I find a prospective partner and they want children, they are going to have to be well aware of the fact that they will never get them with me and if that's a problem, they are welcome to leave and search for greener pastures elsewhere. I also tend to need a lot of space (a grey romantic trait maybe?) but I've lived with partners before and have found it to work well with the right partner. Its just a matter of finding the right person. If a partner wants to spend too much time with me while we live together, that's a problem. But if we somewhat establish a schedule of when its together time and when its alone time, then if ind it works out pretty great.

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I'm not interested in relationships for their own sake. Perhaps I will someday understand the majority's need to form a personal relationship just because. I wouldn't bet my money on it though, since attraction or illogical longing is very hard to imagine what's it truly like. You can describe what colors look like in great detail to a man who's been blind for life, but the blind one wouldn't truly understand in the end without seeing himself. I hope you can find a way to remedy your situations somehow, if they plague you so.

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I really don't think that I'll be alone forever. I've dated plenty of people, and I'm sure I'll date again, and probably get married. Being asexual isn't a life sentence. It's just harder to find a person because of our sexuality. But I think if you recognize yourself as an awesome person with a lot to offer rather than someone who is deficient, you'll attract more people. :) That said, it is daunting sometimes. It's hard to get out there when you're different from everyone else, especially when that difference is sexual attraction - sex is a huge part of most romantic relationships. So it does suck sometimes, but I really do believe attitude is everything!

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Maybe I'll find someone, maybe I won't. A relationship right now seems like a hassle, the amount of work I'd have to put in, and the lack of interest in anyone in that way doesn't help. As long as I am satisfied with work and a bit of fun with friends now and then, I'm fine. The thing that keeps me going is finishing and drawing out my stories, I care about that more than anything.

Though I wouldn't mind finding camaraderie again, someplace I feel I belong and people I want to support with all my heart once more.

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The Great WTF

I'm fairly indifferent as far as relationships go. I have never felt the need too have a companion or significant other. I actually tend to scoff at people who do, but those are my own feelings and issues. I have always been perfectly happy on my own and people always telling me they I eventually will want a relationship tended to just irritate me.

Admittedly, I do enjoy the company of my current boyfriend and I'd be upset if we broke up but I don't fell as though I have to have him or anyone else in my life to fill his role. I'd be more upset if I lost him as a friend to talk to than as a romantic boyfriend.

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I used to really want to get married and I was sad about having less prospects for that. However as time goes by, I've come to accept being single and I actually now feel that for me, there are a lot of advantages to being single, with my personality type. I'm now at the point where I genuinely *want* to stay single. I mean, I still love to read romantic novels with a sappy happy ending, but I'm not at all sad about being single. The only thing I really feel is missing in my life is a child. I'm hoping that in a few years I will be able to go ahead and have a baby with donor sperm. I'm a bit sad that being single will limit how many children I will be able to afford to have, but for me I think the advantages of being single outweigh the disadvantages. A lot of people seem surprised I WANT to have a child alone, but to me it doesn't seem bad at all and I honestly think it has some advantages. I used to be extremely depressed and sad over being single forever years ago, so I'm happy that I came to be ok with it.

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Ya know, it can be tough. The biggest challenge is that we are so few and far between. I've already been in one long distance relationship with another ace, and found another who really delights me, but we're over 2000 miles apart. *sigh* Perhaps if I ever really get too terribly lonely, I'll just wind up moving out to the west coast, where most of the compatible aces seem to be. But, for now, I've got a lot going on for me right where I am. Perhaps, if awareness spreads a little more, maybe more aces will discover themselves and maybe, maybe some of them will be kinda local to me.

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I guess I can't really relate well. Never really had the want for a romantic relationship and doubt I'll ever feel it. Family and friends I like, but the idea that I'll be single and virgin for life is something that feels innately part of who I am.

I'm a very content lone wolf. :)

Amazon.

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For me

(Which is sad because I am only 18)

I am preparing myself to be alone for the rest of my life. It's because even I get into a relationship. I know that eventually (especially with a sexual) there has to be something more. We have to show "our love" and I am not interested at all, no matter if I am totally in love with guy (idk but that is how I feel now and the fact I can't think of myself doing it with anyone).

So as of now, I am not interested in any guy that I see. but I guess since there aren't a lot of attractive guys at my school there really isn't anything to see! and I rather have friends than a boyfriend.

For me

(Which is sad because I am only 18)

I am preparing myself to be alone for the rest of my life. It's because even I get into a relationship. I know that eventually (especially with a sexual) there has to be something more. We have to show "our love" and I am not interested at all, no matter if I am totally in love with guy (idk but that is how I feel now and the fact I can't think of myself doing it with anyone).

So as of now, I am not interested in any guy that I see. but I guess since there aren't a lot of attractive guys at my school there really isn't anything to see! and I rather have friends than a boyfriend.

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I am on the same page but the more i think about it, I am happier by myself. I am independant and I love the fact that I do not ever have to worry about the bs and nonsense that comes with sex or sex-related issues. I never have to face rejection or disapointment either. As long as I love reading and writing, my mind never changes to the fact that i am single simply because I am always out with friends. It does get hard when they all have girlfriends and I am the only single one there. I have my moments of loneliness and would love to fall alseep next to that "best friend" every night but i do not see it happening. :( I try to occupy my free time with hobbies so I don't think about it.

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I used to really want to get married and I was sad about having less prospects for that. However as time goes by, I've come to accept being single and I actually now feel that for me, there are a lot of advantages to being single, with my personality type. I'm now at the point where I genuinely *want* to stay single. I mean, I still love to read romantic novels with a sappy happy ending, but I'm not at all sad about being single. The only thing I really feel is missing in my life is a child. I'm hoping that in a few years I will be able to go ahead and have a baby with donor sperm. I'm a bit sad that being single will limit how many children I will be able to afford to have, but for me I think the advantages of being single outweigh the disadvantages. A lot of people seem surprised I WANT to have a child alone, but to me it doesn't seem bad at all and I honestly think it has some advantages. I used to be extremely depressed and sad over being single forever years ago, so I'm happy that I came to be ok with it.

For me, the issue is children. I want to have children, I don't want to raise them alone, but I also don't care to have a relationship, although I am not against, either, if I find a good person. Plus, being male, it is tougher to have children on my own, whether biological or adopted. I'd like to find a partner to raise kids with, but I don't care to have a partner for the relationship. Otherwise, I'd be perfectly content to be "single."

I wish I wanted to have children alone like you do. But I want the help of another parent, and I want to share the life experience with another person.

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Not wanting sex, but wanting romance or at least a companion that goes further than just a friend would, is probably the rarest character type you can find yourself to be. Unfortunately it definitely makes it hard to find someone identical, but they do exist, and I confess myself among them. Don't give up hope, we do exist. Also, if other asexual guys are like me, you'll find we're far less aggressive and macho all the time. Calm, cool-headed and simple. None of this posturing crap.

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How do you cope with being forever single due to asexual feelings?

I'm grey romantic ( my feelings lean mostly towards aromantic but I get romantic feelings that are triggered by stuff like chilly places or reading something cute from time to time). I never felt the pull to be in a romantic relationship and I accept the fact I will probably be single for the rest of my life and I have no problem with it. Why ?

I'm not willing to have nor compromise on sex, I am not having a kids biologically , I don't want to live together with someone (I wouldn't mind a LAT relationship though), I want to travel and work abroad ( I don't think much ppl can handle their spouses being away for a long period of time ) , I don't like how most people view romantic relationships & I prefer the best friend type of relationship than romance. TLDR: My expectations are too high & I'll admit it's selfish so I'm not even bothering to seek companionship out. :P

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I've also mentally prepared to be single for the rest of my life, and make my decisions based on that fact. I am, however, very open to the idea that I will find someone who is willing to live with me and maybe marry me, and yet just stay friends.

I want, and have always wanted, just a best friend. For life.

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Reader of Strange Books

I am in my mid-50's so being forever single isn't just a hypothetical question. Yes, I know that people do get married in their 50's but most of them have been married before so that isn't quite the same thing. I've been told over and over again never say never, but when you look at the odds against a never-married woman in her 50's finding someone, they are not good, and they decrease over age. Quite frankly, I have better things to spend my time and energy on.

So how do I cope? I use my freedom (and it is freedom!) to be quite active in the community. I am involved in community theater, for example. I do not have to worry about the fact that being involved in a show puts quite considerable demands on my time. When you have rehearsals that run 4 hours or more every night for six weeks, that is a huge chunk of time, something that if you are in a relationship the non-theater partner might not understand or appreciate. This summer I took part in an archeological summer camp.

Yes, it does get lonely and I am afraid the only prescription against that is to get out of the house and to get around people. There are so many interesting things in life, I just wish I could do them all. I think that will be my biggest regret when I die. Other people have probably said the same thing, but find something or somethings that you are passionate about and then find others who are passionate about them too. And then you may find in the end that being forever single is not the worst thing that can happen.

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I've also mentally prepared to be single for the rest of my life, and make my decisions based on that fact. I am, however, very open to the idea that I will find someone who is willing to live with me and maybe marry me, and yet just stay friends.

I want, and have always wanted, just a best friend. For life.

the closest thing we could successfully find would be a room mate but it just isn't the same as we both know.

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