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Oblivious to Attraction


killer-jumper

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No, I am certainly not, in the past, I have thought I was just friends with someone, whilst they thought we were in a relationship.. Someone said to me, "but you did bathe my feet". Yes, I did, to help you out and make you feel good, not to promise eternal love and betrothal... oopsie doo doo :) :wacko:

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I'm a person too!

I get accused of flirting when I had no idea and friends often point out later when someone has been flirting or making eyes at me. I NEVER pick up on it! I think it is part of why my self esteem is so low. I find no one attrractive therefore I am not attractive and I can never tell when someone thinks I am so I must really not be... Once in a while I make a concious effort to flirt, just so I know how!

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I'm not Narcissistic or egotistical by any means, but many people have told me in the past that I am very attractive. I, of course, disagree, but using this opnion of other people to my advantage (and my uncanny ability to generally read microexpressions), I am able to tell when people are hitting on me or even are the slightest bit attracted to me. Sadly, of course, this won't last too much longer (maybe 13 more years, max?) and will vary over time. But I'm definitely not oblivious. With this tool, I know exactly how to make sure that I do not hit on someone, knowing all the tricks in the book.

Though it is part of my natural charm sometimes, I know exactly how to shake someone off who is hitting on me, of course, depending on how deeply attracted to me they are. I just babble about random trivia or facts relevant to our conversation. They'll get sick of me eventually and move on, knowing I'm an interesting person but not quite their type, romantically speaking of course. But if they're too madly in love with me at this point, I'm screwed.

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phillippiaH04

I totally relate to having friends suddenly think that you're in a relationship. This has happened to me twice! I can't say it was completely unexpected, I kind of guessed it, but I wasn't sure and at the time they were both closet bi women, so I had an immediately handy excuse to ignore it. There was also the time in sixth grade when a guy yelled at me about my "crush" on him and how "he wasn't interested." This did take me completely by surprise, among other things I thought he was "totally gross". There was also the time that I was out with one of two guys I've ever dated and I wasn't sure we were on a date, until he kissed me.

I'm not sure where people get this idea that I'm flirting with them. I know we often externalize feelings we're uncomfortable with. Thinking that someone of your same sex is attracted to you, when you're really attracted to them is the classic case of externalization.

I do suspect that my obliviousness is self made. I've never learned "the signs", because I don't look for them and when I think I see something that looks like them, I look for any other possibility. I can't say for certain, but I suspect this has gotten me in trouble, with one of the two people I know I've been sexually attracted to. Mainly because she said she wasn't interested in me (or in love with, rather, since this is what I asked about -I thought these were the same thing)and this is what I go by, so I operated under the assumption that she wasn't. However, I keep thinking of incidents that completely contradicted this. I thought I was just focusing on these, because it was what I wanted to see, but when I tell friends (never mutual ones, with respect to this woman, obviously) and told my current boyfriend (person number two) about exactly what I find confusing they tell me that she was interested. I also encouraged her, in a letter, to definitively tell me she was only interested in me as a friend, while saying that this is what I would assume, if I didn't hear from her. She never responded. About a year latter I found out she really didn't care that much for me, as a friend, either. So I don't know what to think about that one.

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