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Acephobia?


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#1 Happenstance

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Posted 29 September 2011 - 07:16 PM

It's easy to call people out on homophobia, transphobia, biphobia, etc. But, what do I use for asexual negativity? Is the word acephobia okay? I just think we need a word like this, that will carry more weight than "negativity." Thoughts?

I'm sorry if this is already a word. I've just never seen or heard anyone use it before.
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#2 Finbarr

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Posted 29 September 2011 - 07:24 PM

Asexohatred. :ph34r:

#3 Skullery Maid

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Posted 29 September 2011 - 07:26 PM

Sigh. This sounds a lot like demanding to be a victim, but c'est la vie...

I think you're looking for something along the lines of the holocaust deniers, who are just called "holocaust deniers". Many are also antisemitic, but they are separate concepts and terms.

People aren't full of hatred and rage about asexuality as much as they just deny its existence. Asexuality denial.

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#4 PiF

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Posted 29 September 2011 - 07:27 PM

I've just never seen or heard anyone use it before.


Be here long enough and you will see many like to make words up

Apparently we are just 1% ....of those I would guess 80% haven't even told anyone there asexual

Most will not be anti asexual but most will be.. Asexuality? What's that?

Or basically your looking demons that are rarely there and for most of us... Aren't there at all
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#5 Meph

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Posted 29 September 2011 - 07:31 PM

It's easy to call people out on homophobia, transphobia, biphobia, etc. But, what do I use for asexual negativity? Is the word acephobia okay? I just think we need a word like this, that will carry more weight than "negativity." Thoughts?

I'm sorry if this is already a word. I've just never seen or heard anyone use it before.

phobia is fear, not negative comments about something. Though fear is usuallty accompanied by hate, they are not the same thing.
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#6 Miriel

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Posted 29 September 2011 - 07:39 PM

People aren't full of hatred and rage about asexuality as much as they just deny its existence. Asexuality denial.

"Asexuality denial" is okay, I guess, for people who are only doing that (though I'll note that denying the existence of bisexuality or homosexuality are usually considered bi- and homophobic, respectively), but there are people who are genuinely negative about asexuals and asexuality.

#7 Happenstance

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Posted 29 September 2011 - 07:41 PM

I'm not "looking for demons." I was just doing some research on asexuality for a school paper and came across some of the nasty things Dan Savage has said. He's been criticized for biphobia before, so that got me wondering, that's all. I like to add new words to my vocabulary.

I know fear, hatred, and negativity are different things, but they are connected, and often get confused in everyday speech. For example, if someone says transpeople are "unnatural," or whatever, I could say they were exhibiting transphobia or spreading trans hate.
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#8 Skullery Maid

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Posted 29 September 2011 - 07:42 PM

Actually, I ended up on AVEN because of Dan Savage... some guy wrote in about his friend who came out as asexual, and he said that he didn't really believe in it. Dan Savage said that asexuality is absolutely a thing, be supportive of the friend, and then linked to AVEN.

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#9 Arca nine Huggles

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Posted 29 September 2011 - 07:42 PM

For some reason aphobe never caught on, even though grammatically, that would be the correct term. I really don't like the term ''acephobia''.
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#10 Happenstance

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Posted 29 September 2011 - 07:48 PM

Actually, I ended up on AVEN because of Dan Savage... some guy wrote in about his friend who came out as asexual, and he said that he didn't really believe in it. Dan Savage said that asexuality is absolutely a thing, be supportive of the friend, and then linked to AVEN.


That's good. Maybe he's improving. When did he say this? The thing I read is from February this year, when he advised a "minimally sexual" person to stop inflicting himself on "normally sexual" people.

http://www.washingto...xual-but-still/
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#11 headshot

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Posted 29 September 2011 - 07:49 PM

I think we as aces don't necessarily face fear from society. Our biggest issue is erasure, which is a big ass deal, but in my opinion "acephobia" isn't something that really exists on a scale wide enough to necessitate a term. I prefer to call people of that register simply erasure enablers.

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#12 Kelenken

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Posted 29 September 2011 - 07:55 PM

Is "Ignorant" not simply enough?
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#13 Skullery Maid

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Posted 29 September 2011 - 08:12 PM


Actually, I ended up on AVEN because of Dan Savage... some guy wrote in about his friend who came out as asexual, and he said that he didn't really believe in it. Dan Savage said that asexuality is absolutely a thing, be supportive of the friend, and then linked to AVEN.


That's good. Maybe he's improving. When did he say this? The thing I read is from February this year, when he advised a "minimally sexual" person to stop inflicting himself on "normally sexual" people.

http://www.washingto...xual-but-still/


Do you disagree with that???

I think its relationship terrorism when someone with little to no sex drive gets into a relationship with a sexual without 100% full disclosure.

Dan Savage is a sex advice columnist, so he is talking to sexual people about sexual stuff. He's not an asexual advocate, nor does he need to be... the fact that he acknowledges its existence and takes it very, very seriously (never suggests to sexuals that they can fix or heal their asexy partners) should be sufficient, no?

The post I was referring to:
http://slog.thestran...end-not-in-need

** General Disclaimer ** I believe in everyone's right to do, say, and be anything and anyone they want.  None of the opinions expressed by me should be taken to mean that I intend to enforce my views.  I am simply sharing my perspective. 

 
"He said 'It's all in your head' and I said 'so is everything', but he didn't get it" - Fiona Apple 


#14 Happenstance

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Posted 29 September 2011 - 09:08 PM



Actually, I ended up on AVEN because of Dan Savage... some guy wrote in about his friend who came out as asexual, and he said that he didn't really believe in it. Dan Savage said that asexuality is absolutely a thing, be supportive of the friend, and then linked to AVEN.


That's good. Maybe he's improving. When did he say this? The thing I read is from February this year, when he advised a "minimally sexual" person to stop inflicting himself on "normally sexual" people.

http://www.washingto...xual-but-still/


Do you disagree with that???

I think its relationship terrorism when someone with little to no sex drive gets into a relationship with a sexual without 100% full disclosure.

Dan Savage is a sex advice columnist, so he is talking to sexual people about sexual stuff. He's not an asexual advocate, nor does he need to be... the fact that he acknowledges its existence and takes it very, very seriously (never suggests to sexuals that they can fix or heal their asexy partners) should be sufficient, no?

The post I was referring to:
http://slog.thestran...end-not-in-need


Yes, I disagree. The person who asked about asexuality wasn't in a relationship at the time, nor had he lied to anyone. He seemed like he was still trying to figure out his orientation. He was asking, basically, if a relationship between an asexual and a sexual could potentially work. And, yes, absolutely, I believe it can work if there is constant communication, honesty, and compromise (as is needed in any relationship). There are numerous monogamous and polyamorous ways to compromise. But instead of actually giving helpful advice, Savage tells him to not even try. He tries to blame all previous cases of sexual frustrations he's been asked advise for in the past on asexuals and "minimally sexuals," which seems to include grey-a,s and demisexuals. Then, he makes aces out to be evil people who "take perverse pleasure in depriving someone else of sex."

Yes, it is important to tell a partner about your asexuality or gray-ness, or bisexuality, or whatever eventually, at the right time. Savage seems to want us to go around telling dates, "Hi, nice to meet you. I'm asexual, so if you want to run away screaming, do it now," or something. That is completely unrealistic and unnecessary. Sometimes people fall for each other romantically way before sex becomes an issue. What then? It takes two to work out relationship issues, and blaming everything on asexuals and their kin is ridiculous.

And, as a pretty mainstream LGBTQ sexual advice columnist who is likely to get several of these kinds of questions should make an effort to learn about something before he starts dishing out judgements. If he knew he didn't know anything, or thought it wasn't his job to answer, he could have just directed this poor kid to AVEN. I'm glad he seems to be doing that now, but in this particular article, he didn't. he outright bashed this guy and asexuals in general. I think it was horrendous behavior from someone who speaks out against bullying.
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#15 Skullery Maid

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Posted 29 September 2011 - 09:18 PM

Yes, it is important to tell a partner about your asexuality or gray-ness, or bisexuality, or whatever eventually, at the right time. Savage seems to want us to go around telling dates, "Hi, nice to meet you. I'm asexual, so if you want to run away screaming, do it now," or something. That is completely unrealistic and unnecessary.


I think it is realistic and necessary.

Did you see the thread about when to tell sexuals that you're asexual? The consensus was: IMMEDIATELY.

** General Disclaimer ** I believe in everyone's right to do, say, and be anything and anyone they want.  None of the opinions expressed by me should be taken to mean that I intend to enforce my views.  I am simply sharing my perspective. 

 
"He said 'It's all in your head' and I said 'so is everything', but he didn't get it" - Fiona Apple 


#16 Happenstance

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Posted 29 September 2011 - 09:27 PM



Yes, it is important to tell a partner about your asexuality or gray-ness, or bisexuality, or whatever eventually, at the right time. Savage seems to want us to go around telling dates, "Hi, nice to meet you. I'm asexual, so if you want to run away screaming, do it now," or something. That is completely unrealistic and unnecessary.


I think it is realistic and necessary.

Did you see the thread about when to tell sexuals that you're asexual? The consensus was: IMMEDIATELY.


I can take a look at it, but I don't think one size fits all, sorry. *shrug* Bisexuals have been told often that they need to come out to every new partner immediately, too, but that's bull crap.
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#17 TheMuffinMan

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Posted 29 September 2011 - 10:56 PM




Yes, it is important to tell a partner about your asexuality or gray-ness, or bisexuality, or whatever eventually, at the right time. Savage seems to want us to go around telling dates, "Hi, nice to meet you. I'm asexual, so if you want to run away screaming, do it now," or something. That is completely unrealistic and unnecessary.


I think it is realistic and necessary.

Did you see the thread about when to tell sexuals that you're asexual? The consensus was: IMMEDIATELY.


I can take a look at it, but I don't think one size fits all, sorry. *shrug* Bisexuals have been told often that they need to come out to every new partner immediately, too, but that's bull crap.


And why is it bullcrap? If you're asexual, a lot of people aren't even going to want to bother with you at all. Why hide the fact?

#18 Happenstance

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Posted 29 September 2011 - 11:30 PM

Asexuality--or bisexuality-- or any kind of sexuality-- does not define your or me. It is ONE aspect of ourselves. It is only ONE of the millions of things that could potentially be a relationship obstacle. Am I supposed to say, "By the way, I'm a cat person. I hope you don't have allergies," or, "By the way, I love to spend hours playing video games," or "By the way, I can't cook worth a damn?" No. Only when it becomes relevant. Am I supposed to compile a relationship resume? Of course people would run screaming if I did that! Forming a relationship is a dynamic process, and unless you are only dating online, where you can build a sizable profile, it is impractical. Saying I have to tell people I'm asexual immediately, is like reinforcing that sex is the most important thing in a relationship for everyone, always.

I refuse to cater to people's prejudices and act like I have to apologize for my asexuality (or biromanticism) when it is not a F*ing disease!

There are many reasons for people in the LGBT and the Asexual community not to come out. Something like that ALWAYS depends on individual circumstances. Some may fear for their safety, or their family's approval, their financial support, or whatever. No, dire circumstances aren't usually something Aces have to worry about, but you have to understand that it is only a tendency and anything is possible! Please don't ever pressure someone to come out if they think it is in their best interest not to. That is their decision. Always.
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#19 Skullery Maid

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Posted 29 September 2011 - 11:45 PM

Asexuality--or bisexuality-- or any kind of sexuality-- does not define your or me. It is ONE aspect of ourselves. It is only ONE of the millions of things that could potentially be a relationship obstacle. Am I supposed to say, "By the way, I'm a cat person. I hope you don't have allergies," or, "By the way, I love to spend hours playing video games," or "By the way, I can't cook worth a damn?" No. Only when it becomes relevant. Am I supposed to compile a relationship resume? Of course people would run screaming if I did that! Forming a relationship is a dynamic process, and unless you are only dating online, where you can build a sizable profile, it is impractical. Saying I have to tell people I'm asexual immediately, is like reinforcing that sex is the most important thing in a relationship for everyone, always.

I refuse to cater to people's prejudices and act like I have to apologize for my asexuality (or biromanticism) when it is not a F*ing disease!

There are many reasons for people in the LGBT and the Asexual community not to come out. Something like that ALWAYS depends on individual circumstances. Some may fear for their safety, or their family's approval, their financial support, or whatever. No, dire circumstances aren't usually something Aces have to worry about, but you have to understand that it is only a tendency and anything is possible! Please don't ever pressure someone to come out if they think it is in their best interest not to. That is their decision. Always.


Quite the histrionics!

So essentially, you're saying that you have a right to be manipulatively secretive (if he falls in love with me, maybe he'll be too hooked to dump my asexual ass), and that your right to be manipulatively secretive trumps your date's right to know what they're getting themselves into?

Sounds like self-serving self-righteousness to me.

But you are right about one thing... if you consider people who say "I don't want to date people who won't have sex with me" as being asexual-phobic, then yes, you better get on your task of finding a good word.

** General Disclaimer ** I believe in everyone's right to do, say, and be anything and anyone they want.  None of the opinions expressed by me should be taken to mean that I intend to enforce my views.  I am simply sharing my perspective. 

 
"He said 'It's all in your head' and I said 'so is everything', but he didn't get it" - Fiona Apple 


#20 Happenstance

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Posted 30 September 2011 - 12:08 AM


Asexuality--or bisexuality-- or any kind of sexuality-- does not define your or me. It is ONE aspect of ourselves. It is only ONE of the millions of things that could potentially be a relationship obstacle. Am I supposed to say, "By the way, I'm a cat person. I hope you don't have allergies," or, "By the way, I love to spend hours playing video games," or "By the way, I can't cook worth a damn?" No. Only when it becomes relevant. Am I supposed to compile a relationship resume? Of course people would run screaming if I did that! Forming a relationship is a dynamic process, and unless you are only dating online, where you can build a sizable profile, it is impractical. Saying I have to tell people I'm asexual immediately, is like reinforcing that sex is the most important thing in a relationship for everyone, always.

I refuse to cater to people's prejudices and act like I have to apologize for my asexuality (or biromanticism) when it is not a F*ing disease!

There are many reasons for people in the LGBT and the Asexual community not to come out. Something like that ALWAYS depends on individual circumstances. Some may fear for their safety, or their family's approval, their financial support, or whatever. No, dire circumstances aren't usually something Aces have to worry about, but you have to understand that it is only a tendency and anything is possible! Please don't ever pressure someone to come out if they think it is in their best interest not to. That is their decision. Always.


Quite the histrionics!

So essentially, you're saying that you have a right to be manipulatively secretive (if he falls in love with me, maybe he'll be too hooked to dump my asexual ass), and that your right to be manipulatively secretive trumps your date's right to know what they're getting themselves into?

Sounds like self-serving self-righteousness to me.

But you are right about one thing... if you consider people who say "I don't want to date people who won't have sex with me" as being asexual-phobic, then yes, you better get on your task of finding a good word.


I never advocated being manipulative. What is "manipulative" about letting a relationship unfold naturally? I advocate telling someone as soon as sex becomes an issue! As soon as the other person starts expressing interest in sex would be a good time to say, "I'm asexual. Let's talk about this and work something out." And, since orientation does not equal behavior, an asexual may decide that they will compromise and have sex with their sexual partner. Or, they could decide to open the relationship, or something. It doesn't necessarily mean the sexual partner must give up sex.

If I'm supposed to out myself to every new potential partner, "Hi, nice to meet you. You're kind of cute and I'm asexual! Wanna date?" At that point, I'm not even sure how much energy /I/ want to expend on a new relationship with this person. They could be unkind, or have no sense of responsibility, or clingy, or whatever. Who knows? Why aren't they blabbing all of their perceived flaws at me? Because that would be annoying, that's why! Because people expect to find out about details a little slower than that. Asexuality and bisexuality are not special, or inferior to any other kind of sexuality and there should not have to be any special, self-depreciating rules we have to follow. I only want the fair chance that anyone else gets and that I would give to anyone else! If a lesbian took another woman out for a date, you wouldn't expect her to have to say, "By the way, I'm a lesbian. I hope that's okay with you." Intersex people don't go around saying, "By the way, my chromosomes and/or genitals don't match the sex I was assigned with at birth. I hope that's okay."

This thread that was meant to be fun and casual has become seriously not funny. It was derailed long ago.

SkulleryMaid, I thank you for your time. I don't appreciate the personal attacks at the end, but I am getting tired of this conversation and would like to end it peacefully. May we at least agree to disagree and shake virtual hands?
"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." ~Coretta Scott King

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