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So I have a question for my fellow greys (:


LilyT

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Basically, we've had discussions about various levels of attraction that we experience ourselves and what have you.

But what I would be interested to know is how do you feel about people being attracted to you?

Because from my own experiences, I'm quite confused about the idea myself. For example, I really like the idea of being aesthetically attractive. Like when a friend tells me I look nice, I'm happy about it. However, if someone was to say that so-and-so really fancies me, for some reason it makes me uncomfortable, even if they're a perfectly nice person, and I don't really know why.

So yeah, to what extent, if any, are you comfortable with coming across attractive?

Have you ever felt uncomfortable because someone does find you attractive?

Do you dress differently in order to make yourself less or more attractive?

(How many times can I say the word attractive before it starts sounding weird? xD)

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As far as I know, no one has ever expressed interest in me or found me attractive (sad, I know) so I'd actually be ok with someone being attracted to me, even quite a lot. I think it would get too weird for me if they're being very obvious and persistent after I tell them to leave me alone.

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It would be flattering if this person wouldn´t be drunk loser. But drunk loser is usual type of man who find me attractive.

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I find it quite flattering on the rare occasions it happens, and the even rarer times I notice. When I was single would sometimes I've even been tempted to see if a relationship could come out of it. I don't tend to worry what way they are attracted to me, but I definitely don't go out of my way to seek it - I dress plainly and don't put any effort into my hair for example.

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I don't notice unless they're really vocal or obvious about it. And the ones who tend to be obvious are usually super creepy - bums, random old creepy guys on public transit...that sort of thing. That bothers me.

I like feeling attractive in general. But I don't like being noticed as attractive, unless I also find the person noticing to be attractive as well. Otherwise I can't help but be creeped out and wonder what the person is thinking about...and I don't like the idea of whatever creepy old guys think about in regards to young women... :wacko:

I don't really try to be attractive, I just try to dress in a way that I think looks good. I don't think about emphasizing certain qualities or anything, just, "This shirt fits well" or "This looks nice with this" or "This is completely unexpected and weird and I'm going to wear it"

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I don't notice unless they're really vocal or obvious about it. And the ones who tend to be obvious are usually super creepy - bums, random old creepy guys on public transit...that sort of thing. That bothers me.

I like feeling attractive in general. But I don't like being noticed as attractive, unless I also find the person noticing to be attractive as well. Otherwise I can't help but be creeped out and wonder what the person is thinking about...and I don't like the idea of whatever creepy old guys think about in regards to young women... :wacko:

I don't really try to be attractive, I just try to dress in a way that I think looks good. I don't think about emphasizing certain qualities or anything, just, "This shirt fits well" or "This looks nice with this" or "This is completely unexpected and weird and I'm going to wear it"

Ditto to almost all you wrote above.

I could have written much the same.

I might have changed random old creepy guys to random young creepy guys.

I might have changed whatever creepy old guys think about in regards to young women to whatever creepy younger guys think about in regards to older transfeminine men.

But your post echoes my experience eerily well.

Whenever this happens I want to say:

I am not a tranny hooker. Get lost, creep!

Or, alternately:

If you have issues with the way I choose to present, grow the hell up and deal with it!

But I usually ignore them and try to tune them out.

But I strive to remain polite even in the face of condescension ... which can come as much from other aces as from anyone else. Privilege is not limited to those who know no better than to exercise it. In my experience, those who ought to know better rarely do; or if they do, they can rarely be bothered to.

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Excellent question! I look forward to reading more responses.

I always feel freaked out and skeeved and extremely uncomfortable. I think for a long time, part of it was having no idea what they would be thinking about me in their heads, and I really dislike the idea that I don't have ownership over how they fantasize about me. I'm still unsure how to come to terms with that aside from ignoring it.

This has proven to be a huge problem! I broke off a burgeoning relationship because I couldn't handle knowing the other person was sexually attracted to me (and they weren't expressing it in terms I was okay with). But every relationship I become comfortable enough with that I think it would be okay, we've known each other for too long and have been definitely friend-zoned.

It's also complicated by gendered perceptions of me, and as a neutrois person I don't really trust new people to be getting my gender right when they're attracted to me. And that's such an important part of me, it precludes any pleasure in being found attractive as something not-me.

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I identify with Wineblood, MadRat, and Cirdan in that I would be quite flattered if someone was attracted to me. That is, if I noticed.

Then again, when I do notice, I often feel guilty... like it's my fault for being attractive yet not being attracted to this person in return.

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I identify with Wineblood, MadRat, and Cirdan in that I would be quite flattered if someone was attracted to me. That is, if I noticed.

Then again, when I do notice, I often feel guilty... like it's my fault for being attractive yet not being attracted to this person in return.

Not grey... but I have to admit it's a bit of a guilty pleasure for me... >_<;;; *feels guilty about feeling good about being attractive to someone*

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Guilty pleasure-- that's exactly the phrase I was looking for :).

This, oddly, reminds me of an old thread (which I won't link, lest I incur the wrath of the necromancy police :lol:), in which someone argued that it seems like a law of physics that if you feel attraction, the other person must have an equal reaction. (I just checked, and I have revealed enough information to find this thread using search-- go, necromancers, go!)

I think about that thread a lot, and often wonder if someone might be attracted to me. (But the one time a girl has told me outright that she thinks it's "pretty clear" that likes me, she caught be completely by surprise, so I'm obviously not very good at this.) And then I feel like I'm breaking a fundamental law of attraction. It feels so wrong, but it feels so right :P.

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