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Demi... Semi... sort of? maybe? What?!


mid-daymoon

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So, I'm sure all you wonderful people have heard this question a thousand times, and have answered it just as many. But what I'm really looking for is to have some one tell me I'm not insane, and maybe be a little more clear on the other grey-A types.

So, after doing a lot of research (with the limited sources there was) It occurs to me that demi-sexual fits what is going on in my head.

I've never really had a libido. I feel no need to do anything sexual with anyone... ever. At first I thought that maybe it was because I had just never tried anything. (I'm young and have so much of my life ahead of me XD ) and I never gave it much thought. I started referring to myself as pansexual, because I honestly did not care what kind of junk was between your legs, if I had a crush on you, I had a crush on your personality, not your body.

A few relationships later, I'm still not feeling it. I like the person well enough, but no desire to be sexual what so ever.

I'm doing the whole 'I think I'm broken thing' and I have been until last night.

If that was all of my story, I would say YES hands down I'm asexual.

But I have the tiny-est smallest little inkling of sex drive now. but only for one guy. I've been head over heels in love with him for 2 years, and only recently has the thought of anything sexual ever crossed my mind. It's gotten to the point where I'm not all 'GIVE ME YOUR PENIS NOW!' but... if given the opportunity... it might not be so bad.

Does that count as Demisexual?

What's the difference between demisexual and semi-sexual?

(I know you have probably answered these questions a thousand times, and I'm sorry.)

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The definition of semisexual is still being figured out. I use it as "somebody that experiences sexual attraction under extremely rare circumstances" but somebody else may use it in a different context. I think I'm going to try to talk to people on demigrace about it to try to come up with something substantial.

Demisexual is more like "somebody who experiences sexual attraction after experiencing emotional attraction first." If you think that's what you feel, then you could possibly label yourself that if you choose.

I can't tell you that you are or aren't demisexual or semisexual or whatever. In the end, your label is your decision.

I really wish I could be more helpful :(

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Asexuals can still have sex drives (libidos). It manifests itself in the desire to masturbate, usually, and not attraction to anyone specific (because then that would be sexual attraction). And they'll use porn or other things to get them aroused, sometimes. The distinction is that they aren't attracted to people in the porn (or whatever) sexually, they're attracted to the situation/idea/fetish (if applicable).

Semi-sexual is a term that some use which essentially means "asexual with a libido". Some people don't feel like the "asexual: a person who does not experience sexual attraction" definition is specific enough. Some feel that it should also include "a person who does not experience sexual desire". Hence, asexual with libido = not asexual (to them)...asexual with a libido = semisexual.

That's what the wiki says anyway...Tea's comment makes me wonder if it's just an example term now. *shrug*

Some people choose to identify with the gray area, even though most AVENites would consider them asexual, because they prefer a narrower definition of asexuality than AVEN's. For example, an asexual with a sex drive who prefers the nonlibidoist definition of asexuality might identify as semisexual rather than asexual.

http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Gray-A_/_Grey-A

That's not AVEN's view, though - to us - anyone who doesn't experience sexual attraction = asexual.

A demisexual is someone who DOES experience sexual attraction, but only after forming a relationship or emotional bond with someone.

Check out this page for more: http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Demisexual

Hope that helps :cake:

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  • 2 weeks later...
LadyAmandaJane

So, I'm sure all you wonderful people have heard this question a thousand times, and have answered it just as many. But what I'm really looking for is to have some one tell me I'm not insane, and maybe be a little more clear on the other grey-A types.

So, after doing a lot of research (with the limited sources there was) It occurs to me that demi-sexual fits what is going on in my head.

I've never really had a libido. I feel no need to do anything sexual with anyone... ever. At first I thought that maybe it was because I had just never tried anything. (I'm young and have so much of my life ahead of me XD ) and I never gave it much thought. I started referring to myself as pansexual, because I honestly did not care what kind of junk was between your legs, if I had a crush on you, I had a crush on your personality, not your body.

A few relationships later, I'm still not feeling it. I like the person well enough, but no desire to be sexual what so ever.

I'm doing the whole 'I think I'm broken thing' and I have been until last night.

If that was all of my story, I would say YES hands down I'm asexual.

But I have the tiny-est smallest little inkling of sex drive now. but only for one guy. I've been head over heels in love with him for 2 years, and only recently has the thought of anything sexual ever crossed my mind. It's gotten to the point where I'm not all 'GIVE ME YOUR PENIS NOW!' but... if given the opportunity... it might not be so bad.

Does that count as Demisexual?

What's the difference between demisexual and semi-sexual?

(I know you have probably answered these questions a thousand times, and I'm sorry.)

I would add that having a sex drive does not necessarily equal experiencing sexual attraction. As said before here, some asexual people are perfectly capable of having sex, wanting to have sex, enjoying sex, without necessarily experiencing sexual attraction. Think of a sex drive as a sexual behavior and sexual attraction as sexual orientation.

Labels are only a few words at best, and generally for me, it seems I need to type paragraphs before I feel like I have explained everything well enough. I say you seem to have a good understanding of where you are right now, and that may change, but for now I'd say you are doing pretty well.

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mid-daymoon, you're not insane-- I've read a lot of posts from people who sound a lot like you. I actually think you're quite normal-- just remember that the people who are crazy about sex are the most vocal, so they tend to skew our perception of what's "normal." The rest of the world tends to be rather silent on their feelings about sex.

I don't have any statistics to back up my point, but I just have a feeling that this is the case.

As for what to call yourself, the previous posters have already covered the various labels. But you don't even have to label yourself, to compliment what LadyAmandaJane mentioned. There are about 6 billion people in the world, and probably 6 billion different types of sexualities. Everyone is unique. No one label can ever fully describe you.

Just seek to know who you are, and be happy to be that person.

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