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Grays: How frequently do you experience sexual attraction?

Caspian

By Caspian,
in The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions

  

1 member has voted

  1. 1. Averaging over the number of years of your life AFTER puberty, how many people do you find sexually attractive PER year?

    • Around (or less than) 1 person every 10 years (remember: years before puberty don't count)
      6
    • ≈ 1 person every 5 years
      3
    • ≈ 1 person every 2 years
      6
    • ≈ 1 person a year
      0
    • ≈ 2 people a year
      2
    • ≈ 5 people a year
      1
    • ≈ 10 people a year
      0
    • ≈ 20 people a year
      0
    • Around (or greater than) 50 people a year
      0
    • I don't feel like calculating this, but I am gray
      3
    • I do NOT identify as gray
      3

  2. 2. Please divide the number of people you've ever found sexually attractive by the size of your current peer group (include coworkers/classmates who you actually talk to, friends, colleagues, etc.)

    • Around (or less than) 0.01
      5
    • ≈ 0.02
      1
    • ≈ 0.05
      2
    • ≈ 0.1
      2
    • ≈ 0.2
      1
    • ≈ 0.5
      3
    • ≈ 0.7
      1
    • ≈ 1
      2
    • ≈ 2
      0
    • ≈ 5
      0
    • Around (or greater than) 10
      0
    • I don't feel like calculating this, but I am gray
      4
    • I do NOT identify as gray
      3

  3. 3. Please divide the number of people you've ever found sexually attractive by the number of people you've interacted with over the past month who are NOT part of your peer group (please consider interactions which have gone up to or beyond salutations)

    • Around (or less than) 0.01
      8
    • ≈ 0.02
      1
    • ≈ 0.05
      2
    • ≈ 0.1
      1
    • ≈ 0.2
      3
    • ≈ 0.5
      0
    • ≈ 0.7
      0
    • ≈ 1
      0
    • ≈ 2
      0
    • ≈ 5
      1
    • Around (or greater than) 10
      0
    • I don't feel like calculating this, but I am gray
      5
    • I do NOT identify as gray
      3

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Caspian

Caspian

Posted
Posted

Grays -

There has been some discussion about grays experiencing "less" sexual attraction than "normal," but let's get actual numbers here. Without numbers, we can't really say how much more infrequently grays experience sexual attraction than sexuals.

When answering the first question: If you're not sure when you went through puberty, please use your 13th birthday if you're biologically female, 14 if you're biologically male. Don't use these numbers if you know when you went through puberty.

I've made another poll for grays, for the purpose of comparing those who identify as "gray" against those who identify as "sexual." If you identify as sexual, please vote here: http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/topic/65921-sexuals-how-frequently-do-you-experience-sexual-attraction/

The idea here is to attach concrete numbers to the idea behind the "gray" and "sexual" labels in order to get a different perspective on the polls Birdwing previously created. If you identify as gray for whatever reason, vote here.

Please let me know if there's another question you feel might be useful in this poll and I'll consider adding it.

Finally, please add a reply if your response is significantly above or below any of the available options.

Thanks!

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Member33070

Member33070

Posted
Posted

Which poll should I vote in? :(

(for reference. lol)

I guess I'll vote in this one...???

I went from "asexual" to "gray/sexual"...so when I average it out, the first answer is 2 per year since puberty...

Second...about 1

Third...about 0.2

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Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

The problem with the gray label is that it's very broad. Some grays may call themselves grays when they experience sexual attraction but no intrinsic desire to act on that attraction. Some may choose to call themselves sexuals. Some greys may be demisexual. In short, the broadness is good but it's hard when trying to get a set definition or a set number.

In any case, I think I'll just lay my details out and we'll see what happens:

1) I identify as gray but I guess a better term would be something like...semisexual (I just prefer saying that to hyposexual for some reason) because I've been sexually attracted to one person in my life. I'm still trying to figure out if it was primary or secondary sexual attraction but I'm leaning towards primary because we were more like...umm...friends with benefits (but for some reason we never slept together). I'm not even sure...what happened in regards to that situation because it's never happened since (even with the person that I slept with). Believe me, I'm just as confused as anybody else who's reading this :P

2) I do have fetishes that will increase arousal, but they don't change how much I am attracted to the person.

3) Even with sexual attraction, the idea of sex just seems...boring. What's funny is that even if I'm aroused and sexually attracted to somebody that primary desire just doesn't really exist or it's really small (it was a really long time ago). My secondary sexual desire is a lot stronger.

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Cirdan

Cirdan

Posted
Posted

Difficult to calculate this (but I put 1 person every 10 years, and 0.01, 0.01).

Making up a unit of "attractions" based on a best a guess as to how sexual the attraction has been I'd say each person I've fancied but not had a relationship with counts as 0.1, with the relationships being 0.2, 0.4 and 0.5 (judged mostly by how intimate it's been - it kind of makes sense to me that grey attraction would not be a whole number but maybe I'm being a bit crazy...). Total would then work out about 1.8 "attractions" over 15 years. Dividing by size of social circle or people I've met over the last month would be less than 0.01 in both cases.

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Salmacis

Salmacis

Posted
Posted

I'm still trying to figure out if it was primary or secondary sexual attraction...

What exactly do you mean by 'primary' and 'secondary' sexual attraction? I'm genuinely intrigued because in my whole life I've only been physically attracted (in a way that was more than simply aesthetic attraction) to a single person - though I'm not even sure if the attraction I feel for this person is really sexual attraction proper, or just intense sensual/romantic attraction. I think about having sex with him, but there's no physical reaction on my part - I don't get aroused or anything. Would that perhaps constitute 'primary' sexual attraction - i.e. sexual attraction that is not quite intense enough to produce arousal in the subject, or do the terms 'primary' and 'secondary' refer to different phenomena entirely?

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Salmacis

Salmacis

Posted
Posted

Primary sexual desire means desiring to have sex for personal pleasure. And secondary sexual desire is desiring to have sex to please someone else.

link to he AVEN wiki here

Thank you! So I guess my experience was in the 'something else entirely' bracket after all, then. Hmmm.

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