I Think I Might Be Grey.

[redsoxfan]

Hey,

I have just been looking up tons of things about how I feel on different issues and found this site. The idea of having sex does not appeal to me, or at least right now. I am 18 years old and have never been with a girl in a relationship or have even kissed a girl. I am sometimes sexual attracted to women though but it is not ever the first thing that enters my mind. I do sometimes masturbate when I am sexually aroused but don't really associate it with having sex, just a way to release that feeling.

I just want to be with someone who is my best friend in the world. A person I can hold tight while on the couch watching a movie, hold her hand while walking down the street, kiss to show her how much I care. I feel all that but sex just doesn't fit into that idea for me. Possibly it might one day if I actually find a person like this but I just don't know if it will until then. What makes me worry is finding that awesome person but them wanting sex and then I don't want to. It really scares me that I might be alone my whole life.

Now I do have a good group of close friends so I know I will never really be "alone" but I don't want to not have that one person to be with. Most my close friends have actually ended up being female, but I don't feel this way about them, I just want them to be close friends, not as that companion. I pretty much only have one "guy" friend who is my best friend. But because I am constantly hanging out with my other friends I think my parents might think I am homosexual or they think that I am actually a "player"(sorry couldn't think of a better word) or something and just hide it from them.

Maybe I don't really fit under this but it just kinda seems to make sense to me. Is it possible to find someone else like me? I just feel like there is such a small number like me that I am not going to find a person who wants what I want and is totally awesome for me. I kinda feel frustrated that sex is the only way to get that awesome person. Maybe I will end up being sexual but right now at 18 it doesn't appeal to me to find out.

Thanks for any responses or comments! I hope someone can help me sort out what I am feeling. I am defiantly going to be spending a lot of time reading stuff on this site.

[Guest]

Many people find themselves in your situation: not wanting sex, yet strongly desiring a romantic relationship with someone. Your description of your life and your ambitions practically matches mine. I, too, feel disheartened about how difficult it is to find people who don't care about sex or care little enough to give it up for someone they love. I won't lie and tell you it's easy and you will surely find someone, but I'll tell you this: it IS possible. This site has a meetup section you could look up, for example, and there are other personals sites made purposefully for asexuals to use. Many people here (and there also) are friendly and willing to meet others, you'll make yourself at home for sure.

[LilyT]

Hey! So much of what you've written sounds a lot like me (:

I've been a hopeless romantic for as long as I can remember, but I can't remember ever wanting to have a boyfriend for anything more than cuddles, the occasional kiss and singing duets xD I'm identifying as grey atm, mainly to keep an open mind, and also because I have the occasional fantasy or two.

I don't know what else to say really... Stay hopeful and positive? Keep an open mind? That's what I'm trying to do. You don't have to feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to, but at the same time I think it's important to not define yourself too strictly.

You can always PM me or something if you want a chat. It seems like we're kind of on the same page (:

Also, welcome to AVEN! :D