Grays - What does gray mean to YOU?

[Member33070]

Grays -

Hey everybody!

Basically, instead of trying to figure out what people of a certain label think or feel without asking them...a group of us over in the "what is gray/demi?" thread decided...why not ask them?

So...for everyone who identifies as gray...do you experience any of these things, and, if so, to what degree?

If you identify as asexual, answer this poll instead: http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/topic/65573-asexuals-what-does-asexuality-mean-to-you/

If you identify as "sexual", answer this poll instead: http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/topic/65576-sexuals-what-does-sexual-mean-to-you/

The idea here is to nail down a really solid concept, based on several experiences. So, your personal identity here is more important than what any existing definition or description says. If you identify as gray for whatever reason, vote here.

We're not criticizing anyone's definitions of themselves in these polls. We're just asking about them.

Some of these things may, in one's opinion, have nothing to do with orientation - in that case, call it a curiosity to see if there is any correlation between that category and the orientation the poll is for.

If you're unsure as to where you stand on something, or if it fluctuates...pick your best guess based on how you feel most often.

If there's any other category you feel might be useful in this poll, let me know and I'll add it.

[Guest]

For the gender part I put "biologically female, identify as another gender not listed" because right now I'm in a bit of gender confusion (I keep going between fluid, neutrois, and cis...although now I'm starting to think neutrois).

But yea for birdie and the poll ^_^

[Member33070]

No problem. I feel like it's going to be super interesting and give us an idea of how people look at it, themselves. Which is really who we need to be asking, to start with, I feel - instead of hypothesizing about how people feel...why not just ask them? Heehee. :lol:

[MadRat]

My votes in first and second question are a little debatable.

Primary sexual attraction - high, but only in the sense of intensity. It´s extremely rare.

Secondary sexual attraction - this is pure speculation because I´ve never been in a relationship with a person whom I find sexually attractive. But I think it would stay strong or maybe it will get stronger than at the beginning of the relationship.

[che*brava]

How about biologically female, identifying as female?

[Guest]

Che*brava, there's the "cisgendered female" option for that. Have a look at about half the list.

Anyhow, I see that primary sexual attraction seems to be a lot less frequent in grays... I'm comparing this poll to the one for sexuals, who generally have a medium/high sexual desire under all aspects (according to the poll). There are a lot more "low" and "medium" votes here, in comparison.

[eee]

I am a female, with a conceptual mentality of asexual and aromantic ideals. I have a invisible libido that I hardly pay attention to. I am married to a fellow avenite and do engage in sexual activities. I have a high deposit of testosterone, therefore I love sports, muscle training and more physical activities. I have little to non emotions and operates 95% on logic. I do think like a man but there is female soul in me. I am definitely feminine in some circumstance and I don't ignore that part of my instincts. I like to think of myself as a very masculine but flamboyant gay residing in a bionic female anatomy. I am whatever man, woman, animal and spirit I feel like I am.

p.s: attraction....nope...I like a good brain!

[Member33070]

Oh, perhaps I should say what I voted...*shrug*

• Primary sexual attraction: Medium (a guess...I can feel it very intensely for certain people, but for most people, it's pretty mild - and there's not a lot of people I'm attracted to in the first place)
  
• Secondary: Medium? It's a guess. I've had it happen similarly for romantic attraction.
  
• Primary sexual desire: High
  
• Secondary: Low (hypothetically, I don't have a partner)
  
• Romantic attraction: High
  
• Aesthetic attraction: High
  
• Gender: Cisfemale
  
• Libido: High
  

[eee]

Oh, perhaps I should say what I voted...*shrug*

• Primary sexual attraction: Medium (a guess...I can feel it very intensely for certain people, but for most people, it's pretty mild - and there's not a lot of people I'm attracted to in the first place)
  
• Secondary: Medium? It's a guess. I've had it happen similarly for romantic attraction.
  
• Primary sexual desire: High
  
• Secondary: Low (hypothetically, I don't have a partner)
  
• Romantic attraction: High
  
• Aesthetic attraction: High
  
• Gender: Cisfemale
  
• Libido: High
  

u sound like u;re quite passionate!

[Siggy]

I don't believe in the primary/secondary model, but I answered best I could anyway. :)

Also, I believe that cisgender means that you are the same gender as the one assigned at birth; it does not mean that your gender matches your sex. Since no one is ever assigned an "intersex gender" at birth, it does not make sense to say that an intersex person who identifies as intersex is cisgendered. However, some people may have different views on the particulars of the definitions. Food for thought.

[Epochryphal]

WHOA. This gender list is completely 100% NOT OKAY. I am not "biologically" any of that shit. I get to name my body as well as my gender (guess what, both are neutral), AND I really don't want to tell you about it and shouldn't have to in order to indicate my gender and represent myself.

A much less busted way to ask would be about assigned (no scare quotes) sex at birth, but really why do you need to know? Especially at the risk of alienating people? And also when, y'know, cis people get special treatment by having their configuration labeled out front, when every other "combination" is left alone.

And, hey, any gender list should be multiple choice checkboxes, not radio buttons. Always. People can be polygender, gender-fluid, any number of things that gets misrepresented by restriction to one option. Let them select those genders and being polygender/fluid/etc. Also, androgynous is not always in the same category as agender. And the lumping of "intersex, two-spirit, or multiple genders" is icky.

But really I can let all of that slide if it weren't for the you must indicate your "biology" (by which we mean coercive definitions assigned you at birth and are disregarding self-identification AND any amount of transition by putting in a disclaimer that gender=transitioned to, sex=static), WTF.

[Member33070]

^ I was in absolutely no way trying to offend anyone. I tried my best to make it as inclusive as I could figure out with my limited understanding of gender things.

By "biologically" I just meant "physically assigned at birth" - what parts you came out with, basically.

And yes, "biologically" intersex people do exist - people born with both male and female parts, that is what I mean. I don't want to leave them out.

I acknowledge that you can identify as whatever, and allowed for that by creating every option I could think of.

There are so many possible genders out there that I put it as a grouping just to make it easier to understand.

I'm sorry you were offended by it but I can't change it much now without messing up all of the data. I edited it some, but I can't change the options much.

I'll keep it in mind if I ever create another poll that includes gender.

[Guest Invisible Pumpkin]

I missed the "other choice/none of the above" in the poll :(

[Member33070]

^ In what section?

Sorry, I seem to be massively confused about absolutely everything today. I'm kind of exhausted.

I was like...half-confused yesterday so this poll might be a little weird and I can't tell because I'm like ten times as confused as I was yesterday.

:wacko:

[eee]

^ In what section?

Sorry, I seem to be massively confused about absolutely everything today. I'm kind of exhausted.

I was like...half-confused yesterday so this poll might be a little weird and I can't tell because I'm like ten times as confused as I was yesterday.

:wacko:

oh no Birdwing.......huggles, relax and just leave this to handle itself a bit for the next couple days.

[foxwithwings13]

I am still not sure if i identify as sexual or grey A.. so i wont vote in the poll but i'll explain it just for its own sake :P

Primary sexual attraction: As far as I know non-existant. The people that I am sexually attracted to i almost never find aesthetically attractive. I honestly do not know what leads me to be sexually attracted to people (males

Secondary sexual attraction: this one is hard to answer. I have noticed I may be more sexually attracted to my male friends (i think it is mostly because of proximity). So.. yes in a way because of my friendship with them I become sexually attracted to them. But I have no romantic relationship with them

Primary sexual desire: high, as far as intensity goes. But I've only felt a handful of times

Secondary sexual desire: none for males. almost non-existant for females

Romantic attraction: medium-high (females)

Aesthetic attraction: medium-high (females)

born female and identify as female

libido: medium-high

[Woodleaf]

I'm not sure if you're looking for clarification but here's why I said what I did...

First question I said low, since I have only felt that way for a handful (under 5 in my life), but the intensity varies, from "you're extremely attractive and I wouldn't mind a date just for that" to "I want in your pants now" and the second one definitely creeped me out when it happened.

Second question, I've never been in a close relationship so I just said low since I'm not a very romantic sort of person. Also fourth, never in a relationship so I'm not sure; I guess I would try if I wanted to please the other...

Third, I don't want sex. Not at this point, at least. <_<

Five, low, I've only had two or three "crushes" in my life, plenty of "squishes" though. Six, high, I find tons of people aesthetically attractive. It's not the same as sexual since the sexual I would say is probably just pheromones or whatever subtle scientific thing...those people aren't even stunningly aesthetically attractive to me.

Seven, born female, I said identifying as androgynous, even though I still call myself a girl, because I'm pretty androgynous in my way of thinking and personality, and I wouldn't mind looking that way either.

Eight, low libido, I'm not even positive I really have one...I get a very rare buzz once in a blue moon, but never because of a particular person, and it goes away within seconds.