Member33070 Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Alright guys... So I'm pretty sure I'm gray, but I haven't known for very long. I feel like if it sticks around and I'm still in the gray area a couple of years from now (and not fully sexual or anything), it might be easier for me to come out as a gray. Making this topic specific...wow this feels weird...um... Okay, so the weird part of this is that I was a nonlibidoist asexual for years and told everyone about it. I was very, very openly ace, and all of my friends and family know. That puts a monkey wrench in my situation. But here's my question for you - do you, personally, feel the need to "come out" as a gray? Why or why not? And how do you do it? If you don't...why not? Is it because you are "close enough" to being asexual or sexual that you can "pass"? Are you comfortable with "passing", if you do it? Link to post Share on other sites
MadRat Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 I´ve never come out as anything. I´m very introverted and I´m not comfortable with talking about such personal things. I would have to come out as asexual if sexual guy pursuades me and I would hope it would discourage him. :lol: But in other cases, I can see no point in coming out. It´s noone´s bussiness and it has no effect on other people´s lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Coming out as gray-A sounds pretty strange for those who hear you. In some way, it's harder to explain than asexuality is. A gray who's never come out of the closet as anything else would most likely meet a disbelieving response (like, "hey you feel sexual attraction, so wtf does it matter when? you're sexual"). I think the same would apply to someone who's come out of the closet as asexual before, or even worse, they'd be told they're just a late bloomer and then mistaken for a full-blown sexual. So yeah, I see a long road ahead of you if you want some understanding from others. If I were gray, I would have likely stayed in the closet for said reasons. Boy, grammar-wise this must be the worst post I've ever made... I'm ashamed of myself Link to post Share on other sites
Great Thief Yatagarasu Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Being honest, as a demisexual, I can pass as sexual. And while I'm biromantic, I'm so close to heteroromantic that I can not only pass as sexual, but a straight sexual. I've come out as asexual to some people, but when I explain "well, I might be sexual when I'm in a relationship," they just respond with "Well, everyone's like that." -___- So I just say asexual to some people and I don't say anything to others. Link to post Share on other sites
Caspian Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 I really don't feel the need to come out as gray. First, as I mentioned in the other thread, it's just not anyone's business. Second, hardly anyone I know will be interested enough to listen to an explanation on what asexuality is, but that being gray really isn't quite that... but I'm not really gray either, since I'm more ace than gray... yeah, I'd rather just leave that topic alone. But another reason I don't come out is because I'm still not completely sure of my sexuality. It's only recently that I decided that I'm mostly asexual/aromantic with a tiny bit of gray in me, so I'm really not ready to commit to a label and say, "this is it!" Although I didn't discover asexuality until the age of 23, I would have identified as ace if I had known the term. Ironically, it was shortly thereafter that I discovered my bit of grayness. It felt like I was going through puberty at age 23. The emotions I felt were actually extremely mild for "sexual attraction," but they were infinitely more powerful than what I had experienced in the past, so it felt like a sledgehammer at the time. I'm pretty sure I'm asexual for the most part, but being that I had a "hiccup" with my emotions about 2 years ago, I really can't say if or when these emotions will return. Knowing that I'm capable of experiencing them has caused me quite a bit of confusion in the past, but I've learned to live with this fact. I'm certainly not ready to come out yet since I'm not even sure I know what I am yet. I like to call myself asexual/aromatic because that's how I feel right now... but I don't feel like I can ever be sure that those feelings will never return. So, it's possible I might not ever be "ready" to come out. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 The whole idea of "coming out" when it applied to homosexuals was that someone who had been living a public life as a heterosexual--essentially pretending to be heterosexual and hiding their homosexuality--would finally declare to the world that they were homosexual and openly living as one. The "closet" was the hiding place. I can't see how that would apply to a gray, and frankly can't see how that would apply to any asexual who knows that they're asexual, since it would only matters to whoever you're in a relationship with. It's not like asexuals are living with/married to one orientation and secretly screwing another orientation. Link to post Share on other sites
PiF Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 i can't see how coming out applies to any asexual unless they are homosexual? Link to post Share on other sites
Member33070 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 By "coming out" I mean telling someone about your orientation, whatever it is. Perhaps I just feel like it's relevant in my case because I AM living a lie right now. I was an asexual and I knew it for 6 1/2 years. So I told everyone in my family and all of my friends about it. I'm not asexual anymore and in my case I feel the need to tell the truth eventually and come out as gray (if I stay here) or fully sexual (if it gets to that point). I'm nowhere near ready to do it yet, especially since I kind of want to test my boundaries in a relationship first. So yeah, it sounds weird. I know some of you will bring up the "well you just were wrong about your asexuality so tell them that". That's not the case though. I was honestly a nonlibidosit asexual until 21 1/2. I wasn't repressing anything and I highly doubt I would go all that time and never have a single sexual thought, desire, or urge. I believe it's a case of fluidity here. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has gone through something like that and had tonhonestly come out twice. How do you deal with it? Link to post Share on other sites
Siggy Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 I'm very out, so coming out for me is an everyday activity (even if it doesn't happen everyday). I'm at that level where, in most contexts, I simply drop these facts about myself the same way I might drop the fact that I have two brothers, or the fact that I'm into puzzles. It doesn't come up very often, but in certain crowds it comes up, you'd be surprised. I don't believe in introducing asexual lingo to people who don't even know what asexuality is, so I never use the term "gray-A". I simply identify as gay and asexual, and say I'm in-between if asked to elaborate. Of course, the fact that I'm gay is far more obvious and comes up far more often, so I'm effectively more out as gay. That's the way the cookie crumbles. I am comfortable with passing because passing is an absolutely everyday experience. Some people assume I'm straight. Some people assume I'm gay. Some people assume I'm asexual. Whatever. You can't be out to everyone about everything, that's too much work. (I feel no sympathy for straight men who are afraid of appearing gay.) Link to post Share on other sites
Yolly Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 I'm out as demisexual to quite a lot of my friends (though, this is at a university which already includes asexuality) and I will continue to be for the purpose of visibility. However in terms of my personal relationships I'd rather explain how I feel, rather than go into all the labels that could possibly apply. Link to post Share on other sites
Cirdan Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 "Coming out" as being grey would seem to be quite tricky, as defining the difference between a sexual and a grey-asexual is not easy. From that point of view I'm not sure whether it would be worth it, as in the process of coming out you'd probably end up portraying all sexuals as sex crazed nymphomaniacs if you weren't careful (how do you say you only want sex with certain people under certain conditions without implying sexuals would have sex with anyone anytime anyplace?). Link to post Share on other sites
Apgrude Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Whenever I come out to people, I just explain that I'm asexual, but I'll explain grayness and demi/semisexuality if they're genuinely curious about my orientation. The majority of people don't even know about asexuality, let alone the "in-between" area, and it can make things more confusing for them if you try to explain too much at once. Link to post Share on other sites
che*brava Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 I tend to think it shouldn't really be much of an issue. I reckon tell people if it's relevant, don't lie about it or hide it, but don't make a big deal about it either. Personally, I was classifying myself as asexual for a little while, and did come out to a few of my closer friends about it. But upon further consideration, I changed my mind and decided I'd probably be best be described as a grey-A, but really can't say for sure due to lack of experience. I won't go out of my way to correct those friends about it unless it comes up in a conversation, simply because I don't think it's that big an issue. For me it's more of a personal thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Tanwen Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 If I were to get into a relationship, then I would say something. Other than that, it is part of me but does not define me...like my blue eyes and my (very) rare blood group. Link to post Share on other sites
LilyT Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I haven't mentioned asexuality to the vast majority of my friends and I found that, while I had one friend who was pretty interested and understanding about it so I could tell her all the grey stuff, the rest of them just got even more confused when I tried to bring up greyness. Thing is, I don't really like passing as asexual but it's getting to the point also where I feel uncomfortable about going out with my friends sometimes, particularly to like clubs and bars etc., because they assume I'm sexual. So I feel like I kind of want to sit them all down and get a big whiteboard out and give a little lesson on asexuality and its variations ahaa.. But they already think I'm a bit of an oddball xD Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.