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Your greyness


Nathan Blair

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I saw a similar thread in 'Tea and Sympathy' - for those who don't really want to open their own threads, but want to share.

So, in what way are you grey(/gray)?

I know the terms 'semi/demi-sexual' - which some consider grey and some don't, I think - but I haven't heard other names for types of greyness. I mean, being in the grey are can sound like being uncertain, but that's not necessarily true.

If someone heard other names, or came up of some of his own, I'd be happy to hear them ^_^

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Quill Pen Gentleman

Currently, I consider myself to be on the cusp of gray and black. Like the ending of gray and the beginning of black. I call myself asexual, for convenience sake...but I really am not sure what to call someone who's on the cusp.

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Technically, I feel like I'm graysexual/grayromantic. However, I'm so close to the asexual/aromatic side of things that I, like Haruka, prefer to drop the "gray."

I believe in romance and would like to experience someday, but I'm hardly comfortable with romantic gestures (cuddling, kissing, hand-holding, etc). I just want a best friend. And I have, over time, had a couple different best friends. But eventually, they've ended up meeting a "special someone" and then I'm no longer their best friend.

Just like asexuals believe that sex is not a requirement for true love, I don't think romantic gestures are necessary, either. However, if I ever find myself in a relationship with a gray, I feel like I could eventually learn to compromise-- perhaps even appreciate-- romantic gestures. Including sex, over the course of a long, healthy, and intimate relationship. (I'm not repulsed, it's just not something I care about.)

Of course, I have no idea how I would ever find myself in such a relationship... but I leave that option open, however unlikely it may be. That's why I'm technically gray, but call myself ace if anyone just wants a short answer.

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Ooh, I was hoping a thread like this would pop up!

Interesting, Caspian...I thought you were seriously aromantic and seriously asexual for some reason, with no hint of gray. *shrug*

As for me...hmmmmmm. Where did I write this properly? I've explained it well in some PMs I've written to others. I've really overanalyzed this, a ton - and I'm still thinking about things.

I call my romantic attraction "semi-demi-romantic". A good chunk of the time (not sure if more or less than half) I'm your typical massively romantic girl - wanting hugs and cuddles and snuggles and ridiculous romantic things. I don't have a ton of experience with kissing but it's probably something I'd like very much in a relationship. The "semi-demi" part means that sometimes, I am like a demiromantic and only develop romantic feelings once I'm in a relationship (secondary romantic attraction).

My sexual attraction - I call it "grayish-semi-demi-sexual" in my brain. The "grayish" is there because it's gray most of the time. Just in general, I only experience sexual attraction in limited, specific circumstances. The "semi-demi-sexual" means that sometimes, I act like a demisexual and can only develop sexual attraction once I'm in a good relationship with someone (secondary sexual attraction).

I experience three levels of sexual attraction. Well, four, I guess...

  1. "Still asexual" - This is for most people, no sexual attraction at all.
  2. "Light attraction" - For maybe one or two people I see a week. Some fleeting fantasies (usually I have to force most of it), mild interest, no physical feelings. Long hesitation when thinking about whether or not I'd actually "do it" with them.
  3. "Medium attraction" - For a handful of people ever. More intense fantasies, more intense desire, think about them later, some light physical responses. Some hesitation on the "do it" question.
  4. "Sent from Heaven" - For maybe one or two people ever. Very intense fantasies, lots of desire, think about them constantly, almost anything involving them gets a reaction, noticeable physical reactions. No hesitation whatsoever on the "do it" question.

As for a relationship...well there was this topic where you would create a chart of your compromise level. I just recently updated mine. Based on what I can determine right now as a person who's never done anything more intense than a quick peck on the lips...this is what I can gather from what I'd want out of a relationship. The darkest pink (red) is the ideal situation, lighter is compromise areas, white/blank is a situation I'd probably struggle with.

asexychart_compromise.jpg

And attraction levels...this is a really old concept from a graph from somewhere in AVEN. I redid it recently as well. It shows how intense various types of attraction are for me, as far as I can tell. For asexuals it's usually pretty lopsided, where the "sexual" things are all at 0 or 1. It also shows preferred genders and things like that. The purple line for me here represents males cross-dressing (yep, being blunt with y'all), and the green line represents my fetishes!

asexychartnouveau.gif

This is all pretty new to me, because less than a month ago I was a nonlibidoist asexual. It just all sort of hit me like a bolt of lightning. Things had been changing...I feel like a libido had been developing for a while. And my aesthetic attraction towards certain things had been getting stronger...but I really don't know what all happened.

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Hi, I am questioning if I am grey-a or demi.

I am not sure.

Some backstory:

I've identified as a heteroromantic asexual since I (re)discovered asexuality more than a year ago, April 13th or so 2010. I identified as that as I had "crushes" on two guys, though only one I found attractive and it was only after I found out more about their personality. After my first real "crush", falling for guys was a bit easier, but not quite there. It took me 11 years to fall for a guy or find one attractive (well, maybe less but I am still confused as to if that counted, so I wont mention further on that). This past February, I accepted I liked girls (after admitting I had a crush on two of them, I had a crush and didn't even accept it was one for about 6 months for the one girl) and started using the biromantic label till a couple months ago or less. Now, I could go into the reasons but then this would be a very long post. Basically I had a lot of repression to work through. Since then I can only imagine being with woman, and.. well now it gets into tmi.

reasons below as they may be TMI:

and doing way more with them than I did for a guy, without forcing myself to imagine it anyway. Like, making out and more. I think I could actually have sex with a girl, and I am very curious about it. I have no idea how to learn more about sex ed with this though. Anyway, I've started having regular fantasies of just being with a girl and such. And it started getting further in depth. I wont get into it. Also I've started getting... aroused? I don't know what to call it. More random "feelings" down there, not connected to anything. I've started to masturbate/masturbate more (not that much though, and it has gone away. I don't know much....). I am unsure if this was a fluke or not, but I think I felt sexual attraction to this girl too when watching a video of her. It freaked me out. And recently I think I might have felt some sexual attraction to this girl I've recently gotten a crush on. I am not sure at all. Yes I am aware this might mean I am a full fledged lesbian, abit one with a low libido. I am still questioning, as I can fall for a guy, just am not nearly attracted to them as I am woman and I doubt this will happen again now since I am not worried about looking straight and having a crush on a boy.

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Birdwing - Hmpf, even though I already talked with you about it - it was interesting to read.

Where did you get there charts from?

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I often consider myself to be on the fence between an aromantic Asexual and an aromantic Demisexual. There is a part of me who wants sexual relations one day, but I'm just not attracted to other people on a casual basis. In fact, I cannot say for certain whether or not I have been sexually attracted to another person, and my Greyness is primarily built on how I would enjoy the idea of such a relationship.

Also, (TMI Advisory)

When I have sexual thoughts (Not masturbation or being sexually attracted to someone), it's usually not sexual intercourse. I occasionally fantasize about S/M, and other so-called 'kinky' forms of sex. I actually used to think I was straight up until quite recently, before I learned about the term, Autogynephilic. Since I was a kid, I have often had a sort of (although covert) fascination with female figure and physiology, although I don't cross-dress. :ph34r:

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Birdwing - Hmpf, even though I already talked with you about it - it was interesting to read.

Where did you get there charts from?

I made the charts myself, but they were based on ideas from old AVEN topics.

I'd had the web one sitting on my computer for well over a year, so I have no idea where that topic went. Recently found it, re-drew it much bigger (I made the web in AutoCAD, I'm crazy...). I'm not kidding when I say that I love making graphs and charts. It's kind of a hobby.

The other one is a more recent topic. Idea here: http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/topic/64533-compatibility-and-compromise-diagrams/

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So, in what way are you grey(/gray)?

I mean, being in the grey are can sound like being uncertain, but that's not necessarily true.

I´m not uncertain. I know for sure that I´ve been sexually attracted to one man so far. I like Birdwing´s name for it - "sent from Heaven", but I would call this cathegory rather "sent from Asgard". :D And when this happened to me I can´t call myself 100% asexual.

Without sexual attraction sex seems to me like something disgusting, degrading and unnatural. I think I wouldn´t be able to have sex with someone without sexual attraction even if I loved him.

With sexual attraction sex suddenly seems natural. I´m still repulsed by some aspects of sex and by some practises but something could work if He would be very patient and tender... But I can´t get Him anyway. And I don´t want to search for someone else and wait if I will feel sexual attraction again. It´s not something what can be awaken by will. Or destroyed by will.

And I can imagine reaction which I would get if I told to my potential partner that I´m a virgin, "almost asexual" (people don´t get asexuality. How could they get grey-asexuality?) and listed all sexual things which are forbidden because they make me feel unbearably uncomfortable. Hell, no! I don´t want it to happen.

In fact, I would be happier if I could be sure I will never ever feel sexual attraction towards anyone else.

Especially not towards my (hypothetical) asexual partner. :lol: Because I want to date only asexual.

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Oh yes, to clarify, I mean nothing religious by "sent from Heaven".

It's just...um...these might help explain the terminology.

:blush: :blush:

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Great Thief Yatagarasu

I currently identify as demisexual. I haven't ever experienced sexual attraction (to my knowledge), but I can kind of feel, deep in my bones, that I could experience it at some point. It's like I have these feelings locked up inside me, and I need someone - someone I love and trust - to unlock them. I can imagine love without sex, but I just CANNOT imagine or understand sex without love. I've been told by someone *coughMYMOTHERcough* that that's how most people are anyway, and that I shouldn't label myself with anything right now. My sister and my best friend had basically the same reaction, saying that they were like that when they were my age...but I'm 18 next month. Do you know how many people my age who are not only non-virgins, but also have sex regularly? There's nothing wrong with that, but it took me several years for me to figure out that there was some kind of urge or other reason for what they did, and that I just don't have that. As I described in another thread, I kinda just roll with it and see what happens. I could be sexual, asexual, I dunno. I'll wait and see.

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Asgrad?

That sounds Lord of the Ring-ish.

Asgard. It´s the world of gods in norse mythology.

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After taking the time to read through the topics of conversation which have developed on this sub-forum over the past day, participating in some of them, I have come to the conclusion that most (nearly all) of the people on this forum who identify as gray experience far more sexual attraction than myself. In fact, the only reason I prefer to identify as "a tiny bit gray" is because I know that I am capable of experiencing sexual attraction... not because I currently experience it.

At first, I desired to contribute to the discussions on this sub-forum as a gray... but since the level of sexual attraction I experience is so much less than the majority of grays here, I have come to the realization that I am, for all practical purposes, asexual. Although it helps me to continue to think of myself as "a tiny bit gray," I believe it would be best if I contribute to these discussions from the perspective of an asexual.

I apologize for hijacking this thread, but this seemed like the best place to post this, and I didn't feel it appropriate to turn this into a new topic of conversation. However, I just wanted to offer this explanation in case anyone is confused as to why I'm "suddenly" swinging back to identifying as asexual.

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Caspian...

Gray is a spectrum, dear. That includes people who are "nearly asexual".

I'm probably way up there near the sexuals, myself.

We're still pinning all this information down.

You're definitely not out of place if you feel that you're just "a little bit" gray. But if you feel better identifying as asexual, that's fine too - and it's up to you.

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Hmmm.... I guess this really comes back to why labels suck. I (think) I know what my orientation is, even though I can't find a label which fits. And I don't care that I don't have a label, but I was just trying to find a convenient label to use when contributing to these discussions-- it's so much easier to say "As an asexual, I think that..." than "As someone who <<long explanation here>>..."

Oh, well... maybe I should just try to stay away from labels.

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Could always go with, "Well, sometimes I experience sexual attraction" or whatever. Not too crazy.

It's okay, I have to spend massive amounts of time explaining how I used to be asexual and now I'm gray. People just...probably don't get it and probably don't believe me. Whatever!

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Could always go with, "Well, sometimes I experience sexual attraction" or whatever. Not too crazy.

It's okay, I have to spend massive amounts of time explaining how I used to be asexual and now I'm gray. People just...probably don't get it and probably don't believe me. Whatever!

Well, we are somewhat in the same boat as Bisexuals/Pansexuals on the Hetero/Homo continuum.

Maybe sometimes, or maybe not. -_-

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I am gray in that I prefer to imagine/fantasize romantic situations, as when I've found myself in those situations in real life, I get very uncomfortable, turned off, and have no desire to actually carry out anything physically. What I imagine in my head-- the kind of love and attraction I'd like to experience-- is heads and tails above the kind of romantic love and physical attraction I'm actually able to feel. I've been attracted to 2 or 3 people in my life-- and only crazy over one-- what I would consider to be "in love." And that was based on a long friendship before then. The other two times I thought I was into someone-- it was just fleeting infatuation, and I only had sex because I felt obligated. I regretted it and felt gross afterward, and cut things off quickly both times. I wasn't confident enough in my early 20s to be who I really was.

I am gray in that I feel a sex-free life is liberating, and never feel the need to "get laid,"-- sex causes me more stress than pleasure. And the majority of the time, it hurts, and it's not a physical issue, trust me. It is not a thrill or a physical expression of love for me at all.

I am gray because I have never felt romantic love towards someone with the same intensity that I feel platonic love towards my family. Not even the "one" person I truly felt attracted to, years ago.

I am gray in that I do like/crave affection in a romantic way, but not any type of sex. I love to hug (everyone!), and kiss w/o tongue and touch. But clothes on is preferable. I'm totally comfortable in my body. It has nothing to do with anything else, other than I prefer tenderness/affection to sex. Always have. Always will.

When I hear people talk about the importance or details of their sexual relationships, whether from friends or on TV, even if they're talking about a sexual activity I've done in the past, I have no interest in discussing it, can't relate to them at all, and don't comprehend how sex is so important to so many people. I just. Don't. Care.

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Thanks to my boyfriend, i found out i'm not sexual or asexual BUT grey asexual. How i know?

1. I love it when my boyfriend gives me affection(hugs and kisses) and outercourse(breast play) but the asexual side of me doesn't engage/like/need oral,anal or vaginal intercourse..

2. When my boyfriend talks about how sex is important to sexual, i look at him like he is crazy or talking a werid language(LOL).

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I consider myself grey because I only feel sexually attracted to someone with whom I'm in a relationship with (I cannot do one night stands or short-term affairs at all.) My libido is practically non-existent. I think I could only tolerate having sex a few times a year.

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Wow, I'm not used to feeling like the most sexual person in a group. This sure is new.

I feel that I experience some level of sexual attraction, but only in the sense that I want to kiss and touch them, but it is fairly weak. However, the idea of actually having sex with someone doesn't appeal to me most of the time and I feel no need to have sex. Mostly I experience a lot of aesthetic attraction and a fair amount of romantic attraction when my anxiety decides to quiet down (though I have never been in love and have a persistent fear that I will never feel romantic love). I certainly have a sex drive, but I feel like it isn't directed at people most of the time. I can get turned on reading what amounts to porn, but only if it involves only male-bodied people (I am female-bodied and feel like my gender moves around between agender and female, mostly staying at agender) because I don't have any sense of my body or one like mine being involved in the sex - when one or more female-bodied people are involved my brain goes to "sex involving my body" and it doesn't appeal to me. If I try to fantasize about sex involving me, I get turned off.

I'm still figuring things out in terms of identity and how I identify within the spectrum of sexuality/asexuality. Maybe I'm not gray and it's all down to the fact that I have no experience with anyone I have even been aesthetically attracted to.

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Quill Pen Gentleman

Hmmm.... I guess this really comes back to why labels suck. I (think) I know what my orientation is, even though I can't find a label which fits. And I don't care that I don't have a label, but I was just trying to find a convenient label to use when contributing to these discussions-- it's so much easier to say "As an asexual, I think that..." than "As someone who <<long explanation here>>..."

Oh, well... maybe I should just try to stay away from labels.

Yeah, I try to stay away from labels...but at the same time I like using them. :huh:

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Wow, I'm not used to feeling like the most sexual person in a group. This sure is new.

I feel that I experience some level of sexual attraction, but only in the sense that I want to kiss and touch them, but it is fairly weak. However, the idea of actually having sex with someone doesn't appeal to me most of the time and I feel no need to have sex. Mostly I experience a lot of aesthetic attraction and a fair amount of romantic attraction when my anxiety decides to quiet down (though I have never been in love and have a persistent fear that I will never feel romantic love). I certainly have a sex drive, but I feel like it isn't directed at people most of the time. I can get turned on reading what amounts to porn. If I try to fantasize about sex involving me, I get turned off.

I'm still figuring things out in terms of identity and how I identify within the spectrum of sexuality/asexuality.

You almost described me perfectly. Obviously, I deleted the parts of your quote that I didn't identify with, but that still left most of it. I could've written this myself. Thank you so much for sharing! And good luck finding your place on the spectrum. I am trying to as well, and it's kind of unnerving to realize my life may not end up looking the way I thought it would-- which for me is both good and troubling.

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Wow, I'm not used to feeling like the most sexual person in a group. This sure is new.

I feel that I experience some level of sexual attraction, but only in the sense that I want to kiss and touch them, but it is fairly weak. However, the idea of actually having sex with someone doesn't appeal to me most of the time and I feel no need to have sex. Mostly I experience a lot of aesthetic attraction and a fair amount of romantic attraction when my anxiety decides to quiet down (though I have never been in love and have a persistent fear that I will never feel romantic love). I certainly have a sex drive, but I feel like it isn't directed at people most of the time. I can get turned on reading what amounts to porn, but only if it involves only male-bodied people (I am female-bodied and feel like my gender moves around between agender and female, mostly staying at agender) because I don't have any sense of my body or one like mine being involved in the sex - when one or more female-bodied people are involved my brain goes to "sex involving my body" and it doesn't appeal to me. If I try to fantasize about sex involving me, I get turned off.

I'm not used to feeling more sexual than everyone else either. ^^;;

I definitely can relate to what you say about sex involving your body. When I fantasize, I create these scenarios for the sex in my head and it never completely like my own body was part of it. Sometimes I don't even get a physical response.

My mind and my body seem to not be in sync with one another. I am aroused by women, but I can't see myself in relationship beyond a deep friendship (like in the manga NANA). On the other hand, I am romantically attracted to men but not aroused by them (naked guys make me think "weird" instead of "sex").

Before my boyfriend came along, I was probably closer to the asexual end of the spectrum. I definitely had a libido, but there was never a need to satisfy it beyond helping me go to sleep (yay for the side effects of certain hormones). When my boyfriend and I started fooling around, I started to realized that I liked some of the stuff. I never consciously thought about having sex with him until the day I decided to try it.

Nowadays, I like having sex with my boyfriend, and I will initiate it. For me to enjoy sex, I have think about having it in advance and then view it as the ultimate representation of the intimacy between us. I would almost say I was a demi if I didn't still experience that arousal versus attraction split between women and men (I'm aroused by my boyfriend's actions and my love for him, but not him physically). Also sex still hurts if I don't mentally prepare myself, and my libido will shut off randomly. If the phone were to ring or if I suddenly remembered that I didn't take out the laundry in the middle of sex, I would probably stop (those haven't happened but I have stopped for other things).

Grey seems to be the closest label to describe how I feel about/react to sex. I really prefer to see myself as always in flux, but it's nice to be able to find people to relate to.

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prestidigitator

I suppose Gray-A is the best way to describe me, but in all honesty I don't care enough about my sexuality to give it a label--I just don't feel the need to, at this point. I'm guessing that may have to change if I ever end up in a relationship, but for now I'm just trying to figure myself out for me, I suppose.

I may or may not have experienced sexual attraction once in my entire life. My crushes (or squishes?) on real people are few and far between, and the interest I have in what I consider "aesthetically attractive" celebrities has never been remotely sexual. I have no idea whether or not this lack of attraction is just due to low libido, so I'm hesitant to call myself asexual.

During high school, I remember calling myself "asexual" once or twice, even before I knew it was an actual orientation. It just seemed like a convenient way to explain my general lack of interest in my sexuality. I had assumed I was "straight" by default, until I realized that I just wasn't feeling the same things everyone else seemed to be feeling. This became especially clear when I had my first "crush" on a girl; I realized that I was only experiencing very strong platonic (and possibly romantic?) attraction, and that it was the same thing I'd felt for all of my previous crushes. I didn't know about asexuality as an orientation until my first year in college, but I've been a lot happier ever since. It's a relief to know that it isn't wrong for me "not to be interested."

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> So, in what way are you grey?

I am grey because I have personal experience that there are people more asexual than me, but yet I am still nowhere near being sexual in the way that most (i.e. "normal", not even hypersexual) people would see it. So hugs and the odd cuddle are enough for me in a relationship, anything beyond that is at the very least completely optional, at times unwelcome.

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SpirallingSnowy

Possible TMI in parts, just be warned.

I consider myself to be what constitutes as Grey. I used to label myself as asexual, however sexual exes of mine would point out that if i was asexual, why had i ever initiated sex, or i must of gotten horny sometime or something - because as far as they were concerned, we matched with drive and desire.

But in reality, what ive come to realise is that although i consider myself ace - and its easier to explain asexuality to the boyfriend than to even bring up grey at the moment - I have gotten turned on in the past, i have some sort of drive but its not the same as a sexuals and it never turns up when the boyf wants it too - most of the time when he initiates stuff it either tickles or makes my skin itch or crawl, or it ends up making me cranky because its annoying me.

I guess when i first came accross asexuality i did use it as a means to say - great i dont have to have sex now if i dont feel like it, and there is nothing wrong with me! An it meant that i now had permission to say no with a legitamate basis without just " arragh your annoying me " - which no one would take well.

For me i feel asexual in that i dont see other people in a sexual light. I know in romantic relationships its expected, and i can compromise. I even pursued a friend of mine for a string of one night stand - friends with benefits - because i wanted to be more than just friends and i thought that if i was appealing to him and gave him what he wanted then he would want to be with me.... misguided as that is, i found it very hard to let go of him on an emotional level because it went on for so long. And he is rather handsome, so there was that part of me going - i can get THAT kind of guy?? wow no way! But for whatever reason, the bit that clicks in his head for wanting a rel never happened and i eventually got myself out of it cos i really wasnt getting my needs met.

So after all that, i was sitting there going - well im not REALLY sexual because i dont find others sexually appealing, but not REALLY asexual because once involved in sex i do get turned on, and have a level of attraction-ish. I need to be emotionally attracted to the person first, and even then i dont always initiate - although i have. I know on a subconcious level that sex is a powerful tool in relationships and i have previously used it to try and get people to be involed with me on an emotional level. And its because of this little bit of drive that i dont think i could be in a relationship with someone who was a straight up and down asexual with no drive or libido..... I would wonder what was wrong with me if my partner didnt think i was attractive or wanted to cuddle and kiss, cos to me, im so used to sexual partners.

That said, im particularly asexual in that i almost never get aroused or want to have sex, and most of the time im indifferent, and thinking about sex itself kinda grosses me out a bit, but i dont care either way. So having a partner with a high sex drive and arousal level makes it challenging - particuarly seeing he isnt your typical sexual either - and he doesnt do sex outside of a relationship cos he needs that emotional connection too. So for us, sex is a very emotional thing. The more romantic and emotional and loving he is, the more likely he is to get "some" lol.

I cant stand porn though, but i do read ravishment stories.

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Possible TMI warnings ... I myself am a bit new to asexuality - even though it's a concept I've been exploring for a while now, because of some of my past experiences and feelings I was hesitant to apply the term to myself, until I started reading about Grey-A/Demi.

I've always felt very underwhelmed by my sexuality, and frustrated and confused by how sex seemed to consume everyone around me, even at a relatively young age. I've slept with three men - with the first two, there was no attraction and no arousal, and I had sex partially because I felt it was expected of me, by both my partners and my social group, and partially because I wanted to please my boyfriends. Sex eventually became very tiring and I was unable to even tolerate the thought of it - the physical side of the relationships dried up with no explanation from me, and I ended the relationships soon after.

Later, though, I became involved in a relationship with someone who had previously been my best friend for over two years. There was a strong emotional connection and romantic attraction, and I was incredibly surprised to find that physical attraction followed. We had some problems early on in our relationship regarding my libido, which was significantly less than his, but as I became more secure in our relationship and in his feelings for me and mine for his, our sex life improved, although it was still largely initiated by him. This was in 2008, and since then we've been very 'on-off' - recently, mostly off, although we're still good friends.

What I found, though, is that since we first began having problems and breaking up/reuniting, is that my attraction to him waned significantly, to the point of being practically non-existent, and even when we were still sleeping together, it wasn't the same as it once was; I often felt uncomfortable during, empty afterwards, and experienced no arousal. After much soul searching, I've concluded that this was because I no longer felt secure: in our relationship, in his feelings for me or in my feelings for him. In the later stages of our relationship, sex wasn't the physical representation of romantic love that I once considered it to be - it was just sex, and I had no desire for just sex, even though I continued to partake in such because I wanted to please my partner. I've had absolutely no desire to do anything physical with other people - in fact, the idea of sleeping with someone who I'm not in love with almost repulses me, and I truly hope that I never do (that being said, no judgement for the people who do, it's just not my cup of tea!) For a while I thought that this just meant that I was a hopeless romantic, but having perused AVEN for quite some time now, I think that I now feel quite comfortable in proclaiming my demisexuality! I think that when in a secure and loving relationship I have the ability to be sexual and to very much enjoy sex, albeit probably with a lower than average sex drive. Out of a relationship, I'd actually probably consider myself to be quite strictly asexual, hmmmm.

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