Are there any asexual that do enjoy having sex?

[badukplayer]

Okay, I got this idea from the thread"Anyone else here actually don't mind sex?" When I first read that I assumed that if meant that they don't mind "having" sex. So, I am just wondering if there are some asexuals that do enjoy sex, sometimes enjoy or just don't mind having it? It would also be nice if you tell what you enjoy about it or don't enjoy about it.

P.S. I think it is good to acknowledge that there are different kinds of asexuals. Being asexual just means that you don't experience sexually attraction.

[Sommer]

It's a major chore for me; I'd rather be doing something else really. I experience attraction, just never crave sex at all.

[Member 35376]

Being with a wonderful person no matter in what context it is, is "the thing" for me. As I am in the grey area I have no huge problem with having sex even though it is hardly a "favourite thing to do" or something I "crave" (the opposite to that word really). I skip the part of what I dislike about sex as it would turn into some "mini-novel". But in general.. if I am with a super awesome person it is totally worth having sex with that person (IF the person in question wants that) despite the somewhat complex reasons to why I actually dislike sex in itself.. a wonderful person will basically "overshadow" my dislike for sex turning the feeling when having sex to an "OK-feeling".. but not into "OMG THIS IS THE BEST THING IN LIFE" LOL :P

[PiF]

I suspect the enjoy bit is a bit crosslinked

of those asexuals that have sex most do because they want to make someone they care for greatly/love..happy

to the act itself no i would imagine most don't enjoy it...but feeling happy they made someone else happy i would suspect they enjoy that

[Cirdan]

I have in the past yes. I enjoy physical contact with a partner and for me sex is an extension of that. It can be frustrating that it can take a while for me to finish sometimes, but the sensation is mostly pleasureable. In a relationship with a sexual I was happy to initiate sex but I certainly don't need in a relationship. I find there's no real dividing line for me when things become 'sexual'. Holding hands clearly isn't, giving someone a back massage probably isn't - but what if they aren't wearing clothes? How come people would describe moving your hand over someones stomach as affectionate but if you move your attention slightly higher or lower that becomes foreplay? If you are touching each others genitals with your hands then what is the big deal about having sex?

[Guest]

I find there's no real dividing line for me when things become 'sexual'. Holding hands clearly isn't, giving someone a back massage probably isn't - but what if they aren't wearing clothes? How come people would describe moving your hand over someones stomach as affectionate but if you move your attention slightly higher or lower that becomes foreplay? If you are touching each others genitals with your hands then what is the big deal about having sex?

It may not be a big deal for you, but not everyone is like that. I have tried and enjoyed a few sexual interactions to some degree in the past, but never an actual intercourse, which is completely out of my comfort zone. I can't explain it in a logical way since it's part of my orientation, but I just feel my personal spaces aren't being overly "invaded" when it comes to said interactions, but they would be during an intercourse.

[Aloren]

It's a major chore for me; I'd rather be doing something else really. I experience attraction, just never crave sex at all.

Ha! OFT

*Well maybe not the attraction if you mean strictly physical but close enough..

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

I find there's no real dividing line for me when things become 'sexual'. Holding hands clearly isn't, giving someone a back massage probably isn't - but what if they aren't wearing clothes? How come people would describe moving your hand over someones stomach as affectionate but if you move your attention slightly higher or lower that becomes foreplay? If you are touching each others genitals with your hands then what is the big deal about having sex?

It may not be a big deal for you, but not everyone is like that. I have tried and enjoyed a few sexual interactions to some degree in the past, but never an actual intercourse, which is completely out of my comfort zone. I can't explain it in a logical way since it's part of my orientation, but I just feel my personal spaces aren't being overly "invaded" when it comes to said interactions, but they would be during an intercourse.

And sensual areas for people differ. For me they're wrists, sometimes forearms, part of my belly and upper thighs. Not my genitalia, chest, bottom, or lips. lol Which goes against common knowledge slightly.

[Deremna]

And sensual areas for people differ. For me they're wrists, sometimes forearms, part of my belly and upper thighs. Not my genitalia, chest, bottom, or lips. lol Which goes against common knowledge slightly.

Okay, so I'm not alone with the wrist thing.. Good to know. I am not fond of having my boobs or butt fondled, so I get what you're saying. My neck is probably my weak point. And head massages probably have the highest possibility of causing anything to spark.

I would say that I actually enjoy sex maybe one week out of the entire year. Maybe. This year has not held to that so far. It seems I've been avoiding more than usual.

[Redbeard]

I enjoyed the physical pleasure. I enjoyed doing for her what she said I did for her. As far as the overall act, I don't know. I only did it twice, so it was still a novel thing for me. Based on the fact that I distinctly remember being bored at one point, I probably would lose interest in it over time, if I were in a situation where sex was available and frequent. Still, it wasn't a terrible experience that I wanted to run away from. I'd be willing to try it again in the right circumstances.

[Acanthus]

I enjoy sex in that I love taking care of my fiance's desires and making him feel good. In the beginning of our relationship, in fact, he couldn't orgasm (and never had before) so I craved sex all of the time because I wanted to keep trying things until I found what he liked. Now, we both only really desire to have sex once in a while as an expression of our love, devotion, and closeness as a couple, and I love how bonded we feel during sex.

So. . . yes, I enjoy sex, but only with my fiance and not for the same reasons many sexuals do. ^^;

[Vampyremage]

I have gotten some physical enjoyment about sex in the past. However, the mental stress of the act, now days, tends to overshadow any purely physical enjoyment I might get out of it so I simply prefer not to do it at all.

[Deremna]

I have gotten some physical enjoyment about sex in the past. However, the mental stress of the act, now days, tends to overshadow any purely physical enjoyment I might get out of it so I simply prefer not to do it at all.

Iiiiiindeed. I'm too concerned with things now.. I used to not concentrate so much on how uncomfortable I am or how apparent it is on my face, how it must be making my boyfriend feel, his disappointment at the fact that he can't do anything to make me feel the slightest bit of pleasure.. It's just so stressful. I have to remind him not to worry about if I am getting anything out of it and just go about his business but then he gets all depressed. Bah. Oh, mixed relationships.

[Pamcakes]

It has been my experience on this site that Asexuals run a spectrum from not-sexually-attracted-but-sexually-interested (those who are highly arousable and very much enjoy the physical act of sex) to disinterested (those who find sex to be a chore, with varying degrees of being able to enjoy it in the moment) to averse/repulsed (though who do not enjoy sex at all, and do not want to have it pretty much ever).

Since Asexual only categorically means someone with no recognisable attraction experience, it stands to reason it doesn't necessarily dictate a dislike of or disiniterest in sexual activity. Aces are like anyone else; they do what feels good - for some, that's certain sexual acts, and for some, it's no sexual acts at all.

P.

[Lady Heartilly]

I have gotten some physical enjoyment about sex in the past. However, the mental stress of the act, now days, tends to overshadow any purely physical enjoyment I might get out of it so I simply prefer not to do it at all.

Iiiiiindeed. I'm too concerned with things now.. I used to not concentrate so much on how uncomfortable I am or how apparent it is on my face, how it must be making my boyfriend feel, his disappointment at the fact that he can't do anything to make me feel the slightest bit of pleasure.. It's just so stressful. I have to remind him not to worry about if I am getting anything out of it and just go about his business but then he gets all depressed. Bah. Oh, mixed relationships.

Actually, I envy you a bit for getting him to that point at all. My boyfriend absolutely refuses to have sex with me unless he knows for certain that I would enjoy it, and no matter what I tell him after the fact, he doesn't believe that I possibly could since I'm ace (and he's probably right). So now I just have to worry about him being frustrated all the time and feel absolutely awful because I know there isn't a single thing I can do about it. Believe me, I've tried, too. He just won't do anything with me unless I want it solely for my own sake and not his.

[Siggy]

Yes. This makes it way easier to have sexual/asexual relationships, though it's not entirely without issues. Many people feel instinctively wrong if their partner is not experiencing full-blown sexual attraction to them.

[Apollonian]

Asexuals don't have sexual attraction. Doesn't mean they can't find any physical sensations pleasurable:

Some asexuals enjoy physical contact. Some might even be fine with sexual contact […]. They just don't actively seek it out; they don't feel sexually attracted to anyone.

Most asexual people are capable of having sex, as with masturbation some asexuals find the experience of sex pleasurable. If you use sex as an expression of romantic or emotional attraction (love) rather than because you are driven to do so by a sex drive, then that need not contradict an asexual identity.

Just as sexual people can form asexual relationships, asexual people can participate in sexual relationships. If you're comfortable and happy with that then it's cause for celebration rather than a reason to doubt your 'asexual purity'.

There are other reasons why some asexuals choose to participate in sexual activity: The motivation might be curiosity or experimentation (a good proportion of asexuals have tried sex at some point in the past). Certain aspects of sex might be sensual and enjoyable enough to be motivation for some people even without sexual attraction or drive. In a loving relationship, some asexuals may enjoy giving sexual pleasure to their partner without the need for any sexual gratification in return.

Often the sexual relationships asexuals participate in seem far removed from what's considered 'normal'. It is not unusual for the asexual partner to be completely honest about their lack of sexual arousal or pleasure. Sexual acts can seem completely one sided or sexual activity might rely strongly on sensuality with very little emphasis on genital sex. These relationships are often based on extreme honesty. It is unlikely that an asexual would be completely comfortable in a traditional sexual relationship with a partner unaware of their asexuality.

It should be noted that most asexual people feel completely neutral about sex or perhaps tried it and found it very disappointing. Others find the idea of participating in sexual activity absolutely repulsive.

The common factor among asexuals is that they are not driven to have sex with other people. They don't get horny and other people don't 'turn them on'. This doesn't necessarily stop them from finding some pleasure from sex if they so choose.

My view on asexuality is anyone who has a low or no desire to have sex. They can enjoy it while doing it, but they don't desire it.

Yeah, i agree. I guess i enjoy some parts of sex sometimes, but i don't desire it. That's why i kind of feel different from people who identify as 'asexual' because most don't want sex at all.. with me, once in a while is fine. It'd be cool to be close in that way

Incidentally, studies have shown that there exist many sexuals who have sex, but not necessarily because they desire the sex itself. There are reports from sexuals who engage in sex because they want closeness and intimacy, and sex is the only way they can get it from their partners. Also, they are many reports from sexuals that sex simply isn't all it's cracked up to be, and many have complaints:

“I would like more love and gentleness instead of bare sexual stimulation—more emotion and communication, rather than sex along the lines of expectation and demand and then routine follow-up.”

“I wish it were easier to start sex play and see where it goes, rather than knowing this kiss will lead to touching each other’s genitals, and then intercourse.”

[Apollonian]

Yes. This makes it way easier to have sexual/asexual relationships, though it's not entirely without issues. Many people feel instinctively wrong if their partner is not experiencing full-blown sexual attraction to them.

Though I've always wondered... if an asexual is not a repulsed asexual and doesn't find sex aversive, and actually derives pleasurable sensations from it, but just doesn't have any sexual attraction, then how would a sexual even know if the asexual didn't tell them? If they actually find the physical act of sex pleasurable, and I'm presuming the sexual finds it pleasurable, then what different does it make if there's no sexual attraction?

There have been too many accounts to list of sexuals who find the sex terrible with their significant other/spouse, so if there isn't any complaints with the sex itself, is it really that important that there be sexual attraction to? Since many sexuals have complained about penetration, intercourse and orgasm being the "goal," and everything being goal-oriented to achieve that purpose, that of course wouldn't be the case with an asexual, with should actually make it better.

Thoughts?

[Redbeard]

Though I've always wondered... if an asexual is not a repulsed asexual and doesn't find sex aversive, and actually derives pleasurable sensations from it, but just doesn't have any sexual attraction, then how would a sexual even know if the asexual didn't tell them? If they actually find the physical act of sex pleasurable, and I'm presuming the sexual finds it pleasurable, then what different does it make if there's no sexual attraction?

In my case, I definitely wasn't anywhere near as into it as she was. I'm sure that if we had been able to do it more frequently, that I probably would have realized that I didn't care about it as much as she did, didn't react as she did, and generally got less out of it than she did. I wasn't "in the moment", it was more of a mechanical exercise for me. Over time, I probably would have started to feel like I was being unfair to her in some way. Also, I know she got upset that I didn't think she was "hot".

[minkster]

Though I've always wondered... if an asexual is not a repulsed asexual and doesn't find sex aversive, and actually derives pleasurable sensations from it, but just doesn't have any sexual attraction, then how would a sexual even know if the asexual didn't tell them? If they actually find the physical act of sex pleasurable, and I'm presuming the sexual finds it pleasurable, then what different does it make if there's no sexual attraction?

Thoughts?

Well, the desire to be found attractive is very strong. Many sexual partners don't want to initiate every single time, or be turned down on a regular basis. Also, like Redbeard said, there's a big difference with regard to (forgive me for using this word) synergy. Good partners can tell, especially if they're used to being regularly jumped by past partners. What I just wrote pretty much sums up my recent failed relationship. ;)

[hugger]

Nah, even 'helping' my ex's out felt uncomfortable to me - been there, done that! I'd rather they 'snuggle in' while I read to them than them touch me where I'd rather them not :-)

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

Yes. This makes it way easier to have sexual/asexual relationships, though it's not entirely without issues. Many people feel instinctively wrong if their partner is not experiencing full-blown sexual attraction to them.

Though I've always wondered... if an asexual is not a repulsed asexual and doesn't find sex aversive, and actually derives pleasurable sensations from it, but just doesn't have any sexual attraction, then how would a sexual even know if the asexual didn't tell them? If they actually find the physical act of sex pleasurable, and I'm presuming the sexual finds it pleasurable, then what different does it make if there's no sexual attraction?

There have been too many accounts to list of sexuals who find the sex terrible with their significant other/spouse, so if there isn't any complaints with the sex itself, is it really that important that there be sexual attraction to? Since many sexuals have complained about penetration, intercourse and orgasm being the "goal," and everything being goal-oriented to achieve that purpose, that of course wouldn't be the case with an asexual, with should actually make it better.

Thoughts?

Maybe they'd be worried this asexual could have sex just as easily with any other person, because there isn't a distinct attraction to them as a person. Obviously that ignores the romantic, intellectual, and aesthetic attraction, but many intertwine that with sexual attraction. And in terms of having sex etc, it'd be fair to conclude it's the more improtant one in that case for many sexuals.

[NamTar]

Though I've always wondered... if an asexual is not a repulsed asexual and doesn't find sex aversive, and actually derives pleasurable sensations from it, but just doesn't have any sexual attraction, then how would a sexual even know if the asexual didn't tell them? If they actually find the physical act of sex pleasurable, and I'm presuming the sexual finds it pleasurable, then what different does it make if there's no sexual attraction?

The sexual partner wouldn't necessarily know. That was the case when I was in sexual relationships. I ended up in such relationships because I didn't know what asexuality was, I thought I was just apathetic, so I dated guys I should've been platonic friends with. In my case, the reason it didn't work was not because of problems with actually having sex, but with things related to "sexiness." I didn't see the point of wearing "sexy" lingerie or talking "dirty," and I had no interest in foreplay. Nothing my BF did, trying to be sexy, was a turn on for me. So, for him, it probably just seemed like I was very disinterested. I only enjoyed it in sort of a mechanical way.

There have been too many accounts to list of sexuals who find the sex terrible with their significant other/spouse, so if there isn't any complaints with the sex itself, is it really that important that there be sexual attraction to? Since many sexuals have complained about penetration, intercourse and orgasm being the "goal," and everything being goal-oriented to achieve that purpose, that of course wouldn't be the case with an asexual, with should actually make it better.

Thoughts?

The difference is that sexuals derive pleasure from other aspects, not just the physical, and sexual attraction heightens their experience of the sex act. If the asexual is just enjoying the feeling, with no more emotional connotation than scratching an itch, just going for the "goal" of physical pleasure, that tends to be a turn off for the partner in many cases. However, an asexual can still enjoy it in an emotional way because they may enjoy that they are giving their partner pleasure. But it's still not the same thing as being sexually attracted to the person.

[Gho St Ory Qwan]

The difference is that sexuals derive pleasure from other aspects, not just the physical, and sexual attraction heightens their experience of the sex act. If the asexual is just enjoying the feeling, with no more emotional connotation than scratching an itch, just going for the "goal" of physical pleasure, that tends to be a turn off for the partner in many cases. However, an asexual can still enjoy it in an emotional way because they may enjoy that they are giving their partner pleasure. But it's still not the same thing as being sexually attracted to the person.

I think some asexuals can use sensual things to help turn them on. I think this may be something that could work for myself but I've no real need or desire (other than curiosity and a keen interest in experimentation) to test it out. But simple things can be considered foreplay and help heighten asexuals senses and arousal levels.

Arousal is normal, and exploring it can be useful in finding ways to link different types of arousal to help with the desired type (in this case the sexual type of arousal) for that goal. And the experimenting could help the couple become closer and be mentally stimulated also.

[eee]

as a demi and the libido i have, yes with someone I am emotional connected with. It can't be done all the time, sex does not run my relationship because it's just too much like a rich piece of chocolate which you only have a nibble once in a while. Touching, kissing, being naked feels good. Sensual on the hand, fits me perfectly. I love erotic acts and sensuality but the actual act of sex does not need to follow.

[Data]

I don't feel any form of attraction so I don't see how it could be anything else then awkward. It is also against my intuition to think that putting my genitals into something hot should somehow make the sensation feel better. I didn't feel inclined to testing any other things that people use for masturbation either. Not feeling anything about kissing or physical contact didn't help to trigger my interest either.

[Vampyremage]

as a demi and the libido i have, yes with someone I am emotional connected with. It can't be done all the time, sex does not run my relationship because it's just too much like a rich piece of chocolate which you only have a nibble once in a while. Touching, kissing, being naked feels good. Sensual on the hand, fits me perfectly. I love erotic acts and sensuality but the actual act of sex does not need to follow.

I just want to say that I love the comparison to a rich piece of chocolate. What a wonderful way to describe it.

[test account]

A post.

[HavenHamilton]

I feel like enjoyment and desire are kind of hand-in-hand. It's interesting to think about though.

Could there be a case where someone enjoys it but doesn't want it. I kind of understand where you are coming from. If you can find only one single ambiguity in that . . . axiom, I suppose, it would be interesting.

[eee]

So is the answer to this question basically, Yes there are some asexuals who enjoy sex but only if it comes to them as it doesn't occur to them to seek it out, given that nobody makes them feel horny?

exactly, enjoying only the enjoyment itself, no dwell of quell of the pleasure. No lingering desire but the knowledge of pleasurable sex. I am someone who is able to feel turn on by no one, enjoy the occasional sex with my significant other and know what a libido feels like. But the ambiguity in this is the fact that I never seek for its power and attachment. I don't crave sex but I don't mind it either....on some days. This makes my current long distance relationship all that much easier