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Fear of Pregnancy


Megmac

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I have recently been taking stock of my views on my asexuality, while I would define myself as asexual I feel a big part of this is a fear of getting pregnant so my brain thinks I have no interest in sex.

I am having strange and confusing thoughts about a guy at work which has shaken me a little. So, hi guys, I appear to be back.

Meg x

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There's both conscious and unconscious desire for getting pregnant(or getting people pregnant for my kind). Plent of people don't want to make babies, but still want to make sex and their bodies will trick them somehow. Not saying it applies to you Meggles, just throwing out a fact to add to the soup here.

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I'm a Sexual, and pregnancy and labour scares the ever-loving crud out of me.

P.

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If you're a sexual, get on the pill; it never let me down when I used to be sexual.

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If you're a sexual, get on the pill; it never let me down when I used to be sexual.

This is what I'm alluding to. Your body may trick you into forgetting to take the pill. happens pretty often actually.

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gilnokoibito

If you're a sexual, get on the pill; it never let me down when I used to be sexual.

This is what I'm alluding to. Your body may trick you into forgetting to take the pill. happens pretty often actually.

What? That is something I have never heard of or experienced...perhaps you may forget one day's pill or something, but you can always take it the next day quickly and normally be fine. I've never heard of someone forgetting completely. I've taken birth control for 8 years now! (Not to prevent babies, but still...) I just don't get what you're saying...

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I'm not afraid of pregnancy in essence, just scared of it because that's far beyond me right now. But I am asexual and I've definitely made the same tie: "Sex minus birth control can = pregnancy, and that's bad. So I'm best off without sex, because that's scary!" It's why I didn't have sex with my first bf when I was younger, even though back then I hadn't realized there was such a thing as asexuality. (Talking to my mom about birth control would have been out of the question).

I'd been on the pill for a very short while, no problems there. But I guess on principle I don't like to take any body-altering meds, but I may settle for birth control if I find myself in a sexual relationship.

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Crazy Cat Lady

I have recently been taking stock of my views on my asexuality, while I would define myself as asexual I feel a big part of this is a fear of getting pregnant so my brain thinks I have no interest in sex.

I sometimes wonder the same thing.

Some people have mentioned the birth control pill. I was on the Pill for a few years a while back, when I was in a relationship, but it helped to cause a blood clot in my calf that moved to my lung before we caught it. Very scary, and it makes me not want to go back on the Pill. I am romantic, and would love to feel comfortable enough to go back on the Pill again, so that I would be more comfortable being in a relationship with a sexual again. I'd be willing to compromise at that point. But not without multiple forms of birth control (Pill, condom....)

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If you're a sexual, get on the pill; it never let me down when I used to be sexual.

I've been on the Pill for the last ten years of my life, and just gone off it for a break after the recent end of a relationship.

I'm quite able to manage my own contraception; it's not getting pregnant I'm afraid of, but being pregnant and giving birth.

That's the reason I have no strong desire to ever have children - it's an enormous physical ordeal, then a multi-decade financial and emotional commitment - and why I've been on the Pill for the last decade, and only just come off. My ex wanted kids; a very specific and inflexible number on a very specific and inflexible timeline. I was crazy about him, and I knew I wanted to spend my life with him, so I had sort of talked myself past the fear around to, "I can commit to one - if we someday get married - and then we can see how it goes," but that wasn't enough; he needed a commitment for no less than three, in five years' time (this after one year of dating - how unreasonable a demand to make is that, seriously?), and, because I couldn't give that to him yet, he broke off our relationship.

P.

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oneofthesun

I have recently been taking stock of my views on my asexuality, while I would define myself as asexual I feel a big part of this is a fear of getting pregnant so my brain thinks I have no interest in sex.

Being pregnant was my worst nightmare, but after the capability for it was medically removed I didn't suddenly become interested in sex.

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It's not so much the fear of pregnancy ( maybe labour ) for me....but taking care of a baby afterwards is what scares me the most.

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vrazda verlaine

I find pregnancy rather horrifying... if I were sexual, I would probably be SO paranoid about it I would still be wary of sex. :lol:

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Yeah hate the idea of being pregnant and giving birth. Has nothing to do with my asexuality though. I can't get pregnant with other girls, I still don't wanna have sex with them.

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test account

Fear of getting pregnant was a big deal in my mind too before I got sexually active. I think I can relate to your feelings M. It was such a big deal it suppressed my desire for sex.

I can only suggest you visit your doctor and discuss contraception alternatives. There is one called Nuvaring which I've found very good for me. It's very effective and not as disruptive to your body as the pill. You only need to feel okay about inserting it (but really if you're going to have sex, inserting something should be something you're okay with, ideally). In my experience the guy couldn't tell it was there--which gave added reason for him to use a condom, thus preventing stds.

You should probably also work out what you would do if you did get pregnant. Are you okay with abortion, adoption, or raising the child alone? What are your options? If you have this worked out it might help too. In my case, I'm in my thirties, have a stable job and a house, so raising the child alone was an option for me which I rather liked the idea of, albeit it would be very difficult, I'm at a time in my life where having a child feels a rewarding thing to do.

So just give it all some thought, lay your battle plans and then see how you feel. That's my suggestion. :cake:

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  • 4 weeks later...

I think the idea of pregnancy, childbirth and potential related illness symptoms is squicky.

And I'd rather have fish than a child, TBH. Which is what I have, so everybody's happy. :)

Have you noticed that if you make a remark like "I don't want to have sex because I'm not dealing with getting pregnant (and am not keen on gambling with it)" , then some guys are all "Oh Noez, you can't be like that. Let me convince you..." ?

This happened yesterday with a young man who I vaguely am friends with.

I remarked that it would be different if guys would ever get vasectomies or anything, but they don't seem too keen on it.

He seemed to think this was a preposterous remark (eye roll) he never explained why, of course, before breezing on to declare that abortion is no big deal whatsoever if you get it in the first season (or whatever they call it) and insisting that I should witlessly overlook any risk of pregnancy and just get a-bangin' if that was what might stop me.

OK, so last time I looked mens' reproductive parts were on the outside... yeah ?

And women's reproductive parts are on the inside... you with me ?

It's obviously more of an ordeal to be cut open (for caserians) or even just give birth normally, or have abortion stuff going on ; than just have a bit of a snip, I reckon.

And if women get abortions, the guy is still going about not having a vasectomy usually (even if he never wanted a child and got her up the duff anyway).

A vasectomy involves an "avoidance rather than dealing with disaster" approach.

They can also be reversed a lot of the time, nowadays.

It's nothing but undisguised sexism to be all casual about women getting abortions, while being all prissy and "don't even go there" about having a little bit of a cock-snip, if you ask me. (unimpressed)

He didn't do himself favours by insisting that condoms are 99% effective when actually various studies show them to be 94-97% effective.

In other words, they are likely to fail 3-6% of the time even if you use them properly. It sounds like such a fun gamble to take.

Oh, of course "all the girls are all on the pill" which just solves the problem nicely.

OK between you and me, I couldn't give two farts what all the local hussies are doing.

They could be having orgies for all I care.

Allegedly I *should* be having sex or something.

He didn't seem keen on me simply snorting at him a bit like he did when I mentioned vasectomies, and just kept trying to "tell it like it is" or whatever he thought he was doing :-P he's like, 7 years younger than me (although I look about the same age).

Apparently I'm talking cobblers in saying that the pill can deaden libido (it's kind of well documented, no ? :-P) , and he clearly couldn't care less about any potential physical effects of it (hey, the hussies he knows are happy... yeah ?)

The whole discussion kind of was an own-goal on his part :-P since so many guys being such sexist tools in that sort of way, is one of the reasons I'm not wild on the idea of them sticking their bits in me.

So how about if society were arranged so that any guy who gets a female pregnant against her wishes is then legally obligated to have a vasectomy ? Seems reasonable enough, surely ?

I mean how unlikely is THAT to happen , eh ?

Do you think insistent sexual blokes would be so keen on encouraging girls to overlook the risk of pregnancy and get shagging, if they had to do that in the event of a SNAFU ?

I mean it would still be a walk in the park compared to having an abortion or a baby, I reckon.

;-)

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Sexyawn, abortions rarely require being cut open. They usually are done with either a pill, or going in through the vagina and removing stuff with no cutting required.

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In all honesty though folks, I think the guys here seem very considerate and pleasant about it all.

:-)

I just got in a bit of a fizz about that ridiculous young man I know.

;-)

If I were to get pregnant, then I would have an abortion personally.

But I reeeeeally wouldn't want to get that far :-P like srsly.

It's just.... ehhhh..... ick... ick... ick.... and all for a bunch of sex !? :-P bah

But some girls get really screwed up by having abortions, and I feel so sad for some of them.

I think that's just a really harsh price to pay for a load of sex with blokes who are often just the typical young, dumb and full of cum sort. :-/ it's really not my idea of a good time.

@ Killjoy, sorry about the confusion (^-^); it's 4 am and I am kind of a typing idiot also.

I got mixed up what I was typing, and had to go back and edit it.

I'd meant to say about childbirth, and was thinking about caesarians at the time, and got mixed up ; total typing fail ;-)

:) Thankyou very much for your post, though.

Abortions involve pills and some bleeding, or strange suction devices if I recall - is that right ?

;-) I'm off to bed now, before I end up typing more crap instead of sensible things.

LOL, goodnight everybody.

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I have recently been taking stock of my views on my asexuality, while I would define myself as asexual I feel a big part of this is a fear of getting pregnant so my brain thinks I have no interest in sex.

Being pregnant was my worst nightmare, but after the capability for it was medically removed I didn't suddenly become interested in sex.

Along these lines, pregnancy is pretty far up there on the list of things I never want to do. But if I found out that I couldn't possibly get pregnant, I wouldn't suddenly run out and have sex, or start desiring it. I feel that if I were sexual, my desire for sex and fear of pregnancy would be in conflict. As it is, that's not the case.

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I would not risk unintentionally getting someone pregnant just because it is "normal" to have sex.

This exactly. Even putting my asexuality aside (which may be impossible to do), fear of accidental pregnancy is enough to keep me from having sex. The thought of my life being derailed like that is absolutely terrifying.

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SilveryStars

The idea of pregnancy definitely scares me. Not only do I not want to have kids ever, I don't like the idea of having a being in my body growing that one day I'll have to push out and then take care of forever. :wacko:

Luckily there are many forms of contraception out there so if I were to have sex, I would definitely make sure it was protected. I really want to get my tubes tied because it is a fail safe way of making sure no babies start to grow inside of me. I can't take the pill so tube tying is the best way to go, once I can afford it.

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I have no desire for sex and so have no fear of pregnancy because sex or fertilzation is necessary.

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My idea of pregnancy (parents please don't take offense, this is how I see myself as pregnant):

There is an alien growing inside of me. This alien will make me throw up, have mood swings, have me gain weight, and cause me physical pain after 9 months. I can't even drink coffee/beer/smoke/etc to deal with the thing.

So in short, I'm pretty against the idea

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5_♦♣

That's how I view pregnancy as well, tea.

Minus the smoking/drinking/coffee bit, since I don't do those things anyway.

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I can't even drink coffee/beer/smoke/etc to deal with the thing.

*faints at the thought of having to abstain from coffee*

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Everytime I've had sex in the past I worried I was pregnant, even though I'm on the pill and used a condom most of the time.

The (needless) worrying combined with the fact that I've never really gotten physical pleasure out of sex, makes sex just not worth it for me, and so I don't plan on having sex again any time soon.

I'm not asexual, however. Even though I don't actively desire sex, I still experience unvoluntary sexual desire/attraction.

I fear pregnancy a lot, I don't want sex, and yet I frequently experience sexual attraction. So, for me, fear of pregnancy doesn't make me asexual, it just make me not want to have sex.

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