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AtroposHeart

Have you ever been threatened with sexual assault because of your asexuality?

   2 members have voted

  1. 1. Have you ever been threatened with sexual assault because of your asexuality?

    • Male-yes
      4
    • Male-No
      29
    • Female-yes
      19
    • Female-No
      89
    • Transgender-Yes
      4
    • Transgender-No
      8

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70 posts in this topic

This was inspired by a video by swankivy which says that she has been regularly threatened with rape because of videos on asexuality.

I wonder how common this is. I have heard of lesbians being threatened with corrective rape, but never asexuals.

Note: I am not saying that swankivy is lying, infact I believe her 110% percernt. I just want to see if this is a major problem. Both on-life and real life threats count

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Hm. I'm unsure how to answer the poll, so I'll just put it here.

I'm transgender, but because of family am not allowed to show it.

Nor do they want me to be open about it. So for now it's a force, not a physical thing.

The only people who know that I'm ace are either bi, gay, or allies.

Since I keep to myself, and am rather invisible, no one has ever threatened me.

But I'm not going to lie, I can see it happening to an ace.

I'd imagine it'd be more likely to happen to a female though.

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This was inspired by a video by swankivy which says that she has been regularly threatened with rape because of videos on asexuality.

I wonder how common this is. I have heard of lesbians being threatened with corrective rape, but never asexuals.

Note: I am not saying that swankivy is lying, infact I believe her 110% percernt. I just want to see if this is a major problem. Both on-life and real life threats count

Good poll idea. I did read somewhere that asexual women are more likely to be raped but never heard anything else about it.

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I'm not really flamboyantly gay or anything (apparently I'm a "lipstick lesbian", which is the least suspicious form of lesbian), and I haven't come out to anyone who isn't a dear friend (or anyone who has a penis, really), so nobody who would harrass me knows. But I get a lot of "holla'ing" anyway, just from guys being douches; in fact, I got that today. For the record, my name isn't "girl" and unless the second half of that sentence is "punch me really hard in the nuts," I don't wanna anything. Grrrr. :evil:

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Male-No. I'm fairly certain this is a much greater potential problem for women than for men (though the possibility of non-sexual assault is a different matter).

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Female. Haven't met anyone threatening me with rape so far, luckily. ^_^

I know it could happen for the very reason I'm female though, so I'm being extremely cautious.

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I watched that video that other day. It really opened my eyes into how much douche-baggery our world contains.

Not only that, but threatening rape against somebody in any circumstance is a disgusting and vile thing.

I'm biologically female, but I can safely safe I haven't been threatened rape because of my asexuality or otherwise.

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I´m a female and I´ve never been threatened by rape.

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I have never had any experiences with sexual assault.

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Oh, just found this. Thanks for boosting my signal.

My thoughts on why asexuality sometimes inspires rape threats:

There are certain types of people out there--primarily men--who become extremely uncomfortable at the idea of a girl they can't have. Lesbians and asexuals both face the danger that a guy like this will show up, be offended at the idea that she is not tempted by his penis or the prospect of sex with him, and determine that he will be the one to change her.

For this guy, it's about power--it's about being THE ONE to "awaken" the lust for maleness that he believes is sleeping in her. If he convinces himself that this is all the girl needs, he will not have to digest the idea that some women actually do not want him or do not find his genitals compelling. Scarily enough, studies that have been done on rapists suggest that most of them actually do believe the women wanted it, were asking for it, or enjoyed it.

And as a bonus, if it turns out their Magic Penis does not awaken the slumbering beast of sexuality within us and make us forever dependent upon him to satisfy our cravings . . . then we deserved to be punished anyway. How dare we make him feel unnecessary or insecure?

And I'd like to point out that of course a) I do NOT hold any of you guys responsible for these horrible things and do not automatically think this is the rule for your gender, because it is clearly the exception; and b) ladies sometimes have a surprising desire to aggressively chase the guys they can't have too, and have been known to say they could turn gay men. (They just happen to be much less likely to rape a man who says no.)

Thanks for watching my video, you guys.

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I've only heard once about an asexual 'corrective rape' but thankfully not been there myself. People don't even tend to flirt with me, I'm sure that's a convenient mix of not being approachable and not being particularly attractive.

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Oh absolutely. To add to the insult, it was my "guy friend" who did this.

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Oh absolutely. To add to the insult, it was my "guy friend" who did this.

*Hugs*

Hope you're not friends with that bastard anymore

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Female-No. I've been sexually assaulted but they didn't know I was asexual.

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Gender queer, have never been sexually assaulted or threatened with sexual assault for any reason- I guess I'm just lucky. I've only told one person I'm Ace, so yeah...

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Female - No.

Are you freakin' serious?

This seems to me more like someone getting refused possible sex and throwing a hissy fit. :/

Jeez.

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I've had someone call me a monster for being asexual and that I must be damaged to not want sex. Men have hit on me or tried to flirt with me, and when, through some way or another, they find out I am asexual, their immediate reaction is to tell me "if you had sex with me I'd change your mind" or, even worse phrasing "I can change that for you" as if I need them to. I've never had a physical advance made, but I don't need one. I'll keep my distance from people who think that's all it'll take to make me love sex is them. No thanks.

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Men have hit on me or tried to flirt with me, and when, through some way or another, they find out I am asexual, their immediate reaction is to tell me "if you had sex with me I'd change your mind" or, even worse phrasing "I can change that for you" as if I need them to.

THIS. Then I cut off all contact with said asshole.

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I've had someone call me a monster for being asexual and that I must be damaged to not want sex. Men have hit on me or tried to flirt with me, and when, through some way or another, they find out I am asexual, their immediate reaction is to tell me "if you had sex with me I'd change your mind" or, even worse phrasing "I can change that for you" as if I need them to. I've never had a physical advance made, but I don't need one. I'll keep my distance from people who think that's all it'll take to make me love sex is them. No thanks.

Me too. I had a guy make it his mission to "convert" me, insist that he COULD TELL I was attracted to him, accuse me of denial, say I was being childish, tell me he wanted to "help" me, and say I felt the way I did about sex because he was the first and only person I'd met who could bring the attraction out in me and I just hadn't realized it yet . . . and then act genuinely puzzled when I refused to hang out with him.

I blocked him from contacting me after this conversation. (The link gives a history and an IM log full of appalling things he said. It was featured earlier this year on my ongoing journal series "Asshole of the Day.")

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Me too. I had a guy make it his mission to "convert" me, insist that he COULD TELL I was attracted to him, accuse me of denial, say I was being childish, tell me he wanted to "help" me, and say I felt the way I did about sex because he was the first and only person I'd met who could bring the attraction out in me and I just hadn't realized it yet . . . and then act genuinely puzzled when I refused to hang out with him.

I blocked him from contacting me after this conversation. (The link gives a history and an IM log full of appalling things he said. It was featured earlier this year on my ongoing journal series "Asshole of the Day.")

I also had someone like that. He was my co-worker and insisted that he could do things that would make me love sex or at least be interested. It got really creepy when he started trying to sext me, and even kept trying after I'd stopped responding. Ugh, makes my skin crawl just to think about it.

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Not exactly, but I've been told that I will "go to waste". Like I'm some kind of product that needs to be used before it gets bad! How insulting.

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I also had someone like that. He was my co-worker and insisted that he could do things that would make me love sex or at least be interested. It got really creepy when he started trying to sext me, and even kept trying after I'd stopped responding.

Yeah, that's the way these guys work. They have a silly fantasy that it will be THEM who will "convert" you, and it will happen as an affirmation of their maleness and skillz. The thing is, as asexuals, we're generally saying we're not attracted to people. It's pretty much irrelevant to keep spouting off about how great a lover you are as if that's going to make us attracted to you. I'm pretty sure they just think experiencing good sex would change us and make us dependent on them, resulting in an "eye-opening" pleasurable experience. And of course they a) think they're capable of delivering that mind-blowing sex and b) have a rather pathetic fantasy that we would never again be able to live without it. Guess again.

I've been told that I will "go to waste". Like I'm some kind of product that needs to be used before it gets bad! How insulting.

I hate that with a passion. I've been told that SO many times. For some reason they don't really have much of a problem with it (or, at least, don't try to reason us out of it) if we're dating someone or married and they assume we're already taken. But if we're not dating anyone? It's equivalent to being available. Single = looking. And they somehow view this as unfair. I once asked a guy something like "So this isn't so much about YOU wanting to do me as it is about your belief that my vagina should be used by SOMEONE?" And he agreed. It's such a waste! A hot girl needs to be sexed! Whaaaat.

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No I have never been threatened .....just pitied *shrugs *

Though I have heard of some people within the LGBTQ who have said that aces need rape to get their acts together.

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Yeah, that's the way these guys work. They have a silly fantasy that it will be THEM who will "convert" you, and it will happen as an affirmation of their maleness and skillz. The thing is, as asexuals, we're generally saying we're not attracted to people. It's pretty much irrelevant to keep spouting off about how great a lover you are as if that's going to make us attracted to you. I'm pretty sure they just think experiencing good sex would change us and make us dependent on them, resulting in an "eye-opening" pleasurable experience. And of course they a) think they're capable of delivering that mind-blowing sex and b) have a rather pathetic fantasy that we would never again be able to live without it. Guess again.

Exactly: being asexual, we don't feel that kind of attraction for a person, if at all. Therefore, their reasoning is invalid. No kind of sex or anything would turn us into sexual people, just because of one time. My last boyfriend told me that he was sure I'd be into it once we'd actually had sex (we never did), and even said "it's always the quiet ones" as in, the quiet or reserved ones end up being sex fiends. Don't get me wrong, he was a really sweet guy, but that was always how he wanted to show his affection.

Though I have heard of some people within the LGBTQ who have said that aces need rape to get their acts together.

WHATTTT? Seriously?! That's just... there's no response to that. But it does make me think of this article I read on sexual assault... Kind of related, not entirely.

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Sorta yes, sorta no. I voted yes anyways, fyi.

A while back I worked at a pizza place with two other men (I dont really count the delivery drivers, they were only there minutes at a time). I was the only female that worked there. The prep cook, I had no problems with, we had a mutual understanding. (he didnt know Im asexual, we just understood that we were there to work) but the other cook, we'll call him Jerk. Well, Jerk had a very large infactuation with me. The day he turned 30 was like when all hell broke loose. I was 19 then. Still am, but whatever. He started constantly asking me on dates, making it the subject no matter the subject started as. Soon he started saying that he wants kids from me. 3 to be exact. He would always ask me about "how far" I had gone and with what gender. He got promoted to manager eventually and that's when it got a lot worse. He made me his personal slave. I've never heard my name called so many times in my life. And even on a slow night, he would let the drivers stand around and do nothing, but demand that I be constantly on my feet. That place has never been as clean. ;) And when we were really busy, I'd be answering phones, waiting/bussing tables and dealing with customers for pick up, yet Jerk would still insist that I do what he wanted right when he wanted. Things like 'get me a water', 'get me a rag from the closet', and 'don't sit down'. When the customers were gone, he'd talk about how much he 'wanted' me.

Well, I got fired because I wouldn't give him what he wanted. Instead, he hired back a girl who had gotten fired almost a year ago. She was my age, with a kid. I think we can guess why he hired her back. :mad:

Like I said, sorta yes, sorta no.

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He made me his personal slave. I've never heard my name called so many times in my life. And even on a slow night, he would let the drivers stand around and do nothing, but demand that I be constantly on my feet. That place has never been as clean. ;) And when we were really busy, I'd be answering phones, waiting/bussing tables and dealing with customers for pick up, yet Jerk would still insist that I do what he wanted right when he wanted. Things like 'get me a water', 'get me a rag from the closet', and 'don't sit down'. When the customers were gone, he'd talk about how much he 'wanted' me.

Well, I got fired because I wouldn't give him what he wanted.

WHAT?! What an asshole. Why didn't you quit? The nerve of some people...

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Many times. It is that some guys like to cause more pain by threats. It is part of the fun... Sometimes by telling exactly how to fuck me deep enough to become sexual after that. :evil:

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Many times. It is that some guys like to cause more pain by threats. It is part of the fun... Sometimes by telling exactly how to fuck me deep enough to become sexual after that.

Yep. For certain people, it's about control and domination and hoping to make you dependent on a "need" for what happens to be the most important thing in THEIR lives.

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Okay reading these posts is really scary. Aren't those the exact same reasons rape happens? You want me. You just don't know it yet. Our society is way too laissez-faire about this kind of behavior, regardless, if the person has raped anyone or not. What makes you think it's okay to say things like that to people? And some say feminism isn't necessary anymore. <_<

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