Heard my parents having sex

[NEETfreak]

A warning to anyone reading this: This post is an (immature, irrational) rant. I don't need anyone telling me that I'm being is ridiculous. (EDIT: Whoops, forgot to mention that this definitely includes "TMI")

Anyway, rant begins here:

A little over a week ago, I heard what I believed to be my parents having sex when I was making my way back to my room some time during the night. My room is only a few feet away from my parent's, so naturally I had to pass it to get to mine.

I was caught off guard, however, when I heard my Mom making moaning noises. Judging by her tone and the rhythm, I "just knew" what it was I was hearing - so I ran into my room and tried my hardest to distract myself (listening to music, googling random things, playing video games, watching tv, etc), but despite being tired, I didn't go to sleep until 5 in the morning because I was still too anxious from what I had heard just a few hours earlier. And that anxiety has yet to subside.

Now, I know it isn't rational of me to still be bothered by this - I know it just means my parents still love each other, and it's great that they're doing something that makes them both happy.

But ever since that night, I'm afraid I'll hear them again.. Like I mentioned above, my room is only a few feet away from my parent's room (and the walls/doors don't block much noise to begin with. Just to give you an idea: When my Mom used to ride on her exercise bike she would turn on her mp3 player and lip sync to it, but she tends to "breathe" the words - I could even hear that, despite both the door to her room and my room being closed). The only reason explanation as to why I never heard them before, is probably because I didn't suspect it (even though I know it's a normal thing for many couples), so any noise I heard that could have been caused by my parents went right over my head, because I could think of other explanations ("It's just the house settling", "Dads probably just getting up to get a snack again", "Mom/Dad couldn't sleep and are moving around", "It came from outside", etc)

Thing is, I never heard either of them moan before, so this time I couldn't think of an excuse. I knew it would be silly of me to go to my parents about it, though, since that was the first time I remember hearing actual moans coming from their room in all of the years I've lived with them. Plus, it's not like they wanted me to hear them. Going to them would just make them feel awkward and reduce their pleasure because they'd be worrying about me hearing them again - so I made myself stay quiet, even though the anxiety was keeping me up at night.

The next time Dad came home, however (my Dad works as a temp 4 hours away from home. We only get to see him on the weekends), Dad lured Mom upstairs to show her something. His face looked suggestive, which made me uncomfortable. I was concerned it was for something later that night, and I couldn't forget about it. As the night got closer, I cracked. I couldn't take the anxiety anymore, so I made my Mom get on FaceBook, and I told her about what I heard through chat, and mentioned how the anxiety from it has been keeping me up at night. I assured her I wasn't trying to make them stop what they were doing, I just wanted them to keep the noise down.

I still wasn't completely relieved of stress that night, however, so I ended up staying up late again. At one point though, my anxiety came back at full force when I heard "VRRRRRRR!" - in other words, a loud vibrating noise coming from their room. Not a sound you usually hear at 12 a.m., so my first thought was "Oh god! That thing Dad wanted to show Mom was a vibrating sex toy!!".

Even after getting some sleep, my anxiety continued to grow. I wanted to talk to Mom again, but I made myself hold it in. That is, until I heard my Dad masturbating later in the afternoon, and I couldn't escape from the sounds because I was on the toilet with bad stomach cramps (Dad likely had no idea I could hear him because he was upstairs. But the upstairs bathroom is right above the downstairs bathroom - meaning I can hear everything that goes on in the bathroom upstairs).

Despite being extremely stressed, I didn't ask to talk to Mom until she mentioned that Dad was mad at her "for no reason". This wasn't long after I heard Dad upstairs, and while I was in the bathroom I remember hearing Dad as he was going up the stairs and Mom asking him where he was going - Dad didn't answer. Which I found unusual because he always answers that question. I didn't think anything of it until Mom said Dad was mad at her, which made me remember when Dad lured her to their room the other day - it was the same. He didn't answer her when she asked why he wanted her to come upstairs, he just gave her "the look". I assumed he was trying the same move, so I got Mom on Facebook again (subjects like this are way too nerve-wracking for me to speak to someone face-to-face), and told her that I think he was upset because he had to "take care of business" himself, because just before he suddenly got angry, I heard what he was doing in the bathroom.

Mom then said I'm probably right, because he did mention that he took his meds (Dad has low testosterone, which often affects a persons sex drive). Later, Mom got to talk to Dad and apologize for not catching on.

I was glad that Dad wasn't mad at her anymore - but this also means that they don't just wait until night to have sex, like I originally thought, which, unfortunately, explained all these odd one-hour-long "naps" they would take together. Just out of the blue, all of the sudden they were both tired, and decided to go lay down together for awhile. And although I found it odd, I didn't question it because I actually believed that they genuinely liked taking naps together.

And because of how much I've learned in just a little over a week, I can now pick up on their "signals". As in, I can read little hints they give each other to tell the other they're "ready". (Dad taking his meds, Dad/Mom announcing they're going to take a short nap, Dad/Mom telling me "I'm going to go check on your Mom/Dad" while they're upstairs in their bedroom, the facial expressions, tone of voice. Everything)

So now instead of just being stressed when the two of them "go to bed" at night, I'm stressed throughout the entire day, knowing something could happen at any time, and I'm at risk of hearing it because sound travels easily through the house, I can't go anywhere because I don't drive, I have no friends to visit when I know my parents are about to have sex, and I can't just tell them to "stop", because that would be stupid, not to mention rude. I'm trapped.

Thus, here I am, writing an unorganized rant in attempt to pass time, until I feel it's safe to lie down and go to sleep. (I'm currently wearing headphones and blasting music in my ears so I can't hear anything. This is like the 40th time I've listened to this song now.. Getting really tired of it. But it's the only song I know/like that will block out external noise)

Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this extreme anxiety/paranoia I've developed?? It's so bad that as soon as even one of my parents are out of sight, any noise I hear that isn't a bark, chirp or meow, I automatically think I'm hearing them either masturbating or having sex. Even when I can see both of them and know they aren't doing anything of that sort, all I can think about is the fact that I'm going to have to go through the same thing later on that night. I'm all out of ideas..

I've tried "distracting myself", didn't work. I've tried talking to my parents (Or rather, my Mom on FaceBook who later discussed what I said with Dad), didn't help. I've tried getting as far away from their room as I could so I'm less likely to hear them, but that only helps during the day when the weather is tolerable.

Ear plugs would be nice, but there's a few problems: 1) Cost. Good ones have to be molded to the wearers ear shape, so it's probably expensive. Plus I read that they should be replaced every few months, meaning we'd have to keep paying for new ones. 2) I have extremely sensitive ears, both to sound and touch. The inside is especially sensitive. I can't even wear ear buds to listen to music with. I have to use headphones. And 3) My parents have had some foam ones before and have tried to get me to try them, but every time they tried I would say "No. They'll hurt my ears. I don't like them", so suddenly coming out and saying "Hey, can we go get me some custom-fit ear plugs?" so soon after coming to them about hearing them, would probably sound like "I can still hear you perverts. Give me something to stick in my ears so I don't have to hear you two" to them - and I don't want to bother them about it any more than I already have.

I need to sleep, though.. And it's been a few hours since I've gone to the bathroom, because I'd have to pass their bedroom to get to the bathroom. However.. even when I go to the bathroom during the day, I rush myself because I'm afraid I'll hear Mom or Dad masturbating in the bathroom above me again. In fact, those cramps I had that day I heard Dad up there? I still have them. The anxiety was preventing me from pooping, and I still can't get rid of them because I won't let myself stay long enough to poop. (I've also noticed a decline in my appetite)

Help!?

[Kll]

I'm so sorry :(. I didn't read the entire post because I really don't like to think about people having sex, but I read the first bit and the last bit, and that sounds really awful.

I just joined today, but what actually brought me here was a few days ago I heard my brother and his girlfriend (which is doubly awful because I find myself disapproving of the relationship generally, even though I barely know her, because she's two year younger than me, and I'm three years younger than my brother, which means my 24 year old brother is dating a 19 year old, and since she doesn't seem to be an exceptionally mature-for-her-age 19 year old I really don't like the gap at those ages), and trying to sort through my feelings in my journal impelled me to finally do some research on and exploration on the matter of asexuality, and here I am.

Which has actually helped me feel less upset about it, and helped me with a lot of other things as well, though I still find it disgusting and try not to dwell on it, because it's helped me realize that I simply experience sexuality in a fundamentally different way, which has helped me feel less disdain for people in general.

It happened again earlier tonight, and I find that I feel less scarred by it, though no less disgusted. Because it was disgusting.

So, I guess I'd suggest that you try to remind yourself that they experience sexuality differently from you, and to them its not disgusting, and they don't mean to hurt you and probably don't realize that it could possibly hurt you as much as it has. It doesn't make it seem any less disgusting, but I think it helps make the negative feelings not linger so much.

Also, I'd suggest that you write out, as rationally and clearly as possible, why it disgust you - being as vague about the actual act as possible so as to avoid further disgusting yourself, I didn't even write about the actual incident itself, I just wrote about why other people having sex disgusts me. Analyzing the feeling and the reasons behind it and then capturing it on paper really helps put it into perspective. It's like catching an annoying fly that keeps buzzing around your ears in a jar.

I hope I've helped :/ I have agoraphobia and social anxiety, so even though my distaste for sex doesn't seem as strong as yours I have an idea of what you're going through.

[NEETfreak]

I'm so sorry :(. I didn't read the entire post because I really don't like to think about people having sex, but I read the first bit and the last bit, and that sounds really awful.

I just joined today, but what actually brought me here was a few days ago I heard my brother and his girlfriend (which is doubly awful because I find myself disapproving of the relationship generally, even though I barely know her, because she's two year younger than me, and I'm three years younger than my brother, which means my 24 year old brother is dating a 19 year old, and since she doesn't seem to be an exceptionally mature-for-her-age 19 year old I really don't like the gap at those ages), and trying to sort through my feelings in my journal impelled me to finally do some research on and exploration on the matter of asexuality, and here I am.

Which has actually helped me feel less upset about it, and helped me with a lot of other things as well, though I still find it disgusting and try not to dwell on it, because it's helped me realize that I simply experience sexuality in a fundamentally different way, which has helped me feel less disdain for people in general.

It happened again earlier tonight, and I find that I feel less scarred by it, though no less disgusted. Because it was disgusting.

So, I guess I'd suggest that you try to remind yourself that they experience sexuality differently from you, and to them its not disgusting, and they don't mean to hurt you and probably don't realize that it could possibly hurt you as much as it has. It doesn't make it seem any less disgusting, but I think it helps make the negative feelings not linger so much.

Also, I'd suggest that you write out, as rationally and clearly as possible, why it disgust you - being as vague about the actual act as possible so as to avoid further disgusting yourself, I didn't even write about the actual incident itself, I just wrote about why other people having sex disgusts me. Analyzing the feeling and the reasons behind it and then capturing it on paper really helps put it into perspective. It's like catching an annoying fly that keeps buzzing around your ears in a jar.

I hope I've helped :/ I have agoraphobia and social anxiety, so even though my distaste for sex doesn't seem as strong as yours I have an idea of what you're going through.

Thank you very much for the reply. :) (No worries about skipping through my opening post; I know it came out really long. :lol: )

Yeah, I think I'll try to get back into the habit of writing in a journal. I used to write out my frustrations in a journal and I admit; sometimes it helped even better than when I complain to actual people. I think it's because when you say it out in the open, you can get opinions/advice you don't want to hear - but journals can't talk back to you. :P

Wow! Small world. I'm a self-diagnosed social phobic, myself.

[zoidberger]

Have you considered the idea of finding a room/apartment of your own? I'm not sure what your situation is like, but if it's possible to get a job and pay for a place then you wouldn't have to worry about that.

Otherwise as far as noise issues, just play music more regularly and even at night if you feel that's necessary to ensure no noise can be heard elsewhere. Throw on some headphones when you go to the bathroom or pass by.

You mentioned not to say that you're being immature, but things like this happen... If it affects you this much maybe you should be looking for some professional help.

[NEETfreak]

Have you considered the idea of finding a room/apartment of your own? I'm not sure what your situation is like, but if it's possible to get a job and pay for a place then you wouldn't have to worry about that.

Otherwise as far as noise issues, just play music more regularly and even at night if you feel that's necessary to ensure no noise can be heard elsewhere. Throw on some headphones when you go to the bathroom or pass by.

You mentioned not to say that you're being immature, but things like this happen... If it affects you this much maybe you should be looking for some professional help.

Thanks for replying. :)

Moving out is currently out of the question, unfortunately. :( All I'll say is I'm far behind on my education, and because of my above mentioned social phobia, I can't even look someone in the eye.

I agree, I need help, with several things. My parents agree with this as well. But in my current state I can't help myself, meaning I'll just have to wait until my parents are financially secure enough to at least get me some help with the anxiety so I can get on my way to living like a normal person my age.

[NEETfreak]

Feeling a little better now. Listening to Muse while watching clips of Doctor Who seemed to calm me down a bit. (I guess that's why hes "The Doctor" :P ) Just had to find something interesting enough to get me back in my own little bubble.

I guess besides the ick factor, that could be why I don't like thinking about my parents as a sexual couple. My parents are almost always a part of my "bubble", but when they step out of "Mommy and Daddy" mode and into "married couple" mode, I feel like something important is missing and that they have their own little bubble that I'm not allowed to enter. A form of separation anxiety, maybe? I dunno.

Either way, I hope I can learn to cope with this, and soon. I can't keep bugging them every time I hear something; not to mention letting it get to me is starting to take a toll on my overall health.

[Samael]

I'm a sex-repulsed asexual too. It used to really disgust me big time whenever I happened to hear people having sex. Nowadays I've taught myself to let it go, and let them do whatever the heck they want: after all it's their body and their free will to do anything they want with it.

It did take time though, to learn to be more accepting of others. Perhaps with time you can learn to not care about people's desires either?

[NEETfreak]

I'm a sex-repulsed asexual too. It used to really disgust me big time whenever I happened to hear people having sex. Nowadays I've taught myself to let it go, and let them do whatever the heck they want: after all it's their body and their free will to do anything they want with it.

It did take time though, to learn to be more accepting of others. Perhaps with time you can learn to not care about people's desires either?

I hope so. :P

My reaction was actually pretty shocking, to me. I'm actually not repulsed by sex. But apparently if it involves someone whom I know personally, I prefer to be in denial and pretend like they don't do it. Haha.

I'm glad you learned how to cope with it, though. Would suck if you had to live the rest of your life being grossed out by sex - seeing as it's difficult to get away from. You'd be stuck in a constant state of grossed-out-ness.

[Samael]

I'm a sex-repulsed asexual too. It used to really disgust me big time whenever I happened to hear people having sex. Nowadays I've taught myself to let it go, and let them do whatever the heck they want: after all it's their body and their free will to do anything they want with it.

It did take time though, to learn to be more accepting of others. Perhaps with time you can learn to not care about people's desires either?

I hope so. :P

My reaction was actually pretty shocking, to me. I'm actually not repulsed by sex. But apparently if it involves someone whom I know personally, I prefer to be in denial and pretend like they don't do it. Haha.

I'm glad you learned how to cope with it, though. Would suck if you had to live the rest of your life being grossed out by sex - seeing as it's difficult to get away from. You'd be stuck in a constant state of grossed-out-ness.

It's not an easy process to go through. In my mind, I equate having sex to committing a murder, so if murdering people at random disturbs you, you can imagine that it was pretty damn challenging for me to teach myself to let go of my disgust.

I'm a rational person overall, I think, but there's just something unnatural in my eyes. The ability to shut yourself out, or detach, comes in handy too.

I hope you can come to terms with your situation, rather sooner than later :) As you said, you can't permanently avoid the sexual world around you, so instead of running away from it, we should learn to confront it and deal with the reality of it.

[NEETfreak]

I'm a sex-repulsed asexual too. It used to really disgust me big time whenever I happened to hear people having sex. Nowadays I've taught myself to let it go, and let them do whatever the heck they want: after all it's their body and their free will to do anything they want with it.

It did take time though, to learn to be more accepting of others. Perhaps with time you can learn to not care about people's desires either?

I hope so. :P

My reaction was actually pretty shocking, to me. I'm actually not repulsed by sex. But apparently if it involves someone whom I know personally, I prefer to be in denial and pretend like they don't do it. Haha.

I'm glad you learned how to cope with it, though. Would suck if you had to live the rest of your life being grossed out by sex - seeing as it's difficult to get away from. You'd be stuck in a constant state of grossed-out-ness.

It's not an easy process to go through. In my mind, I equate having sex to committing a murder, so if murdering people at random disturbs you, you can imagine that it was pretty damn challenging for me to teach myself to let go of my disgust.

I'm a rational person overall, I think, but there's just something unnatural in my eyes. The ability to shut yourself out, or detach, comes in handy too.

I hope you can come to terms with your situation, rather sooner than later :) As you said, you can't permanently avoid the sexual world around you, so instead of running away from it, we should learn to confront it and deal with the reality of it.

Yeah. Once you've (as in anyone; including myself) form an opinion on something, it's really difficult to change it. Even if you yourself know your opinion is silly :P

Even though certain things have been leading me closer to concluding that I'm just a "shy sexual", I can kind of see where you're coming from. If you remove love and consent, sex can be a pretty scary thing. Gross/messy, too. Haha

[FrozenCherry]

I know, that is so pressuring! Once after my parents were divorced my dad fucked his new girlfriend so hard that he came ask from me if I could check if she is ok Thanks dad that is what every child wants to know and do <_<

[Great Thief Yatagarasu]

It could be worse. There was this kid at my high school who apparently got traumatised because he accidentally walked in...on his grandparents having sex. That's just sick and wrong on SO many levels, am I right?

Thank GOD I've never had to hear this from my parents. I'm not actually sure that they DO still have sex anymore - I think when my parents go to bed, they sleep and that's it. As soon as my dad goes up you can hear his snoring, so I doubt he's doing anything else. Their room is down the hall from mine, so even if they were, I don't think I'd hear it. Having said that, though, on one or two occasions, I've been lying in bed trying to sleep when I heard something that could possibly have been my mother. I'd freeze and be like "OMG, Was that sound what I THINK it is?", I'd strain my ears to see if it would come up again (confirming my suspicions)...and nothing. Whatever it was had gone away. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but it sounded like a moan to me...ah well. As long as they're not destroying the house/waking the neighbours, I don't really mind.

I don't think ANYONE likes the idea of their parents having sex, because you're used to them being parents instead of people - I remember listening to my mum describing some of the crazy things she's done at work parties and being completely flabbergasted. Like, "Mum, what are you saying? You CAN'T have done that!" Strangely enough, I don't get like that with my Dad; maybe he's more like a person to me than a parent? I dunno, but whenever I hear about that time he stepped off the train before it had stopped and bashed his head because he was so drunk...I'm just not surprised (hell, that story's damn well funny; apparently, my mum didn't realise the extent of the damage until the morning after, and she was just pissed off at him for getting blood on his new tie). So the idea of them doing anything more hardcore than hugging is just beyond comprehension.

[Alan Degas]

I can't really comment on how to deal with the paranoia and anxiety of hearing sex noises, except repeat what has already been said.

I just wanted to make a quick comment on social phobia, since I have actually been diagnosed with it myself. Maybe now isn't a good time for you to take this on, but I just felt like letting you know, in case somewhere down the line you'd like to confront it, that you can definitely get help dealing with social phobia and it does not have to prevent you from moving out and getting your own place :)

It most likely will never completely go away but certain antidepressants can help with social anxiety and there are therapist who deal specifically with phobias. Also, just researching and understanding how phobias work and how it affects your body can help tremendously in controlling it.

[Key]

First of all, seriously, don't feel too worried about suddenly seeing your parents in a different light. c: The world today portrays sex as something younger people generally do, and something which pretty much stops a while into marriage or when you get older, which can lead to confusion when this isn't the case. Seeing someone you didn't previously think of as technically 'sexual' (and by that I mean having sex) in that sort of light is really daunting and can take a lot of adjusting to.

I can't say I have this problem myself, since my parents are at opposite sides of a large house (something which tends to amuse me at the best of times), but I do tend to have the odd sleepless night when my Mum goes into my Dad's room and doesn't return for a while: I'm right next to them too, and the new sound-proofing isn't brilliant these days.

Besides what everyone else has sad, though, I can't offer much more that. :c Facing up to the problem is the ultimate thing you want to aim for, because just avoiding it all of your life will not turn out well at all. Maybe try conquering little things at a time, ie. turning the music down a bit more every day/week.

[floatin.on.a.parasol]

Oh man, I can relate to your stress! While I've never had any reason to believe that my parents are still having sex, they're definitely young enough to still do so. I think my asexuality is genetic to some degree, as both of my parents have told me that they were attracted to very few people during their lives and sexually matured only around seventeen, which is really late. But I was talking to my therapist one day, and he mentioned something about my parents having sex. I had not even considered this to be a possibility, but once I realized that it was, I was completely distraught. That was the only time in my life where I strongly felt like committing suicide. I had already been feeling trapped by the fact that everybody has libidos, but to realize hese two people who raised me and are pretty much sacred to me have sex too! Eugh. Anyway, I got really paranoid after that and secretly stayed up until 8 or 9 am every day for about a little over a month to assure myself that my parents were, as I had previously believed, not having sex. And they weren't. And, for various reasons, I've gone back to thinking that they as good as don't.

All I can do is offer you my condolences. I handled the mere thought of my parents having sex really poorly, and I don't even want to think about how I would handle any proof of the act. I'm really sorry that you have to go through this, it sounds incredible stressful and, well, just awful.

Maybe you could stay at a friend's house for a while? Sleep there, eat there, use their bathroom. But as for a more long term solution, I'd advise getting a therapist to discuss your feelings with because it sounds like you've sustained some trauma from this. Or, at some point, confront your parents about this. After all, they're the ones who should be feeling embarrassed, not you!

I hope things resolve themselves and you're able to get your sanity back! :cake: :cake:

[test account]

1) Don't feel bad about your reaction.

Some people feel uncomfortable living in a house where there is a sexually active couple, even just share-housing with other people, and when the couple is your parents that can really be confronting. Of course you know they have sex because you were born, but in your mind they are your parents, people who only exist to love and care for you - that's a totally normal way to feel.

2) Let yourself hear them.

...and let yourself get used to it. If they are having sex it's no threat to you. They won't stop loving you because they have sex with each other. They won't stop being your parents. Remember, they've been doing this from before you were born - you're just seeing them in a different context now.

It's all good ^_^

[NEETfreak]

Wow, sorry guys. I didn't realize anyone else had posted here.

I expected it to die out early, it being so long..

I've been calmer tonight, though, and have been able to think more rationally:

Since I can't seem to get it out of my mind, I have been listening closer, even though all that would do is make me more likely to hear either, or both of my parents doing something in their room. Which is the very thing I'm afraid of. But as hard as I might try, my paranoia is forcing me to listen.

And the only thing I could do to keep myself from hearing them was to make my own noise; to block out any noise coming from their room, as well as repeat to myself "It's natural. It means they love each other. It makes them feel good. It's a positive thing". But I made this thread, didn't I? Obviously that strategy wasn't working.

So now I've come up with a new strategy; my anxiety is causing paranoia that won't let me stop noticing every little sound - problem is, it only goes away when they are awake and not in their bedroom. Meaning I end up staying up for hours trying to block out any outside noise with noise of my own. This isn't good because it keeps me from sleeping.

But then I thought about it.. I'm 18 years old, and I went all this time, never realizing they were having sex in the very same house. All those years and I never heard a peep. Heck, if not for the fact that I found a receipt for what Santa brought me for Christmas when I was 11, I'd probably still believe hes real!

Yes, I heard my Mom moaning not long ago. Yes, I heard my Dad masturbating. Yes, I found sex toys in their room. And yes, I very likely heard a vibrator that one night.

But compared to how many years I went without noticing, that's nothing: When I talked to Mom about hearing her - she said she can't remember but because it was the same night my Sister was put into a behavioral institute for attempting suicide, she might have been crying, not moaning.

-Dad masturbating - well.. he only did that because he knew Mom wasn't in the mood. But I doubt even sexual people with high libidos masturbate more than a couple times a day. In fact - too much masturbating in a short time makes it difficult for a man to get another erection. They have to wait. Which I don't think he'd be very happy about, knowing Mom could be "in the mood" later. Meaning my chances of hearing him while I'm in the bathroom again are likely rather slim. (But just in case, I could do other things to avoid hearing it; For one, since I can read my parents signals so well, I can tell when one is in the mood and when the other isn't. So if one isn't in the mood, it could mean the one who is will have to take care of themselves. In other words, that's a warning to avoid using the bathroom until I feel it's safe. And just in case I'm already in the bathroom, I can just bring my mp3 player with me and turn it on if I hear someone moving in the bathroom above me).

-Finding sex toys in their room; I told my Mom I saw them, so shes less likely to forget to put them away. Also, if I go in their room, instead of letting curiosity get the better of me like it did when I saw that "unfamiliar box" which turned out to be a box for a sex toy, or like when I saw a strange container on the side table that ended up being lube.. I can learn to resist. Also avoid looking around the room too much. I go in, get/do what I need, and get out.

-And the vibrating noise. I only heard it once (or well, twice.. But it was the same night). There's a possibility that I only heard it that night because the other two nights Dad was home, I stayed up late listening to music through my headphones, and that they actually used it again I just didn't hear it.. But, Mom spoke to Dad about me hearing moaning coming from their room. Seeing as I believe it was a "new toy", they might not have known how noisy it was going to be. And because they don't want me to hear, they might not use it again. Or at least, not the vibrating function. (Gosh I sure hope I'm right)

Also - because I went to them about being able to hear noises coming from their room, they can learn how to be more quiet. So I might go another many years without hearing anything.

So, unless I hear a vibrating noise in the middle of the night, or hear actual moaning coming from the upstairs bathroom or their room - if I hear a noise, before I start panicking I tell myself; "That noise could have been anything. The house settling, one of them getting up to use the bathroom, Sis could still be awake and be making noise, it could have been a bug, or something outside.. Heck, it might even just be my imagination. Anxiety can do that to a person, depending on how bad it is"

And so far that strategy is working. ^_^ I still feel worried I might hear something I don't want to hear, but my anxiety isn't as bad as it was. I went to sleep before Mom woke up yesterday, I'm not feeling sick to my stomach as often, and my appetite is returning.

And believe it or not - it's only 12 a.m., yet I'm not wearing headphones, playing music of any sort, or watching TV. Nope. The only noise I'm making right now is "clackitty" noises, by typing these words. And you know what else??

I've been up here at least an hour now without music or TV, and I haven't heard any moans or vibrators. :P

[NEETfreak]

2) Let yourself hear them.

...and let yourself get used to it. If they are having sex it's no threat to you. They won't stop loving you because they have sex with each other. They won't stop being your parents. Remember, they've been doing this from before you were born - you're just seeing them in a different context now.

In a way I also kind of feel like I need to do something similar to this. But until I know I have my anxiety under control (not gone, but rather at a level where I still have rational thought and can keep myself from panicking). Even before I started calming down, I had already thought to myself; "If I do hear them, they probably don't realize how loud they're being. I doubt they're being noisy enough for me to hear on purpose. It's like when someone is on the toilet - Like sex, using the bathroom is private. Private as it may be, though, sometimes you end up hearing the noises. Also like sex, for most people, hearing those noises come from someone else can be disgusting. But we learn to shake it off because we know it's normal, and that the person isn't making those noises on purpose. Plus, the noises aren't going to last forever".

But even though back then that thought didn't make a difference in my anxiety levels; because I know that was my rational self speaking, I've kept that thought around. Just in case I can eventually convince myself this is true, and learn to just shake it off and move on.

[Member33070]

Hey, I just read your first post and nothing in between, so forgive my laziness...

but have you tried sleeping with some music on? Headphones or whatnot. It takes a while to figure out what style of music you can actually fall asleep to (I'm lucky in that loud things work sometimes, when I was a baby the only thing that could get me to fall asleep was a ride in my dad's obnoxiously loud Charger...sort of like

Try classical, soundtracks, or slower songs. I find less drums and less rhythm guitar works for me. Smoother sounds.

And I'm glad you're communicating with them. My parents have little cues like this, but I didn't piece them together until I moved out (the "we're going to go take a nap/cuddle"). I can't imagine actually noticing it. I try not to think about my loved ones having sex, it messes with my mind a lot.

[test account]

2) Let yourself hear them.

...and let yourself get used to it. If they are having sex it's no threat to you. They won't stop loving you because they have sex with each other. They won't stop being your parents. Remember, they've been doing this from before you were born - you're just seeing them in a different context now.

In a way I also kind of feel like I need to do something similar to this. But until I know I have my anxiety under control (not gone, but rather at a level where I still have rational thought and can keep myself from panicking). Even before I started calming down, I had already thought to myself; "If I do hear them, they probably don't realize how loud they're being. I doubt they're being noisy enough for me to hear on purpose. It's like when someone is on the toilet - Like sex, using the bathroom is private. Private as it may be, though, sometimes you end up hearing the noises. Also like sex, for most people, hearing those noises come from someone else can be disgusting. But we learn to shake it off because we know it's normal, and that the person isn't making those noises on purpose. Plus, the noises aren't going to last forever".

But even though back then that thought didn't make a difference in my anxiety levels; because I know that was my rational self speaking, I've kept that thought around. Just in case I can eventually convince myself this is true, and learn to just shake it off and move on.

I used to have big anxiety issues that I got counseling and medication for over ten years. One strategy I learned to be very helpful was meeting the fear head on. Ask yourself, "what is going to happen if I keep hearing these noises?". Don't let your rational self answer. It'll just say "nothing". Let your fear answer, whatever crazy whacked out thing it wants, like maybe "mum and dad will start hating me".

Then ask yourself "and what will I do WHEN that happens?" and come up with your safety plan. For example, "when I hear those noises and mum and dad start hating me, I will go to a friend or other trusted person and ask them to help me work out a treaty with my parents. Then I will make plans to support myself until I can make peace with them again."

You know in your head it will never get like that but your feelings need reassurance that you've got everything in hand in case of the worst. Just an idea anyway ^_^

[never odd or even]

ps, ear plugs are not expensive.

[NamTar]

I just want to say I think hearing one's parents is usually disturbing to anyone, asexual or not, repulsed or not, etc.

I have nothing against anyone's parents having sex (as long as I don't hear it), and I don't think they should have to rent a room across town to do so, but I do think it's kinda rude to be noisy with a kid right there. I know, lots of people will disagree. I thought it was rude when i was in college and neighbors were very loud when I was trying to sleep. I think it would be thoughtful if they muffled the noise with some music or the tv or something.

[gypsy_princess]

i remember something that happened a few years ago. i was in my bedroom (next to theirs), they had locked their door and i suddenly heard some moaning and strange noises and i suddenly thought "omg they're having sex. oh my god oh my god" and i was really really scared. i was like "oh please tell me they're not having sex, please, please", the noise stopped and came back, i was petrified. it all ended after a few minutes, mom opened the door. i don't know if they had sex or not, it had been such a short time, but it scared me to Death. apart from this, i've never heard my parents having sex; i know it may happen someday (i'm 18 and i've never heard them, so they haven't had sex for 18 years?) and this episode made me feel more uncomfortable.

i'm sex-repulsive, it literally makes me sick (hearing/watching), and if someday my parents had sex and i heard them... i'd be shocked as you. i would be scared of each sound that reminded me of their moaning.

but i couldn't tell my parents to stop having sex because it makes me uncomfortable. i can't speak to anyone about sex, my parents are the last people to whom i would. unfortunately i couldn't stop them from doing something they like. my mum dislike when i listen to loud music in my bedroom, but i still do it. it's the same thing.

my suggestion to you are: can you maybe ask your parents if you could buy an insulating panel to put in your bedroom? you could tell them it's for when you listen to music and you don't want to annoy your neighbors. it doesn't cost too much and it works really well.

or are there any other rooms in your house where you can sleep? i know it's annoying to move your bedroom, but it will make you feel better.

about your anxiety... keep talking to your mom. she may ask your dad to have sex in another room or when you're not at home. they are your parents, you're part of the house and the family, they must listen to your opinion. they love you, they will listen to you

[Qutenkuddly]

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Qutenkuddly,

Asexual Musings and Rantings Moderator

[Guest]

Thread closed due to necromancy.

Not really. ;)

[Qutenkuddly]

Thread closed due to necromancy.

Not really. ;)

Yes, really. :p