More forums and blogs

[(SP)]

Since there's been an abundance of discussion since the October explosion, I approve of just grouping these together instead of a thread for each one(which I would have done in the old days).

And now that we're famous, everyone wants to talk about us, and this everyone is quite diverse amongst themselves.
And what a surprise....everyone's got opinions...

http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/s...;o=&fpart=1 (non active)

http://vbulletin.thesite.org.uk/showthread...?threadid=71813 (active - forum discussion on TheSite.org)

http://www.planetside-universe.com/forums/...ead.php?t=17747 (active - forum discussion on PlanetSide Universe)

http://www.dregston.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=...7&mode=full (non active)

http://www.spitting-image.net/archives/002190.html (New Link)

October 21, 2004
Glad to be Asexual

In a world where lust can be bought in a pill and skin is the marketing tool du jour, being David Jay cannot be easy. At the age of 22 he has never had sex. He has never experienced sexual attraction towards another person and does not believe it will ever happen.
There are many others who have similar stories to tell. They talk about growing up not being able to understand why everyone else seemed so interested in dating, kissing and touching; in experiencing the ritual of mating.
Until recently these people felt isolated, never suspecting others felt the same. But now, thanks in great part to an online forum founded by Jay, they are finding each other and identifying themselves with a common label. They call themselves asexual, and are coming out to parents and loved ones, declaring their asexuality to be as valid an orientation as being straight or gay

There are asexuals, for example, who have never felt the need to get close to other people, not even in a non-sexual way, and describe themselves as loners. But others, like Jay, want to connect with males or females - some people would define it as an orientation - only it seems to be purely emotional.
Their desire is to find a “mate” with whom they can share interests and spend time with but not have any form of sexual relationship with. (Jay once worried he could never feel love, but now knows he can. Indeed, unencumbered by sexual feelings, he believes his is a more powerful, unconditional form of love.) In addition, some asexuals are capable of experiencing bodily arousal. They get erections and some masturbate, although even while experiencing the physical cues of arousal there never is an impulse to do anything sexual with another person. A number of asexuals told me that watching porn or looking at erotic pictures were awkward experiences that they couldn’t relate to.
article/ Link to AVEN
[Asexual Visibility and Education Network]

~I was initially bothered by David being from America's Bible-belt, but this line: "(t)he amazing degree of variation in the experiences of asexual people suggests that the underlying causes of their lack of sexual attraction are very different"... made me a believer. As long as there's straight and gay asexuals so the rest of us 'sexuals' can know who to hang-out with.
I feel sexier already. I might not be getting any, but at least I know what I'm missing. Not like these losers.
Think of the sex jokes that'll be written.
Posted by Cieciel at October 21, 2004 09:40 AM

http://blog.gerek.org/2004/10/duds.php#comments (New Link)

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

DUDS?

Was tripping through the blogosphere when I came across this link posted at Goya's LiveJournal friends list by a loupgarou26.

The article in question talked about something has been under the radar for a long time: asexuality. Strange as it may sound, I am not surprise by it. I mean if there is word for it, it has to exist right. Question is, why hasn't there been anything written extensively about it on scientific journals?

These people are not religious celibates but genuinely have absolutely no interest in sex.

Frankly, I don't find it impossible. I mean it has been observed in certain animals so it would be possible in the human race as well.

Till date, science and some religions have always assumed that everyone IS sexual by nature. They are heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. Those who professed to be asexual are considered abnormal and require professional psychological help.

But if we accept the existence of other sexuality apart from heterosexuality, we would logically have to extend that acceptance to asexuality as well. Of course this may have to exclude certain religions.

Some monotheistic faiths believe that everyone should be heterosexual. Anything out of that would be considered abnormal or degenerate. And that would include asexuality as well. For example, being sexual in a heterosexual way is part of Christian doctrine.A powerful example of how people react to the idea appears in an article titled "Eight myths about religious life," which appeared in Vision 2002, an annual magazine from the National Religious Vocation Conference in the US. It states: "Question: what do you call a person who is asexual? Answer: Not a person. Asexual people do not exist. Sexuality is a gift from God and thus a fundamental part of our human identity."

(taken from the article linked above)
I guess the above "fundamental" arose from Genesis 2:24 of the bible where it says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." That presumably would also be the cause for the Church's stance against non-heterosexuality (ie: homosexuality).

But asexuals may have it easier from religion as the concept neither appeals nor repels like homosexuality does.

Apart from the religious, I have a strong feeling that some of my more secular friends would find asexuality hard to accept. As a matter of fact, I have met gays who don't even accept the possibility of bisexuality, what more asexuality.

Sexuality to some people is a bipolar concept; you are either straight or gay. If you are bi, you're just confused, which to me is way too simplistic. If we accept that there is no such thing as "black and white" then we have to accept that sexuality is a sliding scale of sorts.

I remember going for this lie detector course a few years back where the instructor pulled one hapless male student to demonstrate the efficacy of the machine. Halfway through his series of questions, he threw a bomb, "Have you ever thought of men in a sexual manner?" The straight guy answered "no" and the machine immediately registered a lie. There I was thinking, "Oh my god! How could he ask such a private and probing question in a demonstration?" At the conclusion of his demo, the instructor explained that every man or woman would have thought about someone of his own gender in a sexual manner at least once in his or her life. Of course he was operating from the belief that everyone is sexual.

Sexual or not, that example plus some stuff I have come across have led me to this conclusion: sexuality is not just straight or gay; there are in-betweens. Hence you have bisexuals. No matter how straight or gay you are, you would have thought of someone of the same or other gender in a sexual manner at least once.

Okay, let's put the whole straight-bi-gay thing in a sort of horizontal scale. All of us are born someone along that horizontal scale, yes including transgenders, unisexuals/cisgenders and intersexuals. Okay, I don't really know the proper terms for all of this so don't get offended if I use the wrong ones, but I am sure you know what I am getting at.



Now let's create two other vertical lines to form an inverted cone. At the bottom end of it, you have people who have absolutely no interest in sex with anyone from either gender. And at the top, you have people who have extremely high sex drive and great sexual interest in either or both gender; hypersexuals in other words. The rest of us straight, bi or gay are somewhere in that cone.

Now if we accept that some people have a higher sex drive than others and some have less of it, then we have to accept that there are people who exist at both ends of the cone.

I admit that the above example is a bit too simplistic. Heck, I am no expert in human sexuality or psychology so that's the best I can come up with.

What I am getting at is this: there is no "black or white" in life and existence, there are many hues of colours in between. I guess
homosexuality and asexuality is nature's way of keeping the population level containable. It is neither a disease nor dysfunctionality. If every human or animal were meant to procreate, then the population level of all species would increase to such a level that would not be sustainable.

As it is, our planet is already facing a huge demand for resources. Through science and industrialisation, we have managed to increase production of food and other necessities. And because of this post-industrial age increased productivity, our population has jumped by a very huge margin. If this continues indefinitely (as it is happening now), it is going to be unsustainable in future.

So this is where I believe nature's wild card comes in. Homosexuals, asexuals and all those who can't reproduce are the wild card that is supposed to keep things manageable for this planet. Humans cull animals when the herd gets too big and upsets the balance, but our conscience and morality forbids us from doing the same to the human race. So the wild card is nature's gentler hand at work.

I know some of you would disagree, even object violently. But that's the way I see the whole thing, right or wrong. Until someone can come up with a better scientific explanation or theory that is free from religious dogma, political expediency and scientific bias, I going to stick with the above.

Okay, time to stop now. I wasn't going to write such a long post. Guess I am still on a post-work out high. SOMEBODY STOP ME!!

PS: By the way, I like the tagline on AVEN's (Asexual Visibility and Education Network) thongs, "It's only underwear. Get over it." Bwah! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

***

19 Oct 2004 01:45H: Way cool! Looks like my above inverted cone diagram is pretty accurate after all! Just discovered that it's also used by AVEN as their symbol.

http://www.exgaywatch.com/xgw/2004/10/science_study_b.html (non active)

http://hugoboy.typepad.com/hugo_schwyzer/2...ality_paul.html (active)

October 28, 2004

Asexuality -- Paul's gift?

Silly me, I thought that after a decade of teaching gender studies, I'd seen it all. The Internet proves, once again, its worth:
thanks to Alas, A Blog, I've learned of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network. Defining "asexual" as "a person who does not experience sexual attraction", the group (AVEN is the acronym) is devoted to creating dialogue among and about the rapidly emerging group of individuals who identify as asexual. The AVEN folks have just started a blog; the current post is on how to "come out" to family and friends about one's total absence of sexual desire.

Who knew?

They also have a nifty FAQ for folks wondering if they are asexual (written by a person described as paranoidgynandroid, whatever that means.) An excerpt:

When deciding to identify as asexual or not, it might be useful to consider if you have the drive to express your sexuality with other
people. Regardless of whether your sexuality involves attraction to other people, another person could still assist you in expressing it somehow. If you don't feel the need to involve another then you will probably be comfortable within the asexual community.

For some people expressions of love must involve sex, to them if you are capable of being sexual in any way then you would wish to involve your loving partner in this sexuality. Many asexuals do not make this connection between love and sex. They feel that they can express love and feel intimacy without any sexual activity. Keeping your partner out of your sexual feelings, especially if these have nothing to do with sex or other people, does not mean that you are rejecting them or not expressing your love fully.

People form identities around stuff that they need to figure out. People who identify as asexual tend to be trying to figure out how
to live full emotionally complete lives without necessarily having to engage in sexual relationships with other people, how to live in a world that places a high premium on sexuality and sexual relationships. If this is something that you are struggling with in some way then the asexual community is worth investigating.

Well, it's hard to imagine even the most troglodytic social conservative objecting to an "asexuality" movement. Indeed, I can't
help but feel that in a Christian context, these are the people who are truly called to a lifetime of celibacy. Jeez, I wonder if this isn't
what Paul meant in his treatise on marriage in 1 Corinthians 7:7:

I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

Paul makes it clear that he doesn't "burn" with passion, and thus feels no compulsion to marry.

I'm convinced that some people, a small number, are genuinely called to celibacy. Given that we worship a loving God who does not play cruel jokes, I suspect that those folks to whom such a call is given are also given the accompanying "gift" of asexuality. It's obvious that the folks at AVEN don't see themselves as gifted -- like all sexual minority groups, they see themselves as misunderstood and in some sense even oppressed. Theirs is a struggle for secular recognition, and I honor that struggle. Of course, as an inclusive liberal, it seems clear to me that the only folks who ought to be expected to remain celibate for a lifetime are those who are genuinely asexual. There is much to be said for congruence between action and desire, after all. For those
who have no desire to mate and (or) marry, there are many other opportunities to serve God and the world.

It's tempting to pathologize the folks at AVEN as repressed, emotionally wounded sorts who just need to find the right relationship.
As a straight man, it's infinitely easier for me to understand homosexuality than it is to understand asexuality. Because it is alien
to my life experience, the desire to characterize asexuals as "in denial" is quite strong. But instead, I honor their unique gifts and
their unique struggles, and recommend their site highly to anyone who is troubled by a lack of sexual desire.

(To read the comments, click the link above)

http://www.mwilliams.info/archives/004794.php (New Link)

October 14, 2004
Public Sexuality
Michael Williams
Random Musings

Is it really necessary to create categories for people to fit into for the sole purpose of then raising awareness and acceptance of that category? Or do "scientists" have too much time on their hands? Why do some people want to parade their particular sexual quirks as if the rest of us care?

Apparently, One in 100 adults [is] asexual.

About one percent of adults have absolutely no interest in sex, according to a
new study, and that distinction is becoming one of pride among many
asexuals.

Right, because obviously any trait that puts someone in a minority should elicit pride.

Bogaert's analysis looked at responses to another study in Britain, published in
1994. That study was based on interviews of 18,000 people about their
sexual practices.

It offered respondent a list of options. One read: "I have never felt
sexually attracted to anyone at all." One percent said they agreed with
the statement.

That response level is close to the percentage of gay people in the
population, which is around three percent, the New Scientist report
says.

One percent and three percent aren't that close together when you've got a sample size of 18,000. And anyway, what's the point? One percent is also close to the number of left-handed people with blonde hair.

A 1994 survey, published by The
University of Chicago Press, found that 13 percent of 3,500 respondents
had no sex in the past year. Forty percent of those people said they
were extremely happy or very happy with their lives.

There are lots of reasons someone may be happy to not have sex other than being asexual. Maybe some people are actually waiting to have sex until they get married.

"If asexuality is indeed a form of sexual
orientation, perhaps it will not be long before the issue of 'A' pride
starts attracting more attention," New Scientist says.

Why? Because the media decided to stir up conversation about some pointless categorization?

Activists have already started campaigning to promote awareness and acceptance of asexuality, it reports.

If people aren't aware of something, they can't be unaccepting, can they? Does anyone really sit around and think about how much they dislike people who don't have sex? Why should sexuality even be a topic for acceptance or unacceptance? Isn't it a personal matter that's best left out of the public eye?

The Asexual Visibility and Education
Network has an online store that sell items promoting awareness and
acceptance on asexuality.

Among the items is a T-shirt with the slogan, "Asexuality: it's not just for amoebas anymore."

Who cares? And the same goes for every other sexual-orientation. I just don't care. What does bother me is seeing big signs at work announcing "National Coming Out Day". I don't want to know anything about the sexual preferences of my co-workers. I don't want to know who's gay, I don't want to hear about the sexual escapades of straight people either. I just don't care.

If you and I are friends, then of course I'm happy to talk about sex. That's fine, because friendship is a different type of relationship
than exists between me and the public at large. If I don't know you, I don't want to know where you stick your stuff, or don't stick it, or anything.

http://forum.watmm.com/index.php?showtopic=8730 (New Link)
(incredibly insightful, that)

http://teenforums.studentcenter.org/viewtopic.php?t=102945 (non active)

http://www.islamicaweb.com/forums/showthread.php?t=24830 (non active)

http://www.adgbc.com/bbs/showthread.php?threadid=6628 (active)

http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=70919&page=1 (non active)

http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/forums/sh...read.php?t=3502 (non active)

http://www.grandslamsingle.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2448 (active)

http://www.stuphthis.com/forums/thread.php...;thread_id=1383 (non active)

http://www.sohh.com/forums/showthread.php?t=509904 (non active)

http://www.morrissey-solo.com/articles/04/...5/0853212.shtml (active)

http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/s...;o=&fpart=1 (non active)

http://www.wass-up.com/forum/showthread.php?t=51354 (non active)

http://www.butch-femme.com/portal/forums/s...read.php?t=5450 (New Link)

http://bbs.anus.com/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get...=1&t=001676 (non active)

http://www.globalaffairs.org/forum/showthread.php?t=28351 (New Link)

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1294558/posts (active)

http://www.cinestatic.com/sweeteffay/2004/...ysentery_15.asp (active)

Friday, October 15, 2004

Amoebic dysentery

Infinite Thought and Mark K-P draw our attention to an article in the Guardian about the increase in people willing to admit to their asexuality. The main thrust of the claim seems to derive from this website. I wonder whether IT and Mark checked it out before embracing this article?

I may not agree with Mark, but at least he can put forward an interesting and sophisticated argument. I'm a bit dubious as to why he would want to ally himself with people who hold debates about degrees of asexuality when they obviously mean degrees of sexuality but don't want to admit it, and continually worry about whether you can be asexual and still masturbate.

I used to know somebody I would consider genuinely asexual (although I never heard her use the word): Not only did she have
no desire for sex, she wanted to have a hysterectomy so that she no longer had even the potential to reproduce. She was an interesting and fun person and a million miles away from these idiots with their novelty underwear.

Posted by: johneffay / 3:29 PM
<%=MakeComment("109785062918893248","SweetEffay:Amoebic
dysentery","http://www.cinestatic.com/sweeteffay/2004/10/amoebic-dysentery_15.asp")%>

http://www.alien-ufos.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3890 (New Link)

http://suicidegirls.com/news/culture/5886/ (active)

Asexuality as Identity

Submitted by Christopher

When we imagine a sexual continuum with many different

shades of orientation, we always assume that everyone is sexual. If you
say that you are particularly attracted to someone, people assume that
you are sick or have a mental illness, like depression. People may
believe that you have a sexual fetish or an immoral sexual leaning if
you do not sexually express yourself. We believe that sex is a
biological imperative.

In 1994, a survey in Great Britain found that 1% did not feel attracted
to anyone, 500,000 people, regardless of gender. In fact, people are
attempting to establish asexuality as a legitimate sexual orientation.

This does not mean that [asexuals] are
lifelong loners or virgins. Plenty of asexuals lead normal lives, and
have relationships, happy marriages and even children. Anne Hooper, an
author and sex and marital therapist, describes one such asexual woman
she encountered: She was happily married and was a wonderful mother to
her children, but she simply did not have any sexual desire. Even
vibrators and sex therapy had no effect.

So what makes someone asexual? The researcher who first noticed the
existence of this group of people is Professor Anthony F Bogaert, who
specialises in research into sexual behaviour. He discovered factors
that make asexuality more likely. He found that the biggest single
factor was gender women are more than twice as likely to be asexual as
men. Poor health was another. Asexual women also started puberty later
and were more likely to be religious than sexual women. []

Sexual-aversion disorder (an intense dislike of sex) is another problem,
which can affect people who suffer from panic attacks. Louise Fenton is
one of them. I was asked by a healthcare professional earlier in the
year if I had had any sexual experiences or relationships, she says.
When I answered No, he looked at me in disbelief and said, What, not
even kissing? I replied I couldnt see the attraction of having
someone elses slobber all over my face.

Several members of Aven describe themselves as having Aspergers
syndrome, a mild form of autism. Aspergers can be associated with
sensory problems that make being touched seem intrusive or intolerable.

There are various physical causes of asexuality, including illnesses
such as multiple sclerosis. According to Hooper, naturally low
testosterone levels can also be a cause, particularly in men.

I think its interesting to see doctors attempting to describe what
makes someone asexualmental illness, physical disability, religious
upbringing, hormonal imbalancebecause these are the same factors that
doctors had used to describe homosexuality. In addition, calling sex a
biological imperative reduces sex to a strictly procreative exerciseit
is not.

At the same time, I dont believe that there are the same political
conditions or histories surrounding asexuality as there are hetero- or
homosexuality. Asexuality, in another place and time, was virtuous,
heterosexual intercourse was a sin, and homosexuality was an
abomination.

But is asexuality a valid sexual orientation?

(click the above link to read comments)

http://www.dennistcheung.com/blog/archives..._asexual_i.html (New Link)

http://www.i-am-bored.com/forums.asp?page_...=5944&ct=10 (active)

http://love-scent.com/forum/showthread.php...0016#post140016 (active)

http://forums.invisionpower.com/index.php?showtopic=152283 (non active)

http://www.dvdtalk.com/forum/showthread.php?t=390691 (active)

http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?...9303#post369303 (active but link to page 1 is here)

http://www.teenhelp.org/groups/showthread.php?t=2635 (New Link)

http://forums.vogue.com.au/showthread.php?t=14885 (active)

http://www.marilyn-manson.net/forums/showthread.php?t=2224 (New Link)





2013 Mod Edit: Adding active links and spoilered content for future references.

[Cate Perfect]

Holy visibility, Batman!

Way to go with the research skills, sacred! :D

*goes to check out the ex-gay one*

Cate

[Cate Perfect]

Holy visibility, Batman!

Way to go with the research skills, sacred! :D

*goes to check out the ex-gay one*

Well, THIS is charming :

From the Divorce Busters site:

"they are mostly young (college age, can't tell you how many people at my college entered as straight, became lesbian then bi then back to straight) they are more than just asexual they are also antisocial or rather if you will the geeks of the world (not meant as an insult I could be a geek too if I really wanted to) Some of them have issues one posters logo (like tony's smilie face or others quotes) is the back of two naked women facing some creature..the creature saying "sex? no, but I can kill you" anothers is "they took away my sex drive now I'll have to find a personality..." I can't help but wonder who "they" are...

sure some of the people there really are asexual...the rest? well their grasping at belonging to something."

That person later said he had a very high sex drive, though, so there's that to take into consideration.

Cate

[Silly Green Monkey]

••reads through them all••

Lots of morons, some good people, the ones at Stuph impressed me the most. They spent a lot of time making sure that the words they used were correct and meant the same to everyone else. I see you found Kensta, Hi Kensta!

The one with anus in its URL was true to its name, full of shit.

[Liadain]

Whew, I just read through them all, and what a ride that was. I was mostly annoyed by all of the people claiming that relationships cannot work without sex, that it is required in order to be close to someone. I've never, ever understood that idea. Maybe it is truer for sexual people, but I dislike the assumptions made that people in nonsexual relationships aren't as close or don't know each other as well as sexual couples do. To me that's like saying couples who don't play basketball together aren't as close to one another as couples who do.

[VivreEstEsperer]

WOW, That's a lot of them! It's always amusing to see what other people say about us.

"they took away my sex drive now I'll have to find a personality.

Who has that quote? I love that.

[Eta Carinae]

The Vogue forum was a pleasant surprise.

Seriously. Of all the forums/blogs listed there to be bastions of acceptance, I'd never figured it would be that one.

[(SP)]

http://ledge.fleetwoodmac.net/showthread.php?t=16493

http://www.pianoworld.com/ubb/cgi-bin/ulti...10;t=006128;p=0

http://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/showthread.php?t=10972

http://www.thedilly.com/view.article.wtd?id=235

[Cate Perfect]

There's one on a Fleetwood Mac board?! Huh. It's a mostly intelligent discussion, I suppose that's something.

Cate

[Live R Perfect]

I just read the butch-femme one - seems very supportive.

The divorce one was not laced with as much bitterness as I would expect, though!