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When and how did you find out you're asexual?


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I think I've always sort of known I was different than the majority. I never thought any of the guys at school were "hot," but I did think some were cool because we had similar interests or they just had a nice personality. So I was never interested in going out with anyone because I wanted to have sex with them. Then a couple years ago I finally decided to try a relationship because this guy friend I had liked me so we started going out. And that's when I solidified my assumption that I wasn't interested in sex at all. Not only that, I'm also a repulsed asexual... which is why I could never relate to my friends wanting to know how to do certain sexual things. I'd always be thinking, "You want to put what where? You do know what that does and where it's been right?" lol

I identify as a gray(hetero)-romantic asexual. Although I feel that I lean more toward aromantic than romantic. I've realized that I feel romantic attraction, but not very often, and I've never really wanted to act on it.

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Sunshine&Foxes

Panromantic asexual here. I suppose that I've always been aware I was asexual, I just never had the proper terminology until I discovered the ace community a few months ago. What a relief to know I'm not alone! I never had any interest in pursuing physical relationships like the rest of my friends, I just enjoyed building strong friendships with people that shared similar interests.

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I was just reading about human sexuality and origin of fetishes, and i ended up at one homosexual forum where a guy was confused, and one of the replies was "just ask yourself this, what do you like? vagina, penis, both or none? Then youre probably straight, gay, bi or asexual" I have never heard the last option before, so I researched it more and I realized it could be something I could identify myself with. Eventually I ended up on this forum. Still confused about my sexuality. I am heteroromantic for sure, but at the same time I would say I am a bit of a girly guy. Still exploring myself, it has almost turned into a hobby for me.

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Ive always felt different from everyone else, as I never wanted to have sex with anyone and I just thought I was late in developing, and will do soon, but it never happened.

I learned I was asexual from TvTropes, where I saw it mentioned, read the page on it, and it fitted. Then I found the link to here, and read about it for a bit, started identifying as asexual, and then joined.

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I always felt different. By the time puberty hit, I felt as if I was a "dud" because I wasn't into dating or boys, and never found anyone "hot" or attractive. I would go over sleepovers and girls would talk about boys they thought were hot, but I never got into the conversation since I never found anyone hot, even those people everyone thought were attractive.

People started getting into sex, but I was never interested in it. I wasn't interested in dating at all. Most girls in my school already dated people back in middle school, but I never did. I just thought people thought of me as a weird artist, and I was already too into my art to be interested in boys.

By the time 9th grade in high school rolled around I still never dated anyone. A best friend of mine was going out with a boy she didn't like at all, only because she felt bad for saying no. She asked me if I could go out for him so she wouldn't have to, and me being a loyal friend, said I would. We went on a double date to bowling and dinner, but I wasn't interested in this boy at all. He was a friend of mine, but I didn't want to be there at all. When we went bowling, he kept asking me "so how about that kiss?" every half hour or so, and I kept turning away from him uninterested. Not only was it only our first date, I wasn't affectionate, and wouldn't have kissed him even if he was attractive.

He got frustrated a few days later and wrote me a note saying I "blindsided him" and I wasn't his girlfriend anymore. Bro, I went on one date with you so my friend wouldn't have to, one date =/= relationship.

I didn't date anyone for a long time after that. One boy became a really good friend of mine and we were really close, some people in school thought we were dating and that we were "cute together." I wasn't dating him, I just really liked him as a friend. Yeah, I would hug him a lot and we would do a lot together, so he started to like me and asked me out. I told him I wasn't interested and just wanted to be friends. Yeah I really liked him, but I wasn't attracted to him or even thought of dating him. I guess I "friend-zoned" him, and I felt bad for introducing him to a druggie friend of mine, who he dated, and who got him into drugs and got him obsessed with sex. It was sad to see since he was an innocent nerdy boy who I never thought in a million years would turn up like that.

I also met someone online on dA who I had a lot in common with, and we liked each other, and after a year he decided to come up and visit me. I didn't like dating him either. Yeah we had a lot in common, but it didn't feel right for me being in a relationship. Plus his foot fetish turned me away. I would keep telling him to stop touching my feet, but he wouldn't. I found the relationship boring and awkward. After I broke up I felt better and didn't want to date anymore.

I took a year off after high school to work and earn some money, and met a boy who used to work at the McD's I worked at. We became friends when he drove me and my friend around, and after he dropped her off we hung out. We became friends quickly, and he would come over to my work everyday to see me and come out for cigarette breaks with me. Everyone at work saw he was falling for me, and kept telling me he liked me. They would ask me if I would date him, and I would say "I don't know. I'm not interested in relationships really." But he did ask me out, but I got it out of him since he was shy in telling me. He apparently also bought me booze at his 21st birthday party so I could like him. I said "sure" since I felt bad saying no, even though I wasn't attracted to him at all, and since I was going through a depression I could "use" him for alcohol. Yeah it's mean, but that's the way I was. We went out for a year, and was my first serious relationship. I told him right off the bat "I'm not very affectionate and not very interested in sex" and this was before I knew of asexuality. It's just how I've always felt. He said it was fine and he could deal (we were both virgins) but as the relationship went on he got progressively more frustrated with me "teasing" him and not giving him sex. We would make out (which I didn't like, but did it because I felt like I had to), and he would keep getting boners that I felt. One time while making out, he begged me for sex. I got up and walked right out the door and drove home. This upset him so much, at his work he threw kitchen stuff around and cried like a baby.

Then I got drunk one time and said we could have sex. It excited him, but he couldn't get hard since he was nervous. I was not all there obviously. I had him pull out almost immediately since it didn't feel right for me to have sex, and he had a hard time getting his little dick in me in the first place lol. I'm glad it never happened.

I got tired of him begging me to see him everyday, I wasted so much gas driving to his house that year. He was lazy, waaaaay too clingy, somewhat of a deadbeat. I convinced him to go back to college since he never did after high school, and he went to cooking school but didn't even try to work hard there.

He also got me into ecstasy which I regret and hated him for. He would whine and whine that I was only affectionate with him when I was on that pill, and the last roll I had made me sick and scared to death (my heart beat out of my chest for 2 days afterwords) which made me stop for good, and him as well. I stupidly forgave him.

Then came me moving to Canada for college, I cleaned up my act since I didn't want to wind up a loser like everyone else in town, and was finally happy to be away from that damn town and do what I love. He was convinced I would stick with him even though we were now a long distance relationship. Everyone else at work knew it wouldn't last, and thought I would meet a cute Canadian boy, which made him upset. But he had faith in me.

I was busy at college and he would get upset at me not talking to him as much, and didn't get it through his head that I was busy and college was more important to me at the moment than him.

Christmas came around and he said he was excited for me to "spend it with him." I told him I was visiting relatives in VT, and he said "well I'll follow you there." No you won't. I broke up with him then and there.

Good riddance. I was done with relationships. I missed being alone and having time to myself, I enjoyed myself more single.

A Canadian boy did wind up liking me, and he was a friend, but he got the picture that I wasn't interested.

My 2nd year of college rolled around and my friends and I were talking about us being busy animators and how we may always be too busy to find love and get married. I explained my story and feelings about sex and love to them, and one friend said "you sound asexual."

I looked asexual up, and it described me perfectly. And that's how I came to discover my asexuality.

THE END.

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I found out about a month ago that I was asexual. I first heard of the term about two years ago when I was reading an article in Cosmo or Glamour. It wasn't very detailed and it basically said that asexuality was when you didn't like sex. I couldn't relate to this because although I've never had sex I've never thought that I wouldn't like it, I'm just indifferent to it. I'd always thought that I'd change when I was older and that I'd want to have sex. I thought I was a late bloomer (I'm almost 22).

A few weeks ago a friend of mine kept asking me why I wasn't bothered about sex or masturbation. I told him that I'd never felt the need to do it but he still couldn't understand. I jokingly told him that I might be asexual. It made me really think about myself though. I was a bit worried because I thought I was weird for not wanting sex or a relationship when all my friends did. So I went onto Google and typed in asexuality, found this site and discovered that I wasn't weird after all! Everything made sense.

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My discovery was a process that took more than a decade. Beginning in roughly 1994, I started puberty and the general consensus among my peers was we soon would have an insatiable need to copulate(though not in nearly as scientific of terms as that) with every girl we could. But for me the drive never appeared. Luckily, a girl decided she liked me so I went along with her and lost my virginity around 14. I can remember that my reaction wasn't "this is the best thing ever!!!" like I thought it would be. It was more "hmm. That was interesting." After that experience I decided dating probably wasn't for me so I went through the rest of high school without repeating the experience. Then just before college, I met someone and our conversation seemed to always gravitate toward sex(at her insistence) so infered from that she was available if not interested. At the time my social circle was constantly berating me about my long term batchelorhood so I asked her out and we ended up in a relationship that lasted about 2 years. The thing was during that time I was never attracted to her. Physically or sexually. I liked the idea of having a girlfriend, and she seemed like a nice enough person, but I just couldn't become attracted to her. So we went our seperate ways and I went to college. I still never had a girlfriend but chalked that up to focusing more on my studies than finding a mate. After college I spent a few years dealing and then playing poker professionally, and then went into sales. Poker really wasn't so bad with this, but I found the same locker room mentality in the sales office I'd had in high school. Now though I had matured enough where I knew I wasn't attracted to anyone and so I've just spent the last several years assuming I was either a freak, or broken. Then one night a few years ago, I heard the term "asexual" for the first time on a news program. I thought it was an apt desription for the people profiled, but I never made the connection. Then about two weeks ago some friends from back home came to town and the first thing they wanted to do was hit the strip club. I went and was bored to tears. That night I accepted that I was an ace. I've always been an ace. And I'll always be an ace. And that's okay. I like me. :)

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Im Hetero-Romantic. I do want a romantic relationship at some point. sort of the platonic love thing. I didnt know I was asexual for a long time. I just always thought I was weird or just didnt have as much of a sex drive as others. I was in a sexual relationship at a point in my life. Although I didnt want sex most the time I kind of thought if I forced myself to do it id learn to enjoy it like others do. It never worked and the relationship ended due to my inability to have sex. The 1st time i heard what Asexuality was my 1st thought was "maybe thats me" and the more I read about it the more I realized that i do fit into the Asexuality definition. Ive only recently started calling myself an Asexual though. I do not wear a black ring, Im just not big on jewelry.

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Janus the Fox

I found out about a year ago, then when looking back on the past 10 years, yes asexuality fitted quite well. But now with these "late boomer" hormones only now filtering into my brain, now I am not sure.

For what I belive at the moment is that I am a bi-curious

Bi-Aromantic (no romantic attraction, but there are weak crush type feelings)

Bisexually Fluid Auto-Asexual (Believe I can engage in sex 40:60 homo preference, mastrubation preference, just not attracted to it)

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never odd or even

romantic asexual.

dunno what you might call my romantic attractions, i dont see a reason to limit the way i might be romantically interpreted with a label, so i'll just say romantic. how romantic i dont know :wacko:

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Midnight Lady

Demisexual-Heteroromantic. I love romance. :) And I don't mind sex. But only with someone who loves me and who I love. Like I always say "Hey, I can't and I am not going to have sex with someone who doesn't care about me and about whom I don't care!". Though for me to start feeling romantic attraction can be very easy sometimes... :) So, the problem goes to the first part of the statement... And since I am always not sure about guys' feelings about me, sex was always a good way to check... So far - no one survived that check... :( :)

However, if one day that guy comes across my life, and I happen to be asexual instead of demi, then... hm... I guess I was wrongly self-identified. :) And I have been on this site maybe a few months now? Or maybe even one! It just hit me one day: hey! there should be something special about me! :) And I do closely correlate these views to the way I was brought up: with good morals (and care about my own health!).

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(Affectionate Asexual) I use this term, as "romantic" has a different meaning to me then "affectionate". I have never thought of myself as the romantic type even though I can experience and exhibit a strong affection.

Ever since early puberty when all my mates were talking about sex and I just didn't get the excitement over it. I have been functionally sexual for various reasons at various times but have always found it the be a necessary evil that conventional society promoted as "healthy." I am pretty up front about living with AIDS and that often has the unexpected but welcomed effect of removing sex as an issue from my friendship paradigms.

PS I don't recommend it as a management tool however.

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Grey romantic asexual & celibate.

I like the idea of romance and sex but I would never compromise the latter and wouldn't want to be involved with someone who wants it. As for romance ..I don't want a relationship but who knows maybe this will change. So far I like my life. To me asexuality etc it makes life less complicated and I feel free from certain things. I just wish I were a full aromantic.

I knew something was different from early as age 7 I saw the signs and when I was a teenager I never paid much attention to the sexual / dating aspects of life until I was 17.

Until I told an understanding male sexual that I didn't like guys or girls he said "Oh you're Sasuke" ( this character from the manga Naruto who fans joke about him being asexual ) then I realized it actually has a term for people like me. This was in 09 and I stayed within the ace circle on tumblr then decided to join here.

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I'm demi-romantic(?) I believe...as far as I can tell.

As far as how/when I found out I was asexual...it was a little confusing for a while.

In high school I got a summer job and my first boyfriend. (I honestly accepted because it was the first time a guy had ever seemed even remotely interested in me.) But he finally got me to kiss him (it was more like a lip-touch but still) and...I didn't like it...at ALL! I thought maybe I just didn't like him so there was nothing behind it emotionally for me. Later I got another boyfriend...I let him kiss my cheek...I still hated it! I didn't like hugging anyone either...or holding hands...etc. I couldn't even imagine doing anything else with anyone!

I thought there was something wrong with me...psychologically. I kept searching and searching for an answer as to why everyone else seemed to enjoy such things and I didn't want anything to do with them! I thought maybe I had just not found the right person...that I needed that "special" someone to make me feel comfortable. Then I determined that I would know who that was when I could find a person I could be completely open with emotionally, someone who's shoulder I could cry openly on and be okay with showing those emotions.

I thought I might be borderline as well...then I found out I was actually schizotypal. I thought that had to be it! But...when I went online and talked to and read posts from other schizotypals...I still didn't feel like it described me completely...that I still didn't really fit there; that this didn't describe everything I was going through and questioning.

Then after returning from staying in DC for a month I randomly had the thought to Yahoo (I don't use Google much) asexuality. I have no idea why I did...no one ever told me about it. But it sort of just came to me, so I searched it curiously wondering what exactly it was (other than the biological perspective of asexual reproduction) and came across AVEN. I read through every single FAQ! I read through several forum posts on here and realized...this is ME! This is how I feel! I'm not crazy! Nothing's wrong with me...I'm asexual! I finally felt like I belonged somewhere, that I wasn't alone in my feelings. I found a home! :)

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Ace of Diamonds

Where do you get a black ring from? I think I'd like one!

I'm an aromantic asexual, and I think I have been ever since I broke up with my last boyfriend about six years ago. I didn't discover there was an actual term for this until maybe 14 months ago (approximately?). I was reading an anonymous conversation on LiveJournal, and a person linked to this website. I read it, and realized it described what was going on with me perfectly. I was glad to know I wasn't just "broken" somehow and upon further investigation, found out that low sex drives are common among ladies in my family, which obviously didn't cause my asexuality, but I think certainly contributes to it.

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Where do you get a black ring from? I think I'd like one!

You can find some good looking ones on Amazon fairly cheap.

There's a listing here.

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