What is the point of a relationship?

[rustic]

I don't understand why people get into romantic or personal monogamous relationships. To me a relationship signifies incompletion, or an insecure soul. What do you get from having a relationship with another person?

I am able to find everything I need from:

a) nature (calm)

b) an animal (affection)

c) masturbation (my itch scratched)

d) family, friends and colleagues (connection)

e) food, shelter, clothing (basics)

f) work (volunteering, job, housework) (sense of achievement, usefulness)

g) personal goals (motivation and hope)

...

[Happy icecapps]

Wow I never really thought of It that way but yeah I guess your right. I always thought of it as a social paradime people follow until they develop serious feelings for their significant other (gotta be pOlitically correct) I feel the same way, but I wouldn't go so far as to label it as a sign of "incompletion" maybe just insecurity or a lack of self awareness.

[Aberdeen]

I guess it depends on the person, but, I don't know, personally I think it would be so fantastic, like having an extra-special best friend on a different kind of level than other friends. Someone whom you just really want to get to know better and spend time alone with and understand each other, flaws and all. Such are my thoughts! Unfortunately, no personal experience as of yet. (not sure what all the different smiley faces mean...I was trying to find one that looked pensive, but anyhow this red little face is so cute!)

Wow I never really thought of It that way but yeah I guess your right. I always thought of it as a social paradime people follow until they develop serious feelings for their significant other (gotta be pOlitically correct) I feel the same way, but I wouldn't go so far as to label it as a sign of "incompletion" maybe just insecurity or a lack of self awareness.

Sorry, not completely sure how to work the quoting vs non-quoting aspect of replying. My apologies!

[The Great WTF]

I've never been very partial to relationships, honestly. It tends to change people in ways I generally don't like and results in far too much drama. The relationship I'm in right now isn't really so much a relationship as me having a best friend that I call my boyfriend because it shuts everyone else up.

[Matters Of The Heart]

I suppose systematically there's no "need" for a relationship, and if you take the need for something as it's "point" then I guess it doesn't have to have one. Personally I have no real need for a relationship for any logical reason, but I'd love the closeness of being in something exclusive with a person I especially adore. I'd really love that, actually.

[There Is No Cure]

It's all subjective. Not scientific.

[Juno Say Kwa]

I think people sense a sort of security in committed relationships. We tend to sense a greater attachment between ourselves and our romantic partners and perhaps expect a level of time and intimacy that most friends wouldn't commit to.

[rustic]

I think people sense a sort of security in committed relationships. We tend to sense a greater attachment between ourselves and our romantic partners and perhaps expect a level of time and intimacy that most friends wouldn't commit to.

But why?

[rustic]

It's all subjective. Not scientific.

It is. Which is why I am looking for some answers. I want to know if my way of being is causing me to miss out on something... I have been in love, and don't need to do it again (like lots of things, great to do at least once).

[Plaid]

The affection I get from my boyfriend is very different to the kind I get from my cat.

[. . .but there are sounds]

I find there is a certain physicality that I desire that can be fulfilled in a 'partnered relationship' that does not come out of other kinds of relationships, at least not within the bounds of normal cultural expectations. I have a strong desire (though perhaps not so strong as to call a need, though I don't often go without it to such an extent that I would know) to be held and to hold another person. Things like holding hands, brushing the other's hair, or sharing sleeping accommodations, are, for me at least, highly pleasant and not something I might expect out of a more typical relationship based on friendship or familial bond.

Beyond the physical aspect, there is a degree of dedication to ones partners that is uncommon in other relationships and even more so when reciprocation of that dedication is added. It is comforting to have, as a goal of sorts, the happiness of another to aspire towards. I think it similarly goes without saying that it is nice to have someone else aspire towards your own wellbeing. I say this one second because, while this can happen in other relationships, I know of siblings that are that close or best friends, but I rather doubt that these happen at the same time as the above physicality without becoming more akin to a partnered relationship than their original nature.

[EarthWarrior]

I don't understand why people get into romantic or personal monogamous relationships. To me a relationship signifies incompletion, or an insecure soul. What do you get from having a relationship with another person?

I am able to find everything I need from:

a) nature (calm)

b) an animal (affection)

c) masturbation (my itch scratched)

d) family, friends and colleagues (connection)

e) food, shelter, clothing (basics)

f) work (volunteering, job, housework) (sense of achievement, usefulness)

g) personal goals (motivation and hope)

...

I feel quite similar, I have never ever felt the need to be in a relationship to feel 'complete' or 'whole'... In fact, I have always said that I feel as though I am in a relationship with the Universe, and that has always been more than enough for me.

Most people around me seem to be in unhealthy relationships, always searching for something in someone else, that they really should find in themselves (not that all relationships are like this) I find friends often put themselves in a relationship simply for the sake of it, because they can't face themselves on a deeper level (these are just my own observations, I'm not implying that everyone does this)

I personally have no need for a male/female relationship, I value friendships far more. My relationship with my self, nature, family, the cosmos and life, is what attracts me, keeps me satisfied, fufilled and completes me.

Nothing feels missing or empty, there is no void to fill. All I feel is contentment knowing that everything I need, I have found within myself and the world around me.

:D

[Patrick]

It's evolutionary. Humans are not insects and usually only have 2-4 offspring (if that nowadays in developed countries), so they need to take much better care of them when raising them which in nature can be achieved in two ways. Either you have some community thing where everybody takes care of everybody (which we've come to be to a point, but not to the extend of some other animals) or you have a stable family unit where the female takes care of the children and raises them and where the man provides for the family (which is what we had and more or less still have to an extend).

So I'd say it's not really by choice that most people do seek relationships. They can't do anything about it much like sexuals can't help but being sexually attracted.

[PiF]

I don't understand why people get into romantic or personal monogamous relationships. To me a relationship signifies incompletion, or an insecure soul. What do you get from having a relationship with another person?

you could say what's the point in football where you score a goal only to take the ball out of the net and try to put it in again

you could say whats the point in freeing willy when he went and got captured a further 3 times

or ..what is the point in living..if we all die anyway?

I have a space in life..and I very much intend to use it whilst I have it..is my point

[Nathan Blair]

I don't really like the concept of a 'relationship' too much, either.

Yet, on the other hand, I do like the concept of Romantic Friendships (I'm quite sick of writing about it here, already, actually XD).

Why? Because I like romance.

I don't really like monogomy, either, actually.

Although,

Some people may like monogomy, and that is easier to find in 'relationships'.

And this way or anothoer, it is easier to find an asexual partner than it is to find a Romantic Friend.

[Not-You]

"What is the point of a relationship?"

To have somebody to relate to. Some people like having a constant companion, others like yourself don't. Not too much else worth thinking about.

Biologically, there is the notion of mated pairs and the benefits of two-parent child rearing. But, obviously, it's not always the case with humans.

[MadRat]

If you are aromantic, there´s no point.

If you are happy alone, it´s OK.

I can´t imagine myself in a relationship where I would be all the time, every day, with my partner. I would prefer a relationship, where I would live in my house/flat and my boyfriend in his one, and we would visit each other, go for walks and trips and do some sports together... It seems to me much more romantic than to be 24/7 with him and argue about stupid things because of spending too much time together. + I want asexual boyfriend. So obviously I have "very realistic and exiguous" demands. :lol:

[passionatefriend61]

I have no real answer, I just wanted to say that seeing this topic made me lol inside. In a good way.

:)

[rustic]

you could say what's the point in football where you score a goal only to take the ball out of the net and try to put it in again

you could say whats the point in freeing willy when he went and got captured a further 3 times

or ..what is the point in living..if we all die anyway?

I have a space in life..and I very much intend to use it whilst I have it..is my point

Correct, I could have asked for the point in those things, but such things do not intrigue me.

[rlib]

d) family, friends and colleagues (connection)

Those are relationships. Romantic relationships are just more intense (the connection is closer).

[aimee_orientallove]

I don't understand why people get into romantic or personal monogamous relationships. To me a relationship signifies incompletion, or an insecure soul. What do you get from having a relationship with another person?

I am able to find everything I need from:

a) nature (calm)

b) an animal (affection)

c) masturbation (my itch scratched)

d) family, friends and colleagues (connection)

e) food, shelter, clothing (basics)

f) work (volunteering, job, housework) (sense of achievement, usefulness)

g) personal goals (motivation and hope)

...

I feel quite similar, I have never ever felt the need to be in a relationship to feel 'complete' or 'whole'... In fact, I have always said that I feel as though I am in a relationship with the Universe, and that has always been more than enough for me.

Most people around me seem to be in unhealthy relationships, always searching for something in someone else, that they really should find in themselves (not that all relationships are like this) I find friends often put themselves in a relationship simply for the sake of it, because they can't face themselves on a deeper level (these are just my own observations, I'm not implying that everyone does this)

I personally have no need for a male/female relationship, I value friendships far more. My relationship with my self, nature, family, the cosmos and life, is what attracts me, keeps me satisfied, fufilled and completes me.

Nothing feels missing or empty, there is no void to fill. All I feel is contentment knowing that everything I need, I have found within myself and the world around me.

:D

I think the discussion here is more or less meaningless.

After all, everyone seems to need something in order to feel something. So what's the real difference, on earth??

Each individual is so differently programmed from another,physically,emotionally,intellectually,psychologically,spiritually,with different world values and life philosophy.

So I think the real question is ---Is there a NEED for the people who are happy without a relationship to understand the people who are happy with a relatioship?

Nevertheless, I don't approve of any unhealthy relationships, either. Personally, I am looking for true love (If you are interested, you can read my posts under that topic).

And be careful with overgeneralization. People who value a relationship can also "face themselves on a deeper level" and also treasure "the relationship with themselves, nature, family, the cosmos and life".Though, not all of them probably.

[eamonn]

It's evolutionary. Humans are not insects and usually only have 2-4 offspring (if that nowadays in developed countries), so they need to take much better care of them when raising them which in nature can be achieved in two ways. Either you have some community thing where everybody takes care of everybody (which we've come to be to a point, but not to the extend of some other animals) or you have a stable family unit where the female takes care of the children and raises them and where the man provides for the family (which is what we had and more or less still have to an extend).

I think this is on the right track.

Many hundreds of millions of years ago, a branch of organisms arose that were separated into one or more sex. They were more suited to their environment than certain other organisms that had only one sex, so they survived, and the next generation was born. Evolution works because of time and death. If an organism is unsuited to its environment, a better-suited organism will, most likely, outlast it. For some reason, certain organisms with two sexes were better-suited than those without.

If the species is to continue living, its members need to reproduce. With organisms such as ourselves, this means that the two sexes have to mate. Relationships are a way of making this happen.

But, of course, not all species with two sexes have relationships like we do. Even close relatives of ours like baboons or even chimpanzees do not have human relationships (which is tautological, but bear with me). There is a variety of other factors that act as part of a feedback loop which have shaped our development trhough time to our current state. The advent of human relationships as they are now is, of course, part of that.

So there's some armchair theory for ya'.

[TG-G]

-----

[EarthWarrior]

I don't understand why people get into romantic or personal monogamous relationships. To me a relationship signifies incompletion, or an insecure soul. What do you get from having a relationship with another person?

I am able to find everything I need from:

a) nature (calm)

b) an animal (affection)

c) masturbation (my itch scratched)

d) family, friends and colleagues (connection)

e) food, shelter, clothing (basics)

f) work (volunteering, job, housework) (sense of achievement, usefulness)

g) personal goals (motivation and hope)

...

I feel quite similar, I have never ever felt the need to be in a relationship to feel 'complete' or 'whole'... In fact, I have always said that I feel as though I am in a relationship with the Universe, and that has always been more than enough for me.

Most people around me seem to be in unhealthy relationships, always searching for something in someone else, that they really should find in themselves (not that all relationships are like this) I find friends often put themselves in a relationship simply for the sake of it, because they can't face themselves on a deeper level (these are just my own observations, I'm not implying that everyone does this)

I personally have no need for a male/female relationship, I value friendships far more. My relationship with my self, nature, family, the cosmos and life, is what attracts me, keeps me satisfied, fufilled and completes me.

Nothing feels missing or empty, there is no void to fill. All I feel is contentment knowing that everything I need, I have found within myself and the world around me.

:D

I think the discussion here is more or less meaningless.

After all, everyone seems to need something in order to feel something. So what's the real difference, on earth??

Each individual is so differently programmed from another,physically,emotionally,intellectually,psychologically,spiritually,with different world values and life philosophy.

So I think the real question is ---Is there a NEED for the people who are happy without a relationship to understand the people who are happy with a relatioship?

Nevertheless, I don't approve of any unhealthy relationships, either. Personally, I am looking for true love (If you are interested, you can read my posts under that topic).

And be careful with overgeneralization. People who value a relationship can also "face themselves on a deeper level" and also treasure "the relationship with themselves, nature, family, the cosmos and life".Though, not all of them probably.

I don't think I was overgeneralizing at all, hence why I stated 'I personally'. I was relaying my own personal experience and how my lack of need for relationships has benefited me.

[Faelights]

d) family, friends and colleagues (connection)

Those are relationships. Romantic relationships are just more intense (the connection is closer).

This.

Thank you. I've had this tab open for days trying to figure out what to say to express how I felt when I first read this topic. You couldn't've said it better.

[Guest Invisible Pumpkin]

I don't understand why people get into romantic or personal monogamous relationships. To me a relationship signifies incompletion, or an insecure soul. What do you get from having a relationship with another person?

I am able to find everything I need from:

a) nature (calm)

b) an animal (affection)

c) masturbation (my itch scratched)

d) family, friends and colleagues (connection)

e) food, shelter, clothing (basics)

f) work (volunteering, job, housework) (sense of achievement, usefulness)

g) personal goals (motivation and hope)

...

Then we may be all having a huge incompletion, or an insecure soul, as well as you are, because, those things you said someone is looking for, you are as well, but you do it on your own way, the way that please you the most.

Best thing about been in a relationship is that you get gifts! Yes, gifts!

Your partner gives you very wonderful gifts such as time, quality conversation, support, and affection, and many other things you can find in different people, at different times. As it's more comfortable because of the intimacy level you have, also it's convenience as you find it almost all in one person who will be avaible for you most of the time, it's better for some people to have a pair, or more if they are polyamorous or just cheaters.

By the way I never kissed my pet, I honestly do not think I can change a person's kiss by on of my pet.

[Thoughts For Otter]

If you are aromantic, there´s no point.

If you are happy alone, it´s OK.

Yo, I'm aromantic and I'm in a happy relationship. You can't exclude even us from this completely. :P

While I didn't understand what a relationship actually is at the time, I have so learned the point and have been thinking a lot about it the last few days. It is truly subjective to everyone. To me, I've never even had a squish, thus the aromantic. But college came by and I seriously considered trying dating and when I was so impressed by a boy who asked me out, I said yes. I learned a LOT about humans and a lot about myself. The reason I enjoy being in a relationship so much is because it is someone I know who doesn't care if I suddenly reach out and stroke his cheek or lean on his shoulder. I can joke and it can be stupid and it won't make a difference. We can hang out together and that's all we have to do. While I might not be interested in a romantic relationship, I've learned that you can find a meaningful relationship in sheer companionship. It's nice...

[LaughingWolf]

There are people who seek a relationship because they feel incomplete or insecure without one, this is quite true, and I have been the "victim" of many such relationships. However, I myself feel complete, and secure, and I'm not afraid to be alone. But it would be nice to have someone to SHARE the experience of life with.

I love connecting with nature by myself (or with my dogs), but sometimes you see something SO amazing... and you'd really like someone to be there to see it with you, because it's just not the same when you go back and describe it to someone with words, and even if you manage to get a photograph of said amazing thing, it's still just not the same.

That's my 2cents anyway ^_^

[MadRat]

If you are aromantic, there´s no point.

If you are happy alone, it´s OK.

Yo, I'm aromantic and I'm in a happy relationship. You can't exclude even us from this completely. :P

While I didn't understand what a relationship actually is at the time, I have so learned the point and have been thinking a lot about it the last few days. It is truly subjective to everyone. To me, I've never even had a squish, thus the aromantic. But college came by and I seriously considered trying dating and when I was so impressed by a boy who asked me out, I said yes. I learned a LOT about humans and a lot about myself. The reason I enjoy being in a relationship so much is because it is someone I know who doesn't care if I suddenly reach out and stroke his cheek or lean on his shoulder. I can joke and it can be stupid and it won't make a difference. We can hang out together and that's all we have to do. While I might not be interested in a romantic relationship, I've learned that you can find a meaningful relationship in sheer companionship. It's nice...

There are always some departures from the rules. ;) But you most likely would not pursuade a romantic relationship by yourself.

[Random Happenstance]

The only point I really see to a relationship, and the only reason I've ever wanted one, is that you lower the barriers between you and that person. People have walls around themselves, because if you were to express everything you thought people would become uncomfortable, or not accept you. If you're in a relationship you have the assurance that that person enjoys your company and won't judge you too harshly, it'd also be nice to have some one who actually cares about how you are at any given time. That's in a good kind of relationship anyway, I'm sure it's not what many find in there's. Plus there's the whole 'ulterior sexual motives' of a person, which may be the case if they're a sexual.

It's possible to have that without dating, though, but it's of course more difficult between genders etc.